Donald Trump’s Fake News About ‘Fake News’

*Sigh* I guess it’s back to the bullshit, huh? I swear, man, Donald Trump‘s entire administration is a clown show, son. It’s a daily fucking circus and it’s making my head split in two. For the last few months, Trump’s been on a crusade against “fake news,” despite the fact that his team is responsible for some of the most egregious examples of false reporting. Whether it’s Sean Spicer or Kellyanne Conway, Trump’s entire squad of buffoons constantly spews inaccuracies that boggle the mind. However; not to be outshined, Trump took his ridiculous claims a step further by insinuating that the media doesn’t accurately report terrorist attacks.

To begin, while speaking with enlisted service-members at MacDill Air Force Base in Florida, Trump claimed that terrorist attacks are happening all over Europe and they’re not being reported. He then went on to say that the “dishonest” press has their “reasons” for not reporting these alleged incidents. Now, I say alleged because Trump gave ZERO examples to support his argument. In the aftermath, Spicer was probed by reporters for evidence to support Trump’s baseless accusations. In response, Spicer said that the White House would release a list of “underreported” attacks to bolster Trump’s words.

Now, here’s where the REAL fuckery begins. When the White House’s list finally surfaced, it chronicled a mountain of instances that dominated the news cycle over the past two years. Incidents such as the 2015 Paris attack, the Orlando nightclub shooting and the truck attacks in Nice and Berlin were included. Son, there was literally wall-to-wall coverage for ALL of these situations on damn near EVERY news network! How the fuck could Trump conclude that they were being underreported? Furthermore, why weren’t the massacres perpetrated by Dylann Roof and Alexandre Bissonnette included here? Oh, is it because they don’t fit Trump’s narrative of Islamic radicalism? Yeah, that sounds about right, son.

Moving on, I find it incredibly peculiar that only one of the attacks listed actually occurred in the countries targeted by the Muslim Ban. Only one out of 78?! In addition, most of them happened in Egypt. So, why are their citizens still free to come and go as they please? Son, what the fuck are we even talking about right now? To add insult to injury, there were spelling errors EVERYWHERE! I can’t take anyone’s argument seriously if they write “attaker” instead of “attacker,” son. Good fucking Lord, man! Get this dude faaaaaaaaaaaar away from the Oval Office!

In the end, FUCK! I can’t do this shit everyday, son. They’re already closing down Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, man. They just need to go ahead and add Donald Trump’s entire administration to that list. LC out.

Paris OD’d On Kim Kardashian

Listen, I’ve never been a fan of the Kardashian family, but wow, son, Paris completely stepped out of bounds. The newly unearthed story of Kim Kardashian’s robbery is so wild, it legit sounds like some movie shit. Honestly, I’m confused as to how something so bonkers could happen to someone at Kim’s fame level. I have so many questions, man. So many damn questions. Let me see if I can talk my way through this.

First, for those who are unaware, Kim was robbed of $10 million worth of jewelry at a Paris hotel. Now, on face value, when I hear a story like that, I automatically think someone got lucky by stealing a suitcase or something. However; in this case, the situation was WAY more dangerous. Apparently, a couple of gunmen dressed up like police, put the pistol to the concierge and made him take them to Kim’s residence. From there, the gunmen tied Kim up in a bathroom and ran off with her shit. Like, I didn’t make up any part of this story, son. That’s actually what’s being reported, man.

All I want to know is, where the fuck does this type of shit happen, bro? Where was her security? Why wasn’t the security at the hotel better? Look, it’s entertaining to make fun of the Kardashian family, but this ain’t the time for jokes, man. This really could’ve been a hazardous scenario. Do we even know if her kids were with her at the time? So many loose ends to tie up, no pun intended, though.

Ultimately, I don’t really have much else to say. Nobody deserves to face that type of potential violence. On the real, armed people need to be around celebrities at all times. No one can ever guess when some overzealous fools might try to reenact some nonsense they saw in a Quentin Tarantino film. At this point, I’m just looking for a simpler time when I could make fun of the Kardashian’s for being media whores. This type of incident is way too real for the streets they reside on. Everybody needs to be safe, though. Word to Taxstone. Good day.

P.S. Like my homegirl LeShay said, this story better NOT end up on Kim’s reality show. This ain’t the type of shit that should be exploited for ratings. Then again, that family put Lamar Odom‘s issues on blast, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised if it does. All I know is, I agree with my fiancée: that stolen jewelry is waaaay too hot for the theives to be able to safely lay low. I hope it was worth it, son. I hope it was all worth it.