I Don’t Care If ‘The Irishman’ Is True

Disclaimer: Spoilers galore, son. Act accordingly.

So, I won’t lie, son. On the real, The Irishman is way too long of a movie for me to really review. I mean, I could literally spend all day detailing every single scene, man. Instead, I’m just here to give people their props, fam. All I can say is, Martin Scorsese, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino and Joe Pesci killed this fucking movie, bruh.

Ok, for those who don’t pay attention to anything, Scorsese just released his latest masterpiece. Now, the film, distributed by Netflix, had a limited release in theaters. Side note, movie studios were fucking pissed about this, but we’ll save that for another time. In any case, the movie details the life of Frank Sheeran (The Irishman) and his long-standing friendship with Jimmy Hoffa. This is notable because, in real life on his death bed, Sheeran confessed to murdering Hoffa.

Now, to be fair, my synopsis is a gross oversimplification of the plot, son. Frankly, to get all of the nuances of the film, folks just need to watch it for themselves, man. The fact is, all of the actors do the damn thing, but in different ways. Shit, Pacino is great playing the over-the-top Hoffa. Pesci is great playing the understated Russell Bufalino. De Niro is great playing the conflicted Sheeran. Hell, even Sebastian Maniscalco is great playing the overzealous Joe Gallo. All in all, every single actor holds it down, fam.

Keeping it a buck, my only gripe with the film is Anna Paquin‘s character, Peggy Sheeran. Honestly, she has a holier-than-thou attitude that irks the fuck out of me, bruh. Like, it makes no sense that Peggy loves Hoffa but hates her dad, Frank. For God‘s sake, they’re part of the same fucking business, son. Ok, yes, Frank is a murderer. But, that’s the exact reason that him and Hoffa get into business in the first place, man. The truth is, Hoffa and Sheeran are part of the same mob circle, fam. So, how can Peggy judge Frank for it and not Hoffa? Granted, Frank is deadass wrong for killing Hoffa, but Peggy hated Frank long before that. All I know is, her logic doesn’t make any fucking sense, people.

In the end, I’m advising everyone to go see the movie, son. Ultimately, Scorsese is still a top-notch filmmaker, man. On top of that, the trifecta of Pacino, De Niro and Pesci is as strong as ever, fam. By and by, it is super accurate that the film is long as hell. But, I never felt like it dragged, bruh. In addition, I don’t give a fuck if the story is factual or not. The way I see it, it’s a highly-enjoyable cinematic experience. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Don’t worry, Black people. I’ll review Queen & Slim as soon as I can get some freedom to go see it. The minutes seem to be scarce right now, son. Good day.

‘El Camino’ Is Aight

Disclaimer: Spoilers, son. Spoilers. That is all.

So, after expressing my excitement/reservation about El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie, I’m finally back with my assessment, son. Now, I won’t lie, man. The film is cool, fam. Just cool. I mean, it definitely isn’t bad, but it also isn’t on the level of the original Breaking Bad. Hell, it isn’t even on the level of Better Call Saul, bruh. All in all, I may have expected more from Vince Gilligan, but the movie is still a welcomed addition.

Ok, for those who are interested, here’s the movie’s backstory. Now, after Walter White released him from the Brotherhood‘s enslavement, Jesse Pinkman finds his way to his friends, Skinny Pete and Badger. Anyway, due to the machine gun-induced chaos that occurred in Breaking Bad‘s “Felina,” the police are looking to question Pinkman. Anyway, with the help of Skinny and Badger, Pinkman is able to avoid the (real) authorities. Side bar, he did have a run-in with some muhfuckas dressed like cops, but that’s another story, son.

Moving on, Pinkman’s goal is to get enough money to pay Ed Galbraith for a brand new identity. Now, for anyone who’s unfamiliar, Galbraith is a dude who originally helped White evade authorities and gave Saul Goodman a way out after all of Heisenberg‘s fuckery. In any case, Pinkman has to find double the amount to pay Galbraith because he didn’t show up the first time Galbraith tried to help him disappear. From there, Pinkman ends up robbing/killing a couple of people for the extra bread and blah, blah, blah.

