Dear Basketball Gods: Give Us Zion Williamson!

So, I’m going to keep this post short today. All I can say is, I’m a lifelong New York Knicks fan who needs some damn relief, son. With that being said, I’m on fucking edge right now, man! I mean, the NBA Draft Lottery is tonight and I’m STRESSED, fam! All in all, I NEED the Knicks to get the first pick so we can get Zion Williamson.

Ok, for those who are unaware, tonight is an important night for the league. The Draft Lottery will let us know the order of the upcoming NBA Draft. More importantly, it’ll let basketball fans know where Williamson will end up next season. Like, let’s be real, bruh: Zion is going number one. But, we don’t know which team will get the pick. Currently, my Knicks have a 14% chance of getting it. Frankly, I don’t like those odds, son.

Look, I don’t know what else to say, man. Keeping it a buck, I’m nervous as fuck, fam. All I know is, I hope Patrick Ewing can give us some good luck while he represents us tonight. The fact is, Knicks fans have suffered enough, bruh. Like, can we FINALLY get a win, son? Please? PLEASE?! For God‘s sake, I’m tired of the tomfoolery, folks. Tired, tired, tired!

In the end, I’m on pins and needles, son. Ultimately, I’m just praying for something good, man. By and by, I won’t know what to do with myself if we don’t get this pick, fam. *Sigh* Excuse me while I go drink my anxiety away, bruh. Viva la Zion! That is all. LC out.

Advertisements

The Los Angeles Lakers Are A Sh*tshow

Look, before I even begin, let me acknowledge the fact that I’m a New York Knicks fan. This means that I am accustomed to a team being a dumpster fire. With that being said, the Los Angeles Lakers are in a world of shit right now, son. I mean, missing the playoffs was bad enough, man. However, after Magic Johnson’s sudden departure, it’s safe to say that one of the NBA’s most storied franchises is lost as fuck, fam.

Ok, for those who missed it, Johnson stepped down as the President of Basketball Operations for the Lakers. Now, this is notable for a bunch of reasons, but the manner in which he did it was wild, bruh. So, not only did Johnson leave his post, but he did it in front of the media, didn’t tell Jeanie Buss, the team’s owner, and didn’t wait until the end of the season. Furthermore, he did it with a whole bunch of tears in his eyes. Frankly, I watched this whole episode like “what the fuck is happening, son?”

Now, I already see a lot of people blaming LeBron James for this change (i.e. Michael Rapaport). All I can say is, that’s pure nonsense, man. Ok, yes, the team did miss the playoffs. But, they’ve missed the playoffs for the last six years, on top of the fact that James, Lonzo Ball and Brandon Ingram had a ton of injuries. So, I’m not ready to hang this on James’ head, fam. The truth is, Johnson wasn’t very good at his job, bruh. Like, I know he’s a legend, son. However, being a legend on the court doesn’t automatically make him a legend in the boardroom.

Shit, let’s go through some of his failures, man. First, he traded D’Angelo Russell. Now, for anyone who hasn’t been paying attention, Russell has been killing it with the Brooklyn Nets, fam. On the real, he’s turning into the player that a lot of people thought he could be. All I can say is, the Lakers never gave him a chance, bruh. Second, Johnson gambled on Anthony Davis and lost. The Lakers tried to throw the kitchen sink at the New Orleans Pelicans and they didn’t budge, son. All in all, Johnson and the Lakers were stuck with egg on their face, folks. Lastly, Johnson couldn’t get Paul George. Despite the fact that it seemed like George wanted to go to L.A., the deal never went through, people. Instead, George went on to have an MVP-level season with the Oklahoma City Thunder. Basically, Johnson botched all of the team’s moves, brethren.

In the end, good luck to the Lakers, son. Wait, what am I saying, man? I’m a Knicks fan, fam. Fuck the Lakers, bruh! Ultimately, I hope everything bad in life happens to them and only them (word to Silky Johnson). By and by, I’m thoroughly enjoying the chaos, folks. In any case, I’m sure I’ll be singing a different tune when the Knicks fail to sign Kevin Durant and/or Kyrie Irving. At the end of the day, I don’t have much faith in my team either, people. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Dear Basketball Gods, can the Knicks at least sign Zion Williamson? Please? Pretty please? Thanks a lot and have a good day.

