Can I Have Unbiased News?

So, I won’t lie, son. I’m tired of the news, man. No, I’m not tired of current events, but I’m tired of the way these stories are presented to me, fam. Like, can I just have the regular fucking news, bruh? Without a talking head telling me how to interpret it? Look, people are always quick to blame Fox News for the degeneration of journalism. Side note, they are BY FAR the most egregious, folks. I mean, let’s just be real here. But, Fox is not the only culprit in this clusterfuck of media, people. All in all, EVERY news network is to blame for the biased broadcasting presented to the public.

Ok, before I continue, I want everyone to look at this article on Deadspin‘s The Concourse. Listen, writer Timothy Burke put together a video of content across numerous television stations owned by Sinclair Broadcast Group. In the video, DOZENS of news anchors can be seen reciting the same rhetoric, emphasizing Donald Trump‘s fictitious war on “fake news.” Now, when I say the “same rhetoric,” I mean these anchors are actually saying the SAME EXACT WORDS across multiple broadcasts. Shit, how the fuck are people supposed to get unbiased news when the presenters are LITERALLY reading from a script, son?

Now, let me be clear, man. Fox News isn’t the only evil entity in this equation, fam. Hell, MSNBC loves to get in on the bullshit, bruh. On the real, I already shitted on Rachel Maddow in the past for trying to connect dots between Trump and Russia with no verifiable proof. In addition, I remember when Don Lemon had a LONG run of saying fuckity-fuck shit about race on CNN. Keeping it a buck, I can’t watch ANY of these networks anymore, son. All of their content has an angle and I’m fucking sick of it, people.

In the end, I don’t even know how to fix this problem, son. Ultimately, these companies benefit from spinning these tales, man. At the end of the day, the American public is the only group that loses, fam. By and by, we can never come to a resolution about any of the issues because we’re never given accurate information. *Sigh* Where’s Ted Koppel when we need him, bruh? LC out.

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Alabama Made The Right Decision

So, let me keep it a buck here, son. The Senate election in Alabama wasn’t about the Left versus the Right, man. This election wasn’t about the Democrats versus the Republicans. Frankly, this election was about right versus clear-cut wrong, fam. Look, if Alabama actually put Roy Moore in Congress, then they would’ve put a racist pedophile in an elected office. With that being said, Doug Jones was DEFINITELY the better choice, bruh. All in all, I’m just glad that Alabama didn’t do what I thought they were gonna do.

Ok, at this point, I shouldn’t have to explain how horrible of a person Moore is, son. I mean, I’ve already detailed his history of pedophilia and sexual abuse. In any case, he also has a strong, STRONG background of racism, man. Shit, just the other day, he got outed for saying that America was better when we had slavery. Somehow, Moore asserted that the family unit was stronger during a time when slaves didn’t have the right to have families. I… I didn’t even know how to respond to that when I heard it, fam.

Listen, the fact that Moore was even in this race says EVERYTHING about our country, bruh. Hell, I was watching MSNBC last night and there was a poll that said that 55% of Alabama voters didn’t care about the allegations against Moore. Good Lord, that’s fucking insane, son! On the real, these folks are so dedicated to the GOP that they were WILLFULLY looking the other way to Moore’s pedophilia. Real talk, that’s fucking FRIGHTENING, man! All I can say is, political allegiance is damn near as dangerous as religious zealotry, fam.

Now, with all of that being said, America needs to thank Black people… again. Taking it a step further, the country needs to thank Black women specifically, bruh. Based on the final voting numbers, Black women represented 18% of the total vote and 97% of them voted for Jones. In addition, Black men represented 12% of the total vote and 92% of them also voted for Jones. Basically, Black people saved everyone’s ass, son. All I know is, the Senate dynamic just got A LOT more interesting, man. Keeping it a buck, Congress desperately needs this balancing act, fam.

In the end, fuck Roy Moore, fuck Steve Bannon and fuck Donald Trump (word to YG). Ultimately, this nation has a TON of problems, but electing a racist pedophile shouldn’t be one of them, bruh. By and by, I’m just relieved that this race didn’t go a different way, son. Look, I know this country jumped the shark a long time ago. However; a Moore candidacy was nothing short of preposterous, man. That is all. LC out.

Ted Koppel Is A G… Ask Sean Hannity

Man, I rock with Ted Koppel. Nah, for real, for real, I rock with Ted Koppel, son. After watching his interview with Sean Hannity on CBS Sunday Morning, I was excited to see an actual journalist deconstruct today’s media. As it currently stands, opinions have replaced facts in our news and it’s exceedingly dangerous, man. With that being said, I applaud Koppel for calling out Hannity to his face. However; Hannity and Fox News aren’t the only ones to criticize. In my eyes, MSNBCCNN and countless other “news” networks all share some of the blame. Ultimately, all opinion shows disguised as news are bad for America.