Look, let me be clear, man. Real talk, it may appear like I’m being flippant about the movie. In reality, I actually enjoyed it, fam. The way I see it, it’s a fitting ending to the Breaking Bad story. Shit, we already knew what happened to White, we knew what happened to Goodman, and now, we know what happens to Pinkman. On the real, I think the film suffers because it’s a film. Meaning, Breaking Bad benefitted from being a television show. Frankly, Gilligan could really get in depth with the details, bruh. Keeping it a buck, that attention to detail is what made Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul great shows. The fact is, it’s hard to cram all of that shit in two hours, son.

In the end, I still appreciate the movie, man. Ultimately, it’s a good addition to the Breaking Bad canon, fam. By and by, I might’ve gotten my hopes too high, but I can’t necessarily say I was disappointed, bruh. At the end of the day, I will always watch anything Breaking Bad-related, son. YEAH, BITCH! MAGNETS! Good day. LC out.

Word, Justin Trudeau?

So, let me be honest, son. On the real, this post isn’t necessarily a “takedown” of Justin Trudeau. Frankly, I don’t know enough about his policies as Canada‘s Prime Minister to have a legitimate opinion, man. Shit, if people want to know about some of the tomfoolery going on in Canada, they should watch the “The Two Sides of Canada” episode on Netflix‘s Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj. In any case, I’m here to address White people’s incessant need to wear brownface and blackface. Seriously, knock it the fuck off, fam.

Ok, for those who missed it, Trudeau, the Canadian darling of the Left, has found himself in some shit. Now, Time Magazine released an article yesterday that outlines some fuckity-fuck shit that Trudeau did in 2001. Apparently, while he was a teacher at West Point Grey Academy, Trudeau thought it was a good idea to wear brownface and a turban to an Arabian Nights-themed party. Furthermore, Trudeau also admitted to wearing blackface and singing Harry Belafonte‘s “Day-O” in high school. All in all, Trudeau was knee-deep in all types of tomfoolery, bruh.

Now, for the life of me, I truly don’t understand White people’s obsession with painting their fucking skin. Yes, I know that Trudeau is from Canada, not the United States, but that’s still not an excuse, son. Shit, it’s not like Canada is on the other side of the world, man. I refuse to believe that he didn’t know this shit was problematic, fam. I mean, he said he didn’t believe it was racist in his apology, but come the fuck on, bruh. As research tells us, America brought blackface to Canada in the 1800s. So, I’m not subscribing to them being naïve about this shit, folks.

Moving on, I need to send (another) message to White people. Attention, my Caucasian compatriots: blackface isn’t fucking ok. Brownface isn’t fucking ok. Look, if there’s ever a time where blackface seems like a good idea, please backflip off of a fucking roof and reconsider. The proof is in the pudding and the history is as clear as day: this practice is ROOTED in racism. Therefore, stop with the cotdamn idiocy, son.

In the end, there’s nothing else to say, man. Ultimately, Trudeau fucked up, fam. By and by, I truly don’t understand White people’s incessant need to color their skin, bruh. Now, as a disclaimer, I have to say that not all White people do this. Sadly, I have to mention that because people aren’t smart enough to know that I don’t mean everybody. Anyway, Justin Trudeau can miss me with his apology, son. That is all. LC out.

Dave Chappelle Doesn’t Give A F*ckity-F*ck

So, here we are, son. It’s 2019 and Dave Chappelle, the G.O.A.T., is back with another comedy special. Now, before I even watched Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones, I saw a couple of think pieces about why people shouldn’t view the Netflix special. All in all, I think it’s a terrible time to be a comedian, man. I mean, everyone is so damn sensitive and can’t see the humor in anything anymore.

Ok, to be clear, is Chappelle being offensive in this special? Absolutely, fam. But, he’s literally based his entire career on saying provocative shit, bruh. Hell, has anybody ever seen Chappelle’s Show? Son, the first fucking episode featured Clayton Bigsby, a Black White supremacist. Meaning, Chappelle has spent this whole time pushing the envelope, man. So, why is every joke seemingly off limits now?

My thing is, folks don’t have to find his jokes funny. Frankly, comedy is subjective as fuck, fam. Personally, I thought the special was hilarious, bruh. Now, does that mean I hate transgender people? No. Does that mean I hate the #MeToo movement? No. It just means that I can find humor in fucked up situations. For God‘s sake, that’s what comedy has done since the beginning of time, son. The truth is, no one batted an eye when Chappelle made racially-charged jokes for years. But, if he speaks on anything else, now he needs to be “cancelled?” The way I see it, folks can get the fuck outta here, man.

