Ay, Joe Budden, Cyn Santana Bounced, Bruh

So, let me be real, son. I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I know what’s going on with Joe Budden and Cyn Santana. All I can say is, Budden seems to be a little confused about his relationship status. Well, I’d like to clear it up for him. *Ahem* She bounced, bruh. Look, anytime a woman moves all of her shit out of the crib, she’s probably serious, man.

Ok, for those who missed it, the engagement between Budden and Santana is seemingly off. Now, there were rumors circulating around that the two were having pre-marital issues. But, I generally don’t pay attention to what gossip blogs have to say. Furthermore, I don’t pay attention to a woman’s shady comments on social media. Shit, I’ve been in a situation where a chick was throwing darts at me online and we were still very much together. In any case, my ears didn’t perk up until Budden responded to the rumors at a live episode of The Joe Budden Podcast.

Now, while speaking to his audience, Budden asked if a relationship can be over if neither person verbally said it was over. In addition, he stated that he hasn’t talked to Santana in weeks and that she moved her shit out. Side note, uh, don’t they have a kid together? So, wouldn’t her moving out also include their son? Yeah, I’m going to need Budden to move with a greater sense of urgency, fam. In any case, while Budden was pontificating about a wordless breakup, Santana was telling people on Twitter than actions speak louder than words.

Look, let me be perfectly clear here, bruh. If Santana left the crib, took their son AND stopped speaking to him, then yeah, that’s a breakup, son. Now, does that mean they can’t work it out? Of course not. However, if Budden is missing all of these telltale signs, then he might have no hope of getting his woman back, man. Keeping it a buck, I have no idea what they’re beefing about. But, he can’t be walking around this clueless, fam. Ay, Joey, go call her, brethren.

In the end, relationships can be a motherfucker, son. Hell, I’ve been in a relationship with the same woman for eleven years now, man. With that being said, I’m an expert in the vernacular of “when a woman’s fed up.” Ultimately, Budden needs to wake the fuck up if he wants to save his union. That is all. LC out.

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Don’t Ruin ‘Avengers: Endgame’ For Me!

So, I played myself, son. Like, I waited too long to get Avengers: Endgame tickets, man. In any case, I have to wait until next week to get my IMAX 3D experience, fam. With that being said, I’d like to address all of my compatriots who are blessed to see the movie this weekend. From the bottom of my heart, DON’T RUIN THE FUCKING MOVIE FOR ME, BRUH!

On the real, I don’t have much to say, son. Frankly, I just know how social media works, man. Hell, most of the time, folks can’t WAIT to jump on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to spoil shit. Keeping it a buck, just by writing this post, I bet a couple of dummies are going to try and fuck shit up for me. However, I’m imploring everyone to not be a dick, fam. Please allow me to cry from joy in my own time, bruh.

In the end, that’s all I’ve got, son. Ultimately, waiting a week to see this movie is making me siiiiiiick, man. By and by, I need Thanos in my life, fam. At the end of the day, I’m probably going to have to quit social media until next week, bruh. That’s probably the only way for me to be safe. Well, besides my friends who have my number. But, in that case, I can just assault them. Yeah, that sounds about right. That is all. LC out.

Will Smith Needs To Put Hands On August Alsina

So, I have an idea for Will Smith. Now, I know he’s in the middle of his Will Smith’s Bucket List show. Anyway, I truly believe he should add “beat a dude’s ass on camera” to the docket, son. I mean, he might really need to give August Alsina that work, man. Listen, as a husband myself, I wouldn’t even care about the truth, fam. The way I see it, insinuations of infidelity are enough for someone to catch these hands, elbows, knees and feet, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Alsina may be out here wilin’, son. Now, the singer just dropped a new song/video called “Nunya.” On the track, he’s waxing poetic about a woman who isn’t giving him any action, but still asking about his sex life. Moving on, in the visuals, a text message is shown with him and a woman named Koren. Side note, this is notable because social media is alleging that Jada Pinkett Smith’s middle name is “Koren.” In any case, a GIF of Jada appears in the text thread and Alsina also sings “you’re just an actress putting on a show.”

Now, let me explain why Will needs to beat the brakes off of this dude. Look, if a guy I know smashed my wife, he needs to catch these hands. If a guy I know even makes it seem like he’s smashing my wife, he needs to catch these hands. Shit, I know that Alsina has always maintained that he’s super close to the Smith family. But, if I were Will, I’d like to know why homie feels comfortable enough to be this damn ambiguous. Nah, fam, someone needs to get put in a leg lock, man. Frankly, Alsina is way outta pocket with this track, bruh.

