Let’s All Laugh At Omarosa

So, I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not looking for facts here, son. Keeping it a buck, I’m strictly here for the jokes today, man. I mean, what’s funnier than the prospect of Omarosa Manigault-Newman getting physically thrown out of the White House, fam? Shit, after all of her nonsense and her Donald Trump-caping tomfoolery, this is EXACTLY the way the story should’ve ended, bruh. With that being said, let’s all collectively laugh at Omarosa for losing her job.

Ok, for those who missed it, apparently some fuckery went down yesterday. So, according to several reports, Omarosa got into a kerfuffle with Chief of Staff John Kelly. From there, she allegedly tried to get into the White House residence to see Trump and was physically removed from the building. Now, I don’t know if any of that is true, but it’s fucking hilarious nonetheless, son. Look, imagine the Secret Service putting Omarosa in an armbar and kicking her off of the premises, man. On the real, that’s just too funny for words, fam.

Now, as expected, all of this has been disputed, bruh. As it stands, both Omarosa and the Secret Service have denied reports that a physical confrontation took place. However; the Secret Service did confirm that all of her credentials have been revoked and she won’t be coming back to work. Real talk, that’s all I need to hear in order to get joy from this story, son. Listen, Omarosa’s been a clown since she was on The Apprentice with Trump. All in all, the fact that she ever held a government position is fucking preposterous, man. I’m just glad that this part of the science experiment is over, fam.

In the end, Trump’s team just keeps on dwindling, bruh. At this rate, by the time he reaches a year in office, he might not have any staff left, son. Ultimately, the Omarosa debacle is yet another example of the incompetence of this administration. By and by, the clown train just keeps on rolling, man. *Sigh* LC out.

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Robert Mueller Is Putting Cases On All You B*tches!

Disclaimer: Everyone should read the title in Denzel Washington’s voice from Training Day. That is all.

So, shit just got real, huh? After all of the talk about Robert Mueller’s investigation, heads are starting to roll, son. With that being said, I’d be remiss if I didn’t get these jokes off about all of the fuckity-fuck shit going on in Donald Trump’s inner circle. In any case, let’s take a deep dive into all of the shit that Paul Manafort, Rick Gates and George Papadopoulos have gotten themselves into, man.

Ok, for those living under a rock, the shitshow began on Friday, fam. As the week came to a close, word got out that a sealed indictment was underway. From that standpoint, it was highly likely that someone was going to get arrested, bruh. Now, in light of that information, I assumed that Manafort was going to be the first to go down. Shit, after the FBI raised his crib back in August, it was only a matter of time before he was in a world of hurt, folks. Moving on, I was proven right when Monday came around. However; I would’ve never guessed the type of dirt that they have on him, people.

Basically, Trump’s former campaign chairman is a scammer, son. Since around 2005, he’s been laundering millions of dollars through overseas shell companies. Both him and his adviser, Rick Gates, have been living their best Joanne The Scammer life for well over a decade. As it stands, their fraud was still going on even after Manafort came aboard Trump’s team. Anyway, both men have been officially charged and are currently out of bail. In addition, both have pleaded not guilty to the accusations.

Now, the wildest part is, this isn’t even the wildest part of the story, son. Frankly, George Papadopoulos is the bigger news, man. Look, although Manafort and Gates have been involved in massive amounts of fuckery, the White House can still maintain plausible deniability. However; Papadopoulos’ tale is where shit gets interesting, fam. To begin, he’s already pled guilty to lying to federal agents. So, what did he lie about exactly? Russia, bruh. Russia.

As we now know, Papadopoulos, Trump’s former foreign policy adviser, was actively working with Kremlin-connected clowncakes to get dirt on Hillary Clinton. To make matters worse, in his own correspondence, he stated that he wanted someone low-level to meet with them in order to keep the heat away from Trump. Son, that has conspiracy written all over it! Real talk, the situation is so bad for Papadopoulos that he didn’t even try to fight the charges, man. The way I see it, I wouldn’t be surprised if he started rolling on everyone, fam. Shit, let the snitching begin!

In the end, all I can do is laugh at this, bruh. On the real, I doubt we’ve seen the last of the indictments, folks. Hell, I know Michael Flynn is somewhere sweating right now, son. Ultimately, a bunch of corrupt people were/are on Trump’s squad, man. Am I supposed to believe that he’s innocent of ALL of the fuckery? Give me a break, fam. I ain’t that dumb. LC out.

Can We Stop Politicizing The Death Of Soldiers?

So, keeping it a buck, my wife believes that I should run for office one day. However; there’s one glaring issue, son: I hate politics. I hate politics because it always gets in the way of human decency, man. Elected officials will take ANY situation and twist it into some bipartisan affair. Frankly, it’s disgusting, fam. It’s even more disgusting when this type of fuckery affects Gold Star families. Look, we argue about EVERYTHING in this fucking country. Can we leave dead soldiers out of it, bruh?

