I Don’t Care About ‘Covfefe’

So, to be real, I wasn’t even going to write about this story, son. I mean, keeping it a buck, Donald Trump‘s inability to spell is not news. Look, his grammatical error game is strong on Twitter, man. Frankly, I’m surprised when he’s actually able to tweet a coherent thought, fam. That’s how rarely that event occurs, bruh. In any case, I don’t like how this nonsense is distracting us from the Trump administration’s usual fuckery. In any case, LC is here to remind everyone of just that, son.

Now, before I continue, let me get one thing out of the way. Man, someone needs to put Sean Spicer out of his misery, bruh. Listen, defending Trump MUST be killing him inside. Fam, this dude really stood behind a podium and said “the President and a small group of people know exactly what he meant.” Good fucking Lord, man! This administration can’t even admit to a fucking typo, son! That statement is one of the most preposterous collections of words I’ve ever heard in my life. Look, Spicer, NO ONE believes that bullshit, man! Absolutely no one.

Moving on, let me be perfectly clear about this entire brouhaha. I don’t care about “covfefe” because the House Intelligence Committee just subpoenaed Michael Flynn and Michael Cohen, Trump’s personal lawyer. I don’t care about “covfefe” because James Comey has agreed to testify before the Senate. I don’t care about “covfefe” because Trump is having a war of words with Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany. As a reminder, Germany is an ally of ours. Needless to say, so much real shit is happening out here, we shouldn’t have time to worry about the fact that Trump is dumber than a fifth grader. We all need to be paying attention to the real issues, fam. It’s getting ugly out here, son. Really ugly.

In the end, we all know Trump is an idiot, man. That tidbit is not news. At this point, we all need to be worrying about the inner workings of this administration. Ultimately, the FBI and the intelligence committees need to get to the bottom of the real tomfoolery, son. Until then, please keep the stupidity out of the media, fam. Thanks. LC out.

Get Sean Spicer The F*ck Outta Here!

On the real, how many “Get (Blank) The F*ck Outta Here! posts have I written, son? I swear, I find new targets everyday, man. In fact, Donald Trump‘s administration is the gift that keeps on giving. Mainly because someone is CONSTANTLY doing something stupid. With that being said, Sean Spicer is the next sucker to get this work, bruh. All jokes aside, after comparing Bashar al-Assad to Adolf Hitler, Spicer would be lucky if I didn’t roast him for the next week.

Now, before I continue, let’s briefly talk about chemical weapons. So, by definition, chemical weapons fall under the following categories: blister agents, nerve agents, blood agents and choking agents. Sarin, for example, is considered a nerve agent. In addition, hydrogen cyanide is considered a blood agent. This is notable because that particular compound was used to make Zyklon B, the deadly gas used in the Nazi extermination camps. Ok, with all of that being said, let’s get back to Spicer.

So, during a briefing on Tuesday, this fucktard Spicer stated that not even Hitler used chemical weapons against his own people. He made this remark as a way to demonize Assad’s recent sarin attack in Syria. Now, the fact that Spicer was fundamentally wrong about Nazi weaponry wasn’t even the most egregious part here. This dude actually tried to downplay the pain and suffering of the MILLIONS who died under the Hitler regime. Yo! Who’s fucking man is this, son?! Good fucking Lord, how is Trump cool with this asshat publicly representing him? Oh, I forgot, Trump doesn’t know shit either!

Look, roughly 11 million people died in the Holocaust, with about 3 million victims reaching their fate in the extermination camps. It’s absolutely unconscionable that a man like Spicer can occupy his position without having an understanding of basic fucking history. Bruh, not only did Hitler use chemical weapons, but millions of innocent people died as a result. Keeping it a buck, Assad isn’t any more of a villain because he used sarin instead of hydrogen cyanide.

Listen, no hyperbole is needed to describe the atrocities that the Syrian people are currently facing. Ultimately, Spicer diminished the entire plight of the Jewish community just to further a political agenda. All in all, I truly can’t find the words to properly display how disgusted I am, man.

In the end, I will be blown away if Spicer gets to keep his job after this. This clown has consistently shown that he’s woefully unprepared for this position. Trump needs to fire his ass and then give him a bunch of history textbooks. Clearly, this idiot doesn’t know shit about shit. Then again, those same textbooks need to be read to Trump too. *Sigh* LC out.