In the end, Will Smith knows what he needs to do, son. Ultimately, he’s the king of viral moments right now. So, why not unleash the Philly hands on Instagram, man? By and by, it’ll be the most cherished video in the history of social media, fam. At the end of the day, I’d pay any amount of money to watch Will Smith sleep August Alsina on film, bruh. That is all. LC out.

Cardi B: When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

So, let me begin this post by saying that I’m a Cardi B fan. I mean, if anyone has read my blog, they’d know that, son. On the real, I’ve always appreciated the fact that she’s herself, regardless of the situation. On top of that, she’s from the Bronx, so that’s just code, man. With all of that being said, she needs to knock off the dumb shit, fam. Listen, we all know that she had a life before Rap. However, she needs to keep some of that shit to herself, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Cardi is getting flamed for some shit she said on Instagram three years ago. So, based on her own admissions, she used to rob men during her stripper days. Now, to take it a step further, she admitted to luring men in who wanted to have sex with her, drugging them and THEN robbing them. Apparently, she did all of this because of “limited options.” Listen, I didn’t put “limited options” in quotations because I don’t believe she struggled. I phrased it like that because that’s still no fucking excuse, son. Look, I’m not naïve to crime, man. I’ve seen my fair share of fuckery while growing up in the Bronx, fam. But, she’s crazy if she thinks that people co-sign any of this behavior, bruh. Wrong is wrong is wrong, folks.

In addition, she ain’t need to confess to any of this shit, bruh. Like, this is the type of tomfoolery that got Liam Neeson in trouble. Real talk, no one needed to know that Neeson was looking for random Black dudes to kill, son. The same way that no one needed to know that Cardi was out here drugging dudes and doing Lord knows what to them. Now, instead of just tending to business, the public is looking at the both of them crazy, man. Hell, in the #MeToo era, Cardi can’t be out here talking about drugging people, fam. That’s the same shit that got Bill Cosby (rightfully) hemmed up.

In the end, Cardi needs to leave the past in the past. Ultimately, we already know that she’s not a perfect individual, bruh. By and by, she doesn’t need to keep reaffirming this. At this point, she’s just incriminating herself, son. Just watch, a bunch of dudes are about to come out and claim that Cardi did this to them. *Sigh* All of these younger artists just like snitching on themselves on social media, man. I just hope they know that the cops are listening, fam. That is all. LC out.

P.S. I don’t like the false equivalence between her actions and being a drug dealer. Yes, both are crimes, but at least a crackhead chose to do crack, son. All in all, Cardi’s victims ain’t choose shit, man. They just woke up with their possessions (and pride) gone. Keeping it a buck, I can guarantee that they didn’t sign up for that, fam. Good day.

Will Anybody Learn From 6ix9ine’s Situation?

So, here we are, son? After all of the trolling and nonstop shenanigans, the shit has finally hit the fan, man. Now, let me be clear, fam. I would never wish this situation on anybody, bruh. Yeah, I’ve been critical of 6ix9ine in the past. All I can say is, I stand by everything I’ve said, brethren. However, there was no reason for his story to go so left, folks. All in all, 6ix9ine’s ordeal needs to be a wake-up call for the young ones out here. Frankly, street shit ain’t nothing to fuck with, people.

Ok, for those living under a rock, Daniel Hernandez, b.k.a. Tekashi 6ix9ine, is in a world of manure. Now, after being picked up by the Feds for all sorts of crimes, 6ix9ine decided to plead guilty. Moving on, in addition to copping to 9 felony charges, he’s also agreed to cooperate with authorities. Meaning, 6ix9ine is about to start telling on all of his Nine Trey brothers. Apparently, he’s already admitted to helping the crew shoot at people, rob people and move drugs.

Listen, I don’t want to seem preachy, but social media championed this nonsense, son. On the real, any time an OG tried to tell 6ix9ine to chill, they were called “haters” or “old” or whatever else, man. Any time someone advised him against his behavior, internet losers said he was “winning” because of his antics. Well, does this look like winning now? I mean, was all of the tomfoolery worth it? Shit, due to his potential cooperation, 6ix9ine might end up in the Witness Protection Program. So, tell me again how he’s “winning,” fam.

