What The F*ck Is Mimi Doing?

Nah, son. Naaah, son. NAAAAAH, SON! My brain literally cannot comprehend the fuckery of Mimi Faust right now. I mean, who in the hell told her sex tapes were still the wave, bruh? After all of the sob stories and the Stevie J/Joseline Hernandez bashing, this is what she chose to do to make herself hot in these streets? On the real, what does she even expect to gain from this? Kim Kardashian gets no respect, Paris Hilton has all but disappeared and Pam Anderson is old. The jig is all of the way up, son.

All jokes aside, ain’t Mimi in her cotdamn 40s, bruh? What part of the game is this, man? How is she going to explain this shit to her daughter? Not only did her “man” leave her and marry a former stripper, now she’s hanging from shower rods and getting her “double wrist” action on in WorldStarHipHop videos. Talk about falling off of a damn cliff, son. Can it possibly get any worse for this woman? These situations are all consecutive L’s, man. Mimi’s out here looking like Shock-Kim The Clown right now. I’m relatively sure she’s crying in her house at the moment.

In the end, I only have one message for Ms. Mimi Faust: NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOU BUST IT OPEN, WOMAN! Please, remove yourself from public consciousness. Thank you and have a nice day.

Who Are These Haters You Speak Of?

Man, they should’ve never gave some of you people the Internet, son. While I’m a firm believer in the First Amendment, I’m also a firm believer in calling fools out on their bullshit. With that being said, I’d like to address everyone with “haters.” According to the scriptures of Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, poor souls all around the world have to deal with the constant threat of haters. After seeing post after post after post after post, I’ve officially had enough, son. No, most of you peasants don’t have haters. Actually, most people don’t care at all, man.

Now, I don’t mean to sound harsh, but I’m tired of the desperate ploys for attention by a certain group of individuals. Day after day, I see countless examples of women sending messages to the “basic bitches hating while [they're] doing [them]” and dudes hollering about “getting to the money” while disparaging some imaginary foe. Man, shut the fuck up! 99 percent of the time, these scenarios are completely fabricated instances created by clowns to have something to talk about. It’s social media, son. Nobody gives a shit, bruh. The people who are really doing things in life don’t have the time to be constantly engaging with detractors. The time it took to write that message could’ve been spent actually acquiring something real. If all you have to your name is a fat ass or a pair of Foamposites, you might need to just go away and give up on life. Clearly, you don’t offer anything of substance to our society.

All in all, everyone in the web-o-sphere has haters the same way every chick on IG is a model. Side note, why does every “bad bitch” have booking info listed in their profile? Ain’t nobody hiring you, chica. You have no identifiable talent. Cut the bullshit, man. Good luck getting a bank loan by making that ass clap. Side note to the side note, keep doing it, though, because it looks amazing. In any case, people need to stop taking themselves so seriously. How about we all do better as a people? M’kay? Thank you very much.

More School Violence?!?

Honestly, I’m going to keep this post brief because I’m actually at a loss for words. I seriously can’t believe there’s been another violent episode at a school in this country. When is this shit going to stop, man? What is going on in the minds of our students where they feel the need to inflict such damage on their fellow classmates? Normally, I would say something needs to be done, but I’m not exactly sure what we as a society should be doing. I really don’t know where to start, son. All in all, we need to figure this dilemma out ASAP.

Now, for those who are living a rock, Alex Hribal from Murrysville, Pennsylvania attacked 20 students and a security guard at his school on Wednesday. After the incident, everyone is scratching their heads, wondering what set this kid off. Apparently, he comes from a good home, etcetera, etcetera, but no one can figure out what makes the dude tick. I mean, he hurt 21 people, man! What the fuck is going on where this type of behavior keeps on reoccurring? How should parents feel, knowing schools will never be as safe as they would like them to be?

I don’t know, man, I have nothing else to say. This post is more about me fumbling around for an answer. These blowouts are completely out of control. I just pray for the families of the victims, the family of the culprit and hope we can find a solution. Good day, God willing.

Let’s Talk About Hot 97

Ok, I’m going to try and make this post short because I just want to quickly get something off of my chest. Side note, every time I say I’m going to make a post short, it ends up being one of my longer ramblings. Anyway, I’ve been watching VH1‘s new “reality show” This Is Hot 97 recently, and I must say, I’m actually enjoying it. All of the cast members, especially Ebro Darden, have a douchebaggery sense of humor I can relate to. Who doesn’t want healthy doses of profanity and boob jokes in the workplace, son? Isn’t that the American dream, man? In any case, I’d like to address the individuals who’ve been insinuating the show is too scripted. *Ahem* THAT’S THE FUCKING POINT, STUPID!

All jokes aside, people do realize the show is intended to be satire, right? Like, people know it’s scripted on purpose, right? I ask because I see a ton of comments on social media like “this show is so fake” and I’m left scratching my head. You mean to tell me, after watching Ebro’s scene with Macklemore, for example, people didn’t think they intentionally filmed it to be a joke? *Sigh* The intelligence level of the greater population hurts me sometimes, man. Ok, it hurts me often. For God‘s sake, they filmed a scene with Peter Rosenberg trying to convince his wife and Carrie Keagan to have a threesome with him. If that type of behavior was really about to go down, do you honestly think VH1 would be interviewing Rosenberg in his own bathroom about it? C’mon son, people can’t be that slow-witted. Internet trolls need to just laugh at the jokes and call it a day.

