I’m Convinced That Kawhi Leonard Isn’t A Person Person

Look, I’m going to keep this post short today, son. Frankly, I’m just here to laugh at Kawhi Leonard‘s laugh, man. I mean, a number of us have long speculated about Leonard’s personality, fam. Namely, because the guy doesn’t say shit, bruh! With all of that being said, his NBA Media Day press conference was fucking hilarious, folks! On God, I’m thoroughly convinced that Leonard is not a real human being, brethren. All I know is, that dude is either an alien or a functioning demonstration of artificial intelligence.

Ok, before I continue, I want everyone to watch this Instagram clip, son. Listen, never in the history of ever have I heard a “person” laugh like that, man. On the real, that awkward chuckle is so funny that I’m dying as I write this, fam. Like, there’s so much to take from that entire clip, bruh. First, no “fun guy” has ever described himself as a fun guy. Shit, I can’t imagine going to any social functions with a dude who’s face barely moves, folks. Hell, to that end, watch this YouTube video from his time with the San Antonio Spurs. For God’s sake, the man laughed and his face didn’t budge an inch, people! I swear, he’s a fucking robot!

In the end, I’m just here for the jokes, son. Look, whether he means to be or not, Kawhi Leonard is a hilarious fucking dude, man. Ultimately, his personality is either going to be endearing or a nightmare for the Toronto Raptors. Either way, I’m here for the shenanigans, fam. That is all. LC out.

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I Promise That LeBron James Is The G.O.A.T.

So, I’m going to keep this post short today, son. Listen, the debate is over, man. LeBron James is the greatest of all time, fam. Like, I don’t give a fuck about how people feel about him as a basketball player. All I know is, this dude used his money, power and influence to build a damn school, bruh! Frankly, that’s greater than ANYTHING he could ever achieve on the court, brethren. With that being said, James deserves ALL of our respect.

Ok, for those who have been living under a rock, James just made a MAJOR move in Akron, Ohio. Now, through his foundation, he opened up an elementary school called the I Promise School. The building was designed to hold 240 third- and fourth-grade students. Furthermore, these particular kids were “identified by Akron Public Schools as behind in critical academic areas and other factors.” Essentially, James opened a school to help the at-risk youth in his hometown. All I can say is, he’s a SUPER standup dude for making this kind of investment, son.

Now, in terms of features, the I Promise School will have A LOT to offer its students. To begin, there will be free tuition, free uniforms, free transportation within two miles, free breakfast, lunch and snacks, food pantry for families, GEDs and job placement services for parents AND guaranteed tuition to the University of Akron for every student who graduates. I mean, what the fuck, man?! This is fucking phenomenal, fam! Keeping it a buck, I REALLY want this school to work, bruh. Not because of James, but because of the children who deserve a chance to be great.

In the end, I guess not shutting up and dribbling was for the greater good. Right, Laura Ingraham? Ultimately, I don’t know how people can hate on this dude, son. By and by, basketball is just a game, man. The fact of the matter is, he’s using his position to be greater than the game, fam. At the end of the day, this move should be respected on all fronts, bruh. On the real, if anyone has anything negative to say about this, then they need to analyze why they’re so hateful. Listen to the kids, bro! That is all. LC out.

Kawhi Leonard Got Deported

So, it finally happened, huh? Kawhi Leonard finally got his wish to be done with the San Antonio Spurs. After all of last season’s tomfoolery, he’s now free of the clutches of Gregg Popovich and company. Now, in a year’s time, we’ll see if Leonard sticks with the Toronto Raptors. All I know is, DeMar DeRozan got royally fucked by a team he was loyal to.

Ok, for those who missed it, the Spurs traded Leonard and Danny Green to the Raptors for DeRozan, Jakob Poeltl and a protected first-round pick. Now, it’s no secret that Leonard wanted out of San Antonio. Hell, he already made it abundantly clear that he wasn’t going to cooperate with the Spurs. I mean, he stopped returning phone calls, he dodged meetings AND he failed to show up to any playoff games. On the real, what else could he have possibly done, son? Anybody could see that he was ducking any and everything, man.

Keeping it a buck, I feel like Leonard has acted like a bitch this entire process, fam. Look, wanting to leave is one thing, but by all accounts, he was wildly unprofessional, bruh. Since when is it cool to not report for work AND not keep in contact with management? Real talk, if any regular person tried that, we’d be on that unemployment line fast and in a hurry, son. Listen, we’re all adults here, man. If Leonard was really that unhappy with the organization, then be a grownup and tell them, brethren. Shit, he really had EVERYONE guessing what was going on in his head.

To make matters worse, there were all of these rumors that he only wanted to go to the Los Angeles Lakers. Then, after LeBron James joined the team, reports came out that he didn’t want to be “second fiddle” to James. Man, can this dude knock it the fuck off, son? So, he doesn’t want to play for the Spurs, he doesn’t want to play for the Raptors AND he doesn’t want to play with LeBron? Well, what the fuck does this dude want, fam? All I can say is, as talented as Leonard is, I don’t think he’s good enough for all of the bullshit around him, bruh.

