Get Pepsi & Kendall Jenner The F*ck Outta Here!

*Sigh* Damn, son. Why did it have to be Pepsi, man? I mean, I’m one of the people who can actually tell the difference between Pepsi and Coca-Cola. With that being said, Pepsi is without question the superior product, bruh. However; that tidbit can’t save them from getting this work, fam. Look, all I want to know is, what the fuckity-fuck were Pepsi and Kendall Jenner thinking? Now, I’ve seen some strange things in my life, but I’m pretty sure an ice-cold soda won’t stop this country from doing fuck shit.

So, I don’t even know where to begin with the tomfoolery, son. Shit, I could start with Skip Marley for donating his “Lions” song to this ridiculous ass commercial. I could talk about the randomness of the Asian man playing the cello or the hijab-wearing Muslim woman freaking out over her pictures. I could talk about the “joy” on people’s faces while they “protest” injustice. Look, I could rip this commercial apart from so many different angles, but I have to aim my crosshairs at the soda itself.

Now, maybe I’m dumb, but can someone please explain to me how a Pepsi can save the world? Listen, before I continue, I’m pretty sure this company doesn’t literally think handing out soda will solve all of our issues. However; I do think it perpetuates a dangerous ideology. Ultimately, being nice to the establishment won’t stop them from fucking us over.

To be clear, sucking up to authority won’t stop police from killing unarmed Black people. Sucking up to authority won’t stop our government from violating the rights of Muslims, women, minorities, poor people and the LGBTQ community. Keeping it a buck, real protest isn’t convenient and it damn sure isn’t jovial, fam. People are really out here fighting for basic human rights and Pepsi just turned it all into a fucking joke, son. All I know is, everyone involved with this nonsense should be fired immediately, man.

In the end, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I’m just… I’m just tired of the day-to-day stupidity, bruh. It’s just so fucking tiring and irritating, son. I quit. I… I fucking quit. LC out.

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I’m Done With Kanye West

That’s it. I’m done, man. I’m over Kanye West and his constant brand of bullshit. As a DIEHARD fan, I’ve tried and tried and tried to look past his frequent barrage of nonsense. However; enough is enough, son! During his ten millionth rant last night in San Jose, Kanye told concertgoers that not only did he forgo voting, but if he did, he would’ve voted for Donald Trump. All I know is, for me, the artist I’ve supported all of these years is officially gone. Get this man the fuck outta here, son!

*Sigh* Where do I even start, man? So, during his recent concert, Kanye went on one of his customary rants and spoke about the recent presidential election. First, he emphasized the fact he didn’t vote. This is problem number one. For a man who once rhymed that his mother was arrested for a sit-in “at the tender age of six,” his decision to eschew voting is an absolute slap in her face. Side note, Rest In Peace to Donda West.

Now, the same man who spent countless songs on The College Dropout and Late Registration addressing systemic issues decided to avoid using his voice for something other than promoting clothes with holes in them. Honestly, it’s fucking disgusting, man. In my eyes, I don’t want to hear anyone talk about solving societal ills if they don’t engage with the individuals who govern our cities and states. That same message applies to Colin Kaepernick and his non-voting ass too!

Moving on, just when we thought that hot take was the extent of his fuckery, he then chose to offer up praise to our orange-faced President-elect. According to Kanye, he admires Trump’s “non-political” way of speaking and considers it a “futuristic” form of communication. In addition, he talked about how people just assumed he was a Democrat and how his friends advised him not to mention the fact he loved Trump’s “approach” to the debates.

Gosh, Kanye, what’s wrong with us, huh? Of COURSE a man who once proclaimed that George W. Bush didn’t care about Black people would embrace a man who’s shitted on us, Hispanics, Muslims, women and disabled people. Of COURSE a man who wrote songs like “All Falls Down” and “Crack Music” would openly support a divisive human being who used his hometown of Chicago as an example of why we need more “law and order.” We must be the crazy ones, right?

I mean, is this clown fucking serious, man?! Has he been a Kardashian for that long now? Has he forgotten that even if he’s in a Benz, he’s still a “nigga in a coupe”? Who the fuck is this man now?! I no longer see ANY shades of the dude who was once a champion of the people. I guess he’s too rich now to remember where he came from. That’s fine, because White America can have him now. I completely wash my hands of his persistent coonery.

In the end, I’m over all of the fuck shit, man. All of it! I have nothing else to say today. Fuck Kanye West, son! Fuck ’em! Good day.

