The Government Is Gonna Bust A Cap In Everyone At Area 51

So, I won’t lie, son. On the real, a part of me wants to be down with the Area 51 shenanigans. But, there’s nooooo way the government is going to allow a bunch of random hooligans on that land, man. I mean, I know we’re all joking here, but I’m sure there are folks who are really willing to test fate, fam. All I know is, the authorities would not hesitate to bust a cap in anyone who tries to infiltrate Area 51.

Ok, for those who missed it, there’s a Facebook event that’s got everyone’s attention. Now, as of today, 1.2 million people have joined the “Storm Area 51, They Can’t Stop All of Us” group. Moving on, as I’m sure folks can deduce, the goal of this group is to run up in Lincoln County, Nevada and “see them aliens.” Anyway, all of the tomfoolery is supposed to take place on September 20th from 3 AM to 6 AM.

Now, this shit is hilarious for a few reasons, bruh. First, it addresses a topic that a lot of people, myself included, are interested in. Real talk, I want to know what’s going on in that place, son. Shit, I’m a conspiracy theorist at heart and I would LOVE to get a glimpse of all of the top secret shit happening behind those walls. However, I’m also aware of the lengths that the United States government would go to prevent any such chaos, man. Hell, just take a look at the Air Force‘s rebuttal to this situation, fam.

Listen, in response to the proposed raid, Laura McAndrews, a spokeswoman for the Air Force, released the following statement: “Area 51 is an open training range for the U.S. Air Force, and we would discourage anyone from trying to come into the area where we train American armed forces. The U.S. Air Force always stands ready to protect America and its assets.” Bruh, that literally has to be the most eloquent way of saying “if you come near this bitch, we’re putting holes in all of you motherfuckers.” Look, I can read between the lines, son.

In the end, I have some advice for the folks out there: keep y’all asses away from Area 51. Ultimately, I want to know what’s popping off in there too. However, I’m not trying to test the machinery of the U.S. military, man. By and by, shit sounds good on paper until we’re all looking down the barrel of a gun made with alien technology. At the end of the day, I’m just gonna keep my Black ass in the crib, fam. That is all. LC out.

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Trump Is As Much Of An Immigrant As The Freshman Congresswomen

So, here we are again, son. Another day, another preposterous Twitter rant from Donald Trump. Anyway, in a random stream of consciousness, Trump tweeted that progressive Democratic congresswomen should “fix the totally broken and crime infested places from which they came” before telling the United States how to govern. All I know is, I don’t even know where to begin with the fuckery, man.

Ok, before I continue, I’d like to go through Trump’s family tree. On the real, I feel like this is necessary in order to showcase how ridiculous his comments were. Now, for those who are unaware, Trump’s mother, Mary Anne Trump, was an immigrant. In fact, she was born in Scotland in 1912. In addition, his father, Fred Trump, was a first generation American who was born to German parents. Furthermore, Trump’s first AND third wives were both born outside of this country. With all of that being said, his views on immigrants are fucking perplexing, fam. I mean, his entire lineage is full of “aliens,” bruh.

Moving on, let’s talk about the congresswomen who Trump essentially targeted. First, there’s Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. She was born in The Bronx, New York to Puerto Rican parents. This makes her a first generation American. Next, there’s Rashida Tlaib. She was born in Detroit, Michigan to Palestinian parents. This also makes her a first generation American. Next, there’s Ayanna Pressley. She was born in Cincinnati, Ohio. Now, unless I’m wrong, her folks weren’t even immigrants at all, son (well, they were, but you know what I mean). Finally, there’s Ilhan Omar. Real talk, she’s the only one who was born out of the country, hailing from Somalia. The point is, the ancestry of most of these women has as many foreigners as Trump, man. So, what is the hate really about, fam?

Look, let’s just call a spade a spade, bruh. The truth is, immigrants are only vilified when they’re Black or Brown, son. Keeping it a buck, the motivation that caused Trump to question Barack Obama‘s birthplace is the same motivation that caused him to attack these congresswomen. The fact is, these ladies are just as American as Trump and anybody else who decides to question them. Listen, political disagreements are one thing. However, belittling someone’s patriotism and devaluing their place in this country is completely different, man. The way I see, people of color are always viewed as “invaders,” regardless of our strong ties to this nation.

In the end, I’m not even going to pretend like I’m surprised, fam. Like, I almost skipped this subject entirely, bruh. Hell, water is wet and Donald Trump says racist shit. What’s new, son? Ultimately, 45 showed us who he was a loooooooong time ago, man. At the end of the day, we just need to keep pushing back until we finally push him out, fam. That is all. LC out.