Cardi B: When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

So, let me begin this post by saying that I’m a Cardi B fan. I mean, if anyone has read my blog, they’d know that, son. On the real, I’ve always appreciated the fact that she’s herself, regardless of the situation. On top of that, she’s from the Bronx, so that’s just code, man. With all of that being said, she needs to knock off the dumb shit, fam. Listen, we all know that she had a life before Rap. However, she needs to keep some of that shit to herself, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Cardi is getting flamed for some shit she said on Instagram three years ago. So, based on her own admissions, she used to rob men during her stripper days. Now, to take it a step further, she admitted to luring men in who wanted to have sex with her, drugging them and THEN robbing them. Apparently, she did all of this because of “limited options.” Listen, I didn’t put “limited options” in quotations because I don’t believe she struggled. I phrased it like that because that’s still no fucking excuse, son. Look, I’m not naïve to crime, man. I’ve seen my fair share of fuckery while growing up in the Bronx, fam. But, she’s crazy if she thinks that people co-sign any of this behavior, bruh. Wrong is wrong is wrong, folks.

In addition, she ain’t need to confess to any of this shit, bruh. Like, this is the type of tomfoolery that got Liam Neeson in trouble. Real talk, no one needed to know that Neeson was looking for random Black dudes to kill, son. The same way that no one needed to know that Cardi was out here drugging dudes and doing Lord knows what to them. Now, instead of just tending to business, the public is looking at the both of them crazy, man. Hell, in the #MeToo era, Cardi can’t be out here talking about drugging people, fam. That’s the same shit that got Bill Cosby (rightfully) hemmed up.

In the end, Cardi needs to leave the past in the past. Ultimately, we already know that she’s not a perfect individual, bruh. By and by, she doesn’t need to keep reaffirming this. At this point, she’s just incriminating herself, son. Just watch, a bunch of dudes are about to come out and claim that Cardi did this to them. *Sigh* All of these younger artists just like snitching on themselves on social media, man. I just hope they know that the cops are listening, fam. That is all. LC out.

P.S. I don’t like the false equivalence between her actions and being a drug dealer. Yes, both are crimes, but at least a crackhead chose to do crack, son. All in all, Cardi’s victims ain’t choose shit, man. They just woke up with their possessions (and pride) gone. Keeping it a buck, I can guarantee that they didn’t sign up for that, fam. Good day.

Why Do We Care About Gucci?

Look, I have a question for all of my minority brethren out there. Seriously, why do we give a fuck about Gucci? Why do we give a fuck about H&M? For that matter, why do we give a fuck about ANY of these corporations? On the real, why do we allow ourselves to be “hurt” by entities that have never cared about us? At this point, NO ONE should be surprised when a conglomerate does something stupid. The way I see it, we need to stop supporting ALL businesses that don’t support us. Period.

So, for those who weren’t paying attention, Gucci got their blackface on. Anyway, the shenanigans began when they advertised a black turtleneck with red lips to cover a person’s mouth. Now, I shouldn’t have to explain to anyone why that’s ridiculous, son. I mean, just look at the embedded picture, man. Like, really? Really, Gucci? Listen, am I supposed to believe that NO employee saw that sweater and said “that ain’t it, chief”? To make matters worse, Gucci was trying to charge folks $900 for this travesty, fam. Keeping it a buck, I don’t even know what to say here, bruh.

Listen, this isn’t the first time that a company has spit in the faces of “melanated” folk. Real talk, weren’t we just mad at H&M for their “Coolest Monkey In The Jungle” hoodie like a year ago? The point is, we put so much stock in corporations that don’t have our best interests at heart. The question is, why? Like, why don’t we just support our own people who work in these same fields? Look, I know Dapper Dan is trying to be the middleman, but I’d rather buy directly from him, son. Dan was the MAN in Harlem before these same vultures conspired to take him down. Now, I won’t knock him for teaming up with Gucci, but he was a certified legend without them, fam.

In the end, my point is simple, bruh. Ultimately, we need to leave these companies alone, son. By and by, we need to pool our resources together and champion people in our communities. At the end of the day, fuck a boycott, man. In my eyes, these entities should’ve never had such control over us in the first place. So, instead of “improving” Gucci, let’s focus on putting our own brethren in positions of influence, fam. Frankly, these high-powered losers don’t deserve our money anyway. That is all. LC out.

I Am Finally Done With The New York Knicks

Good morning, everyone. My name is Lawrence Charles and I’m a lifelong New York Knicks fan. Moving on, I was there when John Starks went 2-18 from the field in Game 7 of the 1994 NBA Finals against the Houston Rockets. I was there when Patrick Ewing missed a game-tying finger roll in Game 7 of the 1995 Eastern Conference Semifinals against the Indiana Pacers. I was there when the organization traded away half of the Eastern Seaboard to sign Carmelo Anthony. However, I’ve had enough, son. *Sigh* After decades of nonstop tomfoolery, I’ve finally had enough, man.

Ok, for those who missed it, the Knicks decided to trade Kristaps Porzingis, our most promising player, to Luka Doncic’s Dallas Mavericks. Now, along with Porzingis, the team has also given away Trey Burke, Courtney Lee and Tim Hardaway Jr. All this in exchange for Wesley Matthews, Dennis Smith Jr., DeAndre Jordan and two future first-round picks. Apparently, Porzingis, who’s also coming off of injury, asked to be traded because he wasn’t down with the direction of the organization. Frankly, I don’t blame him, fam.

