The Most Slanderous Moments Of Barack Obama’s Presidency

So, I guess it really is over, huh? Barack Obama’s presidency is really coming to an end, huh? Donald Trump is really about to be unleashed on us, huh? Well, since I’m an expert in laughing to keep from crying, I’ve decided to talk about some of the most slanderous moments of Obama’s presidency. Over the past eight years, he’s experienced all types of shade and downright disrespect. As a matter of fact, one of the most egregious examples came from our own President-elect. With that being said, let’s go through some of the most ridiculous things that have happened to our soon-to-be former President.

First, let’s talk about the time Barack and Michelle Obama gave each other dap and the right-wing called it a “terrorist fist jab.” Like, that actually happened, son. Back in June of 2008, while the then-Senator was running his presidential campaign, there was a Fox News panel discussion about his exchange with Michelle. Like, pundits legit sat around a table and tried to decipher giving dap, man. Seriously, I can’t make this shit up, son. Now, I’ve seen and heard plenty of stupid things in my lifetime, but this might be on the Mount Rushmore, bro. Obama’s detractors really tried ANYTHING to discredit this dude, no matter how ridiculous the tactic was. Such is life, I guess.

Next, there was Donald Trump’s eight-year crusade to prove Obama wasn’t born in America. To this day, I have no idea how the “birther movement” grew legs, man. Apparently, official documentation of his birth isn’t enough for idiots to concede the fact that he was born on U.S. soil. To be honest, I’m upset with Obama for even entertaining this foolishness. When he released his birth certificate, I personally felt like he was giving into the bullshit. Bruh, who cares what an orange-faced, fake-haired internet troll has to say? Just handle presidential business and let Trump continue to swim in his sea of nonsense. Then again, let me not say that, because Trump’s nonsense might get us all killed, son. Let us pray.

Finally, how about the persistent rumor that Obama is Muslim? Now, there’s multiple ways to look at this, son. At this point, I think it’s understood that these rumors were circulated to damage his reputation. As we all know, America has made Islam synonymous with terrorism. So, maybe, if Obama is presented as a Muslim, his haters could get him out of office, right?

Well, there’s a couple of ways to look at this. First off, Islam and Islamic radicalism are two different things. I really don’t understand why people don’t understand that. If we’re keeping it real here, in the Middle East, other Muslims are the biggest victims of Islamic radicalism. The right-wing doesn’t talk about that because it doesn’t fit their narrative. Since 9/11, there have been more terrorist attacks in America by White men than Al Qaeda and ISIS combined. However; naysayers remain mum on that issue. Second, our own First Amendment endorses freedom of religion. This constant disrespect to Islam is an affront to the First Amendment, man. In case people forgot, the American forefathers escaped religious persecution in Europe. It’s funny how that’s all folks want to do here now. It makes absolutely no sense, son. No sense at all.

Ultimately, I could’ve talked about a MOUNTAIN of tomfoolery that occurred during Obama’s presidency. Those three examples were just the first three that popped into my head, man. It goes without saying, Obama had to deal with a ton of fuckery during his eight years in the Oval Office. Wait, now that I think about it, I might super glue him to his White House desk so Trump has nowhere to set up shop. I refuse to except a Twitter fiend as my President, son. That’s all I have to say about that. LC out.

Gary Johnson Is A Joke… Not The Funny Kind

Ok, I’ll be the first to admit, I haven’t given much thought to any of the presidential candidates not named Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. This is mainly because I don’t see how an outside force can overcome the current Democrat/Republican two-party system. Granted, I do understand the rationale that if enough people voted for an outsider, they could shake up the program. However; I’ve yet to see a candidate that could galvanize me enough to go against the grain. With that being said, Gary Johnson is doing a TERRIBLE job of convincing me otherwise. Within one month, he’s said two of the stupidest things I’ve heard on the campaign trail. So, it’s my job to make fun of him. Let’s do this!

Now, for those who are unaware, Johnson is the presidential candidate for the Libertarian Party. In addition, he’s the former Governor of New Mexico. Despite being a third wheel to the two-party system, Johnson has actually been doing well in the polls. However; I’m positive that’s about to change once people get a wind of the fuckity-fuck shit he’s been saying.

