I Don’t Feel Sorry For Aaron Hernandez

Ok, based on the title alone, it may seem like I’m being a bit callous about Aaron Hernandez‘s suicide. Listen, that’s not my intention at all. With that being said, it’s hard for me to have empathy for a man like Hernandez. I mean, are we forgetting that he killed someone? Now, while his family may be hurting, I’m sure the family of Odin Lloyd is still hurting too. Ultimately, Hernandez couldn’t face the consequences of his own actions.

So, for those who missed it, Aaron Hernandez, former New England Patriots tight end, hung himself in his prison cell yesterday. This comes only days after he was acquitted for the murders of Daniel de Abreu and Safiro Furtado. Now, while he may have dodged a bullet in that particular case, he was still serving life without parole for Lloyd’s murder. I mean, I guess one body is better than three, or something like that.

Look, I need everyone to put this story into perspective. Hernandez didn’t just happen to kill Lloyd by accident. He specifically ran up on Lloyd in an industrial park and shot him to death. I mean, just take one look at the picture above, son. That’s what Hernandez did to that man, fam. To make matters worse, Hernandez brought two guys along with him: Carlos Ortiz and Ernest Wallace. Both of these men ended up being guilty of accessory after the fact. All in all, Hernandez was never the victim here. On the real, this is the bed he made, son.

In the end, let’s stop the sensationalism, man. This dude wasn’t a martyr, son. He was a former NFL star who decided to throw his life away over some bullshit. No one put him in that position but him. For that reason, I don’t feel sorry for Aaron Hernandez. It just is what it is, bruh. LC out.

How The F*ck Did The New England Patriots Win?!?

Man, what the hell did I watch last night? Seriously, how the FUCK did the New England Patriots pull this shit off, son? More importantly, how the FUCK did the Atlanta Falcons lose this Super Bowl?! In my 30-plus years on this planet, I’ve NEVER seen a crazier comeback. All in all, as much as it pains me to say this, Tom Brady is without question the greatest quarterback of all time. In addition, Bill Belichick is absolutely the greatest coach of all time. Now, before I continue vomiting, allow me to try and reconcile what I just witnessed yesterday.

First, let me start with the Falcons. As far as I’m concerned, this team is no longer allowed to have fans. Not even my greatest enemy deserves to be a fan of a team that can blow a 28-3 lead. 28-3? 28 TO FUCKING 3?!? How on God‘s green Earth could this squad fuck up a 98.9% chance of winning?! Before this game, the largest deficit a team ever overcame was 10 points. THESE MOTHERFUCKERS WERE UP BY 25 POINTS, MAN!! After taking that 28-3 lead, these clowncakes never scored again and lost 34-28. I mean, these losers couldn’t even get a field goal? A fucking safety? Anything?! Man, that’s literally the most insane comeback I’ve ever watched, son. Real talk, to all of my friends and family in Atlanta, the Falcons don’t deserve any fandom from this point forward. They just disrespected the city in the WORST way.

Now, let’s talk about the Patriots. I mean, what can I say here, son? Despite being a diehard New York Giants fan, I have to call a spade a spade, man. Brady and Belichick are the greatest duo in NFL history. Brady now have five rings and Belichick has seven, when including the two rings he won as the Giants’ defensive coordinator. At this point, they have damn near every record imaginable. There’s literally no disputing their greatness, son. Look, I don’t use the term “hater” lightly, but if anyone still has negative things to say about the Patriots, they’re just haters. These dudes have done it all, man. There’s no one else in their league or even close to it.

In the end, there really isn’t much else to say here. The only downside to this victory is the fact that deplorables like Donald Trump and Richard Spencer support the Patriots. It’s literally never cool when White supremacists are onboard the train. In any case, as I’ve previously stated, Tom Brady is indeed the greatest quarterback of all time. However; keep one thing in mind, son. The Patriots’ historic greatness makes Eli Manning and my Giants even more mythical, son. We’re the only team to ever beat him and Belichick. And we did it twice, bitch! I’m perfectly content with my team being the two glorious stains on their record, man. Good day.

