A Letter To Steve Stephens

Dear Steve Stephens,

Look, I’ve never been one to mince words, so I’m going to just get straight to the point. You’re a fucking coward, man. You’re nothing more than a peon who deserves the absolute worst. How DARE you take the life of Robert Godwin in such a callous manner?! That man did NOTHING to deserve your pathetic misguided wrath! All I know is, your day is coming and it will be completely justified.

Now, let’s be clear here, son. People get dumped everyday, B. On the real, unless a relationship ends in marriage or some type of domestic situation, then someone is getting the axe. It’s just the nature of the game, man. With that being said, why the fuck would you use getting dumped to justify why you killed that man? Ok, so, your ex-girlfriend doesn’t want you anymore. What the fuck does that have to do with Robert Godwin? Shit, not only did you take that man’s life over some bullshit, but you had the audacity to commit this travesty on Facebook Live. Good fucking Lord, man! You’ve literally taken being a piece of shit to the next level, bruh.

To make matters worse, you dragged your mother, Maggie Green, into the nonsense. I mean, you really had the nerve to tell her that you’re shooting people because you’re mad at your woman? Man, what kind of hoe ass behavior is this, son? Out of the countless ways people find to get over heartbreak, this is your solution?! Look, your ex-lady really dodged a fucking bullet, no pun intended. Clearly, she’s better off not dealing with your unstable ass. No real man would act in such a manner, bruh. She absolutely made the right decision.

In the end, this manhunt can only last for so long, man. Eventually, the authorities are going to catch up to you and you deserve whatever brand of justice they plan on dishing out. Ultimately, no one is going to feel sorry for you, son. All in all, fuck you very much, bitch!

Sincerely,

A man who’s disgusted by your very existence

What Is The Point Of The Electoral College?

To begin, I know exactly what the point of the Electoral College is. However; as this recent election, along with the 2000 George W. BushAl Gore race, has shown us, this system is fucking bullshit, man! As it currently stands, Hillary Clinton has amassed 62.8 million votes across the country. In comparison, Donald Trump has pulled in 61.5 million total votes. Now, despite securing well over a million more votes than Trump, Clinton somehow lost the election by 74 projected electoral votes (306 to 232). Based on this result, on December 19th, the actual Electoral College is supposed to vote and confirm Trump’s presidency. So, let me get this straight, son. This woman could literally have a million MORE people on her side and still get trounced in the race? If that ain’t a sign that the Electoral College needs to go, we all must be wrong about simple mathematics, man.

Now, for those who don’t understand the Electoral College, I’ll try to give a little bit of background. I’m not going to go balls deep into the issue, but I’d like to give some insight on its purpose. So, the idea is, the Senate, the House of Representatives and three additional electors from Washington, D.C. vote for who will ultimately become the President and the Vice President. The way this vote works, all states, except for Maine and Nebraska, vote in a “winner-take-all” manner. Meaning, if a candidate has the most general election votes in a particular state, the electors from that state give all of their votes to that candidate. In addition, the number of electors per state depends on the population of that state. This is why states like New York, California, Florida and Texas have a shit-ton of electors.

With all of that being said, this system is fucking broken, son! First, the founding fathers put this system in place because they did NOT want the popular vote to choose the president. That’s a major red flag, man. Way to circumvent the will of the people, douchebags! Second, this system gives way too much power to “swing states.” Every four years, we can basically guess how most of the country will behave. California will most likely be a blue state, while Texas will most likely be a red state. Meaning, places like fucking Ohio and Iowa ultimately have the upper hand on who will win the election. Look, son, maybe it’s just me, but a couple of random states shouldn’t have that much fucking influence. If the overall country is leaning towards a particular candidate, why should we all have to suffer because a few states in the Midwest decided to do some fuck shit? It doesn’t make any sense, man! More Americans wanted Clinton as our president, bro. I don’t give a flying fuck about what people in Michigan are thinking. These swing states ruined it for all of us, son!

Ultimately, I could keep going with my Electoral College hate fest. However; I should probably get back to work. I need to make sure I acquire as much funds as possible, son. I damn sure ain’t gonna be broke during the revolution, bro. All I know is, Donald Trump ain’t my president, man. Tell his supporters to come and get me. Good day.

P.S. It’s funny, as in not funny, how Trump now praises the Electoral College after calling it a disaster back in 2012. I guess it’s only “genius” when it benefits him instead of a Black man. That is all.

Et Tu, Dave Chappelle?

