Dave Chappelle Doesn’t Give A F*ckity-F*ck

So, here we are, son. It’s 2019 and Dave Chappelle, the G.O.A.T., is back with another comedy special. Now, before I even watched Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones, I saw a couple of think pieces about why people shouldn’t view the Netflix special. All in all, I think it’s a terrible time to be a comedian, man. I mean, everyone is so damn sensitive and can’t see the humor in anything anymore.

Ok, to be clear, is Chappelle being offensive in this special? Absolutely, fam. But, he’s literally based his entire career on saying provocative shit, bruh. Hell, has anybody ever seen Chappelle’s Show? Son, the first fucking episode featured Clayton Bigsby, a Black White supremacist. Meaning, Chappelle has spent this whole time pushing the envelope, man. So, why is every joke seemingly off limits now?

My thing is, folks don’t have to find his jokes funny. Frankly, comedy is subjective as fuck, fam. Personally, I thought the special was hilarious, bruh. Now, does that mean I hate transgender people? No. Does that mean I hate the #MeToo movement? No. It just means that I can find humor in fucked up situations. For God‘s sake, that’s what comedy has done since the beginning of time, son. The truth is, no one batted an eye when Chappelle made racially-charged jokes for years. But, if he speaks on anything else, now he needs to be “cancelled?” The way I see it, folks can get the fuck outta here, man.

Listen, Chappelle basically said as much when he talked about getting called out for saying “faggot” on Chappelle’s Show. Look, he legitimately asked why he could say “nigger,” but couldn’t say “faggot.” To me, that’s a good fucking question, fam. So, only a certain type of offensive language is acceptable? If we’re keeping it a buck, ALL of the jokes were in “bad taste.” But, that’s what made them funny. All I know is, everybody needs to lighten up, bruh.

Now, I’m sure that some people are going to hate on me for writing this post. However, I laughed when he talked about Michael Jackson. I laughed when he talked about R. Kelly. I laughed at the jokes about Kevin HartJussie Smollett, school shootings AND the opioid crisis. Individually, are any of these subjects comical? Fuck no, son. But, finding humor in despair has always been part of the genre. All I can say is, society has lost the ability to laugh along the way. Hell, everything has become so serious and it’s a fucking buzzkill, man.

In the end, let me say it again, fam: I’m not telling anyone to like Chappelle’s special. Ultimately, I just think people need to relax. By and by, we laughed with Richard Pryor when he made a joke about setting himself on fire. The real is, he was high out of his mind and tried to kill himself. In addition, all of Eddie Murphy‘s specials are inappropriate as fuck. But, we just went along for the ride, bruh. At the end of the day, I don’t think Chappelle is being hateful at all. I just believe he finds humor in sensitive topics, son. On the real, we all used to have that ability. That is all. LC out.

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Put Some Respeck On Dame Dash’s Name

Man, I fucks with Damon Dash. Shit, I know that people like to judge him for his falling out with Jay-Z. However, Dash is a legend and should be treated as such, son. In any case, it seems like Lee Daniels missed that memo, fam. Hell, not only did Dash run up on Daniels for not repaying a $2 million loan, but he also filed a lawsuit over the missing money. All in all, Dash hit Daniels with that “run me my check” type of energy.

Ok, for those who missed it, this beef has been brewing for quite some time. Now, according to Dash, he lent Daniels money to fund his movie career. Based on Dash’s story, he gave Daniels the bread needed to create a Richard Pryor biopic, which never saw the light of day. In addition, Dash was supposed to receive five percent of the backend profits from the film. Needless to say, none of that transpired and Dash is PISSED!

Real talk, I can completely understand why Dash is heated, bruh. I mean, look at all of the success that Daniels has had, son. Listen, whether we’re discussing Precious, The Butler or Empire, Daniels has had an amazing run in the industry, man. So, why won’t he just pay Dash his money, fam? Honestly, I feel like people front on Dash because of his failed relationship with Hov and ousting from Roc-A-Fella Records. Keeping it a buck, all of this shit feels like a “kick a dude while he seems to be down” kind of vibe.