Now, I won’t lie, son, when it comes to this subject, I argue a lot with my wife and my mother. To me, I see no difference between Fox News and MSNBC. Yes, the ideology is drastically different between the two channels, but they both engage in the same brand of propaganda. All jokes aside, Bill O’Reilly and Chris Matthews are the same person, man. They both have definitive beliefs and they both refuse to listen to any guest with a conflicting point of view. Instead of acknowledging someone else’s sentiment, they’d rather just cut them off or speak over them. On the real, I challenge anyone to watch both of their shows back-to-back. Once their respective dogma is removed, it becomes apparent that their approach to “news” is strikingly similar.

Look, didn’t I just scold Rachel Maddow on this very site for engaging in the tomfoolery? I mean, she took two pages of Donald Trump‘s 2005 tax return and spun an entire story out of nothing. Outside of quoting how much money he made and how much he paid in taxes, Maddow had no other spec of news to report. She just launched a series of hypotheticals that were designed to create an unproven narrative in the audience’s mind. *Sigh* I just want the damn news, son! Can I get that without someone trying to shape how I’m supposed to interpret it?

Moving on, I just want to make one thing clear. Is my blog based on my own personal point of view? Absolutely. With that being said, I’m not a journalist, man. I’m just a dude with an opinion and immaculate WiFi, son. I’m simply out here reacting to the world as it happens. We, the people, need the media to tell us the unbiased truth. That’s the only way we can truly make sense of everything. All I know is, I’m a firm believer that opinion-based media is largely responsible for the division in our country. The public can’t come together when information is always being spun and misrepresented.

In the end, Ted Koppel is a G, man. He’s one of the few who’s able to call a spade a spade. Now, if more journalists took this stance on the news, then maybe we’d actually have a shot of figuring out what’s really going on out here. But, then again, in the words of Desus Nice, by Bronx bredren, facts don’t matter. LC out.

P.S. This is very random, but shout-out to Ghostface Killah, son. Look, the entire time I was writing this post, I kept hearing the line “hit mics like Ted Koppel” in my head. With that being said, everyone should go listen to “Mighty Healthy” after reading this. That is all.

Rachel Maddow Just Wasted Our Time

Look, here at I Can’t Be Famous, the Internet thuggery doesn’t discriminate, son. Anybody can get this work anytime and any place. With that being said, I need to take Rachel Maddow to task today. Now, after securing a portion of Donald Trump‘s 2005 tax returns, she got everyone hyped to see what they contained. However; after watching her show last night, I was pissed, man! I mean, she essentially wasted everyone’s time! There was nothing revealed that was noteworthy, bruh. All in all, I know just as much today as I did before her “breaking news.” *Sigh* Thanks for nothing, Rachel!

So, before all of the hoopla last night, I was just chilling in my living room. My wife called me from the bedroom like “babe, Rachel Maddow has Trump’s tax returns! She’s going to expose them on her show!” Now, as anyone could imagine, I was very intrigued, son. Fast forward to 9PM, I parked myself in front of the television, waiting for the scoop. Five minutes passed. Then ten minutes passed. Then twenty minutes passed. I’m listening and listening until I finally realized that Maddow hadn’t said shit yet. After all of the hype, she really only had two pages of his 2005 tax return.

Now, let’s step back for a second. To be clear, people like me want to see Trump’s tax returns to see if he has any interests that could influence his presidency. I mean, there’s no secret that Trump and his staff have had frequent communication with various individuals from Russia. With that being said, the goal is to get a better understanding of what the possible connection might be. In any case, Maddow’s “big revelation” was nothing more than a smoke screen, man. She literally presented no new information that could be used to unravel this mystery.

Keeping it a buck, I don’t give a fuck about what Russian dude bought Trump’s house in 2004. I don’t give a fuck about the fact that he made $150 million in 2005. I don’t give a fuck about the fact that he paid $38 million in taxes. Ok, yes, he paid a lower percentage of taxes than the average American, but what wealthy person doesn’t? I mean, isn’t that what Democrats and Republicans have been fighting about since the beginning of time? In addition, didn’t Trump already call himself “smart” for benefiting from the tax code during a debate against Hillary Clinton? Look, Maddow was doing nothing but preaching to the choir. All in all, we, the people, are no closer to the truth, man. Ultimately, she was just doing the most for ratings.

