I Don’t Feel Sorry For Aaron Hernandez

Ok, based on the title alone, it may seem like I’m being a bit callous about Aaron Hernandez‘s suicide. Listen, that’s not my intention at all. With that being said, it’s hard for me to have empathy for a man like Hernandez. I mean, are we forgetting that he killed someone? Now, while his family may be hurting, I’m sure the family of Odin Lloyd is still hurting too. Ultimately, Hernandez couldn’t face the consequences of his own actions.

So, for those who missed it, Aaron Hernandez, former New England Patriots tight end, hung himself in his prison cell yesterday. This comes only days after he was acquitted for the murders of Daniel de Abreu and Safiro Furtado. Now, while he may have dodged a bullet in that particular case, he was still serving life without parole for Lloyd’s murder. I mean, I guess one body is better than three, or something like that.

Look, I need everyone to put this story into perspective. Hernandez didn’t just happen to kill Lloyd by accident. He specifically ran up on Lloyd in an industrial park and shot him to death. I mean, just take one look at the picture above, son. That’s what Hernandez did to that man, fam. To make matters worse, Hernandez brought two guys along with him: Carlos Ortiz and Ernest Wallace. Both of these men ended up being guilty of accessory after the fact. All in all, Hernandez was never the victim here. On the real, this is the bed he made, son.

In the end, let’s stop the sensationalism, man. This dude wasn’t a martyr, son. He was a former NFL star who decided to throw his life away over some bullshit. No one put him in that position but him. For that reason, I don’t feel sorry for Aaron Hernandez. It just is what it is, bruh. LC out.

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How The F*ck Did The New England Patriots Win?!?

Man, what the hell did I watch last night? Seriously, how the FUCK did the New England Patriots pull this shit off, son? More importantly, how the FUCK did the Atlanta Falcons lose this Super Bowl?! In my 30-plus years on this planet, I’ve NEVER seen a crazier comeback. All in all, as much as it pains me to say this, Tom Brady is without question the greatest quarterback of all time. In addition, Bill Belichick is absolutely the greatest coach of all time. Now, before I continue vomiting, allow me to try and reconcile what I just witnessed yesterday.

First, let me start with the Falcons. As far as I’m concerned, this team is no longer allowed to have fans. Not even my greatest enemy deserves to be a fan of a team that can blow a 28-3 lead. 28-3? 28 TO FUCKING 3?!? How on God‘s green Earth could this squad fuck up a 98.9% chance of winning?! Before this game, the largest deficit a team ever overcame was 10 points. THESE MOTHERFUCKERS WERE UP BY 25 POINTS, MAN!! After taking that 28-3 lead, these clowncakes never scored again and lost 34-28. I mean, these losers couldn’t even get a field goal? A fucking safety? Anything?! Man, that’s literally the most insane comeback I’ve ever watched, son. Real talk, to all of my friends and family in Atlanta, the Falcons don’t deserve any fandom from this point forward. They just disrespected the city in the WORST way.

Now, let’s talk about the Patriots. I mean, what can I say here, son? Despite being a diehard New York Giants fan, I have to call a spade a spade, man. Brady and Belichick are the greatest duo in NFL history. Brady now have five rings and Belichick has seven, when including the two rings he won as the Giants’ defensive coordinator. At this point, they have damn near every record imaginable. There’s literally no disputing their greatness, son. Look, I don’t use the term “hater” lightly, but if anyone still has negative things to say about the Patriots, they’re just haters. These dudes have done it all, man. There’s no one else in their league or even close to it.

In the end, there really isn’t much else to say here. The only downside to this victory is the fact that deplorables like Donald Trump and Richard Spencer support the Patriots. It’s literally never cool when White supremacists are onboard the train. In any case, as I’ve previously stated, Tom Brady is indeed the greatest quarterback of all time. However; keep one thing in mind, son. The Patriots’ historic greatness makes Eli Manning and my Giants even more mythical, son. We’re the only team to ever beat him and Belichick. And we did it twice, bitch! I’m perfectly content with my team being the two glorious stains on their record, man. Good day.

P.S. How sick was Roger Goodell yesterday? After the whole Deflategate fiasco, he still had to hand the Vince Lombardi Trophy over to Robert Kraft and company. On the real, I’m no fan of the Patriots, but I’m even less of a fan of Goodell. With that being said, it was great watching him being forced to swallow his shallow pride. LC out.

Shout-out To All Of My ‘Bad Hombres’

So, the debate, huh? They’re all finally over, huh? Thank the Lord, son. I couldn’t take one more of these outrageous debacles. I mean, if I really wanted to have my intelligence insulted, I’d go argue with a New England Patriots fan about the “Tuck Rule.” Side note, Pats fans, let’s cut the bullshit, man. Tom Brady fumbled the ball in that game. We all saw it on camera, bro. In any case, I’ve officially had enough of this presidential election. I’m tired of commenting on it and I’m tired of seeing the faces of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. With that being said, good ol’ Trump left us all with one last gem: “bad hombres.”