Listen, the Knicks have been arguably (not arguably) the worst organization in professional sports. I mean, we have a long, long, LONG history of making terrible fucking decisions, bruh. On the real, why would Porzingis trust the team’s direction, son? Seriously, when have we showcased ANY intelligence when it comes to building a competent squad? Keeping it a buck, I already know we’re going to fuck up those future first-round picks, man. Shit, we’re absolutely atrocious when it comes to selecting decent players, fam.

To make matters worse, Knicks management has almost certainly shot us in the foot for free agency, bruh. Like, why would Kevin Durant or Kyrie Irving come here if we don’t have Porzingis, son? Real talk, he was one of our biggest draws, man. Hell, he was one of the only bright spots on a team that has a SUPER checkered past, fam. All I know is, I want to break things and hit people, brethren. All jokes aside, I can’t take any more of this sustained abuse, folks.

In the end, AHHHHHHHHHHH! I just… I just can’t do this any longer, son. Ultimately, I don’t know who I’m going to root for, but it can’t be the Knicks, man. By and by, James Dolan doesn’t care about us, fam. At the end of the day, as long as people show up to Madison Square Garden, he isn’t concerned with the team’s pedigree, bruh. All I can say is, I’m finally bowing out, people. No mas. That is all. LC out.

God Bless Yung Miami & Cardi B

Disclaimer: Don’t watch City Girls’ “Twerk” video anywhere near a place of employment. You’re welcome.

So, let me keep it a buck, son. Generally, I try to be a responsible and respectable dude. I try to be a guy who’s knowledgeable about relevant and pertinent issues, man. However, for today, I’m just talking about ass, fam. I mean, it was EVERYWHERE in City Girls’ “Twerk” video, bruh! Like, all jokes aside, this might be the greatest music video ever made, people. With that being said, why is anyone still reading this?

Ok, for those who missed it, City Girls, well, Yung Miami, released the “Twerk” video with Cardi B. Now, I don’t exactly know what to say about this visual, son. Shit, there are copious amounts of women shaking all manners of culo, man. In addition, there’s a ton of body paint, stripper poles and entertaining displays of athleticism. On the real, what else could we possibly want from a video called “Twerk,” fam?

In the end, there’s nothing else to say, bruh. Ultimately, everyone needs to go watch the video, son. Also, I hope everybody paid close attention to my disclaimer. Seriously, don’t watch this shit anywhere near a place that supplies paychecks. Furthermore, don’t watch this around children or close to any clergy, man. At the end of the day, they’ll probably just start praying for wayward souls, fam. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Based on this video, Offset lost, bruh. Like, he really lost, son. *Sigh* Good day.

6ix9ine Might Be F*cked

So, before I even begin, let me keep it real, son: I don’t have all of the facts on 6ix9ine‘s situation. Now, I know that I’ve been critical of him in the past. Real talk, I stand by everything I’ve said, man. However, for an artist who’s having this type of run, it would’ve behooved him to stay away from the shenanigans. Then again, the shenanigans became a vital component of his success, fam. All I know is, now that the Feds are involved, Tekashi is in a world of shit, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, 6ix9ine got helmed up on Sunday. Apparently, the ATF, NYPD AND Homeland Security teamed up to arrest him, along with four other dudes. Now, according to authorities, all of the individuals are part of the Nine Trey set of the Bloods. This includes Kifano “Shottie” Jordan, who was previously 6ix9ine’s manager. Anyway, from what I’m reading, everyone is being charged with racketeering, firearms and drug charges. To add insult to injury, the mandatory minimum is 32 years in prison and the maximum is a life sentence.

Look, as a dude from the Bronx, I don’t play around with stories about street shit, son. Frankly, I can’t confirm none of the shit being reported. However, I don’t have to rock with 6ix9ine to know that he’s in a TERRIBLE position, man. I mean, most people don’t win when fucking with the Feds, fam. For God‘s sake, this bust has allegedly been in the works for five years, bruh. The point is, for them to make a move now, they must feel SUPER confident in their case, folks. All in all, it might really be over for Tekashi. If nothing else, he’s going to get hit with some SERIOUS probation violation.

In the end, I don’t wish death or the Feds on anybody, son. Ultimately, I don’t have to like 6ix9ine to see that this is wasted momentum, man. By and by, we ALL need to watch the circle we keep, fam. Ain’t nothing worse than taking the fall for the people around you. At the end of the day, cats need to leave that street shit alone, bruh. On the real, it never works out for anyone, people. Ever. That is all. LC out.