My First (Real) Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Class

So, I won’t lie, son. On the real, I love fighting, man. Now, I haven’t been in a real fight in years, but I still need that type of aggression, fam. Shit, I grew up doing Taekwondo, I’ve boxed, I’ve done Muay ThaiJeet Kune Do and general MMA. Needless to say, I’m semi-addicted to pain, bruh. In any case, last night was a first for me. Last night was the first time I took a real Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class. All in all, I’m still processing my experience, brethren.

Ok, to be clear, last night was not the first time I’ve rolled. Shit, thanks to previous MMA classes, I’ve had the pleasure of putting someone in and being put into a rear-naked choke and an armbar. However, those experiences didn’t necessarily prepare me for a full hour and a half of BJJ, son. Frankly, despite my years of martial arts training, I’ve learned that I don’t know shit upon shit about fighting on the ground, man.

Now, before I continue, I have to give a major shout-out to Babs Olusanmokun. The actor/BJJ black belt runs Babs BJJ out of Phil Nurse‘s The Wat school in lower Manhattan. Side bar, I have to give another shout-out to my wife for finding this school, fam. Keeping it a buck, she’s the real MVP, bruh. Anyway, since the spot is only a few blocks away from my job, I figured I’d give a class a test spin, son. All I know is, I wasn’t exactly prepared for this shit, man.

In any case, the class went as follows: I first learned to shrimp, followed by front rolls and back rolls. From there, I learned how to do the technical stand-up. Next, I learned the basics of the triangle choke. After that, I spent the majority of the class drilling kimuras with other white belts. Side bar, one of the white belts had one stripe and the other had three stripes. Meaning, we were not the same, fam. Frankly, both of those dudes could fuck me up, bruh. It just is what it is.

Moving on, I was involved in all of the activities until it came time to roll. Babs knew that I would get mangled if I got my ass down there, son. Instead, I just watched and came to the realization that a 5’5″ woman with a blue belt could choke the fuckity-fuck out of me, man. All I can say is, it was a very humbling experience, fam.

In the end, I’m still trying to process it all, bruh. Hell, look at my face in that above picture, son. Ultimately, that’s the face of a dude who got his innocence took, man. By and by, I’m pretty sure I’ll go back, fam. At the end of the day, I just need my knees to cooperate with me, brethren. The truth is, it’ll be easy as fuck for someone to double leg me if I don’t get lower to the ground. But, I only have one life and I need to try everything, people. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Someone tell my boy Fabo that I’m renigging on my word to roll with him. Son, I ain’t ready for that type of smoke. Talk to me in a year, man. Good day.

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Put Some Respeck On Stipe Miocic’s Name

So, here we are, son. It’s August 19th and Stipe Miocic is once again the UFC Heavyweight Champion. Now, in my eyes, Miocic has always been underappreciated, man. I mean, when fans discuss the greatest Heavyweights of all time, Miocic’s name is begrudgingly brought up. Like, people acknowledge the fact that he has the most consecutive title defenses in UFC history. But, they never put him in the same conversation as Cain Velasquez or Daniel Cormier. Well, now it’s undeniable, fam. Stipe Miocic is the greatest Heavyweight in UFC history.

Ok, before I continue, let’s talk about his recent fight with Cormier. Now, if I’m being real, Miocic was losing that fight at UFC 241, bruh. Shit, I legitimately believe that he lost the first three rounds against Cormier. On the real, I didn’t think the fight would make it out of the first round. Look, based on how often Cormier was connecting with his face, and the way Cormier rag-dolled him with the wrestling, I thought it was about to be a wrap, son. But, Miocic weathered the storm and waited for his opportunity, man.

Moving on, the whole fight started to change in the fourth round. By then, Miocic saw a chink in Cormier’s armor. He realized that Cormier was susceptible to body shots and kept hitting him with left hooks to the gut. Hell, after about 12 of those blows, Cormier’s hands started to fall, fam. From there, Miocic just punched the shit out of his dome, bruh. All in all, Cormier went down from the repeated strikes.

Now, despite Cormier’s loss, I’m not going to call his first fight against Miocic a fluke, son. Frankly, Miocic had a bad game plan by clinching with him. The way I see it, he played right into Cormier’s strengths and paid the price for it. On top of that, the second fight didn’t start too well for Miocic either. From the outside, it looked like Cormier was quicker on the attack, man. Like, he was pretty much able to hit Miocic at will. However, Cormier wasn’t able to put him out and Miocic just bided his time, fam. To me, Miocic showed the heart of a champion, bruh. The fact is, he made the perfected adjustment and made Cormier pay for his hubris, excuse me, mistakes. Side note, Cormier could’ve won if he just kept wrestling, brethren. Listen, he basically admitted as much.

In the end, put some respeck on Miocic’s name, son. Ultimately, he’s now accomplished more than any other UFC Heavyweight before him. By and by, folks were ready to crown Cormier as the greatest Heavyweight ever. Well, how should we rank Miocic now that he’s beat Cormier, reclaimed the belt and set the record for most wins in Heavyweight title fights? As the Heavyweight G.O.A.T., man. No more, no less, fam. That is all. LC out.