Listen, folks need to applaud Dash for his accomplishments, bruh. Keeping it a buck, he’s the one who believed in Hov from the jump. He’s the one who wanted to start Roc-A-Fella after all of the major labels turned Jay down. He’s the one who brought Kareem “Biggs” Burke in to help fund their independent endeavor. He’s the one who actually believed in, and signed, a young Kanye West. Side note, we ALL know about West’s current run of fuckery. But, that doesn’t negate his past work. Anyway, Dash deserves more than the shade that people constantly give him, folks.

In the end, Daniels needs to pay Dash back, son. Ultimately, Dame isn’t going to let this shit go, man. Either way, it makes for amazing entertainment, fam. By and by, Daniels and everyone else need to put some respeck on Dash’s name, bruh. Word to Birdman. LC out.

Quincy Jones Doesn’t Give A F*ck

Listen, old people don’t give a flying fuckity-fuck, son. I swear, once people make it past “retirement age,” they do and say whatever the hell they want, man. All I know is, Quincy Jones DEFINITELY fits into that category, fam. Real talk, the legendary producer recently did interviews with GQ AND with Vulture. Needless to say, he let ALL of the hot takes go, bruh! All in all, I can see people having issues with some of his statements. However; his sit-downs with these well-known publications were HIGHLY entertaining, folks!

Ok, let’s just skip the formalities, son. On the real, I simply want to get straight to the fuckery, man. Now, in regards to the tomfoolery, I want to do something a little different, fam. Keeping it a buck, I want to go through some of Jones’s most ear-catching stories in bullet format. With that being said, here’s some of the shit that made me go “oh shit”:

1. Jones claims to have 22 girlfriends all around the world. In addition, despite being 84 years old, his women apparently range between 28 and 42. Now, even funnier, those ages are part of an agreement between him and his daughters. Look, this is a wild motherfucker, son!

2. When he was down with Lionel Hampton‘s band, they allegedly used to buy dope from Detroit Red. Now, this is notable because the man formerly known as Detroit Red eventually became Malcolm X. Sheesh, that’s some wild shit, man!

3. Jones claims that Ray Charles convinced him to try heroin for a few months. In addition, Charles’s addiction was apparently so bad, he used to have a guy shoot dope directly into his nuts. Look, if that story ain’t true, then Jones has the CRAZIEST imagination, fam!

4. Apparently, after the infamous James Brown concert where Prince embarrassed himself in front of Michael Jackson, Prince tried to run over MJ with his limousine. Bruh, that’s fucking HILARIOUS! I swear, Prince was always the king of petty. This is part of the reason why I’m still a huge fan of his.

5. Jones asserts that MJ’s monkey, Bubbles, hit his daughter Rashida. Now, hurting a child is never funny, but come on, son! Only MJ would get into some shit where his pet monkey hit a kid. Good Lord, Mike was a cotdamn legend but a weird ass dude, man!

6. Jones maintains that Taylor Swift is a bad songwriter, that Elvis Presley couldn’t sing and that The Beatles were terrible musicians. Listen, I can see A LOT of people being upset by these claims, but what the fuck can they say to Quincy Jones, fam? I mean, he’s a legend among legends, bruh. Just deal with it.

7. Jones said that Marilyn Monroe‘s breasts looked like pears. On the real, I don’t know why that’s so funny, but I laughed REALLY hard when I read that, son.

8. About twelve years ago, Jones allegedly dated Ivanka Trump. Now, in his own words, she had great legs, so OF COURSE he had to do it, man! Real talk, this man has been a dog, by his own admission, for DECADES!

9. Last but not least, Jones claims that Marlon Brando smashed James Baldwin, Richard Pryor and Marvin Gaye. Now, I’m not surprised by Baldwin. Hell, I’m not even surprised by Pryor. Look, Pryor has made jokes about his sexuality and his widow even confirmed the story. However; Gaye through me for a loop, fam. All in all, this tale doesn’t make one bit of difference to me. But, it’s bugged out how casually Jones said it, bruh. Shit, it’s almost as if he looked at the interviewer crazy for not knowing this information. At the end of the day, Jones has seen EVERYTHING, people!

In the end, long live Quincy Jones, son! Ultimately, that’s a wild ass dude, man! All I can say is, I can read/listen/watch his interviews all day, fam. By and by, shout-out to GQ and Vulture for getting him to let off these shots. That is all. LC out.