A ‘Space Force,’ Son?

Man, what the fuck is going on in America? On the real, I’m amazed that Donald Trump can still amaze me with some of the shit that comes out of his mouth, son. Like, a “Space Force,” fam? I mean, out of ALL of the things happening in our country at the moment, is THIS where we need to dedicate our time and taxpayer dollars? Shit, are we in imminent danger of Star Wars and Star Trek coming to life? Bruh, can Trump spare me the fuckity-fuck shit?

Ok, for those who missed it, Trump is still out here being Trump, son. Now, on Monday, he made an out-of-the-blue announcement, man. Apparently, he wants the Department of Defense and the Pentagon to put together a “Space Force.” Essentially, this new initiative would constitute the sixth branch of the Armed Forces. Side note, this shit ain’t about the military at all, fam. Listen, right after telling a bunch of generals to start putting plans together, he stated that wealthy individuals who “like rockets” would be able to launch into space. Well, for a fee, of course. Hell, I guess they’re really trying to create those condos on Mars, bruh.

Look, this is NOT the time for the shenanigans, son. Right now, there are COUNTLESS issues that need our attention, man. For example, what about those separated kids at the southern border, fam? Real talk, one measly executive order doesn’t reunite families that have already been ripped apart. Also, what about the pipes in Flint, Michigan? Last time I checked, the residents were still dealing with filthy water, bruh. Keeping it a buck, I could go on and on, folks. Frankly, the United States has MORE than enough on our plate. We don’t need the extra shit, people.

In the end, I’m not falling for the gaffle, son. Ultimately, anytime shit starts to go haywire in the Trump administration, he comes with the MEAN misdirect, man. At the end of the day, I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I’m well-versed in the intricacies of “defending” space. But, I do know that there are WAY more important and immediate issues that need to be fixed in our country. So, knock it the fuck off, Trump! That is all. LC out.

P.S. If this “Space Force” actually happens, will a brotha get a lightsaber or a phaser? Asking for a friend. Good day.

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A Letter To Hillary Clinton

Dear Hillary Clinton,

Look, I’m not one to mince words, so I’ll just get straight to the point. I’m going to need you to let the election go now. The fact of the matter is, you lost. Yes, we could all point to a million different factors that led to this outcome. However; as much as it pains me to say this, Donald Trump is the President. At this point, instead of rehashing your defeat, maybe you should focus on helping to prevent him from ending Western Civilization.

Now, to be fair, I did vote for you. To do this, I begrudgingly looked past your “superpredators” comment and your history with the prison industrial complex. Shit, as fucked up as your policies have been, I was/still am legitimately scared of Trump. I mean, based on what we’ve seen so far, World War III may still be on the horizon. In any case, I’ve never enjoyed picking the “lesser of two evils.” Listen, this entire election cycle has proved how antiquated the two-party political system really is.

Moving on, despite the loss, you refuse to accept any responsibility. Ok, I get it, FBI Director James Comey royally screwed you with his fuckery. The timing of his renewed investigation into your emails is suspect at best. However; that doesn’t account for the many errors you made on the campaign trail.

First, you lost Michigan, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and Florida. These are all states that Barack Obama won twice. Twice! In fact, until you, a Democrat hadn’t lost Pennsylvania since 1988. I was 3 years old when that last occurred. To make matters worse, you didn’t campaign in Wisconsin and you only put some money down in Michigan during the last week of the election. How the fuck did you expect to win those states? In my eyes, your hubris got the best of you. You really thought you could just pull those states out of your ass with minimal effort. Well, clearly you were wrong.

Listen, I’m not ignoring the outside factors that may have contributed to your loss. Was there a gender component? Absolutely. Was there a Comey component? Absolutely. Was there a Julian Assange/WikiLeaks/Russia component? Absolutely. With that being said, take some responsibility for your own mistakes. Otherwise, you’re going to keep looking like a bitter loser. All in all, it is what it is, Mrs. Clinton. It just is what it is.

Sincerely,

A dude who’s stockpiling supplies in preparation for Armageddon

A Letter To Steve Stephens

Dear Steve Stephens,

Look, I’ve never been one to mince words, so I’m going to just get straight to the point. You’re a fucking coward, man. You’re nothing more than a peon who deserves the absolute worst. How DARE you take the life of Robert Godwin in such a callous manner?! That man did NOTHING to deserve your pathetic misguided wrath! All I know is, your day is coming and it will be completely justified.

Now, let’s be clear here, son. People get dumped everyday, B. On the real, unless a relationship ends in marriage or some type of domestic situation, then someone is getting the axe. It’s just the nature of the game, man. With that being said, why the fuck would you use getting dumped to justify why you killed that man? Ok, so, your ex-girlfriend doesn’t want you anymore. What the fuck does that have to do with Robert Godwin? Shit, not only did you take that man’s life over some bullshit, but you had the audacity to commit this travesty on Facebook Live. Good fucking Lord, man! You’ve literally taken being a piece of shit to the next level, bruh.