P.S. I would like everyone to note that I wrote “extermination camps” instead of “Holocaust centers.” Spicer really referred to these death facilities as “Holocaust centers,” man. I… I can’t. That is all.

Donald Trump’s Fake News About ‘Fake News’

*Sigh* I guess it’s back to the bullshit, huh? I swear, man, Donald Trump‘s entire administration is a clown show, son. It’s a daily fucking circus and it’s making my head split in two. For the last few months, Trump’s been on a crusade against “fake news,” despite the fact that his team is responsible for some of the most egregious examples of false reporting. Whether it’s Sean Spicer or Kellyanne Conway, Trump’s entire squad of buffoons constantly spews inaccuracies that boggle the mind. However; not to be outshined, Trump took his ridiculous claims a step further by insinuating that the media doesn’t accurately report terrorist attacks.

To begin, while speaking with enlisted service-members at MacDill Air Force Base in Florida, Trump claimed that terrorist attacks are happening all over Europe and they’re not being reported. He then went on to say that the “dishonest” press has their “reasons” for not reporting these alleged incidents. Now, I say alleged because Trump gave ZERO examples to support his argument. In the aftermath, Spicer was probed by reporters for evidence to support Trump’s baseless accusations. In response, Spicer said that the White House would release a list of “underreported” attacks to bolster Trump’s words.

Now, here’s where the REAL fuckery begins. When the White House’s list finally surfaced, it chronicled a mountain of instances that dominated the news cycle over the past two years. Incidents such as the 2015 Paris attack, the Orlando nightclub shooting and the truck attacks in Nice and Berlin were included. Son, there was literally wall-to-wall coverage for ALL of these situations on damn near EVERY news network! How the fuck could Trump conclude that they were being underreported? Furthermore, why weren’t the massacres perpetrated by Dylann Roof and Alexandre Bissonnette included here? Oh, is it because they don’t fit Trump’s narrative of Islamic radicalism? Yeah, that sounds about right, son.

Moving on, I find it incredibly peculiar that only one of the attacks listed actually occurred in the countries targeted by the Muslim Ban. Only one out of 78?! In addition, most of them happened in Egypt. So, why are their citizens still free to come and go as they please? Son, what the fuck are we even talking about right now? To add insult to injury, there were spelling errors EVERYWHERE! I can’t take anyone’s argument seriously if they write “attaker” instead of “attacker,” son. Good fucking Lord, man! Get this dude faaaaaaaaaaaar away from the Oval Office!

In the end, FUCK! I can’t do this shit everyday, son. They’re already closing down Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, man. They just need to go ahead and add Donald Trump’s entire administration to that list. LC out.

Say It With Me: Alexandre Bissonnette Is A Terrorist

So, it goes without saying, but the media is having a very hard time right now. Any time regular news outlets try to call Donald Trump and company out on their bullshit, they’re branded as “fake news.” On the real, the notion of “fake news” has become so prevalent these days, Trump is making it a point to bar his surrogates from even going on CNN. According to the White House, they don’t want to send their people to a place where they can’t promote their “agenda.” Those are actual words from an actual press release, son. Now, the wildest part of all of this is the fact that their preferred outlets are the biggest perpetrators of false reporting. Case in point, take a look at how Fox News and Breitbart News handled the Alexandre Bissonnette story.

Ok, before I continue, let’s make one thing clear: Bissonnette is a fucking terrorist. I’m not here to sugarcoat anything or downplay the situation. This coward walked into the Quebec Islamic Cultural Center this past Sunday, murdered six people and critically injured five others. Now, when Dylann Roof massacred nine people in South Carolina‘s Emanuel AME Church, we all rightfully mourned. However; I see no such empathy or sympathy for the Muslims who lost their lives in Canada. The hypocrisy is absolutely disgusting, man.

Look, make no mistake here. Bissonnette is a well-known sympathizer of all things racist, sexist and xenophobic. The people who know him describe him as a dude who was enthralled by Trump, Marine Le Pen and embraced far-right ideologies. In addition, he frequently made disparaging comments about immigrants and women on social media. With all of that being said, this fuckboy purposely went into that mosque to kill Muslims. THAT is an act of terrorism, plain and simple.

