Dave Chappelle Doesn’t Give A F*ckity-F*ck

So, here we are, son. It’s 2019 and Dave Chappelle, the G.O.A.T., is back with another comedy special. Now, before I even watched Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones, I saw a couple of think pieces about why people shouldn’t view the Netflix special. All in all, I think it’s a terrible time to be a comedian, man. I mean, everyone is so damn sensitive and can’t see the humor in anything anymore.

Ok, to be clear, is Chappelle being offensive in this special? Absolutely, fam. But, he’s literally based his entire career on saying provocative shit, bruh. Hell, has anybody ever seen Chappelle’s Show? Son, the first fucking episode featured Clayton Bigsby, a Black White supremacist. Meaning, Chappelle has spent this whole time pushing the envelope, man. So, why is every joke seemingly off limits now?

My thing is, folks don’t have to find his jokes funny. Frankly, comedy is subjective as fuck, fam. Personally, I thought the special was hilarious, bruh. Now, does that mean I hate transgender people? No. Does that mean I hate the #MeToo movement? No. It just means that I can find humor in fucked up situations. For God‘s sake, that’s what comedy has done since the beginning of time, son. The truth is, no one batted an eye when Chappelle made racially-charged jokes for years. But, if he speaks on anything else, now he needs to be “cancelled?” The way I see it, folks can get the fuck outta here, man.

Listen, Chappelle basically said as much when he talked about getting called out for saying “faggot” on Chappelle’s Show. Look, he legitimately asked why he could say “nigger,” but couldn’t say “faggot.” To me, that’s a good fucking question, fam. So, only a certain type of offensive language is acceptable? If we’re keeping it a buck, ALL of the jokes were in “bad taste.” But, that’s what made them funny. All I know is, everybody needs to lighten up, bruh.

Now, I’m sure that some people are going to hate on me for writing this post. However, I laughed when he talked about Michael Jackson. I laughed when he talked about R. Kelly. I laughed at the jokes about Kevin HartJussie Smollett, school shootings AND the opioid crisis. Individually, are any of these subjects comical? Fuck no, son. But, finding humor in despair has always been part of the genre. All I can say is, society has lost the ability to laugh along the way. Hell, everything has become so serious and it’s a fucking buzzkill, man.

In the end, let me say it again, fam: I’m not telling anyone to like Chappelle’s special. Ultimately, I just think people need to relax. By and by, we laughed with Richard Pryor when he made a joke about setting himself on fire. The real is, he was high out of his mind and tried to kill himself. In addition, all of Eddie Murphy‘s specials are inappropriate as fuck. But, we just went along for the ride, bruh. At the end of the day, I don’t think Chappelle is being hateful at all. I just believe he finds humor in sensitive topics, son. On the real, we all used to have that ability. That is all. LC out.

Taylor Swift Got Played Like Every Other Artist

So, let me skip the formalities and get straight to the point, son. The fact is, most musicians do not own their music. Listen, ever since music became a business, artists have been getting the short end of the stick. With that being said, even acts as big as Taylor Swift aren’t immune to the fuckery, man. In any case, I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I understand her history with Scooter Braun. All I can say is, based on the story I’m reading, Swift got played like damn near every artist in the industry, fam.

Ok, for those who missed it, Swift is currently at odds with Braun. Now, for anyone who doesn’t know who Braun is, let’s just say he’s one of the most powerful people in the music business. Shit, whether we’re talking about Justin BieberAriana Grande or Demi Lovato, Braun manages them all. Needless to say, he’s a major player in the industry, bruh. Moving on, Swift’s issue with him is related to his purchase of Big Machine Label Group, Swift’s former record label.

Now, as a result of the purchase, Braun effectively owns Swift’s master recordings. Meaning, he owns all of her albums and can do with them as he pleases. Anyway, I think it’s safe to say that this isn’t sitting well with Swift. Hell, based on her scathing open letter, she basically views Braun as the Devil. The truth is, I have no idea if Braun is a good person or not. All I know is, based on the scenario, he just pulled a savvy business move, bruh. A move that anybody with that type of pull would make, son. I mean, Michael Jackson once bought The Beatles‘ masters, for God‘s sake. Much to the chagrin of Paul McCartney.

Keeping it a buck, Swift’s peril is common in the music business. On the real, most artists don’t own their masters, man. Frankly, it doesn’t matter how big the musician is, fam. Real talk, if an artist signs with a record label, 99.9% of the time, that label is going to own their music. This is why most musicians make their fortune from touring, merchandise and advertisements. However, as the years and decades pass, the record label is still going to eat off of an artist’s hard work.

The point is, Taylor Swift is more a victim of the music business than Scooter Braun. Now, it’s still very possible that Braun is a shitty person and bought her music out of spite. But, when he’s that big of an entity, it makes it that much easier for him to capitalize off of her misfortune. All in all, this is why more artists are going the independent route now, bruh. The way I see it, it’s not in a musician’s best interest to align themselves with a label. In these cases, an artist’s future is solely in that corporation’s hands.