In the end, shout-out to DeRozan, son. Ultimately, it’s a damn shame that he got caught up in Leonard’s nonsense, man. By and by, I hope he’s able to do some damage with LaMarcus Aldridge next season. In addition, I hope the Raptors are ready for the fuckery of Leonard. At the end of the day, he could easily dip after next season and Toronto could end up with nothing. Furthermore, we’ve already seen that Leonard will sit out a season, fam. Look, they better hope that giving up DeRozan, a lifelong Raptor, was worth it, bruh. That is all. LC out.

What The F*ck, Boogie Cousins?!

Man, what the fuck is going on out here, son? Like, is competition an antiquated concept? I mean, what’s the point of watching the NBA if EVERY superstar just decides to play together? All I know is, free agency has officially jumped the shark, fam. Keeping it a buck, DeMarcus Cousins signing with the Golden State Warriors is one of the most ridiculous deals I’ve ever seen, bruh. All in all, I may need to bow out of watching league games, folks.

Ok, for those who missed it, Cousins just one-upped LeBron James in the “How To Break Social Media” game. Apparently, after not receiving any offers from other teams, because of his fucked up Achilles, Cousins decided to call the Warriors. From there, the two sides worked out a one-year deal that would bring Cousins to The Bay for $5.3 million. So, if we’re keeping count, the Warriors now have FIVE players who have been selected to an All-NBA Team. Shit, at this point, should these other teams even show up to play next season?

Look, here’s my issue with all of this, son. On the real, it seems as if players no longer want to compete against each other. Ok, Cousins did nothing wrong, according to the rules, but shit, what happened to rivalries? What happened to players going at one another, man? Hell, everyone just wants to stack the deck now and gang up on undermanned teams. Honestly, all of this shit is corny, fam. All I can say is, Cousins went from wanting to beat the shit out of Kevin Durant to joining his team. *Sigh* It’s fucking ridiculous, bruh!

Keeping it a buck, I blame LeBron and the Boston Celtics for all of this new age fuckery, son. Listen, this era began when Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen teamed up. Now, as the story goes, that Celtics team gave James headaches, which caused him to join the Miami Heat with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. From there, the floodgates were opened, man. Years later, Durant joins the Warriors and now this Boogie shit. Frankly, these free agency deals are nothing more than the culmination of an issue that’s been brewing for almost a decade, fam.

In the end, fuuuuuuuuuck, bruh! *Sigh* How can I even watch basketball next season, son? Ultimately, we KNOW how it’s all going to end, man. By and by, the Warriors were going to win another title without Cousins. So, it’s a foregone conclusion that they’re going to three-peat, fam. At the end of the day, let me get a contract too, Warriors. Look, the cartilage in my right knee is trash, but my jumper is still pure, folks. That is all. LC out.

Don’t Tell Me You’re A Lakers Fan Now

So, he really did it, huh? LeBron James really signed with the Los Angeles Lakers, huh? Shit, after all of the theories and all of the speculation, he really moved to the Western Conference, huh? All in all, my least favorite part of being a basketball aficionado is about to go into overdrive, son: dealing with bandwagon fans. All I know is, I don’t want to hear ANY of these new motherfuckers try to convince me that they’re Lakers fans now, man.

Look, I may be wrong, but I feel like James is responsible for this new era of fandom. Like, instead of being fans of teams, people have become fans of players. Because of this, whatever team their favorite player is on, that’s the team these people root for. Hell, in James’s case, I’ve watched folks be Cleveland Cavaliers fans, then Miami Heat fans and back to Cavs fans. Real talk, they don’t know ANYTHING about these teams other than the fact that James was on them. In any case, despite the reality that it’ll irritate the SHIT out of me, I’m already preparing myself for these brand new Lakers “fans.”

In the end, the next NBA season is about to be WILD, fam! Ultimately, it looks like I’ll finally get my wish of seeing new teams in the Finals, bruh. All I can say is, James’s run of consecutive Finals appearances is over, son. I mean, there’s NO WAY he’s getting past the Golden State Warriors, man. Seriously, he has NO chance in the 9 Circles of Hell, fam.

As of right now, I’m picking Kevin Durant, Steph Curry and the Warriors to face Kyrie Irving and the Boston Celtics in the Finals. By and by, we’ll see how this Lakers experiment will work for James. The way I see it, he’s waiting for Kawhi Leonard to join him next year. For now, he’ll just have to put up with the shenanigans of Lonzo Ball and Kyle Kuzma. That is all. LC out.

What The F*ck Was JR Smith Thinking?!

