How Sick Is Bryce Harper Right Now?

So, as a lot of folks should know by now, the Washington Nationals just won the World Series. Now, as a New York Yankees fan, I’m selfishly happy that the Nats defeated the Houston Astros in Game 7 last night. In any case, I’m not going to turn this into a bitter baseball fan post. Instead, I’m actually wondering about Bryce Harper right now. All in all, how does he REALLY feel seeing his former team win the year after he left?

Ok, for those who don’t know the history, Harper spent the first seven years of his career in Washington. Along the way, he became the Rookie of the Year, a multi-year All-Star and an MVP. Now, during this time, the Nats flirted with some good records, but they were never able to win the Pennant, let alone the World Series. Anyway, at the end of the 2018 season, Harper became a free agent. From there, instead of re-signing with Washington, he signed a 13-year $330 million contract with the Philadelphia Phillies.

Now, let me be clear, son. On the real, $330 million is a FUCK-TON of money, man! I mean, who the fuck wouldn’t sign that type of contract, fam?! Shit, if I was worth that type of bread, I don’t even know if I’d walk around with pants on, bruh. But, I guess everything comes with a price, folks (pun intended). Hell, one year after having an 82-80 record and missing the playoffs, the Nats just won the fucking World Series, brethren. All I know is, Harper’s GOTTA be sick right now, people.

Listen, I know a lot of Harper supporters are trying to use the “he’s got a lot of money, so he doesn’t give a fuck” argument. However, I don’t believe that at all, son. Frankly, high-level athletes are competitors, man. Meaning, they’re in it to win it, fam. So, no one can tell me that Harper doesn’t feel a way about watching his former team win it all. Especially when he was JUST there last year.

In the end, congrats to the Washington Nationals, bruh. Ultimately, I know the good people of D.C. have been waiting for this for a long time, son. By and by, I’m just happy that they handed the Astros that L, man. All I can say is, I hope my Yankees can mix it up with them next season. That is all. LC out.

Jeff Bezos Was Trippin’ Trippin’

So, let me keep it a buck, son. If I was worth $137 billion, I wouldn’t risk half of that for some “not my wife” box, man. I mean, COTDAMN, fam! Jeff Bezos was out here wilin’, bruh! Now, to be honest, there are a lot of conflicting stories in these streets. All I know is, Bezos is getting divorced and he was doing some inappropriate shit with another woman. The way I see it, he better pray that his soon-to-be ex-wife doesn’t take him to the cleaners, folks.

Ok, for those who missed it, Jeff Bezos, the ungodly rich CEO of Amazon, is getting divorced from his wife, MacKenzie Bezos. Now, allow me to put some of the ramifications in perspective, son. So, the couple got married in 1993. Bezos started Amazon in 1994. They never signed a prenuptial agreement and they got married in Seattle, Washington. Meaning, MacKenzie may be entitled to half of his money. Furthermore, half of $137 billion is roughly $67 billion. Anyway, if this were to happen, MacKenzie would automatically become the fifth richest person in the world. Like, sheesh, man!

In any case, the previous paragraph alone is worthy enough to be a story, fam. However, shit gets even murkier, bruh. Apparently, Bezos was also fraternizing with a woman who was not his wife. To make matters worse, this outside woman, Lauren Sanchez, is also married. According to the story, it was Sanchez’ husband who discovered that the affair was happening. Shit, it appears that Bezos was talking brazy about sex in some text messages and even sent some wild selfies. Like, could Bezos be any more reckless, son? All in all, Amazon can’t deliver him out of this predicament, man.

In the end, this has to be the most expensive affair ever, fam. To be fair, “sources” close to the Bezos family are claiming that Jeff and MacKenzie were separated before he started dealing with Sanchez. All I can say is, if my signature isn’t on some divorce documents, I’m not willing to risk it, bruh. Ultimately, losing half of a fortune has GOTTA hurt, son. Then again, I can’t really cry for a dude who’ll still be one of the five wealthiest people, man. *Sigh* Can I just hold a billion, Jeff? Just one? Thanks in advance. LC out.

I Don’t Know If I Believe This Dwight Howard Story

Now, let me begin this post by saying that I don’t care if Dwight Howard is gay or not. I don’t care if he’s bisexual or if he gets down with transgender women. All I know is, I don’t want that dude on my basketball team. In any case, Howard’s name is being dragged through the mud because of a story by Masin Elijè. Apparently, according to Elijè, Howard is his ex-boyfriend. Furthermore, Elijè took it upon himself to “out” Howard due to alleged threats of violence. With all of that being said, I have some real doubts about Elijè’s story, son.

