Say It Ain’t So, Melo!

Now, just in case anyone missed this, I’m a diehard New York Knicks fan. Like, diehard to the point that this team has caused me mental, emotional and physical pain. Side note, I said “physical pain” because my cousin once body slammed me after a Knicks loss in the ’90s. But that’s a story for another day, son. In any case, while I haven’t always been pro-Carmelo Anthony, I refuse to believe these recent reports. All I know is, if he really got a stripper pregnant, then he has WAY bigger problems than his issues with Phil Jackson.

Ok, before I continue, let me explain my issues with Melo. Now, keeping it a buck, my gripes aren’t really with him at all. Honestly, I have beef with the circumstances that brought him to the team in the first place. Look, if we venture back to 2011, the fuckery of James Dolan and company is very visible. After regaining some respectability with Amar’e Stoudemire, the dumbass Knicks front office decided to trade away Wilson Chandler, Raymond Felton, Danilo Gallinari, Timofey Mozgov and a first-round draft pick for Melo, Chauncey Billups and a bunch of bums. Yeah, we made it to the playoffs twice, but we were doomed from the start, man. Needless to say, I’ve always held a grudge, son.

So, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s talk about the fuck shit that Melo might’ve gotten himself into. First, news came out that he was separating from his wife, La La Anthony. Now, while the breakup of a marriage is always sad, people get divorced everyday, B. That in and of itself isn’t the story. Apparently, a major catalyst for their split is the rumor that he got a stripper pregnant here in NY.

*Sigh* Man, on everything I love, I hope that’s not true, son. Really, bro? Really?! With all of the stress he’s dealing with, courtesy of the Knicks, he thought this was the move? Bruh, he can’t be that stupid. Please tell me he isn’t that dumb, fam. Shiiiit, let me come home and tell my wife I knocked up a stripper. I probably won’t leave the house alive or in one piece, son. To make matters worse, she’s a lawyer, so she could probably find some legal loophole to get herself acquitted, man. With that being said, I’m gonna keep it reeeeal cool over here.

In the end, Melo and La La have been together for waaaaay too long to have it end like this, bruh. Shit, I remember the struggle days when La La worked for MTV and Melo was fresh off the block. Ultimately, I will not believe these reports until someone from their camp confirms it. Until then, Melo needs to use that Shaggy defense: “it wasn’t me.” Then again, he doesn’t play a lick of defense, so he might be fucked, son. LC out.

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Long Live Dirk Nowitzki!

Ok, as a hardened New York Knicks fan, it’s hard for me to give outside players credit. For example, I’m fully aware of the fact that Michael Jordan is the greatest player of all-time. However; for all of the years he tormented my beloved team, I refuse to purchase any of his God-forsaken sneakers. That’s right, son! I’m a 31-year-old Black man and I’ve never owned a pair of Jordan’s. Growing up, if it wasn’t a pair of Timberland‘s or Uptown‘s, excuse me, Air Force 1‘s, then I wasn’t with it, man. In any case, regardless of what I’ve just said, I’ve always been a fan of Dirk Nowitzki. So, in response to him scoring 30,000 career points, I want to give this legend his just due.

Now, if I’m being honest, I really don’t know how it’s possible to dislike Dirk. I mean, since 1998, the dude has done nothing but produce. He’s literally one of the most consistent players in NBA history. His numbers may have taken a dip this year, but he was just averaging 18 PPG last year, son! Keep in mind, his career average is 22 PPG. Meaning, in his 18th year in the league, he was STILL close to maximum productivity. That’s fucking insane, man! In addition, after eclipsing 30,000 points, he joined Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Karl Malone, Kobe Bryant, Jordan and Wilt Chamberlain as one of six players to reach that milestone. Do I really need to say more, bruh?

All in all, Dirk is the man, son. We need to salute our legends while they’re still in our presence, man. So, shout-out to Dirk for being one of the greatest players to ever lace up a pair of sneakers. Shit, where would the Dallas Mavericks be without him? LC out.

P.S. Dirk is also married to a Black woman, so he’s automatically gucci in my book, son. That is all.

P.P.S. Now that I think about it, we should look at some highlights before we go. I mean, why the fuck not, son? Let’s do it!

I Can’t Stand Draymond Green

Ok, getting straight to the point, I don’t fuck with Draymond Green. In all seriousness, he’s the only reason why I don’t bang with the Golden State Warriors. Well, in actuality, I don’t bang with them because I’m a New York Knicks fan, but we all know what I mean. I actively root for Golden State’s failure because people like Green don’t deserve to prosper. Look, it’s not even the fact that he’s a dickhead. All jokes aside, I’m just offended that he’s such a dickhead when he’s nothing more than a glorified role player.