All in all, there’s nothing else to say, man. Detractors need to lighten up and simply pray the TV gods allow Angie Martinez and Miss Info to grope each other. Is that too much to ask, bruh? Ok, have a nice day.

P.S. I don’t care how many jokes Funkmaster Flex makes on the show, he’ll never be cool in my eyes, son. Over the course of my lifetime, he’s butchered too many songs with unnecessary bombs and maddening replays for me to forgive him. That is all.

You’re No UConn Fan

Let me start by saying, UConn‘s entire run in the NCAA tournament has been entertaining as shit to watch, son. If you could get over the fact your bracket was hit with a thousand hadoukens, it’d be a lot easier to enjoy watching this train roll. One year after getting banned by the powers that be, the team came back and reclaimed the throne for the fourth time since 1999. Fuck what you heard, that’s a hell of a story, bruh. Needless to say, I want to congratulate Kevin Ollie, Shabazz Napier and the rest of the Hungry Huskies for shutting March Madness down.

Now, with that out of the way, I’d like to take this time to address the bandwagon hoppers. Keep it real, son, NONE OF YOU PICKED UCONN TO WIN IT ALL! Just look at the numbers, man. Out of over 11 million brackets, only 0.3 percent picked the Huskies to win the title. Shit, only 2.6 percent even had either UConn or the Kentucky Wildcats in the title game, man. So, where did all of these fans come from? After last night’s win, my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram feeds were chock-full of people using phrases like “we did it” and “they doubted us.” Us? When the fuck did their accomplishment become your accomplishment, son? Last time I checked, most of the people I know aren’t from Connecticut and didn’t go to UConn. You brand new fans need to go back to St. Elsewhere with that pole-jocking shit, man.

In the end, this post isn’t for everyone. If you’ve rooted for the Huskies before five minutes ago, continue to revel in the victory. However, if last night was your first time even uttering the team’s name, would you kindly shut the fuck up? Thank you and have a good day.

P.S. This picture of Drake after the Wildcats’ loss is pure jokes to me. It’ll be OK, Aubrey. It’ll be OK.

You All Should Be Watching ‘That Guy’

Disclaimer: Despite the picture above, the show itself is not actually a cartoon. Just putting everyone on notice. Ok, proceed.

Now, to be honest, I’m not actually sure why I haven’t posted about this sooner. I mean, the online show, That Guy, produced by BLACK&SEXY TV, just finished its second season. If I was being a responsible viewer, I would’ve shared this information sooner. For that, I apologize, son. However, I’m pretty sure the phrase “better late than never” applies to this situation. With that being said, it’s high time I plug a show my fiancée and I have been geeking out on for many moons.

Keeping it short, the show follows two roommates, Mike and Judah, through their endless supply of relationship fuckery with the opposite sex. Yes, fuckery is really the only word that truly describes the incidents these dudes get themselves into. In addition, if you’re familiar with the brothers over at Dormtainment, they make frequent cameos in these episodes, mostly in the second season. Side note, if you are unaware, Dormtainment is a comedy troupe you need to get down with ASAP. They consistently come out with funny shit, son. Don’t believe me? Just watch. In any case, I’d give you all more information, but then I’d be cutting into the actual storyline. All you really need to know is I would never lead my flock astray. This is legitimately an entertaining comedy/drama/whatever-you-want-to-call-it.

In the end, if you haven’t gotten the point by now, I have some coloring books you can sift through. Nah, but seriously, take a chance on the show, man. Support some Black folks putting out good content. If you’re looking for a good place to start, the first episode is below. Shalom!

Must We Instagram Everything?

I’ve been meaning to do a post on this for a while, but alas, life gets in the way, son. With that being said, I’m just going to get straight to the point. Do we really have to post our entire lives on social media? I mean, damn, son! Day after day, I see individuals post pictures and write updates about situations that should be waaaaay too personal. Is nothing sacred, man? Women take pictures minutes after giving birth, men post statuses about “bitches” who did them wrong and clowns like Benzino take selfies while recovering from gunshot wounds.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit, I share a little bit about myself on social media. But the key words in that sentence are “a little bit.” If you pay close enough attention, you’ll know I’m engaged with two children, but other than that, what can you honestly say you know about me? The little intricacies in everyone’s respective lives should only be shared with those who truly care about them. Honestly, I shouldn’t know what your wifey’s ass looks like, bro. If that’s really your significant other, why is half of her content twerk-related? Also, why is the other half of her content pictures of her ass on a bathroom counter?

Truthfully, my motivation for this post was rekindled after I saw the fuckery with Benzino. This dude got shot by his nephew on the way to his own mother’s funeral and losers like his fiancée and Stevie J are busy posting his plight on Instagram as opposed to just comforting him. Is this what the game has been reduced to, son? I swear, if people’s computers and smartphones died tomorrow, one-third of our population would kill themselves. Hell, some other dumbass tried to commit suicide after failing to take a “perfect selfie.” I’m telling you, man, this social media shit is completely out of control.

All in all, I’m not telling y’all to stop sharing, but let’s just keep shit in perspective, son. It’s the damn Internet, bruh. It’s really not that serious. Good day.