Look, I’m a Dave Chappelle fanatic, son. Like, an absolute Stan, man. In my opinion, he’s the greatest comedian of all time and created the greatest sketch show ever. Now, with all of that being said, all of my hero worship doesn’t mean he can’t get this work too, son. After hearing his thoughts on Hillary ClintonDonald Trump, women’s rights and the LGBTQ community, I’m forced to take the Gawd to task for the fuckity-fuck shit he said. *Sigh* With great pain in my heart, let’s do this, man.

So, over the weekend, Chappelle did a number of surprise shows at The Cutting Room here in New York. Now, while he’s been known to incorporate social and political musings in his material, I don’t think his Friday audience was prepared for his latest batch of hot takes.

To begin, let’s talk about Trump’s “grab them by the pussy” scandal. Apparently, to Chappelle, while Trump’s words were “gross,” he thought the idea of Clinton’s camp possibly leaking the Access Hollywood tape was more egregious. In addition, he didn’t agree that Trump promoted sexual assault in his rhetoric. According to Chappelle’s logic, the phrase “they let you do it” implies consent. I guess we’re just ignoring the fact that Trump literally said he’ll flat out kiss AND grab women if he finds them attractive. Nowhere in his comments did he EVER state his advances were warranted. Shit, Chappelle must have been famous for too long because even he can’t seem to wrap his mind around the fact that physical actions can’t just be taken. If the woman didn’t co-sign beforehand, it’s a no-go, son. Plain and fucking simple, man. Also, even if Clinton did release the tape, who gives a fuck, man? Out of every group Trump has offended this election cycle, it would be poetic justice if he fell on the sword of his own words.

Now, while Chappelle’s political philosophies may have been bad enough, he decided to turn his attention to women and the LGTBQ community. It appears Dave has a problem with activists discussing the issues of these particular groups in front of Black people. In terms of disenfranchisement, racism is apparently top tier and everyone else’s struggle is secondary. Good fucking Lord, Dave! Look, man, I’m one of the main people speaking about racial injustice around here, but that shouldn’t come at the expense of someone else’s fight, son. What the fuck, Dave?! Black people have a raw fucking deal in this country, but so do American Indians, women, gay people, transgender people, etc. Shit, if we’re really being real here, this country favors straight White men. Everyone else is working to gain some type of equal footing. It’s a fucking shame that Chappelle is acting like he isn’t aware of this.

In the end, maybe Chappelle has been in Yellow Springs, Ohio for too long now. He’s becoming a cantankerous older gentleman and it’s a damn shame to watch, man. Now, maybe, hopefully, I’m blowing this entire thing out of proportion. All I know is, we can’t be out here losing more of our heroes, son. Get your shit together, Dave! Good day.

Fun Fact: Barack Obama Invented Racism

Ok, can I ask everyone out there a question? With all of the racial tension currently bubbling in America, is it bad that Kathy Miller‘s ABSURD comments were just the laugh I needed? I mean, I’ve heard some preposterous statements in my lifetime, but Miller has reached a Jedi Grand Master level of stupid. But hey, what can I expect from a staunch supporter of Donald Trump?

Now, we do I begin? Ok, so, Kathy Miller was Trump’s campaign chair for Mahoning County in Ohio. I used the word “was” because after the barrel of fuckery she uttered during an interview with The Guardian, she promptly stepped down. In any case, what made this interview highly entertaining is the fact she believes racism didn’t exist until Barack Obama became president. In addition, she commented that she never experienced segregation and never saw the civil rights movement “as anything.” To top it all off, she claimed that Black people have always had the same opportunities as White people. For example, she referenced our “access” to the same schools as everyone else. Look, I could keep going, but it’s time to start tearing this truffle butter stain to shreds.

First, I find it incredibly odd that she stressed if Black people haven’t risen up in the last 50 years, then it’s our fault. Why 50 years, Kathy? Ohhhh, maybe that’s because we only got the right to vote about 50 years ago! Why didn’t we have the right to vote before that, Kathy? Institutional bigotry, dumbass! Racial discrimination in the voting process only became illegal in 1965. 19-motherfucking-65, man! My mother was a legit fourteen years old when this occurred. That’s how short of a time period we’re talking about, son.

Moving on, how can she claim we always had access to the same schools when SEGREGATION EXISTED?! Oh, wait, I forgot, she never experienced that. So, since some random White woman never came face-to-face with what was happening in damn near every American neighborhood, segregation must not have been real. Look, our inability to get accepted into predominantly White colleges was a fundamental reason for why HBCUwere created in the first place. Funny thing is, these same schools always allowed access to students of all races. Can these historically White institutions make that same claim? Absolutely not, son.

