Loose Lips Sink Countries

Man, at what point will Republicans say “enough is enough?” At what point will the GOP abandon their wayward leader? As of now, Donald Trump must be purposely trying to destroy democracy, son. I mean, why else would he continuously do such outrageously stupid shit? Look, all I know is, where there’s smoke, there’s fire, and the Oval Office is dealing with a five-alarm blaze right now.

Now, for anyone who missed it, there’s so much fuckery going on, bruh. It all began when Trump decided to invite Sergei Lavrov and Sergey Kislyak into the White House. To be clear, these men are Russia‘s Foreign Minister and Ambassador, respectively. Now, for the people keeping score, the American press wasn’t allowed in this meeting. However; pictures of this shindig surfaced on the Twitter account for Tass, a Russian state-run news agency. So, essentially, Russia had more insight into this gathering than our own people. Cool.

Moving on, this isn’t even the worst part of the story, man. Apparently, during this meeting with Vladimir Putin‘s cronies, Trump revealed classified information that could jeopardize an initiative against ISIS. Now, while the President has the authority to discuss anything he wants, the intelligence community is still scrambling to salvage whatever leverage they have against ISIS. All in all, Trump’s loose lips endangered vital intel and people. Side note, didn’t he run his entire campaign on the idea that Hillary Clinton couldn’t be trusted with classified information? Oh, ok, just checking.

So, with all of that being said, that’s not even the coup de grâce, son. Now, if anyone paid attention to the second paragraph, they’d notice that I mentioned the name “Sergey Kislyak.” This name is important because this is the same man who Michael Flynn got fired for speaking to! This is the same man who Jeff Sessions had to recuse himself over! Are you fucking kidding me, man?! Trump is really holding meetings with the dude at the CENTER of the collusion allegations against his administration?! Good fucking Lord, fam! How treacherous can one human being be?! It’s so fucking outlandish, son!

Ultimately, where are all of the Republicans with some cotdamn sense? All I know is, they need to distance themselves from this man NOW! Trump is taking this country straight to Hell and NO ONE is doing anything about it! Listen, at the moment, the GOP runs every branch of government. They have the power to put an end to this man’s madness. Please, for once, do the right fucking thing, folks! *Sigh* LC out.

Donald Trump Just Fired The Dude Investigating Him

Son, what the fuck is going on right now? Like, Donald Trump and company must really think we’re stupid, man. Then again, he was actually voted into office, so the American people are clearly stupid. In any case, there is no way, NO WAY that someone can convince me that James Comey’s firing was justified! I mean, this entire situation reeks of insidiousness and underhanded behavior, fam. Look, no Earthly creature can tell me that this decision wasn’t related to Comey’s investigation of the Trump administration. With that being said, we need to figure out this Russia connection before it’s too late.

Now, before I continue, let me be clear on one particular point: I don’t like James Comey. Listen, even though Hillary Clinton’s campaign made NUMEROUS errors, the fruitless FBI investigation into her emails ended up hurting her electability. Bruh, Comey reopened the investigation TWO WEEKS before people went to the polls! To make matters worse, the Feds weren’t even looking at her emails directly. They were probing through the emails of Huma Abedin, Clinton’s right-hand woman. In the end, what results did this investigation yield? NOT A FUCKING THING, MAN! So, ultimately, Comey royally screwed Clinton.

Moving on, this is exactly why the White House’s explanation for firing Comey doesn’t make sense. All in all, everything I just wrote in the last paragraph happened in the summer and fall of 2016. If Comey was such a liability, why didn’t they fire him as soon as Trump took office? As a matter of fact, as recently as January, Trump said that Comey would keep his job. There were literally no new developments in the Clinton saga, so how could that be the reason for relieving him of duty? Nah, son, they decided to fire Comey when he announced an inquiry into the links between Trump’s administration and Russia. The timeline is clear as day, son. So, miss me with the bullshit misdirection, man.

By and by, we’re witnessing something EXTREMELY dangerous right now. Look, it’s only been a couple of months and Trump has already set the precedent of firing people who question him. He fired Sally Yates for refusing to enforce the Muslim Ban. He fired Preet Bharara for investigating questionable decisions by members of Trump’s team. Now, he fired Comey. Fam, this isn’t a fucking television show! This man can’t just fire people for ratings. Ultimately, all of these actions could have scary consequences for our democracy. All I know is, a reality star has turned our country into a terrible reality show. LC out.

