Put Some Respeck On Wesley Snipes’ Name

So, let me be clear off rip, son. On the real, I have nothing negative to say about Mahershala Ali, man. I mean, it goes without saying, but he’s one of the best actors in the game, fam. Shit, from House of Cards to Luke Cage to True Detective to Moonlight, Ali has been consistently great, bruh. With that being said, there will be no slander on his pedigree, folks. Instead, the goal of this post is to get people to appreciate the dopeness of vintage Wesley Snipes. All in all, people need to put some respeck on his name, brethren.

Ok, for those who missed it, the Marvel Cinematic Universe just delivered some big news, son. Apparently, Ali is going to portray Blade in a reboot of the film series. Now, as most people know, this role was made famous by Snipes. Honestly, because of this character, Snipes was the biggest actor in Hollywood for a hot second. As a matter of fact, the first Blade movie got me in massive trouble with my mom, man.

Look, once upon a time, 13-year-old LC thought he could pull a fast one on his mother. Now, as a birthday present, I convinced my mom to take me to see Blade. Moving on, she knew it was a Rated R movie, but I neglected to tell her what the film was really about. In any case, the first five minutes of the movie features a party in the basement with a bunch of vampires dancing under blood-filled sprinklers. From there, Blade swoops in to kill them all. All I know is, my mother slapped holy fire out me and swiftly removed me from the theater.

Anyway, despite the temporary setback, I eventually saw the movie about a hundred times. All I can say is, it’s one of my favorite films, along with a myriad of work from Snipes’ catalog. Listen, this is the same man that wrecked shop in Mo’ Better BluesNew Jack CityJungle FeverWhite Men Can’t JumpMurder at 1600 and U.S. Marshals. The truth is, Snipes has a lot of movies that I’ll watch anytime they’re on television, fam. So, even though I’m a huge fan of Ali, I don’t want people to forget the greatness of Snipes.

In the end, that’s all that needs to be said, bruh. Ultimately, Snipes is a legend and should be treated as such. Besides, he gave dark-skinned dudes like me hope, son. By and by, he spoke directly to me when he put a knife through Kareem‘s hand in New Jack City and said “I never liked you anyway, pretty motherfucker.” At the end of the day, long live Wesley Snipes! Long live Blade! That is all. LC out.

The Bronx Is Burning: Desus & Mero Edition

To be clear, I support damn near everyone who represents the Bronx. No one is even allowed to say slanderous things about Big Pun, Wesley Snipes or Aaron Hall in my presence. Going further, I’m still convinced Kerry Washington and I have a future together. Hell, even Benny Blanco from Carlito’s Way gets love from me, son. I mean, let’s be real, he got Al Pacino’s character ALL THE WAY out of the paint, man. In any case, I consider myself the mascot for my borough. With that being said, I feel a personal investment in the success of Desus Nice and The Kid Mero. So, everyone out there needs to do the right thing and support their new show on Viceland.

Now, for those who are unaware, Desus and Mero rose to prominence by telling jokes on Twitter. After roasting almost every living human being on their respective timelines, they started to get shine on such platforms as Complex and MTV2. In addition, they also host a hilarious weekly podcast, The Bodega Boys, in conjunction with Red Bull. I mean, c’mon son, on what other podcast are the hosts going to say things like “fanut the choach” with legit sincerity? Where else in the world are we going to get frequent updates on the price of a kilo of cocaine? We all need to celebrate “the art” while it’s in front of us, son. We are all not worthy.

Ultimately, like I said before, I’m just happy to see folks from the Bronx winning. So, the only point that needs to be made is the fact their show on Viceland, Desus & Mero, airs every night at 11PM EST. Be good people and help minorities prosper, man. Shit, at the rate this country is deteriorating, Black and Brown people might only have a few more months left before we have to vacate America. Good day.

Wesley Snipes Could Learn From Donald Trump

Honestly, I just want everyone reading this to know something: Donald Trump is a genius. He’s a genius for successfully fooling a section of the country into believing he’s a genius. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist. The second greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing idiots that Trump is a master of the tax code. At this point, I’m positive I’m in the Twilight Zone. However; there’s only one thing I want to know: how can I avoid paying my federal income taxes too?

On the real, do I even need to give a summary about Donald Trump’s taxes? Does anyone out there watch the news or get Google alerts? In any case, three pages of Trump’s 1995 tax return was leaked by the New York Times. From there, the whole world temporarily stopped. Well, not really, but c’mon son, let me exaggerate for a second. Moving on, it was discovered that Trump claimed losses of $916 million for the year. Now, for those wondering, that number is NOT a typo. The “business genius” running for president loss close to a billion dollars in ONE YEAR! Because of his ineptitude, he was granted the opportunity to avoid paying federal taxes for the next 18 years. This means that when Hillary Clinton claimed Trump doesn’t pay his taxes during the debate, she was telling the truth, son. The ugly, God-awful truth.

Now, for some reason, GOP surrogates are using this tidbit to “prove” Trump’s greatness. In their eyes, he “brilliantly” took advantage of our country’s tax codes to secure wealth for himself. The funny part is, they never seem to mention the fact HE LOST A BILLION DOLLARS IN THE FIRST PLACE! To put this into perspective, Alan Cole of the Tax Foundation tweeted that Trump, by himself, was responsible for 1.9% of ALL net operating losses that year. Wait, can I rephrase that for a second? One man, the GOP nominee for president, represented nearly 2% of ALL company losses in the ENTIRE United States. What part of being a “genius” is that? If my mom sent me to the supermarket with $20, I couldn’t come home without the groceries or the money and be considered smart, man. Instead, I’d probably catch a swift leather belt to the rear end. Come the fuck on, son!

Ultimately, I just want to know, what the hell did Wesley Snipes, Ronald Isley and Fat Joe go to jail for? How are people going to prison on tax evasion charges when the potential next president hasn’t paid his for most of my lifetime? Hell, even Wesley wanted to know the answer to that question. He hilariously tweeted that the IRS hates on the Daywalker every April and that we need to “Make America Blade Again.” All jokes aside, Wesley has a point. This dude spent three years in prison while Trump is now one step closer to the nuclear codes. Man, the game is all fucked up out here, son.

In the end, there’s nothing else to say, man. All I can think about is how much further my money could go if I didn’t have to pay any attention to the IRS. Can Uncle Sam let me cook for the next 18 years too? I mean, do I have to lose all of my money first? If so, I’ll empty out my checking account today! Just let me know, son. Just let me know. Good day.