Future Needs To Stop Talking About Ciara

So, it’s no secret that I’m a Future fan, son. I mean, on several occasions, I’ve called myself the Treasurer of the FutureHive. However, I’ve got to keep it a buck, man. On the real, Future needs to stop talking about Ciara and Russell Wilson. I mean, at this point, it looks like a pathetic obsession, fam. The fact of the matter is, Ciara is happily married, bruh. With that being said, if it ain’t about Baby Future, Hndrxx needs to leave that family alone, brethren.

Ok, for those who missed it, Future had some choice words for Ciara and Wilson. During Big Bank Black’s interview on Apple Music’s Beats 1, Future basically called Wilson a puppet. Shit, he said that Wilson does whatever Ciara tells him and that he needs to check his wife. Apparently, Future thinks that Wilson should’ve instructed Ciara to never mention his name. The problem is, if Ciara speaks, it’s usually to respond to some fuckity-fuck shit that Future said about her in the press. Frankly, Future is the one who keeps this back-and-forth going, son.

Look, let’s do the math, man. Right now, we’re in 2019. Ciara’s been married to Wilson since 2016. Her and Future ended their union in 2014. So, why the fuck is Future still talking about this woman, fam? Like, homie, she’s gone. She’s gone, bruh. Real talk, she’s busy raising a whole ‘nother child and wearing Seattle Seahawks jerseys. On top of that, Baby Future is everywhere around town with his stepfather, son. Side note, doesn’t Future have a damn newborn with Joie Chavis? Shouldn’t he be more concerned about the kid? Anyway, Future needs to get his priorities straight, folks. Like I said in the beginning, if it ain’t about his mutual child with Ciara, then leave it the fuck alone, dude.

In the end, I’m still going to vibe out to Future’s music, son. Side note, I’m not sold on this The Wizrd album yet, but we’ll see, man. In any case, I have to call a spade a spade, fam. Ultimately, the way he harps on Ciara is real simpish, bruh. By and by, he’s questioning Wilson’s manhood, but Future’s the one looking like a sucker right now, people. At the end of the day, just give me an Autotune melody and an 808, guy. Leave all of the other clown shit alone. That is all. LC out.

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Protect Soulja Boy At All Costs

So, I’m going to keep this post short, son. The fact of the matter is, Soulja Boy is a national treasure and should be treated as such. I mean, “Crank That (Soulja Boy)” hit me on a philosophical level, man. All jokes aside, if anyone’s in a bad mood, just yell “watch me yuuuuu” and witness the world brighten up. With all of that being said, I’m thoroughly enjoying all of Soulja’s recent shenanigans, fam. All in all, the man just wants his respect, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Soulja Boy has been on a tear, son. First, he took to Instagram to proclaim that he had the biggest comeback in 2018. Frankly, he wasn’t trying to hear shit about Tyga or Meek Mill, man. Next, he went to The Breakfast Club to further dig into his bag, fam. Shit, who cares about Tyga’s collabo with Offset? Big Draco has MAD records with Migos. Who cares about Meek’s former beef with Drake? Soulja went to war with Chris Brown, bruh. Like, what else do folks need to know, brethren? All I can say is, Famous Dex better lay low. He doesn’t want that Stacks On Deck smoke, people.

In the end, I don’t know what else to say, son. Ultimately, this post pales in comparison to Soulja’s actual rants, son. By and by, everyone can check out ALL of the footage below. Real talk, I made my wife watch his IG rant last night, man. At the end of the day, that’s how hilarious it was, fam. Anyway, here’s some tomfoolery to lighten up everyone’s Friday. That is all. LC out.

P.S. I know I’m being an ass, but Soulja Boy really did give a lot of new artists the internet blueprint, son. Hell, he’s legitimately the first rapper that I remember blowing up online, man. So, all hail Big Draco! Good day.

God Bless Yung Miami & Cardi B

Disclaimer: Don’t watch City Girls’ “Twerk” video anywhere near a place of employment. You’re welcome.

So, let me keep it a buck, son. Generally, I try to be a responsible and respectable dude. I try to be a guy who’s knowledgeable about relevant and pertinent issues, man. However, for today, I’m just talking about ass, fam. I mean, it was EVERYWHERE in City Girls’ “Twerk” video, bruh! Like, all jokes aside, this might be the greatest music video ever made, people. With that being said, why is anyone still reading this?

Ok, for those who missed it, City Girls, well, Yung Miami, released the “Twerk” video with Cardi B. Now, I don’t exactly know what to say about this visual, son. Shit, there are copious amounts of women shaking all manners of culo, man. In addition, there’s a ton of body paint, stripper poles and entertaining displays of athleticism. On the real, what else could we possibly want from a video called “Twerk,” fam?