Look, if anyone pays any attention to the news today, all of the pundits are on fire about a different Trump comment. Essentially, the man said he can’t guarantee that he’ll accept the outcome of the election if he loses. That statement is unprecedented because no other candidate has ever questioned the voting process this much BEFORE people went to the polls. In my eyes, he’s looking for an excuse for his inevitable loss. At this point, he’s behind is damn near every poll, son. So, instead of chalking his failure up to his ridiculous campaign, he’d rather point fingers and make nefarious allegations about voter fraud. Please note, these theories have been debunked by nearly everyone with a brain.

Now, while his stance about voting practices is the talk of the town, I’d rather speak about his “bad hombres” statement. Man, this dude just refuses to leave Hispanics alone, bro. Since the beginning of his campaign, he’s blamed Mexicans and other Hispanics for basically all of the crime going on in this country. Either they’re rapists, drug dealers or just crooked people. Yet and still, he somehow believes Hispanics will vote for him in a few weeks. I really don’t understand how that man thinks, son. He throws them under the bus EVERY chance he gets and still wants them to support him. That’s like me repeatedly kicking someone in the nuts and then looking for them to give me a job referral. It doesn’t work that way, bro. Not at all.

Ultimately, the “bad hombres” comment was the pinnacle of condescending rhetoric. Not only is he making unwarranted accusations about an ENTIRE group of people, but he’s mocking their language in the process. I mean, I can’t even properly quantify how fucked up that is, man. That’s like a cop saying “it’s lit” right before putting five bullets in my ass. This dude is a straight up cartoon character, but none of us find him funny. Wait, that’s probably why he’s always orange, man. He really is playing the part of a clown, son. All in all, I’m just glad this election cycle is nearly over. Now, we all need to make sure we do our part to keep this man FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR away from the Oval Office. Good day.

Can I Live In Cam Newton’s America?


Let me start this post by saying, I’m not sure what America our good friend Cam Newton resides in, but shiiiiiiit, I’d love to live there. A country that’s beyond racism? That sounds phenomenal, son. Where can I sign up for a trip to this magical place? Oh, wait, he’s talking about this actual land we’re currently living in? Well, in that case, I’m thoroughly confused as all hell, man.

Now, recently, Cam did an interview with GQ Magazine. While speaking about a variety of different topics, the subject of race came up and that’s what caused my Rock eyebrow to raise. It’s no secret Cam has received his fair share of bad press, especially after the way his season ended post-Super Bowl. Even during the lead-up to the big game, Cam had to consistently field questions about being a Black quarterback in the NFL. With all of the varying attacks on his ability, temperament or whatever else critics tried to single out, for some reason, Cam doesn’t believe these shots were racially motivated at all. In fact, he stated that we’re “beyond that” as a nation. Wow, that’s news to me, son. Well, since his memory seems to be a little fuzzy, allow me to point out a few past situations and see whether his logic holds up.

Let’s start with the letter written to him by Rosemary Plorin. After a game where Newton’s Carolina Panthers trounced the Tennessee Titans, Plorin expressed her disappointment in Cam’s behavior during the game. In her eyes, he’s a role model who should never engage in any type of “showboating” behavior. In fact, she was so bothered by his actions, she expressed the idea she didn’t even know what to tell her 9-year-old daughter. Man, get the fuck out of here. This woman took her daughter to a game where grown men violently crash themselves into each other and she’s worried about the fact Cam likes to dab? Are you fucking kidding me, son? Last time I checked, Aaron Rodgers does that damn “Discount Double Check” every time he completes a first down and I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve seen footage of Rob Gronkowski acting a fool somewhere. Are these players also getting open letters written to them? If not, tell that woman to get off of her high horse and enjoy the game.

Now, let’s talk about Bill Romanowski. After the Panthers’ Super Bowl loss, detractors called out Cam for not being very forthcoming in his post-game interview. It was obvious from his attitude he didn’t want to answer any questions and his demeanor was the complete opposite of the celebratory character we saw all season. Now, I’ll be the first to admit, even I thought he was acting like a sore loser, but Romanowski took it a step further. In a tweet against Cam, he stated “you will never last in the NFL with that attitude. The world doesn’t revolve around you, boy!” Boy? Boy?! Maybe it’s just me, but I was pretty sure Cam was a 27-year-old grown ass man. No one can tell me there wasn’t even a tinge of racial prejudice behind that statement. Do I have to remind people about the history of White people calling Black people “boy” in this country? Honestly, I’d rather not, son. And besides, Google is everyone’s friend. Just go look it up.

At this point, I’m sure there are readers out there who aren’t sipping the Kool-Aid I’m serving right now. Honestly, that’s fine with me. We’ll just agree to disagree. With that being said, a Black public figure of his magnitude insisting we’re beyond race as a nation is still incredibly damaging. Were we beyond race when the Justice Department released a report stating the Baltimore police department regularly violated the rights of minorities? Were we beyond race when Dylann Roof shot night Black churchgoers in an attempt to start a race war? Were we beyond race when officers pulled Philando Castile over because he had a “wide set nose?” I didn’t think so, son. At this point, if Cam has nothing constructive to say on the subject, he needs to just shut the fuck up.

Ultimately, I guess Cam is doing his best O.J. Simpson impression. However; I’d warn him to be careful with that approach to life. We already saw how the O.J. story drastically veered off course. Good day.