What The F*ck Was Ryan Lochte Doing?!

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Let’s just skip the pleasantries here and get right to proceedings, son: Ryan LochteJimmy FeigenJack Conger and Gunnar Bentz are absolute imbeciles. Honestly, bro, what part of the game is lying about a robbery? On the real, why would these clowns even think that was acceptable behavior, man? While this post won’t be that long today, I can’t let this moment pass by without taking all of these mark ass tricks to task.

This past Sunday, Lochte and the other American swimmers claimed they were robbed at gunpoint. According to Lochte’s original story, their taxi cab was pulled over by gun-toting thieves and one of the perpetrators pointed a gun at Lochte’s forehead. Now, here’s where things start to unravel. At first, there were four perps and then it whittled down to one. Then, the gun went from being pointed at Lochte’s forehead to being aimed at his general direction. With this original account already sounding fishy, a surveillance video came out which put this entire ordeal in its proper perspective. These cowards weren’t robbed at all. In actuality, these drunk ass fools desecrated a bathroom, pissed on the walls and then got into an altercation with the security guards who approached them.

After rehashing that entire saga, I have so many questions, man. First, did they not realize there were cameras filming their fuckery? I mean, I know they were drunk, but come on, man. Seriously, most of the gas stations I know have some type of recording equipment to document this exact type of tomfoolery. Next, why didn’t these trick ass marks get their stories straight before they started lying to everyone? If the goal was to pull the wool over the people’s eyes, at least have the decency to be consistent with one another. Lastly, why would they accuse these innocent Brazilian people of such an act? The fucked up part is, I’m positive they knew everyone would readily believe their tale, especially due to false assumptions about countries like Brazil. Sadly, they were right because everyone sipped the Kool-Aid at first. Sure, why not just blame this vicious act on the native Brown people in order to hide juvenile behavior? I’m sure that sounded like a fantastic idea to them.

At this point, there’s nothing else to say, son. These dudes are losers, and frankly, they should have their medals taken away from them. While social media trolls rather aim their crosshairs at Gabby Douglas, their preferred athletes are really out here disgracing our country. In the end, I shouldn’t be surprised, though. Lochte must be used to losing at this point. Just go ask Michael Phelps. Good day.

Michael Phelps & Some Black Chick

“Have you ever had something happen that was so racist that you didn’t even get mad? It’s like, ‘Goddamn, that was racist.’ I mean it was so blatant, you were just like ‘Wow!'” For those who are unaware, that stream of consciousness was uttered by the immortal Dave Chappelle. See, Dave perfectly encapsulated how a lot of Black people feel on a daily basis with that statement. Various things happen in our society and all we can do is make the Kermit the Frog face. Well, that’s exactly how I felt after I saw what The Mercury News did to Simone Manuel. It was racial bias at its finest, son. Sit back and enjoy.

Now, in case anyone missed it, Simone Manuel is fucking awesome. This 20-year-old young lady from Texas made history at the Rio Olympics. This past Thursday, after her performance in the 100-m freestyle, Manuel became the first African-American woman to win an individual swimming event at an Olympic Games. Wait, let me say that again. Manuel became the FIRST African-American woman to win an individual swimming event at an Olympic Games. So, how does The Mercury News honor this woman for her historic achievement? Solely add her as the racial component of a headline about Michael Phelps. Exhibit A: the photo embedded in this post.

Look, I’m not one to hate on Michael Phelps, man. Any dude who can win more Gold medals than most of the countries on this planet is a dude who deserves to be revered and respected. However; come the fuck on, man. This woman literally accomplished something no one else has ever done and she’s referred to as nothing more than an “African-American?” This is literally White patriarchy at its most potent. The White dude gets the distinction and the top billing while the Black woman isn’t even called by her name. In cases like this, I don’t even give a fuck about an apology, man. Yeah, someone can acknowledge they did something wrong, but that doesn’t change the fact they thought it was an appropriate action in the first place. THAT’S the real issue here. If people didn’t call them out on their bullshit, does anyone think The Mercury News would have apologized for their gaffe? I certainly don’t, son.

In the end, I’d like to thank America for being America. Even during the times when Black people are representing this God-forsaken land, the country always finds a way to remind minorities we’re not viewed in the same light as everyone else. Shit, don’t even get me started on the stupid outrage surrounding Gabby Douglas, son. She’s literally out there sacrificing her body for this country and all people want to talk about is why she didn’t put her hand over her heart during the national anthem. Get the flying fuck out of here, man! From my point of view, anyone who supports Donald Trump especially needs to shut the figgidy-fuck up. Why? Just take a look at this picture, man. Exactly, son. Good day.