Ok, for those who missed it, Elijè is claiming that he had a relationship with Howard. Now, based on his story, their situation ended because of Howard’s infidelity and possible attraction to transgender women. From there, I’ve read some other shit about sex parties and allegations that Howard’s pastor threatened Elijè’s life. The word is, all of this has transpired because he wouldn’t sign an NDA about his time with Howard. Look, all of this could very well be true, man. But, based on the person telling the story, I might have to call shenanigans, fam.

Listen, Elijè is no stranger to the bullshit, bruh. Just last year, both Elijè and Rubi Rose tried to run the same scam on Playboi Carti. After Rose and Carti broke up, she alleged that Carti was messing around with Elijè. Anyway, Elijè tried to put out some DM’s to corroborate the story and most people believe they were fabricated. Fast forward to now and her DM’s with Howard also look shaky. For one, Elijè’s responses are missing the normal text bubbles that appear in Instagram conversations. So, they appear to be doctored as hell, son. All I can say is, we don’t believe Elijè, he needs more people.

In the end, who cares if Howard is gay, man. Ultimately, that ain’t any of our business, fam. Frankly, all we need to know is that he’s a trash NBA player. Ok, yeah, he was dominant at one point in time, but that time is long gone, bruh. By and by, some of the “hurt butt” jokes are funny, but falsely outing someone is bullshit, son. Hell, even legitimately outing someone is bullshit, folks. At the end of the day, that’s not another person’s call to make. The way I see it, Elijè better be telling the truth, people. If not, I hope Howard sues him for erythang. Not “everything,” but erythang. That is all. LC out.

What The F*ck, Howard?!

*Sigh* Really, Howard University? Like, really, son? Keeping it a buck, I’m thoroughly disappointed with the fuckery going on in their financial aid department. Not only did employees receive improper funds, but it also appears that Wayne Frederick, university president, was aware of the tomfoolery. All in all, this is a TERRIBLE look for such a prestigious HBCU.

Ok, for those who are unaware, an unnamed student-employee discovered the fraud. Apparently, irregular refunds checks were being cut for a variety of faculty and staff. Now, in some cases, checks as large as $100,000 were being shelled out in a single year. Keep in mind, federal law states that aid amounts can’t be larger than the tuition amount for a particular school year. For reference, Howard’s tuition in 2017-2018 was $43,501. Soooooo, someone was CLEARLY getting more than their just due, man.

Anyway, there are multiple examples of individuals getting money for made up reasons. Shit, one student-employee got a “Mock Trial Scholarship” and the team came back saying they don’t even have the bread to give such an amount. So, we know that people were just skimming off of the top, fam. To make matters worse, when President Frederick talked about the school’s $9 million financial aid debt, he never mentioned the $1 million that was stolen by staff. However; several financial aid officials shadily resigned within the last year. Yeah, things that make me go “hmm,” bruh.

In the end, this is NOT the type of attention that Howard needs, son. Ultimately, Black people put a lot of stock in HBCU’s and rightfully so, man. By and by, I’d hate to see a highly-regarded name like Howard get tarnished because of some bad seeds. At the end of the day, get all of these motherfuckers out and let’s save Howard’s reputation, fam. That is all. LC out.

Catch These Hands: Donald Trump & Joe Biden Edition

Son, what world are we living in right now? I mean, what’s really good with our country when our elected officials are offering each other the fade? Look, at this point, I’m not pointing the finger at Donald Trump over Joe Biden. All in all, both of these old ass dudes are ridiculous for trying to square up with each other. Shit, can these fuckity-fucks just do what they’ve been elected to do?

Ok, for those who missed it, Biden was giving a speech at the University of Miami. Now, while speaking about Trump’s Access Hollywood comments, Biden stated that, in high school, he would’ve taken Trump “behind the gym and beat the hell out of him.” *Sigh* The former Vice President of the United States, ladies and gentlemen! First off, not only is a 75-year-old man talking about what he’d do in high school, but he’s also talking about engaging in fisticuffs. Good Lord, is that how we handle politics now? Listen, if that were the case, then just let a boxer or an MMA fighter run for office, son.

In any case, OF COURSE Trump had to respond, man. Now, in true President Orange fashion, Trump tweeted that Biden would “go down fast and hard, crying all the way.” Word? Trump is fluent in the art of the beatdown? Fam, if these dudes don’t get the FUCK outta here, bruh! Real talk, who are any of these dudes fooling, people? Keeping it a buck, I can’t believe this is how politicians are addressing issues in 2018. On the real, jabs and hooks are how we solve issues in middle school, folks. By and by, this is not how I want Washington to fix its problems, son.