P.S. For anyone who doubts my logic here, just think about the fact that Jeff Sessions was the man who suggested removing Comey. Lest we forget, Sessions had to recuse himself from the Russia investigation because he was balls deep in the fuckery. So, tell me again how all of this isn’t related? Yeah, I thought so. That is all.

Good Riddance, Bill O’Reilly!

Ahh, what a beautiful day, son. Well, it’s raining here in New York, but it’s still a beautiful day nonetheless. I mean, waking up knowing that Bill O’Reilly is unemployed is a wonderful feeling, man. Look, after two decades of spewing nothing but hate, O’Reilly is finally getting his just due. Listen, keeping it a buck, he could very well reclaim a spot on someone’s television screen. However; for now, I’m going to bask in the glory of O’Reilly being fired by Fox News.

Now, all I want to know is, why the fuck did this take so long, son? On the real, O’Reilly’s brand is completely based on bigotry. This is the same man who said Trayvon Martin was shot because he was wearing a hoodie. This is the same man who likened gay marriage to interspecies marriage. This is the same man who got Ludacris dropped from a Pepsi campaign because of his “disrespect of women.” Side note, don’t worry, we will get to why that’s the most RIDICULOUS thing to ever occur.

In any case, this is also the same man who defended the treatment of slaves who built the White House. Hell, I even wrote about that fuckity-fuck shit last year, son. All in all, O’Reilly’s axing has been years in the making, man. Frankly, I’m shocked it took this long to get his ass off the air, bruh.

Moving on, O’Reilly is finally having his day in the sun because he can’t seem to stop harassing women. Now, anyone who’s familiar with O’Reilly’s history knows about Andrea Mackris‘ lawsuit. Back in 2004, she accused O’Reilly of making frequent sexual advances towards her over the phone. Ultimately, she settled out of court for about $9 million.

From there, O’Reilly settled another harassment case with Juliet Huddy for $1.6 million. Now, when we add on lawsuits from Rebecca Diamond, Laurie Dhue and Wendy Walsh, we start to see a dangerous pattern: O’Reilly consistently violated women and Fox News always paid to get him off of the hook. In total, the network paid $13 million to save their golden boy.

Look, if all of this wasn’t bad enough, the flood gates opened when an independent law firm got involved. Fox News hired Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison to look into Walsh’s allegations. In addition, The New York Times got wind of all of the settlements and blew the story up. After all of the public tomfoolery, O’Reilly’s show lost about 60 advertisers. All I know is, victory tastes sweet, son. I bet Maxine Waters is somewhere doing cartwheels right now.

In the end, fuck Bill O’Reilly and all of his supporters. Man, it’s absolutely thrilling to see him fail, son. All in all, I don’t want to see or hear anybody try to defend this man. Anybody who abuses women as much as O’Reilly has doesn’t deserve any sympathy. At this point, Donald Trump is probably the only idiot who’s still backing him. I mean, what should we expect from a man who likes to just grab women’s genitals? Yeah, I thought so, son. LC out.

How About That Obamacare Repeal?

First off, despite the title of today’s post, I’m going to stop referring to the Affordable Care Act as Obamacare. On the real, Republicans have used this phrasing to stigmatize the issue in the minds of their base. This is exactly why a number of GOP voters don’t even realize that Obamacare and ACA are the same damn thing. In any case, now is a good time to laugh at the right-wing. Despite being in control of the presidency AND both houses of Congress, they still couldn’t muster up enough votes to pass the American Health Care Act. I’m sorry, but that’s fucking hilarious, son.

Now, I’d like someone to explain this failure to me. Ever since ACA became law, the GOP has made it their mission to bring it down. I mean, along with taking away women’s rights and banning all Muslims, repealing ACA is at the top of the Republican agenda. So, with that being said, how could they lose in such epic fashion? The GOP literally has home court advantage, son.

Look, they control the House of Representatives, the Senate and the presidency, man! That’s like having Shaquille O’Neal, Wilt Chamberlain and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on the same team, bruh. The Democrats really can’t do shit but cry in a corner. All that, and Republicans STILL couldn’t convince enough members to vote for the new bill. Shit, “pitiful” isn’t even a strong enough word, son.