In the end, there’s nothing else to say, bruh. Ultimately, everyone needs to go watch the video, son. Also, I hope everybody paid close attention to my disclaimer. Seriously, don’t watch this shit anywhere near a place that supplies paychecks. Furthermore, don’t watch this around children or close to any clergy, man. At the end of the day, they’ll probably just start praying for wayward souls, fam. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Based on this video, Offset lost, bruh. Like, he really lost, son. *Sigh* Good day.

Jeff Bezos Was Trippin’ Trippin’

So, let me keep it a buck, son. If I was worth $137 billion, I wouldn’t risk half of that for some “not my wife” box, man. I mean, COTDAMN, fam! Jeff Bezos was out here wilin’, bruh! Now, to be honest, there are a lot of conflicting stories in these streets. All I know is, Bezos is getting divorced and he was doing some inappropriate shit with another woman. The way I see it, he better pray that his soon-to-be ex-wife doesn’t take him to the cleaners, folks.

Ok, for those who missed it, Jeff Bezos, the ungodly rich CEO of Amazon, is getting divorced from his wife, MacKenzie Bezos. Now, allow me to put some of the ramifications in perspective, son. So, the couple got married in 1993. Bezos started Amazon in 1994. They never signed a prenuptial agreement and they got married in Seattle, Washington. Meaning, MacKenzie may be entitled to half of his money. Furthermore, half of $137 billion is roughly $67 billion. Anyway, if this were to happen, MacKenzie would automatically become the fifth richest person in the world. Like, sheesh, man!

In any case, the previous paragraph alone is worthy enough to be a story, fam. However, shit gets even murkier, bruh. Apparently, Bezos was also fraternizing with a woman who was not his wife. To make matters worse, this outside woman, Lauren Sanchez, is also married. According to the story, it was Sanchez’ husband who discovered that the affair was happening. Shit, it appears that Bezos was talking brazy about sex in some text messages and even sent some wild selfies. Like, could Bezos be any more reckless, son? All in all, Amazon can’t deliver him out of this predicament, man.

In the end, this has to be the most expensive affair ever, fam. To be fair, “sources” close to the Bezos family are claiming that Jeff and MacKenzie were separated before he started dealing with Sanchez. All I can say is, if my signature isn’t on some divorce documents, I’m not willing to risk it, bruh. Ultimately, losing half of a fortune has GOTTA hurt, son. Then again, I can’t really cry for a dude who’ll still be one of the five wealthiest people, man. *Sigh* Can I just hold a billion, Jeff? Just one? Thanks in advance. LC out.

Raising Sons In The #MeToo Era

So, before I even begin, let me keep it a buck, son. Now, as of today, both of my sons are under 10 years old. Meaning, I’m not even ready for them to be dating in any capacity, man. Shit, if it ain’t about Nintendo or comic books, my brain can’t handle it, fam. Real talk, I thought about locking my oldest son in his room when he told my wife and I that he had a girlfriend last year. But, that’s another story, bruh. In any case, as a father who’s responsible for raising two boys, there are some things they need to understand in the #MeToo era.

Ok, before I continue, it’s story time, son. Now, one particular night as a freshman in college, I thought I was going to get lucky. It was a Friday night and I was playing wingman for my homie. Anyway, during the course of getting ripped on brown liquor, this girl started kissing me. Moving on, I happened to catch a glance at her eyes and she looked like she was on another planet. Like, the alcohol had REALLY taken a toll on her, man. From there, I stopped the make-out session, helped her get in bed and went back to my room. The next day, she thanked me for looking out for her.

Now, I didn’t tell that story to look like some good dude, fam. Honestly, I thought it was common sense to not get down with someone who was clearly compromised. However, as time went on, I learned that I might be in the minority, bruh. Shit, it’s 2019 and I’m still taken aback by a lot of the stories that women have told me, son. On the real, I have no idea why consent is such a foreign concept to some guys, man. All I know is, it’s my responsibility to let my boys know that no one owes them anything.

Real talk, consent goes beyond “no means no,” fam. Power dynamics matter. Age differences matter. Hell, judging by the story I just told, intoxication matters, bruh. All I can say is, I want my sons to avoid any potential grey areas, man. Yeah, life can be confusing at times, but there should never be any question on if somebody wants to bump uglies. All in all, it’s my job to prepare my children for what they may face in the real world. Hopefully, I don’t righteously fuck them up, brethren.