In the end, I have nothing else to say, bruh. Ultimately, I hope all of these young cats learn something from this. By and by, there are certain elements that aren’t for play play, son. The streets are definitely one of those elements, man. At the end of the day, I’m certain that 6ix9ine would do all of this differently, man. Sad part is, he’ll most likely never get the chance, fam. *Sigh* C’est la vie, brethren. C’est la vie. LC out.

This Jasmine Eiland Video Is Unbelievable

So, I won’t lie, son. It’s very rare that I’m at a loss for words, man. But, that’s how I feel right now. I mean, that Jasmine Eiland video is NUTS, fam! Like, absolutely nuts, bruh. Real talk, I’m upset that I even watched the clip, folks. All I know is, heads need to roll for what happened to that young lady. Frankly, I have no idea how some shit like this could even transpire, brethren.

Ok, for those who missed it, a disturbing video has been making its rounds on social media. Now, while clubbing at Opera Atlanta, Eiland was on Facebook Live. At first, she appeared to be chopping it up with some random dude. In addition, she looked very intoxicated. Anyway, at some point, the guy positioned himself behind her. From there… look, I’m sure everyone can figure out where I’m going with this, son. All I can say is, Eiland can be heard saying “please help me” and “stop” MULTIPLE times.

Now, I don’t even know where to begin, man. First, is that dude fucking serious, fam?! Like, he was really that brazen in the middle of a damn nightclub? Second, why didn’t ANYONE help that woman?! Shit, what part of the game is letting an assault go down in the open, bruh? Third, what the hell is wrong with everyone blaming Eiland?! Listen, I don’t care about how she was dressed or how much she had to drink. Hell, I don’t even care if she was giving that dude vibes before. There’s literally NO excuse for what he appeared to do to her in that club, son!

In the end, I don’t know what else to say, man. Ultimately, I’m thoroughly disturbed and disgusted, fam. By and by, I can’t believe this type of shit is really happening out here, bruh. Furthermore, I still can’t believe the lengths that people will go to blame the victim, son. At the end of the day, everyone sucks. All in all, I just hope Eiland’s attacker is put under the jail, brethren. That is all. LC out.

P.S. I want everybody to take my advice and stay away from that video. On the real, it made me sick to my stomach, son. So, don’t do it, people. You’re welcome.

A Formerly ‘Ain’t Shit’ Dude’s Advice To Offset

So, let me keep it a buck, son. In order to make a point about this Cardi B and Offset situation, I’m going to throw myself under the bus. In any case, I just hope that anybody in Offset’s position can learn from my past mistakes. All I can say is, I’d bet money that his public campaign to get Cardi back is actually hurting him, man. The way I see it, Offset needs to take a much different approach, fam.

Ok, before I continue, let me outline my qualifications on this topic. Now, back in 2011, I was wilin’ in these streets, bruh. Anyway, despite the fact that I was a new dad and in a committed relationship, I was frequently involved in shenanigans that I had no business being a part of, son. Moving on, I ended up doing some shit with a woman who wasn’t my lady. Needless to say, I ended up in all of the doghouses, man. However, instead of immediately pushing her to take me back, I went a slightly different route, fam.

Now, as difficult as it was for me to do, I gave her space, bruh. I gave her room to make a decision for herself. No public showboating and no persistent pressure. Shit, instead of pining for her on social media, I legit disappeared from Facebook and Twitter for like 3 months. I made it a point to be present without being overbearing. So, that meant getting cursed out regularly. That meant getting ignored for days on end. That meant facing the possibility that she might not come back. All in all, the choice was in her hands and I wasn’t going to force her to make it.

Look, the point of that story is to tell Offset to back off a little. Ok, yes, it definitely seems like he wants his wife back. But, all of this attention may backfire, bruh. Hell, she basically said as much when she said “I told you I don’t like surprises” on Instagram. On the real, if she feels like she’s being bombarded on all angles, she might end up pulling away even more. The truth is, Offset needs to let her make a decision for herself. Real talk, that’s the only real chance he has, son.

In the end, don’t show up to any more concerts, Offset. Ultimately, he doesn’t want his woman to feel smothered. By and by, it’s insanely hard to loosen the grip while also trying to regain a connection. However, that may be his only real move, man. At the end of the day, the ball is in Cardi’s court, fam. Allow her to call the play. It might just work, bruh. That is all. LC out.