Ok, all of the tomfoolery began after four American soldiers died in Niger, West Africa. Now, details are still murky, but it appears that a 12-man Army team was ambushed by 50 ISIS soldiers. In the aftermath, Sgt. La David Johnson, Staff Sgt. Bryan Black, Staff Sgt. Jeremiah Johnson and Staff Sgt. Dustin Wright laid dead from the confrontation. Under any circumstance, this is a terrible outcome for a soldier. However; the ensuing political firefight has made my blood boil, son.

Now, once word got out about the tragedy, the conversation evolved into whether or not Donald Trump called the families of the fallen soldiers. From there, he incorrectly asserted that previous presidents, especially Barack Obama, didn’t speak with Gold Star families. Next, Congresswoman Frederica Wilson alleged that Trump told La David Johnson’s wife that he “knew what he signed up for.” After that, Wilson, Trump and White House Chief of Staff John Kelly got into a debate about who was telling the truth.

Listen, if Trump really said that to Johnson’s widow, then he’s the lowest form of scum. But, I already knew that about him, man. Shit, this behavior wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest, fam. The problem is the fact that the death of these men is being used to make a political statement. I mean, have we no fucking shame, bruh? These guys literally laid down their lives for this country. Can they get a little fucking respect, people?! This ain’t the damn time to be arguing about who said what to who and when. Honor these fucking soldiers, son!

In the end, I hate politics, man. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, fam. Ultimately, people want to make a point as opposed to being right. Honestly, I can’t take the constant bullshit, bruh. *Sigh* I guess this really is politics as usual, folks. LC out.

Donald Trump Hates Sports

So, just in case anyone forgot, Donald Trump is a fucking joke, son. I mean, with all of the tomfoolery happening in our country, why does he consistently focus on the wrong things? Shit, Kim Jong-un is trying to nuke us all, but Trump would rather talk about the NFL. Healthcare is still being debated in Congress, but he’d rather take shots at Stephen Curry. Man, this dude has ZERO understanding of the nature of his office. Honestly, when will this man realize that his job isn’t a reality show? More importantly, will we all still be alive by the time he figures it out?

Now, for those who missed it, Trump has been on a tear recently. First, during a speech in Huntsville, Alabama, he called football players who don’t stand for the National Anthem “son[s] of bitch[es].” In addition, he demanded that these players be fired, regardless of the fact that they’re exercising their First Amendment rights. Next, he set his crosshairs on Curry and the Golden State Warriors. Since Curry expressed that he wasn’t interested in visiting the White House, Trump took it upon himself to “uninvite” the team. Needless to say, the Warriors organization didn’t give a flying fuck, man.

In any case, as expected, everyone with sense called Trump out for his idiocy. LeBron James went hamburger on him for even thinking that rescinding an invitation was a power move. Look, logic states that a person can’t uninvite someone who wasn’t even planning on going. Meaning, Trump is a clown for thinking that anyone cares about his little temper tantrum. Real talk, a speech isn’t going to make a team visit the White House and it isn’t going to stop players from protesting racial injustice.

Listen, the fact of the matter is, Colin Kaepernick started a movement, son. Now, the powers that be thought that getting rid of him would stop the momentum. However; as more players from different leagues get onboard, the fight just keeps getting stronger, man. Hell, just the other day, Bruce Maxwell became the first MLB player to kneel for the anthem. All in all, players are determining that they won’t be silenced by influence and intimidation. Also, more owners and organizations are starting to join the debate, people. The snowball effect is starting to occur.

In the end, maybe Trump should stick to presidential matters. I mean, it’s not like he’s even doing that well, fam. Frankly, he shouldn’t have time to comment on players because he should be focused on doing his job better, bruh. Ultimately, this is yet ANOTHER example of the clowncake that the Electoral College put in office. *Sigh* The fuckery just doesn’t stop, son. LC out.

The Roast Of Anthony Scaramucci

10 days. 240 hours. 14,400 minutes. 864,000 seconds. That’s how long Anthony Scaramucci lasted as Donald Trump‘s communications director, son. After threatening to fire everyone in Trump’s administration, Scaramucci couldn’t even save his own job, man. Side note, I want the media to stop trying to call him “The Mooch.” Look, assholes like this guy don’t deserve a nickname, fam. In any case, I’d like to take this time to give Scaramucci a proper send-off. I mean, don’t all clowns love a good show?

So, where should I begin, bruh? Ok, let’s talk about the fact that as soon as he entered the White House, Scaramucci immediately sealed his own fate. Whether it was Sean Spicer‘s resignation or Scaramucci’s tirade against Reince Priebus and Steve Bannon, the now-jobless communications director made enemies with everyone. Fam, what part of the game is publicly cursing out co-workers? I swear, this dude didn’t understand the basic fundamentals of working with a team. Real talk, didn’t we start to learn those principles in kindergarten? Clearly, Scaramucci missed these lessons, son.

Moving on, who knows how John Kelly will fare as Trump’s Chief of Staff. All I know is, firing Scaramucci was a good first move. Even though I can’t stand Trump, the shitshow that is his administration needs to chill, man. Like, can he even surround himself with people who can pretend like they know what they’re doing? Shit, Scaramucci was clearly a basket case and had no business in the West Wing. On the real, Kelly should take this stance with everyone on Trump’s squad. So far, all of these jesters have proven themselves to be incompetent, man.

