Robert Mueller Is Putting Cases On All You B*tches!

Disclaimer: Everyone should read the title in Denzel Washington’s voice from Training Day. That is all.

So, shit just got real, huh? After all of the talk about Robert Mueller’s investigation, heads are starting to roll, son. With that being said, I’d be remiss if I didn’t get these jokes off about all of the fuckity-fuck shit going on in Donald Trump’s inner circle. In any case, let’s take a deep dive into all of the shit that Paul Manafort, Rick Gates and George Papadopoulos have gotten themselves into, man.

Ok, for those living under a rock, the shitshow began on Friday, fam. As the week came to a close, word got out that a sealed indictment was underway. From that standpoint, it was highly likely that someone was going to get arrested, bruh. Now, in light of that information, I assumed that Manafort was going to be the first to go down. Shit, after the FBI raised his crib back in August, it was only a matter of time before he was in a world of hurt, folks. Moving on, I was proven right when Monday came around. However; I would’ve never guessed the type of dirt that they have on him, people.

Basically, Trump’s former campaign chairman is a scammer, son. Since around 2005, he’s been laundering millions of dollars through overseas shell companies. Both him and his adviser, Rick Gates, have been living their best Joanne The Scammer life for well over a decade. As it stands, their fraud was still going on even after Manafort came aboard Trump’s team. Anyway, both men have been officially charged and are currently out of bail. In addition, both have pleaded not guilty to the accusations.

Now, the wildest part is, this isn’t even the wildest part of the story, son. Frankly, George Papadopoulos is the bigger news, man. Look, although Manafort and Gates have been involved in massive amounts of fuckery, the White House can still maintain plausible deniability. However; Papadopoulos’ tale is where shit gets interesting, fam. To begin, he’s already pled guilty to lying to federal agents. So, what did he lie about exactly? Russia, bruh. Russia.

As we now know, Papadopoulos, Trump’s former foreign policy adviser, was actively working with Kremlin-connected clowncakes to get dirt on Hillary Clinton. To make matters worse, in his own correspondence, he stated that he wanted someone low-level to meet with them in order to keep the heat away from Trump. Son, that has conspiracy written all over it! Real talk, the situation is so bad for Papadopoulos that he didn’t even try to fight the charges, man. The way I see it, I wouldn’t be surprised if he started rolling on everyone, fam. Shit, let the snitching begin!

In the end, all I can do is laugh at this, bruh. On the real, I doubt we’ve seen the last of the indictments, folks. Hell, I know Michael Flynn is somewhere sweating right now, son. Ultimately, a bunch of corrupt people were/are on Trump’s squad, man. Am I supposed to believe that he’s innocent of ALL of the fuckery? Give me a break, fam. I ain’t that dumb. LC out.

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Eminem Ethered Donald Trump

So, to be clear, I’m not going to spend any time talking about how legendary Eminem is, son. At this point, if someone out there doesn’t know that Em is a Top 3 rapper of all time, then I can’t help that person, man. With that being said, I’m always hyped when he wakes up from hibernation, fam. These days, if he’s dropping any bars, then he usually has something to say. All in all, that’s exactly what happened during last night’s BET Hip Hop Awards. The Detroit luminary decided to hit the cyphers and completely obliterated Donald Trump.

Now, I won’t lie, bruh. I’m not going to sit here and dissect everything Em said. Frankly, it would be easier for everyone to just listen to the verse for themselves. In any case, the freestyle is called “The Storm” and Em went hamburger batshit crazy on y’alls president. Essentially, he touched on damn near every bit of fuckery of Trump’s campaign and presidency. Ultimately, I’ll just let Em speak for himself, son. By and by, folks can watch the video ether below. Viva la Eminem! LC out.

Get Hillary Clinton The F*ck Outta Here!

Man, didn’t I already scold Hillary Clinton for her post-election behavior? I mean, didn’t I already write her a letter where I advised her to sit her ass down now? Fam, what the FUCK is wrong with Clinton, son? Good Lord, she just can’t let this election go, man! Shit, after all of the fuckery, who told her that we needed a tell-all book about her presidential campaign? All in all, no one gives a fuck anymore, Clinton! As of now, the American people are only worried about surviving in the era of Donald Trump.

Now, for those who missed it, Clinton wrote a new memoir titled “What Happened.” In it, she discusses what she believes cost her the 2016 presidential election. Moving on, in true cornball fashion, she throws shots at EVERYONE instead of taking responsibility for her own failings. First, she criticizes Barack Obama for telling her not to attack Bernie Sanders and divide the party. In addition, she criticizes Joe Biden for claiming that she wasn’t dedicated to helping the middle class. Also, she throws nukes at Sanders for his “fantastical” ideas and even calls his supporters sexist.

Listen, I’ve never heard so many excuses in my life, fam. Look, as I’ve stated in my previous post, Clinton REFUSES to acknowledge her own shortcomings, bruh. She refuses to admit that she lost states that were previously strongholds for the Democrats. She refuses to own up to her problematic history with race-based policymaking. She refuses to realize that she NEVER had a real platform in the first place. On the real, all she did on the campaign trail was disagree with everything Trump said. By and by, she never presented any REAL ideas that inspired change. And if she did, she stole them from Sanders. Ultimately, we voted for her out of fear of Trump.