P.S. How sick was Roger Goodell yesterday? After the whole Deflategate fiasco, he still had to hand the Vince Lombardi Trophy over to Robert Kraft and company. On the real, I’m no fan of the Patriots, but I’m even less of a fan of Goodell. With that being said, it was great watching him being forced to swallow his shallow pride. LC out.

Go Away, Lena Dunham

So, I plan on keeping this post short today, but I just need to make one thing clear: Lena Dunham needs to go away. Far, far, faaaaaar away. At this point, what is her point? What is her purpose? What is she aiming to accomplish with all of the idiotic things she says? For someone who claims to be a champion of women’s rights, Dunham spends a large part of her life spewing unwarranted nonsense. Now, I could take some time and go through her laundry list of tomfoolery, but I’d rather speak about two of her most recent incidents. After this, maybe she can finally disappear into an abyss and never be heard from again.

Now, let’s start with her debacle with Odell Beckham, Jr. As of now, I’m sure a lot of people have heard about her make-believe encounter with the New York Giants star. During the Met Gala earlier this year, Dunham happened to be sitting next to Beckham. While recounting her “experience” during a conversation with Amy Schumer, Dunham went on some ridiculous tirade about how Beckham didn’t speak to her because she wasn’t shaped like the women he normally deals with. She essentially body-shamed herself and made it seem as if Beckham was the one being sexist. She called herself a “marshmallow,” a “child” and a “dog” in an effort to present Beckham as some heartless misogynist who only values a woman’s body. Somehow, Dunham turned a non-situation into an ordeal which erroneously painted her as a victim. For me, I could care less about the fact she apologized. This story should’ve never been told in the first place. It didn’t add ANY value to the REAL movement feminists are fighting for.

Moving on, just the other day, Dunham did the damn most YET AGAIN! This time, her foolishness awakened while reminiscing about a conversation she had with a young girl outside of a Planned Parenthood in Texas. The girl was asking different women to share their stories of abortion. Now, despite the fact Dunham never had an abortion, she apparently didn’t want to be left out of the struggle. Instead of just leaving well enough alone, Dunham stated on a podcast that even though she’s never had an abortion, she wished she had. What? Wait, what?! Did she just speak about abortion like it’s the latest dance craze? Is this woman fucking serious? There is absolutely NOTHING lighthearted about abortion! While I’m a firm believer in a woman’s right to choose, that doesn’t make the decision any less difficult for them. It’s never an easy choice to forgo a pregnancy and her ability to speak about this topic so nonchalantly shows how dense she really is. How can a woman “fight” for women’s rights but be so insensitive to an action that can be profoundly impactful? Man, get this clown the fuck outta here, son!

In the end, I’m mad at myself for even writing this post, man. I really don’t believe this woman is worth any of our time. Hopefully, when Girls is finished on HBO, the ground will open up and swallow her whole. She doesn’t deserve to walk among us. Good day.

Get Jim Brown The F*ck Outta Here!

Nah, man. No way, son. Absolutely not, kid. Please tell me there’s no way Jim Brown turned on us in this manner! Is this man, a former civil rights activist, really out here caping for Donald Trump right now? I swear, the last two years have exposed two types of people to me: racists and sellouts. I never thought I’d see the day where I could add Brown to the list of sellouts. Now, I was originally going to roast Kanye West AGAIN for the fuckity-fuck shit he pulled at Trump Tower yesterday. However; after seeing a legend like Brown completely play himself, I’ve decided to point my cannons in his direction.

Now, where do I even start with this bullshit, man? Ok, so, Brown also decided to head to Trump Tower on Tuesday to meet with the President-elect. According to Brown, he was there to discuss issues facing the African-American community. In my eyes, it would be one thing if Brown used that opportunity to hold Trump accountable for the damaging things he’s said about minorities, women and Muslims. Instead, this fallen hero left the meeting speaking about how he “fell in love” with Trump and how Trump has his admiration. Adding insult to injury, Brown spoke about how the “three greatest people” in his life were all White and how his work doesn’t focus on race. On the real, it was hard for me to make it through Brown’s statements because they are in DIRECT conflict with everything he’s previously fought for. I literally don’t know who this man is, son.