No More Chances For Jon Jones

So, let me keep it a buck, son. Honestly, I don’t know enough about this situation to make a judgement, man. I mean, Jon Jones could be up to his usual shenanigans or he might be innocent. Frankly, I don’t know, fam. All I can say is, if Jones is guilty of the latest charge against him, then that better be it, bruh. Like, how many chances can one man get, folks? Seriously, if he committed this offense, Jones needs to finally be shunned, brethren.

Ok, for those who missed it, Jones might be in trouble again, son. Now, apparently, Jones was in some New Mexico strip club back in April. Anyway, a waitress alleged that he pulled her down to his lap, kissed her neck, put her in a chokehold and lifted her off of the ground. From there, she stated that he continued to inappropriately touch her until he decided to leave the club. Moving on, I have no insight into whether this incident actually happened. All I know is, this dude just can’t seem to stay out of shit, man.

Now, let’s be real, fam. Shit, Jones has a loooooong history of doing the wrong thing, bruh. Outside of the numerous failed PED tests and hitting a pregnant woman with his car, Jones also has a documented past with illegal narcotics, son. The point is, a story like this isn’t that far-fetched, man. The truth is, that’s the fucking problem, folks. Frankly, Jones has done so much fuckity-fuck shit, that a situation like this is believable, people. The way I see it, if this woman’s story has merit, then the UFC and the MMA community needs to finally wash their hands of this dude.

In the end, there are certain facts in life, son: water is wet, the sky is blue, Jon Jones is the G.O.A.T. and he stays in some bullshit. Ultimately, I hope this story isn’t true, man, and not because of the fact that I was a fan of this guy. By and by, women don’t deserve to be violated, fam. At the end of the day, Jones needs to stay clear of any place or situation that could get him in trouble, bruh. Hell, hasn’t he done enough tomfoolery already, brethren? That is all. LC out.

Thanks For Wasting Our Time, Brock Lesnar

So, I won’t lie, son. I’m happy that Brock Lesnar is retiring from MMA. Frankly, no real fan wanted to watch him fight Daniel Cormier, man. On the real, the fact that this fight was ever a possibility is a fucking joke, fam. I mean, he’s only had two fights in the last eight years and he popped for PEDs in 2016. All in all, the sport won’t miss him, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, the proposed match between Lesnar and Cormier is off. Apparently, Lesnar informed Dana White that he’s retiring, so the UFC now has to change gears. Now, after the months of fuckery, the UFC is trying to schedule a rematch between Cormier and Stipe Miocic. Side note, this is the fight that should’ve happened from the beginning. Fuck all that Hollywood shit, son. The best should be fighting the best. Period.

Now, I never understood why Cormier wanted to fight Lesnar in the first place, man. Ok, yes, I know Cormier was looking for a big payday. But, that bout would’ve contradicted everything he claimed to stand for. Shit, he’s extremely vocal about being a clean athlete and often criticizes Jon Jones for his transgressions. So, his answer was to fight Lesnar, a man who’s also failed drug tests? Come the fuck on, fam.

In the end, I just want Miocic to get his just due, bruh. Ultimately, he’s achieved more than any other Heavyweight in UFC history. By and by, it was fucked up to see him being dismissed so easily. At the end of the day, I think the rematch with Cormier will be crazy. All I know is, that’s what real MMA fans want, son. That is all. LC out.

Conor McGregor Isn’t Retiring

So, I won’t lie, son. I haven’t blogged in a little while because I burned myself out, man. I mean, after all of the work that went into putting out an album, I felt drained, fam. Side note, everybody should go listen to my The Charlemagne Renaissance album right now. Like, right now, bruh! It’s on Spotify, Apple Music, Tidal and whatever streaming service the homies created in their basement. In any case, I’m back today to call Conor McGregor’s bluff. All in all, I don’t believe he’s retiring for one second, folks.

Ok, for those who missed it, McGregor hit Twitter to announce his retirement from MMA. Apparently, thanks to all of that Floyd Mayweather and Proper No. 12 whiskey money, he doesn’t feel the need to fight again. Now, in theory, he’s right. Sh*t, during the course of his career, he’s sold countless PPV’s and has had countless highlights. For God’s sake, he’s responsible for 5 of the top 6 UFC PPV buys, son. Frankly, he couldn’t possibly become any bigger of a star, man. So, what’s left for him to do, fam?

With all of that being said, I’m still calling shenanigans, bruh. Listen, McGregor is a competitor, son. Ok, yes, he’s also a businessman, but he made it this far by being a warrior. The way I see it, he won’t call it a career until he fights both Khabib Nurmagomedov and Nate Diaz again. Look, based on pride alone, I don’t see him riding off into the sunset knowing that he couldn’t beat Khabib. I’d bet money that McGregor thinks he can take him in a rematch. I mean, he’s wrong, but I guarantee he’s going to try again, man. On top of that, the series with Diaz is tied 1-1. McGregor knows that this rivalry needs a definitive winner, fam.

