Whose Mans Is This: The Attempted Robbery Of Polyana Viana

Good morning, friends and acquaintances. My name is LC and I’d like to talk to everyone about bad decisions. Now, as seen in the photo above, the man on the left is VERY familiar with bad decisions, son. Look, while attempting to rob the woman on the right, he got the holy shit beat out of him, man. All I know is, when people search for “poetic justice” on Google, his picture should show up, fam. In any case, let’s all take the time to mercilessly laugh at this dude, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, an attempted mugging went down in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil on Saturday night. Now, an unnamed assailant with a cardboard gun tried to steal a woman’s phone. Little did he know the woman was Polyana Viana, a UFC Strawweight fighter. Anyway, once she realized what was going on, she quickly sprang into action, son. According to the story, after his botched robbery, she punched him twice, hit him with a kick and then put him in a rear-naked choke. From there, he was incapacitated until the cops came. To make matters even funnier, he was asking for the police after getting his ass beat.

On the real, this story is super hilarious to me, man. I mean, he literally couldn’t have picked a worse target, fam. Shit, of all of the people he could’ve attacked, he chose the damn assassin, bruh. For God’s sake, that’s fucking BEAUTIFUL, son. Also, in my eyes, this situation is the perfect example of why all women should train in the martial arts, man. Like, they could pick boxing, they could pick jiu-jitsu or just MMA in general. All in all, knowing a lil sum sum could potentially save a life, brethren. So, everybody needs to chop chop and get to it, folks.

In the end, vengeance is mine, said the Lord. Except for when a clown tries to rob someone and gets righteously mollywopped. Ultimately, this guy got EXACTLY what he deserved, son. By and by, long live Polyana Viana, man! She’s the real MVP, fam. Hey, Dana White, gives this woman a raise, bruh. That is all. LC out.

Advertisements

Amanda Nunes Is The GOAT

Look, there are a few things in life that can always be debated. We can debate whether Coca-Cola or Pepsi is the better drink (it’s definitely Pepsi). We can debate whether Tyson Fury got up before the ten-count against Deontay Wilder (he definitely did). Hell, we can even debate whether Killmonger was right in Black Panther (he definitely was). However, there’s one topic that isn’t up for debate, son: Amanda Nunes is the greatest women’s MMA fighter ever. Fucking ever, man!

Ok, by now, anyone familiar with MMA should know that Nunes knocked Cris Cyborg the fuck out. Now, I’ll be honest, fam. On the real, I didn’t give Nunes much of a chance, bruh. Like, I legit looked at Cyborg like the Terminator, son. But, to be fair, I also believed that if anyone was capable of pulling off an upset, it was Nunes. Real talk, I gave Nunes a slight glimmer of hope because she hits fucking hard, man! So, in my head, if by some miracle she caught Cyborg with the right punch, she might be able to pull it off. Well, I was right AND wrong, folks. Yes, she did catch Cyborg with the right punch. But, she also caught Cyborg with like 20 other “right” punches, people. I mean, Nunes beat the SHIT out of her, brethren!

All I know is, after this victory, Nunes is CLEARLY the GOAT, son. Now, I’m not just saying that because of her victory over Cyborg. Nah, I’m saying that because of her victory over Cyborg AND all of the other legends she’s beat, man. Keeping it a buck, her resume is STACKED, fam. Shit, let’s go through some of the women she’s conquered, bruh:

  • Cris Cyborg: Former Strikeforce, Invicta FC and UFC Featherweight Champion
  • Ronda Rousey: Former Strikeforce and UFC Bantamweight Champion
  • Valentina Shevchenko: Current UFC Flyweight Champion
  • Miesha Tate: Former Strikeforce and UFC Bantamweight Champion
  • Julia Budd: Current Bellator Featherweight Champion
  • Germaine de Randamie: Former UFC Featherweight Champion

For God‘s sake, what else do I have to say, son? Nunes took out 6 of the most notable champions in MMA history. From my vantage point, this puts her FAR ahead of her competition, man. At this point, Holly Holm is the only one who hasn’t taken the L yet. Side note, that’s probably coming, fam. All I can say is, I don’t see Holm beating Nunes. Anyway, it’s time for us to acknowledge that Nunes is the greatest, bruh. Hell, it’s not even fucking close, folks.

In the end, all hail the GOAT! Ultimately, Nunes solidified her place in history, son. By and by, I was hyped as shit to see it, man. At the end of the day, that’s all I have to say, fam. Viva la Amanda Nunes! That is all. LC out.