In the end, I actually feel bad for Taylor Swift, son. Ultimately, all of that fame doesn’t equal power, man. By and by, she’s one of the biggest artists in the world and she doesn’t own her work, fam. At the end of the day, that should be a wake-up call to all musicians out there. We all need to own our shit, bruh. That way, The Man can’t dangle our life’s work over our heads. That is all. LC out.

How Much Evidence Do R. Kelly Supporters Need?

So, I’m just going to get straight to the point, son. On the real, Lifetime’s Surviving R. Kelly is already one of the wildest documentaries I’ve ever seen, man. The problem is, we’re not even halfway through all of his fuckery, fam. Now, to be honest, I knew a lot of these details already. However, that didn’t stop me from being blown away while listening to some of his victims tell their stories. Furthermore, the details that I didn’t know were beyond my level of comprehension, bruh. All in all, allow me to talk through some of the shit that threw me for a complete loop, folks.

First, let’s talk about Aaliyah, son. Ok, at this point, everyone knows that Kelly married her back in 1994. Now, as the story goes, they lied about Aaliyah’s age on the marriage certificate and the two singers tied the knot in Cook County, Illinois. Anyway, my issue is the number of close associates who knew about the shenanigans and did nothing about it. Shit, Demetrius Smith, Kelly’s former tour manager, was the dude who faked the papers for Kelly. Fam! What in the flying FUCK was wrong with that dude, man?! For God’s sake, she was a CHILD, bruh! Real talk, how can that man even live with himself, people?

Second, I can no longer listen to Michael Jackson’s “You Are Not Alone.” Look, let’s be real, son. Given the number of allegations that plagued MJ, I didn’t need another reason to be sick to my stomach, man. But, leave it to Kelly to ruin the day, fam. Now, according to Lizzette Martinez, a woman who met Kelly when she was 17, MJ’s hit song is about her. Apparently, Kelly got her pregnant when she was still in high school and she suffered a miscarriage. After that, Kelly wrote the song and claimed he was thinking about her. Ok, excuse me while I go throw up, bruh.

Third, Kelly’s older brother is a fucking creep, son. I mean, it’s one thing to defend a sibling. However, it’s an entirely different thing to excuse criminal behavior, man. Hell, that’s exactly what Bruce Kelly tried to do, fam. Like, he didn’t understand why people were tripping over R. Kelly’s love of young girls. Bruh! IT’S ILLEGAL, DUDE! Listen, this has NOTHING to do with preference, folks. Underage girls aren’t a cotdamn preference, people! *Sigh* He can’t be fucking serious, brethren. All I can say is, the ENTIRE Kelly family is full of warped human beings.

In the end, I haven’t even gone below the surface of R. Kelly’s tomfoolery, son. Ultimately, people have to watch dream hampton’s documentary for themselves. By and by, Kelly is one of the most dangerous predators we’ve ever seen, man. At the end of the day, he’s been up to the same level of deviance for like three decades. Hell, it’s no coincidence that all of these women have such similar stories, fam. Frankly, this is who R. Kelly is through and through. All I know is, if anyone still rocks with R. Kelly, then they’re rapist sympathizers. Keeping it a buck, there’s no other way to describe this, bruh. That is all. LC out.

P.S. This dude apparently likes it when girls call him “Daddy.” Now, as a reminder, he also made a song called “Come To Daddy.” Jesus Christ, son! Like, I can’t even put into words how disturbing this guy is, man. No mas.

The Greatest Michael Jackson Video EVER!

Look, let me get straight to the shenanigans, son. I mean, at this point, I shouldn’t have to explain Michael Jackson‘s GOATness to anyone, man. Now, since his birthday was yesterday, folks all over social media have been sharing videos of the King of Pop. In any case, I want to give a shout-out to my homie Evan for putting me onto a video he saw on Bryan-Michael Cox‘s Instagram page. All in all, this is bar none the funniest MJ video I’ve ever seen in my life, fam!

Ok, before I continue, I want everyone to watch the YouTube video below. For context, start the clip at 3:52 and watch until the end. It’s essentially the same video that Cox posted on his page. Anyway, during a show in 1996, MJ is performing “I Just Can’t Stop Loving You” with Marva Hicks. So, MJ’s already pissed because Hicks is inexplicably singing some of his parts. From there, Brad Buxer, MJ’s music director, misses his cue to end the song. Now, what happens next is without question the most hilarious shit I’ve ever seen during a concert: MJ sing-fires Buxer onstage.

Look, do people understand the magnitude of what I just said? Shit, without missing a beat, MJ sings to Buxer that there’s supposed to be a breakdown in the song. When Buxer doesn’t comply, MJ then adlibs “job gone.” For whatever reason, Buxer STILL doesn’t end the song! Now, after a couple more “breakdown” and “job gone” calls, MJ looks straight at Buxer and sings “Brad, what are you gonna do?” All the while, the audience doesn’t seem to have any idea of what’s happening, bruh. Hell, MJ was such a professional, everyone just assumed it was a part of the show.