In the end, all will be answered, bruh. Ultimately, McGregor may have some people fooled, but I’m not one of them, son. By and by, give him like 6 months, man. He’ll find a reason to get back into that Octagon, fam. At the end of the day, I’ll still be there to watch it. All I know is, he’d have much better luck against Diaz than Khabib. Keeping it a buck, McGregor can’t beat that monster from Dagestan, people. It just is what it is, brethren. That is all. LC out.

Whose Mans Is This: The Attempted Robbery Of Polyana Viana

Good morning, friends and acquaintances. My name is LC and I’d like to talk to everyone about bad decisions. Now, as seen in the photo above, the man on the left is VERY familiar with bad decisions, son. Look, while attempting to rob the woman on the right, he got the holy shit beat out of him, man. All I know is, when people search for “poetic justice” on Google, his picture should show up, fam. In any case, let’s all take the time to mercilessly laugh at this dude, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, an attempted mugging went down in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil on Saturday night. Now, an unnamed assailant with a cardboard gun tried to steal a woman’s phone. Little did he know the woman was Polyana Viana, a UFC Strawweight fighter. Anyway, once she realized what was going on, she quickly sprang into action, son. According to the story, after his botched robbery, she punched him twice, hit him with a kick and then put him in a rear-naked choke. From there, he was incapacitated until the cops came. To make matters even funnier, he was asking for the police after getting his ass beat.

On the real, this story is super hilarious to me, man. I mean, he literally couldn’t have picked a worse target, fam. Shit, of all of the people he could’ve attacked, he chose the damn assassin, bruh. For God’s sake, that’s fucking BEAUTIFUL, son. Also, in my eyes, this situation is the perfect example of why all women should train in the martial arts, man. Like, they could pick boxing, they could pick jiu-jitsu or just MMA in general. All in all, knowing a lil sum sum could potentially save a life, brethren. So, everybody needs to chop chop and get to it, folks.

In the end, vengeance is mine, said the Lord. Except for when a clown tries to rob someone and gets righteously mollywopped. Ultimately, this guy got EXACTLY what he deserved, son. By and by, long live Polyana Viana, man! She’s the real MVP, fam. Hey, Dana White, gives this woman a raise, bruh. That is all. LC out.

Amanda Nunes Is The GOAT

Look, there are a few things in life that can always be debated. We can debate whether Coca-Cola or Pepsi is the better drink (it’s definitely Pepsi). We can debate whether Tyson Fury got up before the ten-count against Deontay Wilder (he definitely did). Hell, we can even debate whether Killmonger was right in Black Panther (he definitely was). However, there’s one topic that isn’t up for debate, son: Amanda Nunes is the greatest women’s MMA fighter ever. Fucking ever, man!

Ok, by now, anyone familiar with MMA should know that Nunes knocked Cris Cyborg the fuck out. Now, I’ll be honest, fam. On the real, I didn’t give Nunes much of a chance, bruh. Like, I legit looked at Cyborg like the Terminator, son. But, to be fair, I also believed that if anyone was capable of pulling off an upset, it was Nunes. Real talk, I gave Nunes a slight glimmer of hope because she hits fucking hard, man! So, in my head, if by some miracle she caught Cyborg with the right punch, she might be able to pull it off. Well, I was right AND wrong, folks. Yes, she did catch Cyborg with the right punch. But, she also caught Cyborg with like 20 other “right” punches, people. I mean, Nunes beat the SHIT out of her, brethren!

All I know is, after this victory, Nunes is CLEARLY the GOAT, son. Now, I’m not just saying that because of her victory over Cyborg. Nah, I’m saying that because of her victory over Cyborg AND all of the other legends she’s beat, man. Keeping it a buck, her resume is STACKED, fam. Shit, let’s go through some of the women she’s conquered, bruh:

  • Cris Cyborg: Former Strikeforce, Invicta FC and UFC Featherweight Champion
  • Ronda Rousey: Former Strikeforce and UFC Bantamweight Champion
  • Valentina Shevchenko: Current UFC Flyweight Champion
  • Miesha Tate: Former Strikeforce and UFC Bantamweight Champion
  • Julia Budd: Current Bellator Featherweight Champion
  • Germaine de Randamie: Former UFC Featherweight Champion

For God‘s sake, what else do I have to say, son? Nunes took out 6 of the most notable champions in MMA history. From my vantage point, this puts her FAR ahead of her competition, man. At this point, Holly Holm is the only one who hasn’t taken the L yet. Side note, that’s probably coming, fam. All I can say is, I don’t see Holm beating Nunes. Anyway, it’s time for us to acknowledge that Nunes is the greatest, bruh. Hell, it’s not even fucking close, folks.

In the end, all hail the GOAT! Ultimately, Nunes solidified her place in history, son. By and by, I was hyped as shit to see it, man. At the end of the day, that’s all I have to say, fam. Viva la Amanda Nunes! That is all. LC out.

P.S. Happy New Year, you filthy animals! Good day!