P.S. Happy New Year, you filthy animals! Good day!

I Want Jon Jones To Lose

So, let me begin this post by saying that I am a huge Jon Jones fan. Actually, I take that back, son. I WAS a huge Jon Jones fan. I mean, let’s be real, man. At this point, if anyone doesn’t believe that Jones is a cheater, they’re fucking delusional, fam. All I know is, the lead-up to UFC 232 has been a straight shit-show, bruh. The fact of the matter is, Dana White, Jeff Novitzky and USADA are okay with Jones being a cheater because he’s one of the UFC’s biggest names.

Ok, for those who have been living under a rock, Jones has tested positive (again) for a banned substance. Now, by my calculations, this is the fourth time he’s run afoul of the drug-testing committee. First, he was busted before UFC 200 and was pulled out of his rematch with Daniel Cormier. Next, he was busted for “tainted dick pills” after his win against Ovince Saint Preux. After that, he was busted for turinabol after his knockout win against Cormier. In any case, that last failure is most notable because turinabol is the same substance that was found in his system last week. All I can say is, I’m fucking done with Jon Jones, son.

Now, according to the “experts,” the turinabol found in Jones’ system is a “residual” effect of the drug discovered last year. Meaning, this isn’t a new ingestion and he was already punished for this before. Furthermore, turinabol is said to linger in a person’s body for 12-18 months. Anyway, with all of that being said, I still have MAJOR problems with this story, man. Look, according to Jeff Novitzky, UFC’s Vice President of Athlete Health and Performance, Jones first passed a drug test on August 9th. Then, he failed tests on August 29th and September 18th. Then, he passed four consecutive tests. Finally, he failed his most recent test on December 9th.

Look, that timeline sounds like pure horseshit to me, fam. If Jones has “residual” turinabol in his body, then why are his test results all over the place? Shit, he passes one test and then fails the next one. All the while, the amount of turinabol they find increases with each positive test. Bruh, if USADA doesn’t get the fuck outta here, son! It’s all fucking nonsense and shenanigans, man! Like, let’s call a spade a spade, folks. Real talk, the UFC wants Jones back because he’s a high-profile name. Frankly, they don’t care that he’s a habitual doper, brethren. On the real, a Jones fight equals pay-per-view buys. So, they just let him get away with anything, people. Regardless of that fact, I’m done with Jon Jones. No more bullshit, Bones.

In the end, this is a sad day for me, son. Ultimately, Jon Jones is the reason I started watching MMA, man. By and by, that’s not enough to continue my allegiance, fam. At the end of the day, there need to be some consequences for his actions, bruh. He can’t keep fucking up and walking right back into a title shot, people. The way I see it, the “undefeated” fighter needs to finally lose, folks. So, I hope Alexander Gustafsson knocks him the fuck out on Saturday. That is all. LC out.

Who The F*ck Let Chuck Liddell Fight?

Ok, seriously, did anyone expect a different outcome? Like, did anyone actually think that old ass Chuck Liddell had a chance in Hell against Tito Ortiz? Listen, we all know that Liddell is an MMA legend and UFC god. But, come the fuck on, son! I mean, he lost his Light Heavyweight title in 2007, man! Basically, he was already washed up over a decade ago. So, why the fuck would anybody let him get back in the cage, fam? Frankly, he got knocked out in the exact manner I figured he would, bruh.

Now, Oscar De La Hoya is the first person who needs to be held accountable for this. Real talk, there’s a reason why Dana White made Liddell quit, son: he was waaaay past his prime. In any case, Oscar wanted his Golden Boy Promotions brand to get into MMA and threw Liddell to the wolves, man. For God‘s sake, Liddell was getting knocked out ten years ago, fam! Fast forward to now and he’s even slower than he was then. On the flip side, Ortiz was still regularly competing. Shit, just a year ago he choked out Chael Sonnen while fighting for Bellator. Meaning, Ortiz’s skills haven’t completely eroded yet. Unfortunately, based on numerous training videos, the same couldn’t be said for Liddell.

Next, I’m holding Chuck’s entire coaching staff responsible for this fuckery. Man, they HAD to know that Liddell was a shell of himself. Ok, yes, he’s a grown man and can make his own decisions. However, that doesn’t mean they have to go along with that shit, son! Keeping it a buck, if they really cared about Liddell, they would’ve told him to sit his geriatric ass down, fam. Instead, they allowed him to get knocked into orbit while fighting Ortiz.

