A Letter To Chrisette Michele

Dear Chrisette Michele,

I rarely use the phrase “real talk,” but real talk, you need to go away now. At this point, none of us care about whatever logic you’ve used to justify performing at Donald Trump’s inauguration. The damage has already been done, lady. On the real, my main gripe with you is the fact that you don’t seem to understand how you’ve fucked up. As weird as it sounds, I would’ve respected you more if you just said you did it for the money. However; if you really think you’ve helped the disenfranchised in any way with your performance, you’re more lost than I was while watching Lost.

Now, ever since Black people began to drag you for filth on social media, you’ve been trying to explain your actions. I’ve seen a lot of bullshit about “being heard” and “helping,” and all of it made me want to barf. Listen, did you really think a falsetto was going to stop the Trump administration from its impending fuckery? Did your song stop him from appointing racists to his cabinet? Did your song stop him from vowing to continue DAPL? Did your song stop him from decreasing FHA mortgage insurance? Did your song stop him from threatening to send the Feds into Chicago? Did your song stop him from promising to cut a variety of cultural programs across the nation? Do you see my point, Chrisette? YOUR SONG DIDN’T MEAN SHIT!

Look, after all of that, I didn’t even mention the fact that Trump didn’t have the decency to shake your hand. So, in the end, you’ve sacrificed your integrity and the support of YOUR people for absolutely nothing. Shit, you’ve even admitted that some of your family members have now disowned you. So, ask yourself a question: was it all worth it? I didn’t think so, Chrisette. I didn’t think so.

Oh, by the way, how DARE you take aim at Spike Lee the way you did? You had the audacity to utter the words “fuck you” to Spike Lee? Shelton Jackson Lee?! A man who has dedicated his entire film career to speaking about issues that affect the Black community? That’s the dude you’ve decided to disrespect? All because he no longer wanted to use your song in his show? You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve, woman! I won’t front like I’ve enjoyed all of his latter movies, but he’s also never disgraced himself as a Black person. As of right now, that’s a crown you seem eager to flaunt and parade around.

All in all, just take your L and go home. Disappear. Poof, be gone. At this particular junction, you were already a niche artist who depended on a core fan base to keep your career going. Good luck selling tickets now, though. You’ve shitted on the people that always had your back. I hope that Trump paycheck is comforting. That might be all you have in the immediate future.

Sincerely,

A disappointed former fan who bought your first, second and fourth albums

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What In God’s Name Are ‘Alternative Facts’?

So, I would like to welcome everybody back to the Twilight Zone. This is a place where the newly sworn-in President of the United States makes his Press Secretary argue with the media about inauguration attendance. This is also a place where the President’s Senior Adviser gets on NATIONAL TELEVISION and speaks about “alternative facts.” Son, what fucking planet are we living on right now? Outside of the fact that Donald Trump’s administration is already spreading egregious falsehoods, we’re also witnessing something extremely dangerous. Trump is essentially trying to set up an America where no one can question his moves. Shit, our country is already starting to look like Communist Russia, man. Everyone needs to get ready.

First off, let’s start with Sean Spicer, son. Out of all of the things the new Press Secretary could’ve talked about in his first press conference, he decided to speak on inauguration numbers. Once the Trump administration got wind of the fact that the media was ACCURATELY reporting how many people showed up to the event, Trump’s goons went on the offensive. It’s now widely known that the crowd size for Trump’s inauguration paled in comparison to both of Barack Obama’s inaugurations. However; in the grand scheme of things, none of this actually matters, son. Trump is still the President, regardless of how many people came to Washington, D.C. to celebrate. With that being said, Trump STILL sent Spicer to the podium to argue about how many people came to the party. Spicer even said that Trump had “the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration, period.” I mean, as we can clearly tell, facts don’t matter, son (word to Desus Nice). C’mon son, who’s got time for evidence and proof in the first place, right?

Next, let’s talk about Kellyanne Conway. In the wake of Spicer’s meltdown, the new Senior Adviser decided to plead her team’s case on Meet the Press with Chuck Todd. Now, when Todd confronted Conway about the tomfoolery of Spicer’s press conference, she gave one of the most confusing rebuttals I’ve ever heard in my entire life. While speaking about Spicer’s BLATANTLY inaccurate statements, Conway said that he was just presenting “alternative facts.” Alternative facts? What? What?! WHAT?!? Good fucking Lord, son! Is that what we’re doing now? Instead of just saying that someone lied, we’re saying that they’ve provided alternative facts? Shit, can that defense be used in court? If my wife caught me cheating, could I tell her that I was just helping the other woman verify if her birth control worked? I mean, those are alternative facts, right? What the fuck are we talking about here? How is this acceptable, man? We really have to deal with these exorbitant lies for the next four years? Who will survive in America, son?

Look, all jokes aside, we’re in a bad place right now. Trump’s administration is already setting the stage to eliminate all dissenting voices. They’re trying to regulate everyone’s narrative and attack anyone who dares to say something different. Even when individuals have FACTS on their side, Trump is using officials as a weapon to intimidate anyone who opposes him. I know there’s been a lot of talk about Trump’s relationship with Vladimir Putin, but controlling the media is ACTUALLY something that Putin does. Our country is already being turned into Mother Russia, son. At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if Trump somehow made it illegal to say anything against him. These are truly scary times, man. Scary times indeed.

In the end, I don’t know, son. I still can’t believe this is our reality, man. I’d like to thank the Swing States for destroying America. When World War III occurs and those folks are laying in a sea of rubble, I hope they know they probably won’t have any healthcare to help them out. Dumbasses. I’m gone.

Kanye West Isn’t Traditionally American

On the real, I have to give racists their just due, son. They really do come up with some colorful ways to say disrespectful shit about minorities. I mean, calling a Black person a “nigger” is just way too easy, man. These days, bigots are looking for a lot more extravagance in their insults. With that being said, I legitimately chuckled when I heard what Tom Barrack said about Kanye West. Instead of just saying Black rappers aren’t invited to Donald Trump‘s inauguration, he said that Kanye wasn’t right for a “typically and traditionally American event.”

Now, I’m sure everyone can guess what I’m about to ask next. What exactly is typically and traditionally American? I mean, as far as I know, Kanye was born in Atlanta and raised in Chicago. In addition, he has family ties all throughout the Midwest and the South. Does that not make him typically and traditionally American? Or how about the fact he’s a musician in a genre that was born in New York. Does that not make him typically and traditionally American?

Wait, wait, wait, I get it now, man. He doesn’t represent the part of America that White people consider valid. He doesn’t represent the White “working-class” individuals who were simultaneously glorified and martyred during this past presidential election. Basically, he’s too Black to represent the kind of America that Trump champions. I understand it all now, son.

The most hilarious part of this entire situation is a statement from Barrack that flew under the radar. When referencing the relationship between Kanye and Trump, he said “he considers himself a friend of the President-elect.” Pay attention to those words carefully, man. Barrack said that KANYE considers HIMSELF a friend, bruh. I’m laughing my ass off because he basically invalidated Ye’s entire bond with Trump. After all of Kanye’s cooning, he couldn’t even get Trump’s team to flat out call him an ally. Wow, son. Fucking wow, man! So what was it all for, son? Only a photo op? Man, somebody get Kanye the fuck outta here, bruh.

All in all, these clowns can have their inauguration, man. 65.8 million Americans aren’t even rocking with Trump anyway. He can have his little shindig with his D-list celebrities (Chrisette Michele included). I guarantee most of us won’t be watching that bullshit in the first place. Good day.