Look, if anyone talked to a Golden State fan, they’d hear shit like “Draymond is our emotional leader.” That’s just a fancy way of saying “he’s not our best player, but we like his attitude.” I mean, let’s keep it all of the way real, son. Before this season, Stephen Curry was the best player on that team. After him, Klay Thompson was next up. For all intents and purposes, Green was riding their coat tails to success. Yeah, he’s a really good defensive player, but put him on another team and see if he could prosper in the same manner. He’s literally the beneficiary of a perfect situation. Now, after his team added Kevin Durant to the mix, Green is nothing more than fourth fiddle on his own fucking team.

So, I bring all of this up because of his interaction with Paul Pierce during last night’s game against the Los Angeles Clippers. Green made fun of Pierce for trying to have a “farewell tour” like Kobe Bryant, despite the fact that his influence wasn’t on Kobe’s level. Now, on face value, that’s true. Paul Pierce was never as great or as beloved/loathed as Kobe. However; I have a major problem with Green saying that. While Pierce doesn’t compare to Kobe, Green damn sure doesn’t compare to Pierce. At the bare minimum, Pierce was the star player on a championship team. Green just hitched his wagon onto truly transcendent players and won a ring. He hasn’t earned the right to talk shit about a competitor of Pierce’s caliber. Especially not after winning a title because of circumstance.

Moving on, before Golden State fans crucify me, I want to pose a question. Why do they even support Draymond Green? I mean, he literally cost them a title last season. If he didn’t have an obsession with kicking people in the nuts, the Warriors would’ve won back-to-back titles. I doubt LeBron James, Kyrie Irving and the Cleveland Cavaliers would’ve come back from that 3-1 deficit in the NBA Finals if Green didn’t hurt his team’s chances. Shit, they should be more mad at him than I am. He truly doesn’t deserve their support, man. His “emotional leadership” ended up being a MAJOR liability, son. Nothing more, nothing less.

In the end, I’ve said my piece, man. It probably won’t change anything, but in my eyes, Green’s attitude is undeserved. He’s out here talking shit to legends when he’ll never be one. That’s just some sucker shit, son. LC out.

P.S. Pierce won in the end anyway, man. A 3-1 joke will always trump any other shit-talking. Green should always remember that before he opens his mouth. That is all.

Charles Oakley Is The GOAT!

Let’s just skip the pleasantries here, son. Charles Oakley is the GOAT, the Gawd, the Myth and the Legend. For ten seasons, he faithfully served my beloved New York Knicks and helped to cultivate our 90s image. Now, when I say image, I’m talking about the fact that he was the tough guy. Along with Anthony Mason and Xavier McDaniel, Oakley let teams know that they couldn’t fuck around in the paint, son. Elbows were being thrown and shoulders were being checked. With that being said, regardless of what happened at Madison Square Garden last night, I’m glad to see his fire still burning.

So, there are conflicting stories about what got Oakley escorted out of last night’s game against the Los Angeles Clippers. According to outsiders, Oakley was either going after Knicks owner James Dolan or a random fan. From there, he got into a physical altercation with MSG security and was forcibly removed from his seat. Now, according to Oakley, he was minding his own business when security told him that “someone” wanted him out. In any case, regardless of the fight’s catalyst, Oakley was eventually arrested and charged with three counts of assault.

Now, maybe I’m a weirdo, but let me explain why this story made me proud. First, I prefer to believe the version of the story where Oakley tried to confront Jim Dolan. As a lifelong Knicks fan, Dolan has run this team into the fuckin ground. He’s made it his life’s mission to oversee every team decision and he ALWAYS makes the wrong choice. Like, I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to his ineptitude. Whether we’re talking about Allan Houston‘s ridiculous $100 million contract, hiring Isiah Thomas or trading away our entire team for Carmelo Anthony, Dolan’s been at the center of ALL of our worst moves. Needless to say, it’s about time someone rolled up on Dolan for his constant fuckery. I’m a firm believer that as long as he owns this team, we will NEVER be great, let alone average.

In the end, FREE CHARLES OAKLEY! He’s just doing the Lord‘s work, man. Contrary to what the Knicks organization said, Oakley doesn’t “need help,” man. Frankly, he’s the only one thinking clearly out here. Dolan is the worst thing to ever happen to New York sports, son. Get. Jim. Dolan. The. Fuck. Outta. Here! LC out.