To make matters worse, you dragged your mother, Maggie Green, into the nonsense. I mean, you really had the nerve to tell her that you’re shooting people because you’re mad at your woman? Man, what kind of hoe ass behavior is this, son? Out of the countless ways people find to get over heartbreak, this is your solution?! Look, your ex-lady really dodged a fucking bullet, no pun intended. Clearly, she’s better off not dealing with your unstable ass. No real man would act in such a manner, bruh. She absolutely made the right decision.

In the end, this manhunt can only last for so long, man. Eventually, the authorities are going to catch up to you and you deserve whatever brand of justice they plan on dishing out. Ultimately, no one is going to feel sorry for you, son. All in all, fuck you very much, bitch!

Sincerely,

A man who’s disgusted by your very existence

What Is The Point Of The Electoral College?

To begin, I know exactly what the point of the Electoral College is. However; as this recent election, along with the 2000 George W. BushAl Gore race, has shown us, this system is fucking bullshit, man! As it currently stands, Hillary Clinton has amassed 62.8 million votes across the country. In comparison, Donald Trump has pulled in 61.5 million total votes. Now, despite securing well over a million more votes than Trump, Clinton somehow lost the election by 74 projected electoral votes (306 to 232). Based on this result, on December 19th, the actual Electoral College is supposed to vote and confirm Trump’s presidency. So, let me get this straight, son. This woman could literally have a million MORE people on her side and still get trounced in the race? If that ain’t a sign that the Electoral College needs to go, we all must be wrong about simple mathematics, man.

Now, for those who don’t understand the Electoral College, I’ll try to give a little bit of background. I’m not going to go balls deep into the issue, but I’d like to give some insight on its purpose. So, the idea is, the Senate, the House of Representatives and three additional electors from Washington, D.C. vote for who will ultimately become the President and the Vice President. The way this vote works, all states, except for Maine and Nebraska, vote in a “winner-take-all” manner. Meaning, if a candidate has the most general election votes in a particular state, the electors from that state give all of their votes to that candidate. In addition, the number of electors per state depends on the population of that state. This is why states like New York, California, Florida and Texas have a shit-ton of electors.

With all of that being said, this system is fucking broken, son! First, the founding fathers put this system in place because they did NOT want the popular vote to choose the president. That’s a major red flag, man. Way to circumvent the will of the people, douchebags! Second, this system gives way too much power to “swing states.” Every four years, we can basically guess how most of the country will behave. California will most likely be a blue state, while Texas will most likely be a red state. Meaning, places like fucking Ohio and Iowa ultimately have the upper hand on who will win the election. Look, son, maybe it’s just me, but a couple of random states shouldn’t have that much fucking influence. If the overall country is leaning towards a particular candidate, why should we all have to suffer because a few states in the Midwest decided to do some fuck shit? It doesn’t make any sense, man! More Americans wanted Clinton as our president, bro. I don’t give a flying fuck about what people in Michigan are thinking. These swing states ruined it for all of us, son!

Ultimately, I could keep going with my Electoral College hate fest. However; I should probably get back to work. I need to make sure I acquire as much funds as possible, son. I damn sure ain’t gonna be broke during the revolution, bro. All I know is, Donald Trump ain’t my president, man. Tell his supporters to come and get me. Good day.

P.S. It’s funny, as in not funny, how Trump now praises the Electoral College after calling it a disaster back in 2012. I guess it’s only “genius” when it benefits him instead of a Black man. That is all.

Common Can Still Rap His A*s Off!

So, on the latest episode of [Blank] Can Still Rap His Ass Off!, I’m here to talk about a Chicago legend, Common. After listening to his new album, Black America Again, it’s wild to see there’s literally been no decline in his rhyming ability. At this point, with 11 albums to his name, I think it’s indisputable that Common is Top 5 in terms of most consistent emcees. I mean, his discography speaks for itself, son.

Now, since I’m not a faker, I’ll be real enough to admit my journey with Com’s music began on Resurrection, his second album. While I eventually went back and listened to his debut album, Can I Borrow a Dollar?, it was the title track on Resurrection that let me know Rashid wasn’t an average rapper. I mean, c’mon son, let’s run down the other songs too. “I Used To Love H.E.R.“? “Communism“? “Sum Shit I Wrote“? All classics, man. All of them! From that point forward, I’ve been a fan of damn near every Common album. Yes, even Electric Circus, son. I’m willing to make the argument that that album was actually genius. Frankly, the only album I can’t defend in Com’s discography is Universal Mind Control. Sorry, Com, but that album was tri-di-di-di-dash!

As far as his new album goes, Com sounds wildly inspired again. As the title suggests, he’s speaking about a number of issues that affect the Black community. Now, while he’s no stranger to this lane, his lyrics are really sharp on this record. He’s able to say a ton in a minimal amount of bars, such as instead of educate, they’d rather convict the kids, as dirty as the water in Flint, the system is.” In one fell swoop, he mentions the corrupt prison industrial complex and the government-induced water crisis in Michigan. As we all have seen, given the current climate in this country, now is the perfect time for these protest records.

In the end, I’m clearly a fan, son. As of right now, my favorite song on the new album is “Pyramids.” His second verse makes me want to slap bunnies in the face, man. Guerilla-type rhymes, bro. In any case, everyone should do themselves a favor and check the record out. Good day.