In the end, Anthony Scaramucci, we hardly knew ye. However; good riddance, fool. Maybe now he’ll stop missing the birth of his children. Maybe now he’ll figure out why a nine month pregnant woman would file for divorce. Man, with his personal life in such shambles, where did he find the time to ruin Trump’s inner circle? Well, I guess Scaramucci was good at one thing: destruction. Anyway, no one will miss him, bruh. LC out.

Loose Lips Sink Countries

Man, at what point will Republicans say “enough is enough?” At what point will the GOP abandon their wayward leader? As of now, Donald Trump must be purposely trying to destroy democracy, son. I mean, why else would he continuously do such outrageously stupid shit? Look, all I know is, where there’s smoke, there’s fire, and the Oval Office is dealing with a five-alarm blaze right now.

Now, for anyone who missed it, there’s so much fuckery going on, bruh. It all began when Trump decided to invite Sergei Lavrov and Sergey Kislyak into the White House. To be clear, these men are Russia‘s Foreign Minister and Ambassador, respectively. Now, for the people keeping score, the American press wasn’t allowed in this meeting. However; pictures of this shindig surfaced on the Twitter account for Tass, a Russian state-run news agency. So, essentially, Russia had more insight into this gathering than our own people. Cool.

Moving on, this isn’t even the worst part of the story, man. Apparently, during this meeting with Vladimir Putin‘s cronies, Trump revealed classified information that could jeopardize an initiative against ISIS. Now, while the President has the authority to discuss anything he wants, the intelligence community is still scrambling to salvage whatever leverage they have against ISIS. All in all, Trump’s loose lips endangered vital intel and people. Side note, didn’t he run his entire campaign on the idea that Hillary Clinton couldn’t be trusted with classified information? Oh, ok, just checking.

So, with all of that being said, that’s not even the coup de grâce, son. Now, if anyone paid attention to the second paragraph, they’d notice that I mentioned the name “Sergey Kislyak.” This name is important because this is the same man who Michael Flynn got fired for speaking to! This is the same man who Jeff Sessions had to recuse himself over! Are you fucking kidding me, man?! Trump is really holding meetings with the dude at the CENTER of the collusion allegations against his administration?! Good fucking Lord, fam! How treacherous can one human being be?! It’s so fucking outlandish, son!

Ultimately, where are all of the Republicans with some cotdamn sense? All I know is, they need to distance themselves from this man NOW! Trump is taking this country straight to Hell and NO ONE is doing anything about it! Listen, at the moment, the GOP runs every branch of government. They have the power to put an end to this man’s madness. Please, for once, do the right fucking thing, folks! *Sigh* LC out.

Donald Trump Just Fired The Dude Investigating Him

Son, what the fuck is going on right now? Like, Donald Trump and company must really think we’re stupid, man. Then again, he was actually voted into office, so the American people are clearly stupid. In any case, there is no way, NO WAY that someone can convince me that James Comey’s firing was justified! I mean, this entire situation reeks of insidiousness and underhanded behavior, fam. Look, no Earthly creature can tell me that this decision wasn’t related to Comey’s investigation of the Trump administration. With that being said, we need to figure out this Russia connection before it’s too late.

Now, before I continue, let me be clear on one particular point: I don’t like James Comey. Listen, even though Hillary Clinton’s campaign made NUMEROUS errors, the fruitless FBI investigation into her emails ended up hurting her electability. Bruh, Comey reopened the investigation TWO WEEKS before people went to the polls! To make matters worse, the Feds weren’t even looking at her emails directly. They were probing through the emails of Huma Abedin, Clinton’s right-hand woman. In the end, what results did this investigation yield? NOT A FUCKING THING, MAN! So, ultimately, Comey royally screwed Clinton.

Moving on, this is exactly why the White House’s explanation for firing Comey doesn’t make sense. All in all, everything I just wrote in the last paragraph happened in the summer and fall of 2016. If Comey was such a liability, why didn’t they fire him as soon as Trump took office? As a matter of fact, as recently as January, Trump said that Comey would keep his job. There were literally no new developments in the Clinton saga, so how could that be the reason for relieving him of duty? Nah, son, they decided to fire Comey when he announced an inquiry into the links between Trump’s administration and Russia. The timeline is clear as day, son. So, miss me with the bullshit misdirection, man.

By and by, we’re witnessing something EXTREMELY dangerous right now. Look, it’s only been a couple of months and Trump has already set the precedent of firing people who question him. He fired Sally Yates for refusing to enforce the Muslim Ban. He fired Preet Bharara for investigating questionable decisions by members of Trump’s team. Now, he fired Comey. Fam, this isn’t a fucking television show! This man can’t just fire people for ratings. Ultimately, all of these actions could have scary consequences for our democracy. All I know is, a reality star has turned our country into a terrible reality show. LC out.

P.S. For anyone who doubts my logic here, just think about the fact that Jeff Sessions was the man who suggested removing Comey. Lest we forget, Sessions had to recuse himself from the Russia investigation because he was balls deep in the fuckery. So, tell me again how all of this isn’t related? Yeah, I thought so. That is all.