I Can't Be Famous

Let’s face it, nobody cares about Father’s Day. Ok, maybe I’m generalizing a little too much. Maybe I should say, a lot of the people I know don’t care about Father’s Day. Every year, I cringe when I look at social media on this “special day,” because it turns into a gigantic billboard for “tell ‘em why you mad, son?” Side bar, we all love The Madd Rapper. In any case, a lot of people’s pain is on full display when this day rolls around, with responses ranging from “my mom was my dad” to “he was just a sperm donor.” As tensions continue to rise year after year, I have to ask, where are all of the dads at?

My fiancée and I were taken aback yesterday by the lack of men we saw during the day. In the morning, I took her and our son to church, and while the church was full, it was full of the same people who were always there. When Mother’s Day rolls around, you can’t even find space in the sanctuary, man. I’m usually harmonizing with the choir from the parking lot, son. Yes, it’s called exaggeration, but I think you get my point. Anyway, everyone has incredible stories of the sacrifices their mothers made to provide for them. The stories noticeably dwindle down when it’s dad’s turn.

After church, we went out to a restaurant, and it was only half-full. I genuinely started to wonder where everyone was. While I was always fully aware of the stigmas regarding single-parent households, it becomes increasingly glaring on days like this. Here we are, trying to celebrate fathers and a lot of them are nowhere to be found.

With all of that being said, I’d be remiss if I didn’t specify a lot of this pertains to Black men. I mean, let’s be real for a second, son. Statistically speaking, 72% of Black kids are raised in a single-parent home. Of course, we need to put that number in perspective. That 72% doesn’t necessarily mean everyone of those kids are being raised solely by the mother. There are plenty of single-parent dads, and in my case, even though I’m very active in my son’s life, he’s still part of that statistic since his mother and I aren’t married yet. However, that doesn’t change the fact an absurdly large number of us are being raised by our mothers. I was raised by my mother, too many of my friends were raised by their mothers and more than a few family members were raised by their mothers. Even when I did the “Ask A Black Father” panel with Karyn Parsons for Madame Noire, two out of the three of us were raised without our fathers. It’s a disturbing trend that’s destroying too many of our children.

I’m not going to sit here and front like I have any answers, but I won’t act like yesterday didn’t affect me. It’s a shame I’m always considering my father’s mistakes when I think about how to properly raise my son. Instead of passing down lessons learned, I’m trying to avoid the same pitfalls. Fact of the matter is, if you’re a man who’s neglecting your child, you’re not a man at all. Get your shit together, bruh. No excuses. Your child’s future depends on it.

P.S. Speaking of fathers, Jay-Z just put out a promotional video for his new album, dropping on July 4th. Yes, I know this has nothing to do with my post, but I couldn’t not say anything about it, man. I’m just going to ask you to pretend like I didn’t use a double negative. Good day.