Listen, Chappelle basically said as much when he talked about getting called out for saying “faggot” on Chappelle’s Show. Look, he legitimately asked why he could say “nigger,” but couldn’t say “faggot.” To me, that’s a good fucking question, fam. So, only a certain type of offensive language is acceptable? If we’re keeping it a buck, ALL of the jokes were in “bad taste.” But, that’s what made them funny. All I know is, everybody needs to lighten up, bruh.

Now, I’m sure that some people are going to hate on me for writing this post. However, I laughed when he talked about Michael Jackson. I laughed when he talked about R. Kelly. I laughed at the jokes about Kevin HartJussie Smollett, school shootings AND the opioid crisis. Individually, are any of these subjects comical? Fuck no, son. But, finding humor in despair has always been part of the genre. All I can say is, society has lost the ability to laugh along the way. Hell, everything has become so serious and it’s a fucking buzzkill, man.

In the end, let me say it again, fam: I’m not telling anyone to like Chappelle’s special. Ultimately, I just think people need to relax. By and by, we laughed with Richard Pryor when he made a joke about setting himself on fire. The real is, he was high out of his mind and tried to kill himself. In addition, all of Eddie Murphy‘s specials are inappropriate as fuck. But, we just went along for the ride, bruh. At the end of the day, I don’t think Chappelle is being hateful at all. I just believe he finds humor in sensitive topics, son. On the real, we all used to have that ability. That is all. LC out.

I Have Mixed Feelings About This ‘Breaking Bad’ Movie

So, let me begin by saying that Breaking Bad is the greatest show in the history of mankind. Listen, I don’t care what anyone says and I don’t want to hear any alternatives. On the real, there is literally NOTHING a person can say to change my mind about this, son. With that being said, I’m simultaneously excited and frightened about the announcement of a Breaking Bad-inspired movie. Frankly, I don’t want Vince Gilligan to ruin a classic, man.

Ok, for those who missed it, Gilligan, the creator, head writer and main director for AMC‘s Breaking Bad, is bringing his talents to Netflix. So, on October 11th, the Aaron Paul-led El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie will hit the streaming service. Now, based on what I’ve read, the plot begins in the aftermath of “Felina,” Breaking Bad‘s final episode. As a refresher, Walter White liberated Jesse Pinkman from his White supremacist captors, and then Pinkman escaped in a Chevrolet El Camino (hint hint). In addition, White ended up dying, not from his cancer, but by bullets from his own M60 machine gun.

Moving on, while I don’t know much about this movie’s plot, it apparently follows Pinkman’s journey after securing his freedom. Now, a part of me can’t contain my happiness, fam. I mean, the prospect of more Breaking Bad in my life is almost more than I can handle, bruh. But, what is the show without Walter White? What is the show without the complicated relationship between Heisenberg and Pinkman? Shit, can Pinkman carry the entire film himself? Does Vince Gilligan still have a compelling story to tell? All in all, I have as much fear as elation, son. The truth is, I don’t want the saga to jump the shark, man.

In the end, only time will tell, fam. Ultimately, I’ll have all of my questions answered on October 11th, bruh. By and by, I have my fingers crossed and I’m hoping for the best, son. At the end of the day, I trust Gilligan, man. Real talk, I don’t think he’ll lead us astray, brethren. That is all. LC out.

I Don’t Want To Watch ‘When They See Us’

So, I want to take this time to be honest, son. On the real, I haven’t watched Ava DuVernay‘s When They See Us yet. Frankly, my spirit can’t take it, man. Like, the Central Park Five case makes me mad, fam. I mean, REALLY mad, bruh. Shit, my wife damn near had to force me to watch Ken Burns‘ documentary, y’all. The fact is, so many things that minorities fear about the justice system are wrapped up in this case, people. All in all, New York City stole the youth of five innocent men.

Now, before I continue, let me say that I’m not going to explain the entire case here. Hell, that’s what DuVernay’s Netflix series is for, son. However, I just want to touch on some of the shenanigans that caused these young men to lose themselves. First, there are the “confessions.” Real talk, the police department put the fear of God in a group of teenagers, man. The truth is, the cops scared a bunch of Black kids into admitting to a crime they flatly didn’t commit.