Man, last night’s game was CRAZY, son! On the real, game one of this year’s NBA Finals had one of the wildest finishes I’ve ever seen, man. All I know is, after all of the shenanigans, there’s only one question to ask, fam: what the FUCK was JR Smith thinking, bruh?! I mean, cotdamn, people! I can’t remember the last time I’ve witnessed such a lack of court awareness, folks. All in all, Smith, along with the referees, might’ve cost the Cleveland Cavaliers their ONLY shot at beating the Golden State Warriors.

Now, before I continue, I have to talk about the officiating, son. Look, I’m not one of those dudes who likes to blame the refs for how a game turned out, man. However, there were a couple of calls that ABSOLUTELY contributed to the Cavs’s loss, fam. First, there was the overturned charge on Kevin Durant in the fourth quarter. Listen, LeBron James was CLEARLY outside of the restricted area and KD barged right into him, bruh. Frankly, they originally got the call right when they called it on KD. But, they overturned it and it led to free throws for the Dubs. So, instead of the Cavs being up by two with the ball, it became a tied game, people. *Sigh*

Also, there was another time where George Hill legally slapped the ball out of KD’s hands. But, the refs called it a foul. Once again, this blunder led to free points for the Warriors. But, we can talk about that later, son. Anyway, let’s touch on how Smith fucked his own team, man. Now, with the Cavs being down 107-106 in the final minute, Hill got fouled and went to the free throw line. He made the first shot to tie the game. Then, he missed the second shot and Smith got the rebound right under the basket. Now, did Smith put up a layup? No. Did he give the ball to an open Hill? No. Did he give the ball to James? No. Instead, this fucking guy ran the clock out because he thought the Cavs were in the lead. Wait, what? WHAT?! Hell fucking nah, fam!

Listen, that type of fuckery is UNACCEPTABLE for a professional basketball player, bruh! Seriously, it’s his job to keep track of the score and keep track of the clock, bruh. The Cavs had a golden opportunity to win the game in regulation, but Smith squandered it, son. From there, the Cavs got their asses kicked in overtime and wasted a legendary 51-point performance from James. Keeping it a buck, the embedded picture above is exactly why James will probably leave Cleveland after the season, man. All I can say is, the organization better enjoy James’s greatness while they still can, fam.

In the end, Smith fucked up, bruh. Hill fucked up by missing that second free throw. Ultimately, I don’t know what else people want James to do, son. By and by, he does EVERYTHING in his power to put his team in a position to win, man. At the end of the day, SOMEBODY else is going to have to show up, fam. Honestly, that was the beauty of Kyrie Irving‘s game, folks. Shit, that dude ALWAYS showed up to play, people. At this point, a 1-8 3-point shooting performance from Kevin Love isn’t going to do it. Missing crucial free throws isn’t going to do it. Losing track of the damn score isn’t going to do it. *Sigh* I hope James has made his peace with a 3-6 Finals record, brethren. Hell, he can’t stop it now. That is all. LC out.

I Want The Cavaliers & The Warriors To Lose

Look, I know what everyone is thinking, son. I mean, based on the title, it may seem like I’m hating, man. But, before people try to take my head off, let me explain why I want the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Golden State Warriors to lose. Basically, as a lifelong basketball fan, I’m getting bored with the NBA, fam. Year after year, the same fucking teams go the Finals, bruh. All in all, I need some new shit to happen to keep my interest, folks.

Now, I won’t lie, son. I’ve actually felt this way for a little while, man. Listen, for the last seven years, it was a given that LeBron James and company were going to win the East. For the last few years, it was a given that Stephen Curry and company were going to win the West. From there, barring any random occurrences (like Draymond Green getting suspended in the 2016 Finals), it was a given that the Dubs were going to beat the Cavs. So, what does a dude like me have to look forward to, fam? On the real, we’re all just watching the same damn script, bruh. There’s no drama, no suspense and no thrill, people.

Listen, let me tell everybody how serious I am about wanting change. Now, I’m a New York dude through and through. Meaning, I hate ALL Boston teams with an undying passion. However, I’m so tired of the same matchups that I actually want the Celtics to beat the Cavs, son. Shit, does anyone know what that wish does to my soul, man? I’m actually rooting for a fucking team that I despise, fam. THAT’S how much I want things to be shaken up, bruh. All I know is, I’m going to have to repent to Yankees Jesus, folks.

In the end, my wish probably won’t come true, son. Ultimately, the Cavaliers and the Warriors will probably meet again in the Finals, man. Yes, I know that the Cavs just got trounced by the Celtics in Game 1. But, they’re going to have to beat LeBron three more times, fam. All I can say is, that’s a tall order for a young team, bruh. In addition, I don’t believe in the Houston Rockets‘s ability to beat GS, people. By and by, they’re going to have to show and prove before I believe the hype. In any case, I’ll see everyone in the Finals for part four of LeBron versus Steph and part three of LeBron versus Kevin Durant. LC out.