Get Van Jones The F*ck Outta Here!

On the real, this Get (Blank) The Fuck Outta Here series is becoming way too common, man. I feel like I’m doing at least one new edition every week, son. In any case, I never thought I’d see the day when I would have to turn my crosshairs on Van Jones. The CNN-contributor has long been a vocal opponent of Donald Trump. However; after Trump’s speech on Tuesday, Jones decided to tuck his tail in between his legs. In one instant, Jones invalidated every stance he previously took. How? By insinuating that one speech could possibly change the course of Trump’s administration.

Now, Van Jones’ foolishness is baffling for a few reasons. He’s the same man who coined the phrase “Whitelash” while trying to explain why White voters backed Trump. Previously, he’s been very critical of Trump’s rhetoric and decision-making. Fast forward to Tuesday, Trump finally gave a speech in which he didn’t behave like an absolute child. All of a sudden, Jones changed his tune and said Trump “became President of the United States” after his performance. Taking it a step further, Jones praised Trump’s tribute to fallen Navy SEAL Ryan Owens. He called it “one of the most extraordinary moments you have ever seen in American politics, period.” This statement is mind-boggling because it completely negates the fact that Trump got that man killed in the first place.

Look, are we really supposed to be moved by the standing ovation for Owen’s widow, Carryn Owens? Her husband would still be alive if Trump’s administration wasn’t so poorly prepared for that raid in Yemen. Owens and an assortment of children, who no one talks about, ended up dying for outdated al-Qaeda intelligence. For example, one of the bomb-making videos recovered in that raid has been online since 2007. Was that a good enough reason for a soldier to die? I didn’t think so. Shut the fuck up, Van Jones!

Listen, Van, if you ever happen to read this, let me speak to you directly. Did Trump’s speech make you forget about Michael Flynn? Did Trump’s speech make you forget about the fact that Jeff Sessions perjured himself in regards to his contact with Russia? Did Trump’s speech make you forget that he’s trying to rewrite the Muslim Ban with newer parameters? Did Trump’s speech make you forget that Steve Bannon literally said he’s trying to “deconstruct” the administration? Man, AIN’T SHIT CHANGED! I refuse to believe that you’re THAT dumb to fall for a dude who was simply reading off of a teleprompter.

In the end, Van Jones played himself. Anytime someone loses their credibility, it’s almost impossible to get it back, son. All in all, I hope Jones has fun being a clown. Ultimately, that’s exactly what he is now. LC out.

Let’s Talk About The ‘Bowling Green Massacre’

*Sigh* Another day, another opportunity to hear some “alternative facts.” Look, I didn’t even think I had anything to write today, but here comes Kellyanne Conway to save the day. I mean, I can always count on her for some Grade A fuckery, right? In any case, all I could do was shake my head in disbelief when I heard her mention the “Bowling Green Massacre” on MSNBC. Namely because such an event doesn’t exist! Once again, Donald Trump‘s administration has made it their mission to ignore logic, facts and evidence in order to make their points.

So, Conway was on MSNBC defending Trump’s Muslim Ban. She claimed that what Trump is doing isn’t unprecedented because Barack Obama banned refugees from Iraq for six months back in 2011. Apparently, this action was taken after the arrest of “the masterminds behind the Bowling Green massacre.” Now, there are two things drastically wrong with this argument: first, Obama never instituted a six-month ban on Iraqis. In actuality, after it was discovered that two Iraqi immigrants were trying to send weapons and money back to Iraq, Obama’s administration re-vetted all incoming Iraqis. During this period, refugees were still being let into the country. There was NEVER a ban.

Second, A MASSACRE IN BOWLING GREEN, KENTUCKY NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED! Good fucking Lord, man! Bending the truth is one thing. However; this woman legitimately made up a terrorist attack that never occurred. This can’t be fucking life, man! Kellyanne Conway is in a legit position of power and she’s BLATANTLY making up information, son. These are the people who are leading our country, bruh. This type of shit should scare everyone. All it takes is one grandiose and misplaced lie to start a war with another nation. Shit, ain’t that how the Iraq War started in the first place? Whatever happened to those “weapons of mass destruction,” George W. Bush?

Ultimately, I’m losing more and more of my hair everyday, son. Well, that’s a lie since I’m already bald, but we all know what I mean, man. This administration is driving my stress level to ungodly heights. The amount of incompetence is fucking frightening, son. *Sigh* I don’t know what else to say here. LC out.

The Muslim Ban: An Official Rebuke Of The First Amendment

*Sigh* No lie, I’ve been trying to find a way to articulate myself all weekend. We’re literally watching the destruction of America right before our very eyes. Now, if anyone wants to read our country’s First Amendment, they’ll notice that the first thing the bill guarantees is freedom of religion. With one stroke of his pen, Donald Trump has egregiously violated our Constitution. On the real, based on Trump’s first ten days in office, I’m thoroughly convinced we’re on the verge of both World War III and Civil War II.

At this point, if anyone reading this is unaware of Trump’s Muslim Ban executive order, then… Google, son. Like, being in the dark on this issue is unacceptable. Trump essentially banned the entry of citizens from Syria, Iran, Sudan, Libya, Somalia, Yemen and Iraq. This is part of the “extreme vetting” that Trump constantly spoke about during his campaign run. According to his logic, this is to protect us from potential terrorist attacks. However; if that’s really the case, why aren’t Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan and Egypt on this list? Last time I checked, terrorists from these countries have actually attacked us. Has anyone heard of a little event called 9/11?

Look, I’m not naive and I’m fully away of the fact that ISIS has footing in some of the countries listed in the ban. However; here’s something to consider: Islamic radicals are killing mass amounts of their own people in these countries! That’s why countless innocent families are trying to flee and seek solace. Even outside of these refugees, green card holders and valid visa carriers were also being detained at airports. That’s right, son. People who had the LEGAL RIGHT to enter our country were being held up at numerous airports across the nation. Needless to say, the American public has had enough of the fuck shit and have taken to the streets to protest.

Now, here’s where Trump’s hypocrisy takes center stage. He claims that the ban isn’t based on religion, but his executive order gives preference to Christian refugees. Good fucking Lord, man! We’re watching an administration vehemently lie to our faces and then pretend like we don’t see the bullshit. This entire episode is one of the most deplorable violations of democracy I’ve ever seen. Like, I’m having a very hard time putting all of this into words, man. Our rights are being trampled on for the entire world to see, son.

As a response, Iran has already made strides to block U.S. visitors. Does everyone see what’s happening here? We’re very rapidly entering into a zone that can have very dangerous ramifications. Thanks to Trump, we’re already on bad terms with NATO and the United Nations. If we stay on this trajectory, we could end up in a military conflict with no allies to back us. So far, we’ve pissed off Europe, our Hispanic neighbors to the South and our Canadian neighbors to the North. If we add public unrest to that equation, we truly have the ingredients for another World War AND another Civil War.

All in all, to all of my Muslim brothers and sisters out there: your religion is not a crime. Donald Trump does NOT speak for the people and we categorically condemn everything he stands for. All jokes aside, the revolution is now and everyone needs to decide what side they’re on. All I know is, these despicable acts of injustice CANNOT continue. LC out.