A Post Of Jokes For Folks Mad About A Black Mermaid

So, I won’t lie, son. Real talk, I can’t even pretend like I’m surprised, man. I mean, anytime there’s an opportunity, bigots are going to dig into their bigotry bag, fam. In any case, this The Little Mermaid shit is especially preposterous. Like, really? Really, folks? We’re seriously out here debating the race of a fictional character? *Sigh* I guess it’s time to get these jokes off, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Disney just brought out the prejudice in a number of people. Now, Halle Bailey, one half of the Beyoncé-signed sister duo Chloe x Halle, was cast as Ariel in the upcoming live-action version of The Little Mermaid. Anyway, on paper, Bailey definitely has the chops to kill this role. I mean, she’s a credible actress, as seen on Grown-ish, and she’s an incredible singer. So, this should be a layup, right? Well, not according to a bunch of racists on social media, son.

Now, from the minute news went out, the hate train started rolling, man. Shit, whether we’re talking about the #NotMyAriel hashtag or the “Make Ariel White Again” group on Facebook, an unfortunate faction of people started to attack Bailey’s race. Apparently, a fictional character, who is also an imaginary entity, cannot be Black. All I can say is, are folks fucking serious, fam?!

Listen, to begin, Ariel is a fucking mermaid, bruh. Last time I checked, MERMAIDS AREN’T REAL, SON! Hell, this is like when Megyn Kelly and company legitimately tried to argue the race of Santa Claus on Fox News. Seriously, are certain White people so insecure, they need fake characters to validate themselves? Fam, we’re talking about a cotdamn mermaid who’s friends with a Jamaican crab and gets her voice box taken by an octopus in a dress. That’s the fight these folks are trying to fight, man? For God‘s sake, don’t these people have more important shit to worry about? Are they paying their mortgages on time? Did their children eat for dinner? Like, the ethnicity of Ariel is not the hill to die on, brethren.

In the end, I need everyone to understand something: if the race of Ariel causes a person to say bad shit about Black people, then they’re racist. Ultimately, there are no ifs, ands or buts about it, son. By and by, if White people weren’t pissed about the casting of Gods of Egypt, then shut the fuck up. If they weren’t pissed about Fisher Stevens playing Ben Jabituya in Short Circuit, then shut the fuck up. If they weren’t pissed about Scarlett Johansson playing a fucking Japanese cyborg in Ghost in the Shell, then PLEASE shut the fuck up. Side bar, I love Scarlett Johansson, but that’s neither here nor there. At the end of the day, race only becomes an issue in casting when White people don’t get the role. So, these folks can kiss the crack of every minority ass, man. That is all. LC out.

Ay, Joe Budden, Cyn Santana Bounced, Bruh

So, let me be real, son. I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I know what’s going on with Joe Budden and Cyn Santana. All I can say is, Budden seems to be a little confused about his relationship status. Well, I’d like to clear it up for him. *Ahem* She bounced, bruh. Look, anytime a woman moves all of her shit out of the crib, she’s probably serious, man.

Ok, for those who missed it, the engagement between Budden and Santana is seemingly off. Now, there were rumors circulating around that the two were having pre-marital issues. But, I generally don’t pay attention to what gossip blogs have to say. Furthermore, I don’t pay attention to a woman’s shady comments on social media. Shit, I’ve been in a situation where a chick was throwing darts at me online and we were still very much together. In any case, my ears didn’t perk up until Budden responded to the rumors at a live episode of The Joe Budden Podcast.

Now, while speaking to his audience, Budden asked if a relationship can be over if neither person verbally said it was over. In addition, he stated that he hasn’t talked to Santana in weeks and that she moved her shit out. Side note, uh, don’t they have a kid together? So, wouldn’t her moving out also include their son? Yeah, I’m going to need Budden to move with a greater sense of urgency, fam. In any case, while Budden was pontificating about a wordless breakup, Santana was telling people on Twitter than actions speak louder than words.

Look, let me be perfectly clear here, bruh. If Santana left the crib, took their son AND stopped speaking to him, then yeah, that’s a breakup, son. Now, does that mean they can’t work it out? Of course not. However, if Budden is missing all of these telltale signs, then he might have no hope of getting his woman back, man. Keeping it a buck, I have no idea what they’re beefing about. But, he can’t be walking around this clueless, fam. Ay, Joey, go call her, brethren.

In the end, relationships can be a motherfucker, son. Hell, I’ve been in a relationship with the same woman for eleven years now, man. With that being said, I’m an expert in the vernacular of “when a woman’s fed up.” Ultimately, Budden needs to wake the fuck up if he wants to save his union. That is all. LC out.

Don’t Ruin ‘Avengers: Endgame’ For Me!

So, I played myself, son. Like, I waited too long to get Avengers: Endgame tickets, man. In any case, I have to wait until next week to get my IMAX 3D experience, fam. With that being said, I’d like to address all of my compatriots who are blessed to see the movie this weekend. From the bottom of my heart, DON’T RUIN THE FUCKING MOVIE FOR ME, BRUH!