In the end, I’m no genius, son. Frankly, I’m a moron who’s figuring out this parenting shit as I go, man. However, my kids’ behavior will be a reflection of the values that I’ve instilled in them. With that being said, I don’t want them to contribute to the problem, fam. Ultimately, I want them to thrive in the #MeToo and #TimesUp era. I want them to be examples of how to conduct oneself in these serious times. At the end of the day, I definitely have my work cut out for me, bruh. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Shout-out to my brother BK for giving me the idea for this post. Salute, my guy! Good day.

The Uncomfortable Truth About Older Guys & Young Girls

So, let’s be real, son. By now, I’m pretty sure a large number of us have watched Lifetime’s Surviving R. Kelly documentary. I mean, what else needs to be said, man? Robert Sylvester Kelly is a fucking creep, fam! Also, water is wet, bruh. But, Kelly isn’t the subject of today’s post, people. Well, not exactly. Instead, he’s the inspiration for a broader conversation that needs to be had, folks. Namely, all of the other old ass dudes who continue to do what Kelly has done. The fact is, he isn’t the only older guy who has shown a propensity for younger girls.

Ok, before I continue, let me tell everyone a quick story. So, back in the sixth grade, I was uber corny, son. Like, I had glasses, braces and wack ass clothes, man. Shit, with all of my powers combined, I was traaaaash, fam. Anyway, there was a girl in my class who I was enamored with. Now, despite my place on the social totem pole, I shot my shot at her, bruh. Needless to say, I got turned down. However, she wasn’t rough about it. In actuality, she told me that she had a boyfriend and couldn’t mess with me in that way.

Moving on, one day after school, her boyfriend was waiting for her. In fact, he was waiting in his Acura Legend and he was a junior at our neighboring high school. All I know is, he was 17 years old when she was 11. Now, at the time, I didn’t really comprehend what was going on, son. Partly because I was young and partly because this wasn’t an isolated case. In fact, I knew a number of classmates who were in similar situations, man. Hell, it was “normal” for a hot chick to be “dating” an older dude. Little did we know it was weird as fuck, fam. As time went on, I noticed the same behavior, bruh. By the time I was 17, a girl I messed with the year before got pregnant by a 24-year-old drug dealer. Needless to say, we ALL knew it was problematic as shit, brethren.

The point is, there are a ton of R. Kelly’s running around out here, son. Frankly, we have to call ALL of them out, man. Look, I don’t care who they are, where they’re from or what they do. Older dudes have NO business dealing with these young girls, fam. For whatever reason, we sweep a lot of that shit under the rug. But, enough is enough, bruh. All in all, we need to hold EVERYBODY accountable, folks.

In the end, I’m raising a middle finger to all of those nasty ass sumbitches out there. At the end of the day, they need to go find some women their own damn age, son. Ultimately, we need to let children and teenagers be children and teenagers, man. By and by, they’re not here for some older loser’s deviance, fam. That is all. LC out.

Whose Mans Is This: The Attempted Robbery Of Polyana Viana

Good morning, friends and acquaintances. My name is LC and I’d like to talk to everyone about bad decisions. Now, as seen in the photo above, the man on the left is VERY familiar with bad decisions, son. Look, while attempting to rob the woman on the right, he got the holy shit beat out of him, man. All I know is, when people search for “poetic justice” on Google, his picture should show up, fam. In any case, let’s all take the time to mercilessly laugh at this dude, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, an attempted mugging went down in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil on Saturday night. Now, an unnamed assailant with a cardboard gun tried to steal a woman’s phone. Little did he know the woman was Polyana Viana, a UFC Strawweight fighter. Anyway, once she realized what was going on, she quickly sprang into action, son. According to the story, after his botched robbery, she punched him twice, hit him with a kick and then put him in a rear-naked choke. From there, he was incapacitated until the cops came. To make matters even funnier, he was asking for the police after getting his ass beat.

On the real, this story is super hilarious to me, man. I mean, he literally couldn’t have picked a worse target, fam. Shit, of all of the people he could’ve attacked, he chose the damn assassin, bruh. For God’s sake, that’s fucking BEAUTIFUL, son. Also, in my eyes, this situation is the perfect example of why all women should train in the martial arts, man. Like, they could pick boxing, they could pick jiu-jitsu or just MMA in general. All in all, knowing a lil sum sum could potentially save a life, brethren. So, everybody needs to chop chop and get to it, folks.

In the end, vengeance is mine, said the Lord. Except for when a clown tries to rob someone and gets righteously mollywopped. Ultimately, this guy got EXACTLY what he deserved, son. By and by, long live Polyana Viana, man! She’s the real MVP, fam. Hey, Dana White, gives this woman a raise, bruh. That is all. LC out.