Moving on, as expected, Donald Trump is lashing out at anyone within arm’s reach. First, he took aim at the Democrats. He blamed them for not supporting ACHA at all. Once he remembered that his party controls everything, he shifted the blame to his own people. Ultimately, he attacked the House Freedom Caucus and Club for Growth and Heritage Action for America for the crushing defeat. All in all, I don’t give a fuck who’s responsible, man. The bill was trash, most Trump supporters actually signed up for ACA and the White House has no idea how to lead. All I know is, if they can’t get this done, they’re going to have a tough road ahead of them.

In the end, shout-out to the GOP for blowing a 3-1 lead. I’m sure the Golden State Warriors would be very proud. Now, was that an unnecessary knock on Stephen Curry and company? Yes, yes it was, son. Big whoop, wanna fight about it? LC out.

Donald Trump’s Fake News About ‘Fake News’

*Sigh* I guess it’s back to the bullshit, huh? I swear, man, Donald Trump‘s entire administration is a clown show, son. It’s a daily fucking circus and it’s making my head split in two. For the last few months, Trump’s been on a crusade against “fake news,” despite the fact that his team is responsible for some of the most egregious examples of false reporting. Whether it’s Sean Spicer or Kellyanne Conway, Trump’s entire squad of buffoons constantly spews inaccuracies that boggle the mind. However; not to be outshined, Trump took his ridiculous claims a step further by insinuating that the media doesn’t accurately report terrorist attacks.

To begin, while speaking with enlisted service-members at MacDill Air Force Base in Florida, Trump claimed that terrorist attacks are happening all over Europe and they’re not being reported. He then went on to say that the “dishonest” press has their “reasons” for not reporting these alleged incidents. Now, I say alleged because Trump gave ZERO examples to support his argument. In the aftermath, Spicer was probed by reporters for evidence to support Trump’s baseless accusations. In response, Spicer said that the White House would release a list of “underreported” attacks to bolster Trump’s words.

Now, here’s where the REAL fuckery begins. When the White House’s list finally surfaced, it chronicled a mountain of instances that dominated the news cycle over the past two years. Incidents such as the 2015 Paris attack, the Orlando nightclub shooting and the truck attacks in Nice and Berlin were included. Son, there was literally wall-to-wall coverage for ALL of these situations on damn near EVERY news network! How the fuck could Trump conclude that they were being underreported? Furthermore, why weren’t the massacres perpetrated by Dylann Roof and Alexandre Bissonnette included here? Oh, is it because they don’t fit Trump’s narrative of Islamic radicalism? Yeah, that sounds about right, son.

Moving on, I find it incredibly peculiar that only one of the attacks listed actually occurred in the countries targeted by the Muslim Ban. Only one out of 78?! In addition, most of them happened in Egypt. So, why are their citizens still free to come and go as they please? Son, what the fuck are we even talking about right now? To add insult to injury, there were spelling errors EVERYWHERE! I can’t take anyone’s argument seriously if they write “attaker” instead of “attacker,” son. Good fucking Lord, man! Get this dude faaaaaaaaaaaar away from the Oval Office!

In the end, FUCK! I can’t do this shit everyday, son. They’re already closing down Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, man. They just need to go ahead and add Donald Trump’s entire administration to that list. LC out.

Say It With Me: Alexandre Bissonnette Is A Terrorist

So, it goes without saying, but the media is having a very hard time right now. Any time regular news outlets try to call Donald Trump and company out on their bullshit, they’re branded as “fake news.” On the real, the notion of “fake news” has become so prevalent these days, Trump is making it a point to bar his surrogates from even going on CNN. According to the White House, they don’t want to send their people to a place where they can’t promote their “agenda.” Those are actual words from an actual press release, son. Now, the wildest part of all of this is the fact that their preferred outlets are the biggest perpetrators of false reporting. Case in point, take a look at how Fox News and Breitbart News handled the Alexandre Bissonnette story.

Ok, before I continue, let’s make one thing clear: Bissonnette is a fucking terrorist. I’m not here to sugarcoat anything or downplay the situation. This coward walked into the Quebec Islamic Cultural Center this past Sunday, murdered six people and critically injured five others. Now, when Dylann Roof massacred nine people in South Carolina‘s Emanuel AME Church, we all rightfully mourned. However; I see no such empathy or sympathy for the Muslims who lost their lives in Canada. The hypocrisy is absolutely disgusting, man.

Look, make no mistake here. Bissonnette is a well-known sympathizer of all things racist, sexist and xenophobic. The people who know him describe him as a dude who was enthralled by Trump, Marine Le Pen and embraced far-right ideologies. In addition, he frequently made disparaging comments about immigrants and women on social media. With all of that being said, this fuckboy purposely went into that mosque to kill Muslims. THAT is an act of terrorism, plain and simple.

