The Giants Fan In Me Can’t Watch The Super Bowl

So, what’s a guy to do, son? Do I choose Satan or do I choose the Antichrist? I mean, that’s EXACTLY how I feel trying to pick between the New England Patriots and the Philadelphia Eagles. I mean, as a New York Giants fan, Super Bowl LII is the worst shit ever, man! Look, regardless of the outcome, a team I can’t stand is going to be the NFL champion. Shit, this is precisely how I felt back in 2005 when Donovan McNabb and Terrell Owens faced off against Tom Brady and Deion Branch. Either way, I’m not even sure if I can watch this shit, fam!

Listen, let’s skip the pretense, bruh. On the real, it’s simple mathematics, son. The Eagles are in the Giants’s division and the Patriots have been our Super Bowl nemesis. Look, there’s NO possible way for me to feel good about this championship game, man. As it stands, either the Eagles are going to win their first Super Bowl or Brady is going to get ring number six. Either way, the outcome is going to be the trashiest of the trash, fam. In addition, since Justin Timberlake seems to be embracing his inner MAGA, I can’t even look forward to the halftime show!

In the end, I have nothing else to give, bruh. Ultimately, I don’t give a fuck about what others may say. Yeah, I’m ABSOLUTELY salty, son! By and by, I haven’t supported the NFL all season for what they did to Colin Kaepernick and I will continue to sit on the sidelines. All I know is, I still have a trash ass Knicks team to root for and a ton of UFC fights to watch. That is all. LC out.

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Don’t Ever Disrespect Eli Manning!

Man, I’m hot right now, son. Real talk, Ben McAdoo has some fucking nerve, fam! Like, how dare he treat Eli Manning like this?! How dare a second-year NFL head coach treat a New York Giants legend like this, bruh?! I mean, after everything Manning has done for this city, THIS is how the organization is going to do him in?! Keeping it a buck, NY always treats its legends poorly, man. Shit, look at what the Knicks did to Patrick Ewing. All I know is, Manning is unfairly taking the fall for the Giants’ shitty season.

Ok, let me be honest for a second, son. Yes, the Giants are fucking AWFUL this year. Look, nothing good comes out of a 2-9 record, man. Hell, we lost Odell Beckham Jr., lost a couple of close games and completely shit the bed against the Los Angeles Rams. With that being said, Manning has been stereotypically Manning all season. He’s completed 60% of his passes, has an 84 passer rating and a 2:1 touchdown-to-interception ratio. Side bar, he has fumbled the ball 8 times, though, and that’s no bueno, fam. In any case, Manning is NOT the sole reason why the Giants suck, bruh. So, why the FUCK would McAdoo bench him for Geno Smith?!

Listen, Manning gave this city TWO fucking championships, son! Shit, he’s the ONLY dude to ever beat Tom Brady, Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl, man. For that reason alone, he should at least be able to finish the damn season, fam! Now, here’s a thought, bruh: maybe the Giants suck because McAdoo sucks as a coach. Oh, has anyone ever thought of that? Look, former coach Tom Coughlin left the team and was able to help turn the Jacksonville Jaguars around. So, maybe McAdoo should look in the fucking mirror, people. All I can say is, he needs to stop taking his own ineptitude out on Manning.

In the end, fuck Ben McAdoo and the Giants coaching staff, son. Ultimately, Manning is the Gawd and deserves more respect than this. By and by, I can’t be mad at a Black dude for getting a shot at the starting job, but I wish it wasn’t at the expense of a legend, man. *Sigh* Ain’t no loyalty in sports, fam. That is all. LC out.

How The F*ck Did The New England Patriots Win?!?

Man, what the hell did I watch last night? Seriously, how the FUCK did the New England Patriots pull this shit off, son? More importantly, how the FUCK did the Atlanta Falcons lose this Super Bowl?! In my 30-plus years on this planet, I’ve NEVER seen a crazier comeback. All in all, as much as it pains me to say this, Tom Brady is without question the greatest quarterback of all time. In addition, Bill Belichick is absolutely the greatest coach of all time. Now, before I continue vomiting, allow me to try and reconcile what I just witnessed yesterday.