In the end, this entire situation was a shit-show, bruh. Ultimately, the undercard was the only redeeming part of this event, son. By and by, a couple of up-and-coming fighters got a chance to showcase their skills on Pay-Per-View. Other than that, the whole thing was a waste of everybody’s time, man. At the end of the day, Oscar needs to stay away from MMA and Liddell needs to stay retired. All in all, it’s better for the masses, fam. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Why is everyone hating on Ortiz for beating up an old Liddell? Last time I checked, Ortiz isn’t a spring chicken either, bruh. The way I see it, an old guy beat up another old guy. So, it was fair, son. Now, was it fucking stupid? Hell yeah! But, it was fair, man. Anyway, we all need to let these dudes just go be old, fam. Good day.

What The F*ck Is Floyd Mayweather Doing?

So, this dude Floyd Mayweather just can’t seem to stay retired, huh? I mean, every time he says he’s done fighting, he finds some new way to gank folks of their money, son. In any case, since he doesn’t want to fight actual boxers anymore, he’s going for anything that will drum up attention. First, it was his bout against Conor McGregor, who had no professional boxing matches on his record. Now, he’s planning to fight Tenshin Nasukawa, an undefeated kickboxer/MMA fighter from Japan.

Ok, for those who missed it, Mayweather just held a press conference in Tokyo. Now, apparently, on December 31st, he’s fighting Nasukawa at the Saitama Super Arena in Saitama, Japan. Furthermore, this match will be promoted by the Rizin Fighting Federation. With all of that being said, there are still a lot of details that we don’t know. First, we don’t know what the rule set of the fight will be. I mean, we all know Mayweather is a boxer, so is he really trying to engage in leg kicks and takedowns with Nasukawa? Shit, that could be disastrous for Mayweather, man. Look, as a man who’s been kicked in his legs and choked before, I wouldn’t recommend it to a novice, fam. Side note, both instances happened in a gym, bruh. I don’t need anyone out there thinking that I’m getting helmed up in these streets. I’m just saying.

In the end, we’ll see, son. Ultimately, Mayweather doesn’t move unless the bag is involved. So, I’m assuming that he’s about to get stupidly paid, man. By and by, if it’s a boxing match, then I probably won’t tune in. However, if it’s a kickboxing or MMA bout, then Mayweather might have my attention, fam. At the end of the day, he might be testing the waters of other combat sports. Hell, he needs to before he even thinks about stepping in a cage with Khabib Nurmagomedov or McGregor. Either way, he’d still get mauled, bruh. That is all. LC out.

Daniel Cormier Is Ducking The Smoke

Man, didn’t I just try to give Daniel Cormier his props? Didn’t I just tell people that we needed to respect what he’s accomplished? With that being said, why is he now out here ducking the smoke, son? Look, I’m a Derrick Lewis fan, but even HE said that he doesn’t deserve a title shot, fam. So, why would the UFC make this fight when Jon Jones and Stipe Miocic are lurking out there? Frankly, it looks like Cormier doesn’t want to risk losing his Heavyweight belt to a real challenge, bruh. All in all, he’s looking real funny in the light right now, folks.

Ok, for those who missed it, Cormier is now scheduled to fight Lewis during UFC 230 at Madison Square Garden. For me, this is a little wild since Lewis literally JUST fought Alexander Volkov at UFC 229. Furthermore, this is even weirder because Lewis almost lost that fight. On the real, Volkov was beating his ass the entire match, son. Shit, if Lewis didn’t land that right hand in the third round, it would’ve been an easy victory for Volkov. So, is THAT the performance that earned Lewis’ shot at the belt? Hell nah, man! Look, even Lewis knew he wasn’t ready after that fight. Like, he specifically spoke about his lack of cardio, fam. Real talk, I don’t understand this move at all, bruh.

To me, there’s only one explanation for this, son: Cormier doesn’t want to fight anyone who could legitimately take the belt from him. Listen, after being cleared to fight again, there was speculation that Jones might enter the cage against Cormier for a third time. Instead, he’s about to fight Alexander Gustafsson at UFC 232 for the Light Heavyweight title that Cormier is not defending. Side note, in my eyes, the belt was never Cormier’s anyway. I mean, he never beat Jones, brethren. It’s that simple. In any case, ex-champ Miocic has already campaigned for a rematch against Cormier. Even worse, he previously said he’d be ready for UFC 230, the same event where Cormier is fighting Lewis. Nah, son, Cormier and Dana White are looking real suspect out here, man.