*Sigh* I don’t even know what else to say here, man. I’m literally bursting at the seams with anger. How can a man who’s spent a large part of his life fighting for Black people champion a man who’s disrespected so many disenfranchised individuals? Why do all of Trump’s proponents just dismiss all of the hurtful rhetoric he’s spewed over the course of this presidential election? How many times do I have to bring up the mind-bogglingly disrespectful things he’s said about Hispanics, women, Muslims and Black people? Were all of Trump’s fans living under a rock when he waged a verbal war on damn near everyone who wasn’t a White male? How DARE Brown pretend as if Trump’s remarks don’t matter and still front like he’s acting on behalf of Black people! Nah, naaaaah, son! Jim Brown absolutely does NOT speak for me, bro! Get him the flying fuck outta here!

In the end, fuck this, son. That’s it. I’m done. This might be the last thing I write for the year. I can’t take this nonsense anymore. I’m out.

P.S. This clown Brown also had the audacity to talk about what Trump “went through” to become president. What did he go through, Jim? He wrapped himself in the veil of bigotry and all of his fellow bigots came out to support him. In my eyes, he ran the race wearing a security blanket. Once again, thanks a lot, America.

I’m Done With Kanye West

That’s it. I’m done, man. I’m over Kanye West and his constant brand of bullshit. As a DIEHARD fan, I’ve tried and tried and tried to look past his frequent barrage of nonsense. However; enough is enough, son! During his ten millionth rant last night in San Jose, Kanye told concertgoers that not only did he forgo voting, but if he did, he would’ve voted for Donald Trump. All I know is, for me, the artist I’ve supported all of these years is officially gone. Get this man the fuck outta here, son!

*Sigh* Where do I even start, man? So, during his recent concert, Kanye went on one of his customary rants and spoke about the recent presidential election. First, he emphasized the fact he didn’t vote. This is problem number one. For a man who once rhymed that his mother was arrested for a sit-in “at the tender age of six,” his decision to eschew voting is an absolute slap in her face. Side note, Rest In Peace to Donda West.

Now, the same man who spent countless songs on The College Dropout and Late Registration addressing systemic issues decided to avoid using his voice for something other than promoting clothes with holes in them. Honestly, it’s fucking disgusting, man. In my eyes, I don’t want to hear anyone talk about solving societal ills if they don’t engage with the individuals who govern our cities and states. That same message applies to Colin Kaepernick and his non-voting ass too!

Moving on, just when we thought that hot take was the extent of his fuckery, he then chose to offer up praise to our orange-faced President-elect. According to Kanye, he admires Trump’s “non-political” way of speaking and considers it a “futuristic” form of communication. In addition, he talked about how people just assumed he was a Democrat and how his friends advised him not to mention the fact he loved Trump’s “approach” to the debates.

Gosh, Kanye, what’s wrong with us, huh? Of COURSE a man who once proclaimed that George W. Bush didn’t care about Black people would embrace a man who’s shitted on us, Hispanics, Muslims, women and disabled people. Of COURSE a man who wrote songs like “All Falls Down” and “Crack Music” would openly support a divisive human being who used his hometown of Chicago as an example of why we need more “law and order.” We must be the crazy ones, right?

I mean, is this clown fucking serious, man?! Has he been a Kardashian for that long now? Has he forgotten that even if he’s in a Benz, he’s still a “nigga in a coupe”? Who the fuck is this man now?! I no longer see ANY shades of the dude who was once a champion of the people. I guess he’s too rich now to remember where he came from. That’s fine, because White America can have him now. I completely wash my hands of his persistent coonery.

In the end, I’m over all of the fuck shit, man. All of it! I have nothing else to say today. Fuck Kanye West, son! Fuck ’em! Good day.

NFL: Mad At Colin Kaepernick; Silent About Josh Brown

Now, despite being a diehard New York Giants fan, I’m PISSED today, man. The hypocrisy of the National Football League knows no bounds, son. It’s amazing how Colin Kaepernick could be blasted by any and everyone, but real scumbags like Josh Brown barely get any attention. Once again, the NFL proves they simply do NOT care about the nefarious activities of their players.

