How The F*ck Did The New England Patriots Win?!?

Man, what the hell did I watch last night? Seriously, how the FUCK did the New England Patriots pull this shit off, son? More importantly, how the FUCK did the Atlanta Falcons lose this Super Bowl?! In my 30-plus years on this planet, I’ve NEVER seen a crazier comeback. All in all, as much as it pains me to say this, Tom Brady is without question the greatest quarterback of all time. In addition, Bill Belichick is absolutely the greatest coach of all time. Now, before I continue vomiting, allow me to try and reconcile what I just witnessed yesterday.

First, let me start with the Falcons. As far as I’m concerned, this team is no longer allowed to have fans. Not even my greatest enemy deserves to be a fan of a team that can blow a 28-3 lead. 28-3? 28 TO FUCKING 3?!? How on God‘s green Earth could this squad fuck up a 98.9% chance of winning?! Before this game, the largest deficit a team ever overcame was 10 points. THESE MOTHERFUCKERS WERE UP BY 25 POINTS, MAN!! After taking that 28-3 lead, these clowncakes never scored again and lost 34-28. I mean, these losers couldn’t even get a field goal? A fucking safety? Anything?! Man, that’s literally the most insane comeback I’ve ever watched, son. Real talk, to all of my friends and family in Atlanta, the Falcons don’t deserve any fandom from this point forward. They just disrespected the city in the WORST way.

Now, let’s talk about the Patriots. I mean, what can I say here, son? Despite being a diehard New York Giants fan, I have to call a spade a spade, man. Brady and Belichick are the greatest duo in NFL history. Brady now have five rings and Belichick has seven, when including the two rings he won as the Giants’ defensive coordinator. At this point, they have damn near every record imaginable. There’s literally no disputing their greatness, son. Look, I don’t use the term “hater” lightly, but if anyone still has negative things to say about the Patriots, they’re just haters. These dudes have done it all, man. There’s no one else in their league or even close to it.

In the end, there really isn’t much else to say here. The only downside to this victory is the fact that deplorables like Donald Trump and Richard Spencer support the Patriots. It’s literally never cool when White supremacists are onboard the train. In any case, as I’ve previously stated, Tom Brady is indeed the greatest quarterback of all time. However; keep one thing in mind, son. The Patriots’ historic greatness makes Eli Manning and my Giants even more mythical, son. We’re the only team to ever beat him and Belichick. And we did it twice, bitch! I’m perfectly content with my team being the two glorious stains on their record, man. Good day.

P.S. How sick was Roger Goodell yesterday? After the whole Deflategate fiasco, he still had to hand the Vince Lombardi Trophy over to Robert Kraft and company. On the real, I’m no fan of the Patriots, but I’m even less of a fan of Goodell. With that being said, it was great watching him being forced to swallow his shallow pride. LC out.

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Go Away, Lena Dunham

So, I plan on keeping this post short today, but I just need to make one thing clear: Lena Dunham needs to go away. Far, far, faaaaaar away. At this point, what is her point? What is her purpose? What is she aiming to accomplish with all of the idiotic things she says? For someone who claims to be a champion of women’s rights, Dunham spends a large part of her life spewing unwarranted nonsense. Now, I could take some time and go through her laundry list of tomfoolery, but I’d rather speak about two of her most recent incidents. After this, maybe she can finally disappear into an abyss and never be heard from again.

Now, let’s start with her debacle with Odell Beckham, Jr. As of now, I’m sure a lot of people have heard about her make-believe encounter with the New York Giants star. During the Met Gala earlier this year, Dunham happened to be sitting next to Beckham. While recounting her “experience” during a conversation with Amy Schumer, Dunham went on some ridiculous tirade about how Beckham didn’t speak to her because she wasn’t shaped like the women he normally deals with. She essentially body-shamed herself and made it seem as if Beckham was the one being sexist. She called herself a “marshmallow,” a “child” and a “dog” in an effort to present Beckham as some heartless misogynist who only values a woman’s body. Somehow, Dunham turned a non-situation into an ordeal which erroneously painted her as a victim. For me, I could care less about the fact she apologized. This story should’ve never been told in the first place. It didn’t add ANY value to the REAL movement feminists are fighting for.

Moving on, just the other day, Dunham did the damn most YET AGAIN! This time, her foolishness awakened while reminiscing about a conversation she had with a young girl outside of a Planned Parenthood in Texas. The girl was asking different women to share their stories of abortion. Now, despite the fact Dunham never had an abortion, she apparently didn’t want to be left out of the struggle. Instead of just leaving well enough alone, Dunham stated on a podcast that even though she’s never had an abortion, she wished she had. What? Wait, what?! Did she just speak about abortion like it’s the latest dance craze? Is this woman fucking serious? There is absolutely NOTHING lighthearted about abortion! While I’m a firm believer in a woman’s right to choose, that doesn’t make the decision any less difficult for them. It’s never an easy choice to forgo a pregnancy and her ability to speak about this topic so nonchalantly shows how dense she really is. How can a woman “fight” for women’s rights but be so insensitive to an action that can be profoundly impactful? Man, get this clown the fuck outta here, son!

In the end, I’m mad at myself for even writing this post, man. I really don’t believe this woman is worth any of our time. Hopefully, when Girls is finished on HBO, the ground will open up and swallow her whole. She doesn’t deserve to walk among us. Good day.

NFL: Mad At Colin Kaepernick; Silent About Josh Brown

Now, despite being a diehard New York Giants fan, I’m PISSED today, man. The hypocrisy of the National Football League knows no bounds, son. It’s amazing how Colin Kaepernick could be blasted by any and everyone, but real scumbags like Josh Brown barely get any attention. Once again, the NFL proves they simply do NOT care about the nefarious activities of their players.

So, here’s what has me all riled up this morning. Apparently, Brown is a very well known proponent of violence against women. In journals, emails to his wife and even letters to his friends, he’s spoken openly about the physical and emotional violence he’s inflicted on his wife. He’s referred to himself as “God,” called his wife his “slave” and even mentioned being a sexual deviant. Here’s the kicker: the Giants knew about ALL of this and still re-signed him to a two-year contract during the offseason. However; now that all of the fuckery is coming out, the team and the NFL need to “investigate” the story.

Off the rip, I have several issues with this entire situation, man. First, let me start by discussing the coach of my team: Ben McAdoo. When asked about Brown, McAdoo said “we’re not going to turn our back on Josh. He’s a teammate. He’s a guy that we’re hoping makes strides.” Now, this is the same man who said he would be “disappointed” if any of his players “[pulled] a Kaepernick” back in August. So, let me get this straight, McAdoo. It’s ok to sympathize with a man who terrorizes his wife, but something is wrong with a man who’s trying to bring awareness to racial discrimination? Are these people fucking kidding me, man?! It’s mind-boggling how players can get away with violence, drugs and even calling people “niggers,” but taking a knee is seemingly an unforgivable offense. Like, my body is actually aching because I’m so mad right now.

In the end, let me make myself perfectly clear. If anyone had something to say about Kaepernick, but have remained mum on Josh Brown, Greg Hardy or Ben Roethlisberger, jump off of the nearest bridge. Seriously, the world doesn’t need people like that. Hell, even Ben had some bullshit to say about Kaepernick. Look, anyone who’s been accused of sexual assault more than once needs to shut the fuckity-fuck up, son. Apparently, women can be targets, but God forbid we speak about empowering a historically oppressed group of people. Fuck off, son!