Good Riddance, Bill O’Reilly!

Ahh, what a beautiful day, son. Well, it’s raining here in New York, but it’s still a beautiful day nonetheless. I mean, waking up knowing that Bill O’Reilly is unemployed is a wonderful feeling, man. Look, after two decades of spewing nothing but hate, O’Reilly is finally getting his just due. Listen, keeping it a buck, he could very well reclaim a spot on someone’s television screen. However; for now, I’m going to bask in the glory of O’Reilly being fired by Fox News.

Now, all I want to know is, why the fuck did this take so long, son? On the real, O’Reilly’s brand is completely based on bigotry. This is the same man who said Trayvon Martin was shot because he was wearing a hoodie. This is the same man who likened gay marriage to interspecies marriage. This is the same man who got Ludacris dropped from a Pepsi campaign because of his “disrespect of women.” Side note, don’t worry, we will get to why that’s the most RIDICULOUS thing to ever occur.

In any case, this is also the same man who defended the treatment of slaves who built the White House. Hell, I even wrote about that fuckity-fuck shit last year, son. All in all, O’Reilly’s axing has been years in the making, man. Frankly, I’m shocked it took this long to get his ass off the air, bruh.

Moving on, O’Reilly is finally having his day in the sun because he can’t seem to stop harassing women. Now, anyone who’s familiar with O’Reilly’s history knows about Andrea Mackris‘ lawsuit. Back in 2004, she accused O’Reilly of making frequent sexual advances towards her over the phone. Ultimately, she settled out of court for about $9 million.

From there, O’Reilly settled another harassment case with Juliet Huddy for $1.6 million. Now, when we add on lawsuits from Rebecca Diamond, Laurie Dhue and Wendy Walsh, we start to see a dangerous pattern: O’Reilly consistently violated women and Fox News always paid to get him off of the hook. In total, the network paid $13 million to save their golden boy.

Look, if all of this wasn’t bad enough, the flood gates opened when an independent law firm got involved. Fox News hired Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison to look into Walsh’s allegations. In addition, The New York Times got wind of all of the settlements and blew the story up. After all of the public tomfoolery, O’Reilly’s show lost about 60 advertisers. All I know is, victory tastes sweet, son. I bet Maxine Waters is somewhere doing cartwheels right now.

In the end, fuck Bill O’Reilly and all of his supporters. Man, it’s absolutely thrilling to see him fail, son. All in all, I don’t want to see or hear anybody try to defend this man. Anybody who abuses women as much as O’Reilly has doesn’t deserve any sympathy. At this point, Donald Trump is probably the only idiot who’s still backing him. I mean, what should we expect from a man who likes to just grab women’s genitals? Yeah, I thought so, son. LC out.

Get Pepsi & Kendall Jenner The F*ck Outta Here!

*Sigh* Damn, son. Why did it have to be Pepsi, man? I mean, I’m one of the people who can actually tell the difference between Pepsi and Coca-Cola. With that being said, Pepsi is without question the superior product, bruh. However; that tidbit can’t save them from getting this work, fam. Look, all I want to know is, what the fuckity-fuck were Pepsi and Kendall Jenner thinking? Now, I’ve seen some strange things in my life, but I’m pretty sure an ice-cold soda won’t stop this country from doing fuck shit.

So, I don’t even know where to begin with the tomfoolery, son. Shit, I could start with Skip Marley for donating his “Lions” song to this ridiculous ass commercial. I could talk about the randomness of the Asian man playing the cello or the hijab-wearing Muslim woman freaking out over her pictures. I could talk about the “joy” on people’s faces while they “protest” injustice. Look, I could rip this commercial apart from so many different angles, but I have to aim my crosshairs at the soda itself.

Now, maybe I’m dumb, but can someone please explain to me how a Pepsi can save the world? Listen, before I continue, I’m pretty sure this company doesn’t literally think handing out soda will solve all of our issues. However; I do think it perpetuates a dangerous ideology. Ultimately, being nice to the establishment won’t stop them from fucking us over.

To be clear, sucking up to authority won’t stop police from killing unarmed Black people. Sucking up to authority won’t stop our government from violating the rights of Muslims, women, minorities, poor people and the LGBTQ community. Keeping it a buck, real protest isn’t convenient and it damn sure isn’t jovial, fam. People are really out here fighting for basic human rights and Pepsi just turned it all into a fucking joke, son. All I know is, everyone involved with this nonsense should be fired immediately, man.

In the end, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I’m just… I’m just tired of the day-to-day stupidity, bruh. It’s just so fucking tiring and irritating, son. I quit. I… I fucking quit. LC out.