First, there’s Aleppo. During the second week of September, during an interview with MSNBC, Johnson was asked about the civil war in Syria. More specifically, he was asked about what he would do regarding the conflict that’s currently tearing apart the city of Aleppo. Now, instead of providing a solution, Johnson actually mouthed the words “what is Aleppo?” Bruh, seriously? Seriously?! This man is running to be president of the United States and he’s unaware of a war that’s been waging in the Middle East for at least the last five years? Man, shit like that should automatically disqualify any candidate. Then again, Donald Trump is in this race, so what the hell do I know?

Next, just yesterday, Johnson made another baffling faux pas. Back on MSNBC, host Chris Matthews asked Johnson to name his favorite foreign leader. After stalling for a period of time, Matthews asked him to just mention anyone. Once again, instead of at least acting like he knew what he was talking about, Johnson said “I guess I’m having an Aleppo moment.” Is this dude fucking serious? Not only did he whiff on a question he should’ve been able to answer, he went and referenced ANOTHER whiff that made him look stupid before. Honestly, is anyone out there actually voting for this guy? If so, can I buy some weed from whoever is supplying y’all? It must be some good ass weed, son.

In the end, I don’t think there’s anything else to say. Gary Johnson is an idiot. Plain and simple, son. Once again, this is just further proof that this election is the worst in American history. I swear, we’re fucked as a people, man. Fucking fucked! Good day.

The Revisionist History Of Barack Obama

Ok, look, I’m well aware of the fact everyone doesn’t agree with each other when it comes to ideology. However; there’s a HUGE difference between disagreeing with someone and flat out lying about them. Now, regardless of how anyone feels about President Barack Obama, it’s clear as day that individuals like Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani and Katrina Pierson are essentially spreading falsehoods about the president and his record. With that being said, let’s take this time to relentlessly roast these clowns.

First, let’s talk about Donald Trump, the man we all know and love. Even though he’s already tried to backtrack from his comments, this past Friday, Trump entered yet another absurd statement into the zeitgeist. During one of his campaign speeches, Trump came right out and claimed Obama was the founder of ISIS. While he tried to chalk his foolishness up to “sarcasm,” other GOP pundits attempted to lay the blame on a supposed “power vacuum” created due to Obama removing the troops from Iraq. Either way, both factions are ridiculously wrong. On one hand, I’m about tired of a presidential nominee consistently making “sarcastic” remarks. This dude is running to be the leader of the free world and all he wants to do is make fucking jokes. At this point, I can name more lame wisecracks he’s made than actual policies he suggested. Now, for the individuals who think Obama created a power vacuum in Iraq, I’d like those dummies to look up the U.S.-Iraq Status of Forces Agreement. This agreement was signed by George W. Bush in 2008 and stated that America would remove combat forces from Iraqi cities by June 30, 2009 and be completely out of Iraq by December 31, 2011. So, if Republicans want to blame anybody for the fuckery happening in the Middle East, blame GW. He’s the one who actually created the aforementioned power vacuum.

Next, let’s address my former mayor, Rudy Giuliani. During a speech on Monday, Giuliani claimed there weren’t “any successful radical Islamic terrorist [attacks] in the United States” during the eight years preceding Obama’s tenure. Son, that is literally the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Honestly, how can this clown forget that 9/11 happened while Bush was in office? Giuliani has built his entire mythology around the false idea he was some sort of hero after the attack on the World Trade Center. However; he conveniently forgot this fact while berating Obama. This man is such a clown, son. People like him want to believe their narrative so much, they will completely ignore basic facts in order to make a point. Look, will the media stop giving this fool a microphone? Please?

Finally, I need to acknowledge the consistent tomfoolery that comes out of Katrina Pierson‘s mouth. To be honest, I have no idea what her purpose in life is, but she’s always on someone’s news network, defying common logic with her stupidity. While I don’t have time to comment on EVERY ridiculous statement she’s made, I would like to talk about her memory of the war in Afghanistan. During an appearance on CNN, she insisted President Obama was responsible for invading the country. She even went so far as to call the conflict “Obama’s war.” Here’s the thing: the war in Afghanistan began in 2001, a good eight years before Obama even made it to the Oval Office. Once again, this was yet another incident that occurred under GW’s watch. Seriously, do Republicans forget Bush was in office for eight years too? Do they not remember any of the actions he took? Look, I just want to remind everyone out there, people like her are the ones supporting Trump. In my eyes, that should tell folks everything they need to know about his candidacy.

In the end, if someone out there wants to criticize another person, at least have the decency to be factual in the attacks being made. At the bare minimum, let the hate be grounded in something that can survive being fact-checked. Otherwise, shut the fuckidy-fuck up and get off of our television screens. Good day.