Real talk, she likes to pretend like everyone was against her. If that was the case, then what was her excuse for losing to Obama in the 2008 primaries? Bruh, at that time, he was just an upstart Senator from Illinois. Needless to say, he still wiped the floor with her, son. All I know is, this is not the moment for her fuckery, man. In these times, mobilization is the key to everything. The people need to collectively be on the same wavelength to combat the hatred of this current administration. In my eyes, if Clinton isn’t down for this, then she should get the fuck out of the way and stop distracting us with bullshit, fam!

In the end, Clinton’s actions showcase the fact that she’s nothing more than a sore loser. Ultimately, we don’t have time for her tomfoolery, bruh. Son, it’s been 10 months since the election. America has moved on, son. We have bigger fish to fry, man. Frankly, Clinton’s feelings are not part of our agenda, fam. That is all. LC out.

Get Donald Trump Jr. The F*ck Outta Here!

Bruh, what the fuck is going on around here, man? Now, if anyone has been paying attention, I’ve stayed away from politics for the last few weeks. I mean, so much tomfoolery has transpired, frankly, I can’t keep up, son. With that being said, Donald Trump Jr. is out here wilin’, fam. Like, this dude actually admitted to trying to conspire with Russia. All I want to know is, why hasn’t this entire ship sunk yet?

So, the fuckery began in June of 2016. While Donald Trump was still battling Hillary Clinton for the presidency, Trump Jr. received a random email. In it, Rob Goldstone, a Russian business associate of Trump, claimed to be in touch with a senior Russian government official. Apparently, this official claimed to have damaging information about Clinton. From there, Goldstone arranged a meeting with Trump Jr., Paul ManafortJared Kushner and a Russian lawyer.

Now, keep in mind, at this time, Paul Manafort was Trump’s campaign manager. In addition, Kushner is Ivanka Trump‘s husband and currently serves as a senior advisor to Trump. Meaning, three people in Trump’s inner circle scheduled a meeting with a foreign entity in an effort to discredit Clinton. Good fucking Lord, man! How is ANYONE cool with this?! After allllllllll of their collusion denials, we now have definitive proof that all of their claims are pure bullshit, man. Trump’s administration LITERALLY talked to Russian dignitaries to try and alter the course of an American presidential election.

All in all, it doesn’t matter that Natalia Veselnitskaya didn’t provide any useful information. All that matters is the fact that these clowns were willing to go to these lengths to help Trump’s campaign. On the real, it makes all of their denials even more infuriating, son. Fam, they didn’t even do a good job of covering their tracks. Son, all of their shit is starting to hit the fan, man. Ultimately, enough is fucking enough, bruh.

In the end, I can’t take any more of this shit, people. Keeping it a buck, it bothers me to no end that more Republicans won’t stand up against this shit. I mean, what would Trump and company have to do for them to finally wake up? Would the administration have to drop a nuke before the GOP realizes the gravity of the situation? The sad part is, even if that occurred, they’d probably still find a way to justify it, man. *Sigh* I’m done. LC out.

Loose Lips Sink Countries

Man, at what point will Republicans say “enough is enough?” At what point will the GOP abandon their wayward leader? As of now, Donald Trump must be purposely trying to destroy democracy, son. I mean, why else would he continuously do such outrageously stupid shit? Look, all I know is, where there’s smoke, there’s fire, and the Oval Office is dealing with a five-alarm blaze right now.

Now, for anyone who missed it, there’s so much fuckery going on, bruh. It all began when Trump decided to invite Sergei Lavrov and Sergey Kislyak into the White House. To be clear, these men are Russia‘s Foreign Minister and Ambassador, respectively. Now, for the people keeping score, the American press wasn’t allowed in this meeting. However; pictures of this shindig surfaced on the Twitter account for Tass, a Russian state-run news agency. So, essentially, Russia had more insight into this gathering than our own people. Cool.

Moving on, this isn’t even the worst part of the story, man. Apparently, during this meeting with Vladimir Putin‘s cronies, Trump revealed classified information that could jeopardize an initiative against ISIS. Now, while the President has the authority to discuss anything he wants, the intelligence community is still scrambling to salvage whatever leverage they have against ISIS. All in all, Trump’s loose lips endangered vital intel and people. Side note, didn’t he run his entire campaign on the idea that Hillary Clinton couldn’t be trusted with classified information? Oh, ok, just checking.

So, with all of that being said, that’s not even the coup de grâce, son. Now, if anyone paid attention to the second paragraph, they’d notice that I mentioned the name “Sergey Kislyak.” This name is important because this is the same man who Michael Flynn got fired for speaking to! This is the same man who Jeff Sessions had to recuse himself over! Are you fucking kidding me, man?! Trump is really holding meetings with the dude at the CENTER of the collusion allegations against his administration?! Good fucking Lord, fam! How treacherous can one human being be?! It’s so fucking outlandish, son!