First, let me start with the Falcons. As far as I’m concerned, this team is no longer allowed to have fans. Not even my greatest enemy deserves to be a fan of a team that can blow a 28-3 lead. 28-3? 28 TO FUCKING 3?!? How on God‘s green Earth could this squad fuck up a 98.9% chance of winning?! Before this game, the largest deficit a team ever overcame was 10 points. THESE MOTHERFUCKERS WERE UP BY 25 POINTS, MAN!! After taking that 28-3 lead, these clowncakes never scored again and lost 34-28. I mean, these losers couldn’t even get a field goal? A fucking safety? Anything?! Man, that’s literally the most insane comeback I’ve ever watched, son. Real talk, to all of my friends and family in Atlanta, the Falcons don’t deserve any fandom from this point forward. They just disrespected the city in the WORST way.

Now, let’s talk about the Patriots. I mean, what can I say here, son? Despite being a diehard New York Giants fan, I have to call a spade a spade, man. Brady and Belichick are the greatest duo in NFL history. Brady now have five rings and Belichick has seven, when including the two rings he won as the Giants’ defensive coordinator. At this point, they have damn near every record imaginable. There’s literally no disputing their greatness, son. Look, I don’t use the term “hater” lightly, but if anyone still has negative things to say about the Patriots, they’re just haters. These dudes have done it all, man. There’s no one else in their league or even close to it.

In the end, there really isn’t much else to say here. The only downside to this victory is the fact that deplorables like Donald Trump and Richard Spencer support the Patriots. It’s literally never cool when White supremacists are onboard the train. In any case, as I’ve previously stated, Tom Brady is indeed the greatest quarterback of all time. However; keep one thing in mind, son. The Patriots’ historic greatness makes Eli Manning and my Giants even more mythical, son. We’re the only team to ever beat him and Belichick. And we did it twice, bitch! I’m perfectly content with my team being the two glorious stains on their record, man. Good day.

P.S. How sick was Roger Goodell yesterday? After the whole Deflategate fiasco, he still had to hand the Vince Lombardi Trophy over to Robert Kraft and company. On the real, I’m no fan of the Patriots, but I’m even less of a fan of Goodell. With that being said, it was great watching him being forced to swallow his shallow pride. LC out.

Shout-out To All Of My ‘Bad Hombres’

So, the debate, huh? They’re all finally over, huh? Thank the Lord, son. I couldn’t take one more of these outrageous debacles. I mean, if I really wanted to have my intelligence insulted, I’d go argue with a New England Patriots fan about the “Tuck Rule.” Side note, Pats fans, let’s cut the bullshit, man. Tom Brady fumbled the ball in that game. We all saw it on camera, bro. In any case, I’ve officially had enough of this presidential election. I’m tired of commenting on it and I’m tired of seeing the faces of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. With that being said, good ol’ Trump left us all with one last gem: “bad hombres.”

Look, if anyone pays any attention to the news today, all of the pundits are on fire about a different Trump comment. Essentially, the man said he can’t guarantee that he’ll accept the outcome of the election if he loses. That statement is unprecedented because no other candidate has ever questioned the voting process this much BEFORE people went to the polls. In my eyes, he’s looking for an excuse for his inevitable loss. At this point, he’s behind is damn near every poll, son. So, instead of chalking his failure up to his ridiculous campaign, he’d rather point fingers and make nefarious allegations about voter fraud. Please note, these theories have been debunked by nearly everyone with a brain.

Now, while his stance about voting practices is the talk of the town, I’d rather speak about his “bad hombres” statement. Man, this dude just refuses to leave Hispanics alone, bro. Since the beginning of his campaign, he’s blamed Mexicans and other Hispanics for basically all of the crime going on in this country. Either they’re rapists, drug dealers or just crooked people. Yet and still, he somehow believes Hispanics will vote for him in a few weeks. I really don’t understand how that man thinks, son. He throws them under the bus EVERY chance he gets and still wants them to support him. That’s like me repeatedly kicking someone in the nuts and then looking for them to give me a job referral. It doesn’t work that way, bro. Not at all.

Ultimately, the “bad hombres” comment was the pinnacle of condescending rhetoric. Not only is he making unwarranted accusations about an ENTIRE group of people, but he’s mocking their language in the process. I mean, I can’t even properly quantify how fucked up that is, man. That’s like a cop saying “it’s lit” right before putting five bullets in my ass. This dude is a straight up cartoon character, but none of us find him funny. Wait, that’s probably why he’s always orange, man. He really is playing the part of a clown, son. All in all, I’m just glad this election cycle is nearly over. Now, we all need to make sure we do our part to keep this man FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR away from the Oval Office. Good day.