In the end, Cormier has some explaining to do, fam. Ultimately, no one wants to see him fight Derrick Lewis. No one wants to see him fight Brock Lesnar. By and by, no one even really wants to see him fight Miocic again. At the end of the day, if he isn’t going to man up and fight Jones again, then a lot of us fight fans will continue to hold those two L’s over his head. All I can say is, based on the shit he’s doing right now, he might deserve the hate, bruh. That is all. LC out.

Stop The Hypocrisy, Conor McGregor Fans

Look, let me be clear from the beginning, son: Khabib Nurmagomedov was dead wrong for jumping in the crowd after beating Conor McGregor. However, I need ALL McGregor fans to shut the fuck up, man. I mean, the hypocrisy is fucking astounding, fam! Listen, by no means is McGregor a fucking saint, bruh. Frankly, he started shit with the wrong dude and finally had to face the consequences of his actions. All in all, I don’t want to hear shit about how Nurmagomedov needs to be stripped.

Ok, for those who don’t love sports, UFC 229 went down on Saturday night. Now, all around, it was a night of great fights, son. Shit, Derrick Lewis knocked out Alexander Volkov after losing most of the fight, Tony Ferguson beat Anthony Pettis after a fucking WAR and a bunch of other awesome shit. In any case, the showdown between Nurmagomedov and McGregor was poised to be the highlight of the show. Moving on, the fight went exactly the way I thought it would, man: Nurmagomedov mauled McGregor. Hell, after hitting McGregor with copious amounts of ground and pound, Nurmagomedov choked him out in the fourth round.

Now, this is where shit went left, fam. After the fight, Nurmagomedov got into a war of words with Dillon Danis, McGregor’s partner in crime, and literally jumped over the cage to rumble with him. Needless to say, chaos ensued and Nurmagomedov was escorted out of the main area without his Lightweight Championship Belt. All I can say is, it was an ugly scene and Nurmagomedov should’ve done a better job of controlling himself. For God‘s sake, he already proved his point, bruh! Like, he already beat McGregor in convincing fashion. On the real, there was no need for this shit, son.

With all of that being said, I’m sick of people acting like McGregor is innocent in all of this. Keeping it a buck, HE STARTED THIS ENTIRE DEBACLE, MAN! Where was all of this “oh, this is so disgusting” talk when he threw a fucking dolly at a bus carrying Nurmagomedov? From that incident alone, he injured Ray Borg, shook Rose Namajunas to her core and fucked up Michael Chiesa‘s fight. Ok, yes, he did end up in a New York City court, but McGregor was never in jeopardy with the UFC, fam. Fuck, they literally used the dolly incident in their fucking promos for UFC 229!

On top of that, McGregor talked about Nurmagomedov’s religion, his country, his father AND his manager’s son. Real talk, I don’t want to hear none of that “it’s just business” talk, bruh. Yeah, insulting a man is one thing, but disrespecting everything he loves is something completely different, son. All I know is, I would’ve been livid too, man. The fact of the matter is, McGregor tried his usual antics with the wrong dude and ended up on the bad side of an ass whooping.

In the end, Dana White and the UFC better not strip Nurmagomedov of the belt, fam. Ultimately, I know they’re looking for an reason to give Conor back the title, bruh. By and by, McGregor has done too much fuck shit with no consequences, son. At the end of the day, Nurmagomedov should be fined but allowed to keep his title. He beat McGregor fair and square, man. However, knowing White and his usual treachery, he’s going to strip Nurmagomedov and make McGregor and Ferguson fight for the vacant title. Look, if that happens, everyone heard it here first, fam. But, I really hope that doesn’t happen, bruh. Long live The Eagle! LC out.

P.S. I’m also tired of people complaining that Nurmagomedov wrestles too much. Listen, I’ve seen too many “he needs to stop hugging him and fight him like a man” comments. Fam, don’t be mad because Nurmagomedov’s way of fighting is effective. The truth is, McGregor had no answer and was forced to tap. In addition, Nurmagomedov landed the hardest punch of the entire fight. Maybe, just maybe, McGregor needs to learn how to grapple better. He’s been submitted four times now. That is all.