Ultimately, where are all of the Republicans with some cotdamn sense? All I know is, they need to distance themselves from this man NOW! Trump is taking this country straight to Hell and NO ONE is doing anything about it! Listen, at the moment, the GOP runs every branch of government. They have the power to put an end to this man’s madness. Please, for once, do the right fucking thing, folks! *Sigh* LC out.

Donald Trump Just Fired The Dude Investigating Him

Son, what the fuck is going on right now? Like, Donald Trump and company must really think we’re stupid, man. Then again, he was actually voted into office, so the American people are clearly stupid. In any case, there is no way, NO WAY that someone can convince me that James Comey’s firing was justified! I mean, this entire situation reeks of insidiousness and underhanded behavior, fam. Look, no Earthly creature can tell me that this decision wasn’t related to Comey’s investigation of the Trump administration. With that being said, we need to figure out this Russia connection before it’s too late.

Now, before I continue, let me be clear on one particular point: I don’t like James Comey. Listen, even though Hillary Clinton’s campaign made NUMEROUS errors, the fruitless FBI investigation into her emails ended up hurting her electability. Bruh, Comey reopened the investigation TWO WEEKS before people went to the polls! To make matters worse, the Feds weren’t even looking at her emails directly. They were probing through the emails of Huma Abedin, Clinton’s right-hand woman. In the end, what results did this investigation yield? NOT A FUCKING THING, MAN! So, ultimately, Comey royally screwed Clinton.

Moving on, this is exactly why the White House’s explanation for firing Comey doesn’t make sense. All in all, everything I just wrote in the last paragraph happened in the summer and fall of 2016. If Comey was such a liability, why didn’t they fire him as soon as Trump took office? As a matter of fact, as recently as January, Trump said that Comey would keep his job. There were literally no new developments in the Clinton saga, so how could that be the reason for relieving him of duty? Nah, son, they decided to fire Comey when he announced an inquiry into the links between Trump’s administration and Russia. The timeline is clear as day, son. So, miss me with the bullshit misdirection, man.

By and by, we’re witnessing something EXTREMELY dangerous right now. Look, it’s only been a couple of months and Trump has already set the precedent of firing people who question him. He fired Sally Yates for refusing to enforce the Muslim Ban. He fired Preet Bharara for investigating questionable decisions by members of Trump’s team. Now, he fired Comey. Fam, this isn’t a fucking television show! This man can’t just fire people for ratings. Ultimately, all of these actions could have scary consequences for our democracy. All I know is, a reality star has turned our country into a terrible reality show. LC out.

P.S. For anyone who doubts my logic here, just think about the fact that Jeff Sessions was the man who suggested removing Comey. Lest we forget, Sessions had to recuse himself from the Russia investigation because he was balls deep in the fuckery. So, tell me again how all of this isn’t related? Yeah, I thought so. That is all.

A Letter To Hillary Clinton

Dear Hillary Clinton,

Look, I’m not one to mince words, so I’ll just get straight to the point. I’m going to need you to let the election go now. The fact of the matter is, you lost. Yes, we could all point to a million different factors that led to this outcome. However; as much as it pains me to say this, Donald Trump is the President. At this point, instead of rehashing your defeat, maybe you should focus on helping to prevent him from ending Western Civilization.

Now, to be fair, I did vote for you. To do this, I begrudgingly looked past your “superpredators” comment and your history with the prison industrial complex. Shit, as fucked up as your policies have been, I was/still am legitimately scared of Trump. I mean, based on what we’ve seen so far, World War III may still be on the horizon. In any case, I’ve never enjoyed picking the “lesser of two evils.” Listen, this entire election cycle has proved how antiquated the two-party political system really is.

Moving on, despite the loss, you refuse to accept any responsibility. Ok, I get it, FBI Director James Comey royally screwed you with his fuckery. The timing of his renewed investigation into your emails is suspect at best. However; that doesn’t account for the many errors you made on the campaign trail.

First, you lost Michigan, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and Florida. These are all states that Barack Obama won twice. Twice! In fact, until you, a Democrat hadn’t lost Pennsylvania since 1988. I was 3 years old when that last occurred. To make matters worse, you didn’t campaign in Wisconsin and you only put some money down in Michigan during the last week of the election. How the fuck did you expect to win those states? In my eyes, your hubris got the best of you. You really thought you could just pull those states out of your ass with minimal effort. Well, clearly you were wrong.

Listen, I’m not ignoring the outside factors that may have contributed to your loss. Was there a gender component? Absolutely. Was there a Comey component? Absolutely. Was there a Julian Assange/WikiLeaks/Russia component? Absolutely. With that being said, take some responsibility for your own mistakes. Otherwise, you’re going to keep looking like a bitter loser. All in all, it is what it is, Mrs. Clinton. It just is what it is.

Sincerely,

A dude who’s stockpiling supplies in preparation for Armageddon