In the end, fuck all of the dumb shit, man. Ultimately, someone needs to tell these guys to grow up, fam. I mean, not only are these dudes running the government, but they’re also old as fuck. In addition, since neither one of them have actually seen any war, I don’t want to hear any of the tough guy talk, bruh. Everybody just needs to knock it off, son. That is all. LC out.

B.o.B Is The Dumbest Man Alive

All jokes aside, how many dumb ideas can one dude have, son? Look, in my eyes, everyone has to pick a thing, man. Like, we all should only be allowed to have one ridiculous belief, fam. For me, I believe The Rolling Stones are better than The Beatles, bruh. Yes, I know some people may think I’m insane, but no one can convince me otherwise. With that being said, rapper B.o.B is DETERMINED to have the most preposterous ideas, folks. First, he claimed that the Earth was flat. Shit, he even got into a beef with Neil deGrasse Tyson about it. Now, he’s claiming that slavery never existed in America. All in all, this clown can’t be fucking serious, people.

Ok, as I stated in the previous paragraph, Bobby Ray is alleging that slavery didn’t happen in America. So, he posted some bullshit on his Instagram page and proudly proclaimed that there was no slavery in his DNA. Furthermore, he wondered why we could find dinosaur bones but couldn’t find any slave ships. Now, outside of the fact that he’s insane, his fuckery bothers me for another reason, son. Look, if this clowncake did even the SMALLEST amount of research, he’d know that everything he’s stated has already been debunked. With that being said, let’s start with slave ships, man.

Now, in Washington, D.C., there’s a little Smithsonian museum called the National Museum of African American History and Culture. Essentially, this museum chronicles the entire history of Black people in the United States. Please note, I’ve written about this exact place on my blog before. Meaning, the virtues of this building have already been added to the zeitgeist. In any case, this museum has tons of valuable items on display, such as artifacts from slave ships that B.o.B claims don’t exist. As it stands, anybody can go to D.C. right now and see remnants of the São José Paquete Africa, a slave ship from Portugal.

Moving on, what confuses me even more is the fact that B.o.B is from the South. I mean, he can go to a bunch of different states and see a preserved plantation right this moment, fam. At the end of the day, there are millions of conspiracies, bruh. However; the existence of slavery isn’t one of them, folks. It just is what it is, people.

In the end, I don’t want to hear any more tomfoolery from B.o.B, son. At this point, I only need him to do one thing, man: give me Sevyn Streeter’s number, fam. I mean, that woman is fine as fuckity-fuck, bruh! In any case, Bobby needs to leave the happy dust alone and go back to making music that people actually care about. Keeping it a buck, he hasn’t really done that in a number of years, folks. LC out.

What The F*ck Is Nelly Being Accused Of?!

Look, I won’t lie, son. I don’t know what to make of this story at all, man. I mean, as of right now, all I know is that a woman is accusing Nelly of rape. Now, keeping it a buck, Nelly isn’t the first famous person to be accused of some dastardly shit, fam. With that being said, I’m going to wait for all of the facts to come out before I judge one way or the other. In any case, NONE of this looks good for Cornell, bruh.

Now, for those who missed it, Nelly is in some hot water right now. To begin, he’s currently on tour with Florida Georgia Line. Anyway, after a show close to Seattle, Washington, he turned up in a nearby club. Apparently, this is where he met the woman who’s accusing him of rape. According to her statement, in her inebriated state, she was invited back to Nelly’s tour bus and he allegedly assaulted her without a condom. From there, she claims that he offered her “hush money” and kicked her off of the bus when she refused.

Moving on, shortly after she called 911, Nelly was arrested. After a few hours, he was released without charges being filed. However; there’s still going to be an investigation to check the validity of the woman’s story. All I can say is, I hope the story isn’t true, fam. But, on the other hand, this type of behavior isn’t foreign to famous men, bruh.

Ok, being real, this is where the story should’ve ended, son. However; ever since this story broke, people have been posting weird ass videos of Nelly. Now, based on the footage I’ve seen, this dude is out here being inappropriate with underage girls onstage. Shit, everyone should just take a look for themselves, man. In one of the videos, homie is out here asking a girl if she likes school while twirling her hair. Wait, what the FUCK is that about?! Since when is ANY of that cool, fam? How come no one brought this fuck shit up before?! He should’ve BEEN put on blast for this questionable shit, bruh! Real talk, he needs to explain himself, folks!

In the end, I don’t know what to make of any of this, son. I just wrote an entire post and I don’t have an answer for anything. What kinda bullshit is Nelly on, man? These videos coupled with the rape allegations paint a VERY grim portrait of the man. Ultimately, I truly hope I don’t find out some shit about him that I can’t un-know, fam. *Sigh* Nelly needs to start talking, bruh. ASAP. LC out.