So, here’s what has me all riled up this morning. Apparently, Brown is a very well known proponent of violence against women. In journals, emails to his wife and even letters to his friends, he’s spoken openly about the physical and emotional violence he’s inflicted on his wife. He’s referred to himself as “God,” called his wife his “slave” and even mentioned being a sexual deviant. Here’s the kicker: the Giants knew about ALL of this and still re-signed him to a two-year contract during the offseason. However; now that all of the fuckery is coming out, the team and the NFL need to “investigate” the story.

Off the rip, I have several issues with this entire situation, man. First, let me start by discussing the coach of my team: Ben McAdoo. When asked about Brown, McAdoo said “we’re not going to turn our back on Josh. He’s a teammate. He’s a guy that we’re hoping makes strides.” Now, this is the same man who said he would be “disappointed” if any of his players “[pulled] a Kaepernick” back in August. So, let me get this straight, McAdoo. It’s ok to sympathize with a man who terrorizes his wife, but something is wrong with a man who’s trying to bring awareness to racial discrimination? Are these people fucking kidding me, man?! It’s mind-boggling how players can get away with violence, drugs and even calling people “niggers,” but taking a knee is seemingly an unforgivable offense. Like, my body is actually aching because I’m so mad right now.

In the end, let me make myself perfectly clear. If anyone had something to say about Kaepernick, but have remained mum on Josh Brown, Greg Hardy or Ben Roethlisberger, jump off of the nearest bridge. Seriously, the world doesn’t need people like that. Hell, even Ben had some bullshit to say about Kaepernick. Look, anyone who’s been accused of sexual assault more than once needs to shut the fuckity-fuck up, son. Apparently, women can be targets, but God forbid we speak about empowering a historically oppressed group of people. Fuck off, son!

Shout-out To All Of My ‘Bad Hombres’

So, the debate, huh? They’re all finally over, huh? Thank the Lord, son. I couldn’t take one more of these outrageous debacles. I mean, if I really wanted to have my intelligence insulted, I’d go argue with a New England Patriots fan about the “Tuck Rule.” Side note, Pats fans, let’s cut the bullshit, man. Tom Brady fumbled the ball in that game. We all saw it on camera, bro. In any case, I’ve officially had enough of this presidential election. I’m tired of commenting on it and I’m tired of seeing the faces of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. With that being said, good ol’ Trump left us all with one last gem: “bad hombres.”

Look, if anyone pays any attention to the news today, all of the pundits are on fire about a different Trump comment. Essentially, the man said he can’t guarantee that he’ll accept the outcome of the election if he loses. That statement is unprecedented because no other candidate has ever questioned the voting process this much BEFORE people went to the polls. In my eyes, he’s looking for an excuse for his inevitable loss. At this point, he’s behind is damn near every poll, son. So, instead of chalking his failure up to his ridiculous campaign, he’d rather point fingers and make nefarious allegations about voter fraud. Please note, these theories have been debunked by nearly everyone with a brain.

Now, while his stance about voting practices is the talk of the town, I’d rather speak about his “bad hombres” statement. Man, this dude just refuses to leave Hispanics alone, bro. Since the beginning of his campaign, he’s blamed Mexicans and other Hispanics for basically all of the crime going on in this country. Either they’re rapists, drug dealers or just crooked people. Yet and still, he somehow believes Hispanics will vote for him in a few weeks. I really don’t understand how that man thinks, son. He throws them under the bus EVERY chance he gets and still wants them to support him. That’s like me repeatedly kicking someone in the nuts and then looking for them to give me a job referral. It doesn’t work that way, bro. Not at all.

Ultimately, the “bad hombres” comment was the pinnacle of condescending rhetoric. Not only is he making unwarranted accusations about an ENTIRE group of people, but he’s mocking their language in the process. I mean, I can’t even properly quantify how fucked up that is, man. That’s like a cop saying “it’s lit” right before putting five bullets in my ass. This dude is a straight up cartoon character, but none of us find him funny. Wait, that’s probably why he’s always orange, man. He really is playing the part of a clown, son. All in all, I’m just glad this election cycle is nearly over. Now, we all need to make sure we do our part to keep this man FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR away from the Oval Office. Good day.