In the end, MSNBC played themselves, bruh. All I know is, the next time that network has some “breaking news,” I’ll just wait for the recap, son. *Sigh* What a bunch of malarkey, man. LC out.

Let’s Talk About The ‘Bowling Green Massacre’

*Sigh* Another day, another opportunity to hear some “alternative facts.” Look, I didn’t even think I had anything to write today, but here comes Kellyanne Conway to save the day. I mean, I can always count on her for some Grade A fuckery, right? In any case, all I could do was shake my head in disbelief when I heard her mention the “Bowling Green Massacre” on MSNBC. Namely because such an event doesn’t exist! Once again, Donald Trump‘s administration has made it their mission to ignore logic, facts and evidence in order to make their points.

So, Conway was on MSNBC defending Trump’s Muslim Ban. She claimed that what Trump is doing isn’t unprecedented because Barack Obama banned refugees from Iraq for six months back in 2011. Apparently, this action was taken after the arrest of “the masterminds behind the Bowling Green massacre.” Now, there are two things drastically wrong with this argument: first, Obama never instituted a six-month ban on Iraqis. In actuality, after it was discovered that two Iraqi immigrants were trying to send weapons and money back to Iraq, Obama’s administration re-vetted all incoming Iraqis. During this period, refugees were still being let into the country. There was NEVER a ban.

Second, A MASSACRE IN BOWLING GREEN, KENTUCKY NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED! Good fucking Lord, man! Bending the truth is one thing. However; this woman legitimately made up a terrorist attack that never occurred. This can’t be fucking life, man! Kellyanne Conway is in a legit position of power and she’s BLATANTLY making up information, son. These are the people who are leading our country, bruh. This type of shit should scare everyone. All it takes is one grandiose and misplaced lie to start a war with another nation. Shit, ain’t that how the Iraq War started in the first place? Whatever happened to those “weapons of mass destruction,” George W. Bush?

Ultimately, I’m losing more and more of my hair everyday, son. Well, that’s a lie since I’m already bald, but we all know what I mean, man. This administration is driving my stress level to ungodly heights. The amount of incompetence is fucking frightening, son. *Sigh* I don’t know what else to say here. LC out.

Gary Johnson Is A Joke… Not The Funny Kind

Ok, I’ll be the first to admit, I haven’t given much thought to any of the presidential candidates not named Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. This is mainly because I don’t see how an outside force can overcome the current Democrat/Republican two-party system. Granted, I do understand the rationale that if enough people voted for an outsider, they could shake up the program. However; I’ve yet to see a candidate that could galvanize me enough to go against the grain. With that being said, Gary Johnson is doing a TERRIBLE job of convincing me otherwise. Within one month, he’s said two of the stupidest things I’ve heard on the campaign trail. So, it’s my job to make fun of him. Let’s do this!

Now, for those who are unaware, Johnson is the presidential candidate for the Libertarian Party. In addition, he’s the former Governor of New Mexico. Despite being a third wheel to the two-party system, Johnson has actually been doing well in the polls. However; I’m positive that’s about to change once people get a wind of the fuckity-fuck shit he’s been saying.

First, there’s Aleppo. During the second week of September, during an interview with MSNBC, Johnson was asked about the civil war in Syria. More specifically, he was asked about what he would do regarding the conflict that’s currently tearing apart the city of Aleppo. Now, instead of providing a solution, Johnson actually mouthed the words “what is Aleppo?” Bruh, seriously? Seriously?! This man is running to be president of the United States and he’s unaware of a war that’s been waging in the Middle East for at least the last five years? Man, shit like that should automatically disqualify any candidate. Then again, Donald Trump is in this race, so what the hell do I know?

Next, just yesterday, Johnson made another baffling faux pas. Back on MSNBC, host Chris Matthews asked Johnson to name his favorite foreign leader. After stalling for a period of time, Matthews asked him to just mention anyone. Once again, instead of at least acting like he knew what he was talking about, Johnson said “I guess I’m having an Aleppo moment.” Is this dude fucking serious? Not only did he whiff on a question he should’ve been able to answer, he went and referenced ANOTHER whiff that made him look stupid before. Honestly, is anyone out there actually voting for this guy? If so, can I buy some weed from whoever is supplying y’all? It must be some good ass weed, son.

In the end, I don’t think there’s anything else to say. Gary Johnson is an idiot. Plain and simple, son. Once again, this is just further proof that this election is the worst in American history. I swear, we’re fucked as a people, man. Fucking fucked! Good day.