Now, when Fox News and Breitbart got a hold of this story, they were quick to label the possible suspect a man of “Moroccan descent.” Come to find out, the man they’re referring to is a witness who was helping authorities. Even after Canadian police officially shot down the erroneous story, Fox News didn’t immediately retract their false narrative. To make matters even worse, Breitbart is still insinuating that a Moroccan man carried out the attack. Keep in mind, Steve Bannon, the real President, is the former executive chair of Breitbart. To make matters EVEN WORSE, Sean SpicerU.S. press secretary, used this situation as justification for Trump’s Muslim Ban, despite the fact that a Muslim wasn’t even the fucking culprit!

Son, what planet are we living on right now?! I don’t want to hear shit about “fake news” anymore. We, the people, are watching facts and sensibility be destroyed right before our very eyes. Like, it’s getting to the point where it’s hard for me to focus, man. I truly can’t understand how some people don’t see the writings on the wall. *Sigh* All jokes aside, I’m starting to feel my depression creep back in. I need to get away from this fucking country, son. LC out.

What In God’s Name Are ‘Alternative Facts’?

So, I would like to welcome everybody back to the Twilight Zone. This is a place where the newly sworn-in President of the United States makes his Press Secretary argue with the media about inauguration attendance. This is also a place where the President’s Senior Adviser gets on NATIONAL TELEVISION and speaks about “alternative facts.” Son, what fucking planet are we living on right now? Outside of the fact that Donald Trump’s administration is already spreading egregious falsehoods, we’re also witnessing something extremely dangerous. Trump is essentially trying to set up an America where no one can question his moves. Shit, our country is already starting to look like Communist Russia, man. Everyone needs to get ready.

First off, let’s start with Sean Spicer, son. Out of all of the things the new Press Secretary could’ve talked about in his first press conference, he decided to speak on inauguration numbers. Once the Trump administration got wind of the fact that the media was ACCURATELY reporting how many people showed up to the event, Trump’s goons went on the offensive. It’s now widely known that the crowd size for Trump’s inauguration paled in comparison to both of Barack Obama’s inaugurations. However; in the grand scheme of things, none of this actually matters, son. Trump is still the President, regardless of how many people came to Washington, D.C. to celebrate. With that being said, Trump STILL sent Spicer to the podium to argue about how many people came to the party. Spicer even said that Trump had “the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration, period.” I mean, as we can clearly tell, facts don’t matter, son (word to Desus Nice). C’mon son, who’s got time for evidence and proof in the first place, right?

Next, let’s talk about Kellyanne Conway. In the wake of Spicer’s meltdown, the new Senior Adviser decided to plead her team’s case on Meet the Press with Chuck Todd. Now, when Todd confronted Conway about the tomfoolery of Spicer’s press conference, she gave one of the most confusing rebuttals I’ve ever heard in my entire life. While speaking about Spicer’s BLATANTLY inaccurate statements, Conway said that he was just presenting “alternative facts.” Alternative facts? What? What?! WHAT?!? Good fucking Lord, son! Is that what we’re doing now? Instead of just saying that someone lied, we’re saying that they’ve provided alternative facts? Shit, can that defense be used in court? If my wife caught me cheating, could I tell her that I was just helping the other woman verify if her birth control worked? I mean, those are alternative facts, right? What the fuck are we talking about here? How is this acceptable, man? We really have to deal with these exorbitant lies for the next four years? Who will survive in America, son?

Look, all jokes aside, we’re in a bad place right now. Trump’s administration is already setting the stage to eliminate all dissenting voices. They’re trying to regulate everyone’s narrative and attack anyone who dares to say something different. Even when individuals have FACTS on their side, Trump is using officials as a weapon to intimidate anyone who opposes him. I know there’s been a lot of talk about Trump’s relationship with Vladimir Putin, but controlling the media is ACTUALLY something that Putin does. Our country is already being turned into Mother Russia, son. At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if Trump somehow made it illegal to say anything against him. These are truly scary times, man. Scary times indeed.

In the end, I don’t know, son. I still can’t believe this is our reality, man. I’d like to thank the Swing States for destroying America. When World War III occurs and those folks are laying in a sea of rubble, I hope they know they probably won’t have any healthcare to help them out. Dumbasses. I’m gone.