On the real, I don’t have much to say, son. Frankly, I just know how social media works, man. Hell, most of the time, folks can’t WAIT to jump on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to spoil shit. Keeping it a buck, just by writing this post, I bet a couple of dummies are going to try and fuck shit up for me. However, I’m imploring everyone to not be a dick, fam. Please allow me to cry from joy in my own time, bruh.

In the end, that’s all I’ve got, son. Ultimately, waiting a week to see this movie is making me siiiiiiick, man. By and by, I need Thanos in my life, fam. At the end of the day, I’m probably going to have to quit social media until next week, bruh. That’s probably the only way for me to be safe. Well, besides my friends who have my number. But, in that case, I can just assault them. Yeah, that sounds about right. That is all. LC out.

Will Smith Needs To Put Hands On August Alsina

So, I have an idea for Will Smith. Now, I know he’s in the middle of his Will Smith’s Bucket List show. Anyway, I truly believe he should add “beat a dude’s ass on camera” to the docket, son. I mean, he might really need to give August Alsina that work, man. Listen, as a husband myself, I wouldn’t even care about the truth, fam. The way I see it, insinuations of infidelity are enough for someone to catch these hands, elbows, knees and feet, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Alsina may be out here wilin’, son. Now, the singer just dropped a new song/video called “Nunya.” On the track, he’s waxing poetic about a woman who isn’t giving him any action, but still asking about his sex life. Moving on, in the visuals, a text message is shown with him and a woman named Koren. Side note, this is notable because social media is alleging that Jada Pinkett Smith’s middle name is “Koren.” In any case, a GIF of Jada appears in the text thread and Alsina also sings “you’re just an actress putting on a show.”

Now, let me explain why Will needs to beat the brakes off of this dude. Look, if a guy I know smashed my wife, he needs to catch these hands. If a guy I know even makes it seem like he’s smashing my wife, he needs to catch these hands. Shit, I know that Alsina has always maintained that he’s super close to the Smith family. But, if I were Will, I’d like to know why homie feels comfortable enough to be this damn ambiguous. Nah, fam, someone needs to get put in a leg lock, man. Frankly, Alsina is way outta pocket with this track, bruh.

In the end, Will Smith knows what he needs to do, son. Ultimately, he’s the king of viral moments right now. So, why not unleash the Philly hands on Instagram, man? By and by, it’ll be the most cherished video in the history of social media, fam. At the end of the day, I’d pay any amount of money to watch Will Smith sleep August Alsina on film, bruh. That is all. LC out.

Cardi B: When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

So, let me begin this post by saying that I’m a Cardi B fan. I mean, if anyone has read my blog, they’d know that, son. On the real, I’ve always appreciated the fact that she’s herself, regardless of the situation. On top of that, she’s from the Bronx, so that’s just code, man. With all of that being said, she needs to knock off the dumb shit, fam. Listen, we all know that she had a life before Rap. However, she needs to keep some of that shit to herself, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Cardi is getting flamed for some shit she said on Instagram three years ago. So, based on her own admissions, she used to rob men during her stripper days. Now, to take it a step further, she admitted to luring men in who wanted to have sex with her, drugging them and THEN robbing them. Apparently, she did all of this because of “limited options.” Listen, I didn’t put “limited options” in quotations because I don’t believe she struggled. I phrased it like that because that’s still no fucking excuse, son. Look, I’m not naïve to crime, man. I’ve seen my fair share of fuckery while growing up in the Bronx, fam. But, she’s crazy if she thinks that people co-sign any of this behavior, bruh. Wrong is wrong is wrong, folks.

In addition, she ain’t need to confess to any of this shit, bruh. Like, this is the type of tomfoolery that got Liam Neeson in trouble. Real talk, no one needed to know that Neeson was looking for random Black dudes to kill, son. The same way that no one needed to know that Cardi was out here drugging dudes and doing Lord knows what to them. Now, instead of just tending to business, the public is looking at the both of them crazy, man. Hell, in the #MeToo era, Cardi can’t be out here talking about drugging people, fam. That’s the same shit that got Bill Cosby (rightfully) hemmed up.

In the end, Cardi needs to leave the past in the past. Ultimately, we already know that she’s not a perfect individual, bruh. By and by, she doesn’t need to keep reaffirming this. At this point, she’s just incriminating herself, son. Just watch, a bunch of dudes are about to come out and claim that Cardi did this to them. *Sigh* All of these younger artists just like snitching on themselves on social media, man. I just hope they know that the cops are listening, fam. That is all. LC out.

P.S. I don’t like the false equivalence between her actions and being a drug dealer. Yes, both are crimes, but at least a crackhead chose to do crack, son. All in all, Cardi’s victims ain’t choose shit, man. They just woke up with their possessions (and pride) gone. Keeping it a buck, I can guarantee that they didn’t sign up for that, fam. Good day.