From there, the prosecutor, Linda Fairstein, did her best to railroad these young men. Despite the fact their “confessions” didn’t add up, she fucked them. Despite the fact they had alibis, she fucked them. Despite the fact their DNA didn’t match the culprit, the District Attorney‘s office STILL burned them at the stake. To make matters worse, even after Matias Reyes, the real rapist, admitted to the crime, authorities CONTINUE to claim the Central Park Five were responsible. Look, Reyes’ DNA proved he was the offender, yet Fairstein and company REFUSE to acknowledge the truth. Side note, don’t get me started on Donald Trump and all of his racist “bring back the death penalty” bullshit. All I know is, this case makes my soul hurt, fam.

In the end, I do believe everyone should watch this series, bruh. Ultimately, I’ll most likely end up watching it too. By and by, I just need to mentally prepare myself, son. At the end of the day, these are the perils that people of color have to deal with in this country, man. *Sigh* It’s just incredibly draining to constantly go through the nonsense, fam. That is all. LC out.

P.S. New Yorkers have plenty of reasons to shit on Bill de Blasio, but at least he gave the Central Park Five their money, bruh. Keeping it a buck, Michael Bloomberg is permanently on my shit list for fighting that settlement, son. Good day.

Fraud, As Told By Ja Rule

Oh my god, this is terrible. Could somebody please find Ja Rule, get ahold of this motherfucker, so I can make sense of all this? Where is Ja?

So, as usual, Dave Chappelle said it all, son. All I know is, I laughed way harder than I should’ve while watching that Fyre documentary on Netflix. Real talk, the Fyre Festival was one of the biggest scams I’ve ever seen, man. Now, before watching this doc, I already knew that a ton of fuckery went down. However, I was thoroughly baffled to see how much nonsense Ja and Billy McFarland tried to get away with. Furthermore, I was confused about how people fell for this shit. All in all, this entire saga was a glorious train wreck, fam.

Ok, for those who missed it, the failed Fyre Festival is back in the news. As of right now, there are two documentaries making their rounds on streaming services. First, there’s the aforementioned Fyre doc on Netflix. In addition, there’s the Fyre Fraud doc on Hulu. Keeping it a buck, I can only speak on the Netflix joint since I don’t have Hulu. Anyway, while watching the footage with my wife, I was blown away by this whole operation, bruh. I mean, this idea was doomed from the start, son. Frankly, I have no idea why anyone went along with this bullshit, man.

Now, where do I even begin, fam? Look, there was NO way McFarland and company could pull any of their promises off, bruh. Shit, McFarland lied to people about EVERYTHING. Like, he had no island, no luxury lodging, no headlining acts and no one to tell him to chill. But, he always found a way to get folks to invest more of their money, son. Hell, all it took was a co-sign from Ja, Kendall Jenner, Bella Hadid, Emily Ratajkowski and Chanel Iman. From there, people were ready to commit, man. All I know is, there was never a time where this festival would even remotely work, brethren.

Keeping it a buck, I have a hard time feeling sorry for people, son. Ok, yes, I feel terrible for the Bahamian folks who were taken advantage of. Side note, shout-out to the GoFundMe campaign that raised close to $200,000 for MaryAnn Rolle. After taking a HUGE loss for trying to feed people during the festival, it appears that she’s been made whole again. In any case, that’s where my sympathy stops, man. Seriously, anyone who fell for the “villa tent” mirage is an idiot, fam. Like, I saw someone write “will my tent have an outlet” in an email to McFarland. No, dumbass! Folks should’ve been happy with ham sandwiches and FEMA tents. That’s all McFarland had for them, bruh.

In the end, Ja Rule needs to be honest, son. Ultimately, false advertising is the same as fraud, man. By and by, Billy McFarland and Ja finessed folks with Joanne The Scammer-like precision, fam. At the end of the day, I have no clue how Ja skated, bruh. I mean, he got hit with a class action lawsuit, but he’s not facing prison time like McFarland. *Sigh* At least I can still hold onto Ja’s first three albums, folks. He’s been up to nonstop tomfoolery ever since. That is all. LC out.