A Knicks Fan In Physical Pain

So, I won’t lie, son. On the real, I’m fucking devastated right now, son. I mean, being a New York Knicks fan is the most painful shit on Earth, man. Like, year after year after year, we get our hopes up, only to have our proverbial testicles stomped on, fam. With that being said, the start to this year’s free agency is especially egregious, bruh. That fact is, NO top players want to play for our shitty franchise, folks.

Ok, for those who missed it, the Knicks are still the laughingstock of the NBA. Furthermore, we’re getting pissed on by our crosstown rivals. Now, let’s start with the obvious, son. So, both Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving have agreed to play for the Brooklyn Nets. Meaning, despite yearlong reports of them coming to the Knicks, both players said “fuck you” to James Dolan and agreed to go play in the Barclays Center. All in all, our plans for bigtime acquisitions have already gone to shit, man.

Look, to explain how bad this is, allow me to layout the trail of fuckery that has led to this point. First, we traded Kristaps Porziņģis, our franchise player. Essentially, we did this to free up enough cap space to sign two max players (i.e. Durant and Irving). Next, we didn’t get the first pick in the NBA Draft, meaning we missed out on the opportunity to get Zion Williamson. So, we traded our best player, didn’t get the number-one pick AND didn’t get any of the most notable free agents. *Sigh* Why do the basketball gods hate us so fucking much, fam?! For God‘s sake, do they really expect me to be happy with Julius RandleTaj Gibson and Bobby Portis?! Shit, I know they’re good players, but they’re not good enough for all of the shit we’ve gone through, bruh!

Listen, I know there are people who have their reservations about Durant and Irving. Hell, my boy Fabo correctly pointed out that Irving can be a shit-show and Durant’s future health is unknown. However, I was very willing to take that risk, son. Side note, everyone should go listen to my dude’s The Receding Hairlines Podcast. In any case, we’ve already seen Irving be the second-best player on a championship team, man. In addition, if Durant comes back even 85% of the player he used to be, then he’s still better than 99% of the league, fam. Frankly, I’d gladly take that type of production, bruh. The sad part is, Durant wouldn’t even give us a meeting and Dolan didn’t want to give him the max. Basically, we lost off the rip, son.

In the end, I’m fucking devastated, man. Like, my head is legitimately hurting right now, fam. Ultimately, the Knicks are poised to be as inept as we’ve always been. By and by, I don’t think I can do this anymore, bruh. At the end of the day, a sports team shouldn’t control my emotions like this, son. All I can say is, AHHHHHHHH! That’s all I’ve got, brethren. That’s all I’ve fucking got. LC out.

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Dear Basketball Gods: Give Us Zion Williamson!

So, I’m going to keep this post short today. All I can say is, I’m a lifelong New York Knicks fan who needs some damn relief, son. With that being said, I’m on fucking edge right now, man! I mean, the NBA Draft Lottery is tonight and I’m STRESSED, fam! All in all, I NEED the Knicks to get the first pick so we can get Zion Williamson.

Ok, for those who are unaware, tonight is an important night for the league. The Draft Lottery will let us know the order of the upcoming NBA Draft. More importantly, it’ll let basketball fans know where Williamson will end up next season. Like, let’s be real, bruh: Zion is going number one. But, we don’t know which team will get the pick. Currently, my Knicks have a 14% chance of getting it. Frankly, I don’t like those odds, son.

Look, I don’t know what else to say, man. Keeping it a buck, I’m nervous as fuck, fam. All I know is, I hope Patrick Ewing can give us some good luck while he represents us tonight. The fact is, Knicks fans have suffered enough, bruh. Like, can we FINALLY get a win, son? Please? PLEASE?! For God‘s sake, I’m tired of the tomfoolery, folks. Tired, tired, tired!

In the end, I’m on pins and needles, son. Ultimately, I’m just praying for something good, man. By and by, I won’t know what to do with myself if we don’t get this pick, fam. *Sigh* Excuse me while I go drink my anxiety away, bruh. Viva la Zion! That is all. LC out.

The Los Angeles Lakers Are A Sh*tshow

Look, before I even begin, let me acknowledge the fact that I’m a New York Knicks fan. This means that I am accustomed to a team being a dumpster fire. With that being said, the Los Angeles Lakers are in a world of shit right now, son. I mean, missing the playoffs was bad enough, man. However, after Magic Johnson’s sudden departure, it’s safe to say that one of the NBA’s most storied franchises is lost as fuck, fam.

Ok, for those who missed it, Johnson stepped down as the President of Basketball Operations for the Lakers. Now, this is notable for a bunch of reasons, but the manner in which he did it was wild, bruh. So, not only did Johnson leave his post, but he did it in front of the media, didn’t tell Jeanie Buss, the team’s owner, and didn’t wait until the end of the season. Furthermore, he did it with a whole bunch of tears in his eyes. Frankly, I watched this whole episode like “what the fuck is happening, son?”

Now, I already see a lot of people blaming LeBron James for this change (i.e. Michael Rapaport). All I can say is, that’s pure nonsense, man. Ok, yes, the team did miss the playoffs. But, they’ve missed the playoffs for the last six years, on top of the fact that James, Lonzo Ball and Brandon Ingram had a ton of injuries. So, I’m not ready to hang this on James’ head, fam. The truth is, Johnson wasn’t very good at his job, bruh. Like, I know he’s a legend, son. However, being a legend on the court doesn’t automatically make him a legend in the boardroom.

Shit, let’s go through some of his failures, man. First, he traded D’Angelo Russell. Now, for anyone who hasn’t been paying attention, Russell has been killing it with the Brooklyn Nets, fam. On the real, he’s turning into the player that a lot of people thought he could be. All I can say is, the Lakers never gave him a chance, bruh. Second, Johnson gambled on Anthony Davis and lost. The Lakers tried to throw the kitchen sink at the New Orleans Pelicans and they didn’t budge, son. All in all, Johnson and the Lakers were stuck with egg on their face, folks. Lastly, Johnson couldn’t get Paul George. Despite the fact that it seemed like George wanted to go to L.A., the deal never went through, people. Instead, George went on to have an MVP-level season with the Oklahoma City Thunder. Basically, Johnson botched all of the team’s moves, brethren.

In the end, good luck to the Lakers, son. Wait, what am I saying, man? I’m a Knicks fan, fam. Fuck the Lakers, bruh! Ultimately, I hope everything bad in life happens to them and only them (word to Silky Johnson). By and by, I’m thoroughly enjoying the chaos, folks. In any case, I’m sure I’ll be singing a different tune when the Knicks fail to sign Kevin Durant and/or Kyrie Irving. At the end of the day, I don’t have much faith in my team either, people. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Dear Basketball Gods, can the Knicks at least sign Zion Williamson? Please? Pretty please? Thanks a lot and have a good day.