Now, when Fox News and Breitbart got a hold of this story, they were quick to label the possible suspect a man of “Moroccan descent.” Come to find out, the man they’re referring to is a witness who was helping authorities. Even after Canadian police officially shot down the erroneous story, Fox News didn’t immediately retract their false narrative. To make matters even worse, Breitbart is still insinuating that a Moroccan man carried out the attack. Keep in mind, Steve Bannon, the real President, is the former executive chair of Breitbart. To make matters EVEN WORSE, Sean SpicerU.S. press secretary, used this situation as justification for Trump’s Muslim Ban, despite the fact that a Muslim wasn’t even the fucking culprit!

Son, what planet are we living on right now?! I don’t want to hear shit about “fake news” anymore. We, the people, are watching facts and sensibility be destroyed right before our very eyes. Like, it’s getting to the point where it’s hard for me to focus, man. I truly can’t understand how some people don’t see the writings on the wall. *Sigh* All jokes aside, I’m starting to feel my depression creep back in. I need to get away from this fucking country, son. LC out.

The Most Slanderous Moments Of Barack Obama’s Presidency

So, I guess it really is over, huh? Barack Obama’s presidency is really coming to an end, huh? Donald Trump is really about to be unleashed on us, huh? Well, since I’m an expert in laughing to keep from crying, I’ve decided to talk about some of the most slanderous moments of Obama’s presidency. Over the past eight years, he’s experienced all types of shade and downright disrespect. As a matter of fact, one of the most egregious examples came from our own President-elect. With that being said, let’s go through some of the most ridiculous things that have happened to our soon-to-be former President.

First, let’s talk about the time Barack and Michelle Obama gave each other dap and the right-wing called it a “terrorist fist jab.” Like, that actually happened, son. Back in June of 2008, while the then-Senator was running his presidential campaign, there was a Fox News panel discussion about his exchange with Michelle. Like, pundits legit sat around a table and tried to decipher giving dap, man. Seriously, I can’t make this shit up, son. Now, I’ve seen and heard plenty of stupid things in my lifetime, but this might be on the Mount Rushmore, bro. Obama’s detractors really tried ANYTHING to discredit this dude, no matter how ridiculous the tactic was. Such is life, I guess.

Next, there was Donald Trump’s eight-year crusade to prove Obama wasn’t born in America. To this day, I have no idea how the “birther movement” grew legs, man. Apparently, official documentation of his birth isn’t enough for idiots to concede the fact that he was born on U.S. soil. To be honest, I’m upset with Obama for even entertaining this foolishness. When he released his birth certificate, I personally felt like he was giving into the bullshit. Bruh, who cares what an orange-faced, fake-haired internet troll has to say? Just handle presidential business and let Trump continue to swim in his sea of nonsense. Then again, let me not say that, because Trump’s nonsense might get us all killed, son. Let us pray.

Finally, how about the persistent rumor that Obama is Muslim? Now, there’s multiple ways to look at this, son. At this point, I think it’s understood that these rumors were circulated to damage his reputation. As we all know, America has made Islam synonymous with terrorism. So, maybe, if Obama is presented as a Muslim, his haters could get him out of office, right?

Well, there’s a couple of ways to look at this. First off, Islam and Islamic radicalism are two different things. I really don’t understand why people don’t understand that. If we’re keeping it real here, in the Middle East, other Muslims are the biggest victims of Islamic radicalism. The right-wing doesn’t talk about that because it doesn’t fit their narrative. Since 9/11, there have been more terrorist attacks in America by White men than Al Qaeda and ISIS combined. However; naysayers remain mum on that issue. Second, our own First Amendment endorses freedom of religion. This constant disrespect to Islam is an affront to the First Amendment, man. In case people forgot, the American forefathers escaped religious persecution in Europe. It’s funny how that’s all folks want to do here now. It makes absolutely no sense, son. No sense at all.

Ultimately, I could’ve talked about a MOUNTAIN of tomfoolery that occurred during Obama’s presidency. Those three examples were just the first three that popped into my head, man. It goes without saying, Obama had to deal with a ton of fuckery during his eight years in the Oval Office. Wait, now that I think about it, I might super glue him to his White House desk so Trump has nowhere to set up shop. I refuse to except a Twitter fiend as my President, son. That’s all I have to say about that. LC out.