A Letter To Hillary Clinton

Dear Hillary Clinton,

Look, I’m not one to mince words, so I’ll just get straight to the point. I’m going to need you to let the election go now. The fact of the matter is, you lost. Yes, we could all point to a million different factors that led to this outcome. However; as much as it pains me to say this, Donald Trump is the President. At this point, instead of rehashing your defeat, maybe you should focus on helping to prevent him from ending Western Civilization.

Now, to be fair, I did vote for you. To do this, I begrudgingly looked past your “superpredators” comment and your history with the prison industrial complex. Shit, as fucked up as your policies have been, I was/still am legitimately scared of Trump. I mean, based on what we’ve seen so far, World War III may still be on the horizon. In any case, I’ve never enjoyed picking the “lesser of two evils.” Listen, this entire election cycle has proved how antiquated the two-party political system really is.

Moving on, despite the loss, you refuse to accept any responsibility. Ok, I get it, FBI Director James Comey royally screwed you with his fuckery. The timing of his renewed investigation into your emails is suspect at best. However; that doesn’t account for the many errors you made on the campaign trail.

First, you lost Michigan, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and Florida. These are all states that Barack Obama won twice. Twice! In fact, until you, a Democrat hadn’t lost Pennsylvania since 1988. I was 3 years old when that last occurred. To make matters worse, you didn’t campaign in Wisconsin and you only put some money down in Michigan during the last week of the election. How the fuck did you expect to win those states? In my eyes, your hubris got the best of you. You really thought you could just pull those states out of your ass with minimal effort. Well, clearly you were wrong.

Listen, I’m not ignoring the outside factors that may have contributed to your loss. Was there a gender component? Absolutely. Was there a Comey component? Absolutely. Was there a Julian Assange/WikiLeaks/Russia component? Absolutely. With that being said, take some responsibility for your own mistakes. Otherwise, you’re going to keep looking like a bitter loser. All in all, it is what it is, Mrs. Clinton. It just is what it is.

Sincerely,

A dude who’s stockpiling supplies in preparation for Armageddon

C-SPAN: Broadcasting Live From Russia

Bruh, honestly, we, the American people, must be living in the Twilight Zone. Day after day, new situations arise that make me question my sanity, man. Look, all I really want to know is, why is Russia in all of our shit, son? It’s bad enough they purposely hacked us to influence our presidential election, but now they’re fucking with our television networks? Why is Russia becoming so emboldened with the fuck shit and why is America doing nothing about it? On the real, we need to put these clowns back in their place before we find the KGB ordering breakfast at Starbucks.

Now, for those who are unaware, last night, during an online feed of the House of Representatives on C-SPAN, the programming was interrupted by the Kremlin-backed RT channel. Keep in mind, this channel is one of the entities suspected of working with WikiLeaks to disseminate hacked information. Even though C-SPAN stated they’re still investigating the issue, they were quick to say “we don’t believe that we were hacked.” Well, if they’re still trying to find the root cause of the interruption, how do they know whether or not they were hacked? Why are folks always so quick to dismiss Russian meddling? Honestly, I’m beginning to think people want Russian influence on our government. That’s the only reason I can think of as to why certain people just continually shrug these actions off.

In my eyes, if this isn’t Russian hacking, then it’s a HELL of a coincidence, son. After all of the nonsense they pulled during our election, I’m extremely doubtful this is just some random occurrence. With all of the intelligence reports circulating around about Russian tomfoolery, do people really expect me to believe they just happened to broadcast over a faction of our Congress? Man, get the flying fuckity-hot-fuck outta here, son! Anyone who believes that is dumber than Forrest Gump trying to ride a hoverboard.

In the end, my head hurts, man. America is becoming a clown show and all of these countries see it. That’s exactly why Russia feels like they can do whatever they want. We’re about to have an administration that’s too stupid to see they’re getting played. At this rate, my wife may just convince me to go back to the Caribbean after all. LC out.

Feel The Bern… Of The DNC’s Emails


Well, well, well! What do we have here? Good ol’ politicians up to their normal brand of tomfoolery, son. I guess one day is all I get in regards to not talking about some shenanigans going on in the world. But alas, here I am, ready to tackle the nonsense that is Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders and the Democratic National Committee.

Now, for those who missed it, Wasserman Schultz has decided to step down from her post as the Chairperson of the DNC. This move comes after WikiLeaks ruined everyone’s weekend and leaked email exchanges between Wasserman Schultz and other members of the DNC. In these conversations, a variety of nefarious characters attempted to conceive of ways to derail Bernie Sanders’ bid for President. This was done, of course, to benefit their preferred pick, Mrs. Clinton. So, you mean to tell me, Bernie’s “crazy” ramblings about the system being rigged against him weren’t so preposterous after all? Ok, look, I’m no fool, son. I’m not naive to the idea of inner political machines cranking, unbeknownst to the general public. Conspiracy theories aren’t new to the political landscape, but c’mon son, this is waaaaaay too blatant, man. Why on Earth would these fools talk so openly about messing with the “democratic” process? Oh, so apparently, questioning Sanders’ Jewish heritage and threatening to “expose” him as an atheist is a premier example of the “fair” and “just” campaign system. All to impress some Southern Christians? Get the flying fuck out of here, bruh.

Listen, here’s my thing about this entire ordeal. It doesn’t really matter whether or not Bernie had a legitimate chance of winning the nomination. When American citizens go out and vote in all of these elections, we’d like to believe we’re contributing to a system that is being somewhat upfront with us. To inadvertently discover the “powers that be” are so willfully trying to circumvent the choice of the people is disheartening. To be real, though, I’m not even sure why I’m acting like I’m surprised by all of this. But damn man, no one really wants to believe the views of the people are useless. With that being said, it should come as no surprise that Bernie supporters aren’t with the shits at the Convention right now. How can anyone reasonably ask people to be onboard with the Democratic platform when we caught prominent members of the party with their hands in the cookie jar? The DNC can blame Russia all they want to for possibly leaking the emails, but maybe they should focus on the fact the emails were sent in the first place. Side bar, to be fair, Russia potentially meddling in our shit is a big problem, man. Someone tell Vladimir Putin to keep his ass on the sidelines, son. We don’t care if him and Donald Trump ride tandem bikes together.

In the end, I honestly don’t know what to say, man. Democracy is on some bullshit right now. I mean, I’m pretty sure it was always on some bullshit, but at least more seasoned politicians had the wherewithal to not have their foolishness so overtly out in the open. At this point, I’m not sure how anyone can feel justifiably okay with any of these Presidential candidates. I might as well just pack my family up and move to Barbados. Prime Ministers are looking a lot better than Presidents these days. Well, except for the folks running things over in England. That’s all I’ve got for today, good people. Adios.