Lastly, I’m not even going to comment on her views about the civil rights movement. I mean, my day off from work on Martin Luther King Jr. Day is all of the proof I need, son. That man literally took a bullet for Black people, yet this woman denies the movement was even real. *Sigh* Idiocy knows no bounds, son. It honestly, truly, knows no bounds.

In the end, all I can say is, these type of people really walk the streets, man. Like, Kathy Miller is an actual human being. She isn’t someone we made up. She really breathes air and drinks water, son. With that being said, it’s mind-boggling that there are people out there who are this stupid. Shit, not only stupid, but actually in charge of organizations. Man, I wouldn’t even let this woman work the deep fryer at Kentucky Fried Chicken. Once again, this is the kind of tomfoolery Trump inspires. Need I say more? Good day.

Donald Trump Loves The Blacks

Honestly, son, when is enough really enough? How much bullshit can one man spew before people see him for who he is? At this point, I legitimately can’t take anyone who supports Donald Trump seriously. For me, anyone deciding to give this guy their vote has already told me everything I need to know about them. Furthermore, in my eyes, any minority who’s onboard with Trump’s platform is either oblivious or complicit to his inflammatory language. In any case, his latest pitch to Black people further crystallizes the fact this man CANNOT be our next president.

Now, this past Monday, at a rally in Akron, Ohio, Trump decided to “speak” to Black people in front of a mostly-White audience. According to him, living conditions for the Black community are so horrendous in this country, we’d be much better off by voting for him. In his depiction of our current state, he insinuated our lives are nothing more than complete hellholes. He brought up poverty, bad education and crime at “levels nobody has seen” as some sort of justification for why we need him. In his eyes, all of these “events” have occurred under the watch of the Democrats. With that being said, apparently, the only way for us to have our slice of the American Dream is to elect him into office.

Look, I have SO many issues with his statements I don’t even know where to start, son. First, his depiction of Black life in America is DRASTICALLY exaggerated. Even during an interview with Anderson Cooper on CNN, he tried to pass off some fraudulent statistic about 40% of African-Americans living in poverty. When Cooper corrected him by saying the percentage is actually 26%, Trump’s reaction was to say there wasn’t a big discrepancy between the two numbers. Is this dude fucking kidding, man? A difference of 14% is a HUGE difference if these are the “facts” he’s using to justify his half baked theories. He’s essentially trying to say almost half of the Black people in this country are living in poverty, when in actuality, the number is much closer to a quarter. In addition, how can he blame the Democrats for all of our “issues” when instances such as the crack epidemic and Rockerfeller Drug Laws happened under Ronald Reagan and Nelson Rockerfeller, respectively? In case Trump forgot, both of those individuals were very Republican, man. Basically, these hugely, and negatively, influential time periods happened under Republican watch. Trump can thank his own party for a good portion of the poor treatment my people have faced in this country.

Next, how dare this man try to have this type of conversation in a room full of White people. He doesn’t have the wherewithal to come to our communities and talk with us directly, but thinks it’s alright to pass judgment in front of our Caucasian counterparts? To make matters worse, Corey Lewandowski, Trump’s former campaign manager, came out and said Trump won’t visit Black communities because it wouldn’t be a “safe environment.” Good fucking Lord, man, the hits just keep on coming! So, this presidential nominee is asking for our vote and somehow thinks thoroughly disrespecting us is the right move? I literally can’t comprehend how he or his aids think. He’s spreading fallacies while berating us and this is somehow supposed to endear him to our people? Get this fool the flying fuck out of here, man.

Finally, in the coup de grâce of asshole, this past Saturday, Trump brought the tragic killing of Nykea Aldridge into the political atmosphere. Now, for anyone who missed this, Aldridge is Dwyane Wade‘s cousin who was hit by a stray bullet during a gang shooting in Chicago. Horrifically, the mother-of-four was pushing her youngest child’s stroller when the incident occurred. Now, instead of simply sending condolences to her family in their time of grief, Trump used this situation as an opportunity to send another pitch to Black people. According to his logic, her death is somehow “proof” Black people will vote for him. All jokes aside, I’m so offended by this ploy that I can’t properly put it into words. There is absolutely NO depth this man won’t sink to. This woman just passed away and he couldn’t wait to politicize her death. On the real, disgusting doesn’t even begin to describe this type of tactic, son. I’m convinced this clown doesn’t have a soul at all.

All in all, fuck this dude, man. There’s really no other way for me to say it. In addition, fuck anyone who supports Trump too. In all seriousness, if I have a personal relationship with you and you support Donald Trump, lose my number, unfollow me on social media and forget any other form of communication. This isn’t about politics anymore. This man is a toxic human being and I refuse to associate with anyone who indulges in his brand of divisiveness. Good day.