Thank You, America

Thank you, America. Thank you for hating Hispanics. Thank you for hating Muslims. Thank you for hating Black people. Thank you for hating women. Thank you for hating the LGBTQ community. Thank you for hating disabled people. Thank you for hating every group of individuals Donald Trump has shitted on over the course of this election. America, you have emphatically shown us what type of despicable country you are and what you actually value: bigotry across all platforms. Bravo, America! Fucking bravo!

At this point, I could write two sentences or I could write an entire dissertation. I’m truly fucking confused by what happened last night. People, please tell me I’m dreaming. Please tell me Trump isn’t really the next president of our country. Please tell me we didn’t let an overwhelming wave of hate, irrational fear and stupidity guide the future of our nation. Look, I’m absolutely APPALLED by the people of this country. I just hope we’re all ready for a strong presence of racism, sexism, xenophobia, religious persecution and tax breaks for the rich. We’ve already seen bigots become way more emboldened as Trump gained power, and with him going to the Oval Office, I don’t see that weakening any time soon. When we add up a Republican presidency, Senate, House, and most likely, Supreme Court, that equals four years of unadulterated HELL!

In the end, I have nothing else to say, son. Nothing at all, man. All I know is, I’m not writing shit for the rest of this week, possibly longer. I’m done. Fucking done here. As my fiancée always says, “this country isn’t for us.” In this case, the “us” is literally EVERY disenfranchised group. Goodbye.

P.S. I don’t want to hear SHIT from anyone who didn’t vote or voted for a third-party candidate. They, along with a higher turnout of uneducated White voters, allowed this nonsense to happen. Thanks for absolutely nothing, y’all.

Et Tu, Dave Chappelle?

Look, I’m a Dave Chappelle fanatic, son. Like, an absolute Stan, man. In my opinion, he’s the greatest comedian of all time and created the greatest sketch show ever. Now, with all of that being said, all of my hero worship doesn’t mean he can’t get this work too, son. After hearing his thoughts on Hillary ClintonDonald Trump, women’s rights and the LGBTQ community, I’m forced to take the Gawd to task for the fuckity-fuck shit he said. *Sigh* With great pain in my heart, let’s do this, man.

So, over the weekend, Chappelle did a number of surprise shows at The Cutting Room here in New York. Now, while he’s been known to incorporate social and political musings in his material, I don’t think his Friday audience was prepared for his latest batch of hot takes.

To begin, let’s talk about Trump’s “grab them by the pussy” scandal. Apparently, to Chappelle, while Trump’s words were “gross,” he thought the idea of Clinton’s camp possibly leaking the Access Hollywood tape was more egregious. In addition, he didn’t agree that Trump promoted sexual assault in his rhetoric. According to Chappelle’s logic, the phrase “they let you do it” implies consent. I guess we’re just ignoring the fact that Trump literally said he’ll flat out kiss AND grab women if he finds them attractive. Nowhere in his comments did he EVER state his advances were warranted. Shit, Chappelle must have been famous for too long because even he can’t seem to wrap his mind around the fact that physical actions can’t just be taken. If the woman didn’t co-sign beforehand, it’s a no-go, son. Plain and fucking simple, man. Also, even if Clinton did release the tape, who gives a fuck, man? Out of every group Trump has offended this election cycle, it would be poetic justice if he fell on the sword of his own words.

Now, while Chappelle’s political philosophies may have been bad enough, he decided to turn his attention to women and the LGTBQ community. It appears Dave has a problem with activists discussing the issues of these particular groups in front of Black people. In terms of disenfranchisement, racism is apparently top tier and everyone else’s struggle is secondary. Good fucking Lord, Dave! Look, man, I’m one of the main people speaking about racial injustice around here, but that shouldn’t come at the expense of someone else’s fight, son. What the fuck, Dave?! Black people have a raw fucking deal in this country, but so do American Indians, women, gay people, transgender people, etc. Shit, if we’re really being real here, this country favors straight White men. Everyone else is working to gain some type of equal footing. It’s a fucking shame that Chappelle is acting like he isn’t aware of this.

In the end, maybe Chappelle has been in Yellow Springs, Ohio for too long now. He’s becoming a cantankerous older gentleman and it’s a damn shame to watch, man. Now, maybe, hopefully, I’m blowing this entire thing out of proportion. All I know is, we can’t be out here losing more of our heroes, son. Get your shit together, Dave! Good day.