Listen, as my dude Evan said, MJ harmonized a termination, son. Like, I can’t even put into words how comical that is, man. Real talk, I’ve been laughing for 30 minutes straight, fam. This video is hands down the most savage firing I’ve ever witnessed. All I can say is, people should’ve known better than to fuck up MJ’s song, bruh.

In the end, Rest In Peace to the King, son. Ultimately, MJ has given us more than enough examples of his legendary-ness. By and by, I’m going to get out of here and get back to watching this video, man. I mean, it’s literally the greatest clip on the internet, fam. That is all. LC out.

The Return Of Kanye West

So, I won’t lie, son. I’m a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to Kanye West. I mean, on one hand, I hate everything he does outside of music. Hence my “I’m Done With Kanye West” post. However, that dude can do no wrong when it comes to these compositions, man. Keeping it a buck, outside of Prince and Michael Jackson, Kanye is my favorite musician ever. Yes, I said EVER, folks! With that being said, I’m fucking HYPED that he’s dropping new records, fam! All in all, June can’t come soon enough, bruh!

Ok, for those who missed it, Kanye has returned to Twitter with a vengeance, son. Look, over the last week or so, he’s been pontificating about the meaning of life and waxing poetically about the design of his clothes. More importantly, he’s been updating us about his musical progress. In any case, he just dropped a lot of bombshells on us about the upcoming schedule for G.O.O.D. Music. All I know is, my brain can’t handle the prospect of the awesomeness on the horizon, man.

So, where do we begin, fam? Ok, basically, from May 25 to June 22, Kanye is dropping a Pusha T album, a solo album, a joint album with KiD CuDi and a Teyana Taylor album. Furthermore, according to both Pusha and Taylor, he’s apparently producing everything. Side note, my guess is he’s really just executive producing their projects. But, if 2 Chainz is right and Kanye is back to making beats himself, I can’t wait to hear the final product, bruh! Anyway, THIS is what I want from Kanye West, son! Not that Kardashian bullshit he’s normally on these days, man.

In the end, nothing else needs to be said, fam. Hell, Kanye is back! What else do we need to know, bruh? Nothing, that’s what. Now, I’m done rambling for the day, son. Let me get out of here and see what this J. Cole album is hitting for, man. Good day. LC out.

Quincy Jones Doesn’t Give A F*ck

Listen, old people don’t give a flying fuckity-fuck, son. I swear, once people make it past “retirement age,” they do and say whatever the hell they want, man. All I know is, Quincy Jones DEFINITELY fits into that category, fam. Real talk, the legendary producer recently did interviews with GQ AND with Vulture. Needless to say, he let ALL of the hot takes go, bruh! All in all, I can see people having issues with some of his statements. However; his sit-downs with these well-known publications were HIGHLY entertaining, folks!

Ok, let’s just skip the formalities, son. On the real, I simply want to get straight to the fuckery, man. Now, in regards to the tomfoolery, I want to do something a little different, fam. Keeping it a buck, I want to go through some of Jones’s most ear-catching stories in bullet format. With that being said, here’s some of the shit that made me go “oh shit”:

1. Jones claims to have 22 girlfriends all around the world. In addition, despite being 84 years old, his women apparently range between 28 and 42. Now, even funnier, those ages are part of an agreement between him and his daughters. Look, this is a wild motherfucker, son!

2. When he was down with Lionel Hampton‘s band, they allegedly used to buy dope from Detroit Red. Now, this is notable because the man formerly known as Detroit Red eventually became Malcolm X. Sheesh, that’s some wild shit, man!

3. Jones claims that Ray Charles convinced him to try heroin for a few months. In addition, Charles’s addiction was apparently so bad, he used to have a guy shoot dope directly into his nuts. Look, if that story ain’t true, then Jones has the CRAZIEST imagination, fam!

4. Apparently, after the infamous James Brown concert where Prince embarrassed himself in front of Michael Jackson, Prince tried to run over MJ with his limousine. Bruh, that’s fucking HILARIOUS! I swear, Prince was always the king of petty. This is part of the reason why I’m still a huge fan of his.

5. Jones asserts that MJ’s monkey, Bubbles, hit his daughter Rashida. Now, hurting a child is never funny, but come on, son! Only MJ would get into some shit where his pet monkey hit a kid. Good Lord, Mike was a cotdamn legend but a weird ass dude, man!

6. Jones maintains that Taylor Swift is a bad songwriter, that Elvis Presley couldn’t sing and that The Beatles were terrible musicians. Listen, I can see A LOT of people being upset by these claims, but what the fuck can they say to Quincy Jones, fam? I mean, he’s a legend among legends, bruh. Just deal with it.

7. Jones said that Marilyn Monroe‘s breasts looked like pears. On the real, I don’t know why that’s so funny, but I laughed REALLY hard when I read that, son.

8. About twelve years ago, Jones allegedly dated Ivanka Trump. Now, in his own words, she had great legs, so OF COURSE he had to do it, man! Real talk, this man has been a dog, by his own admission, for DECADES!

9. Last but not least, Jones claims that Marlon Brando smashed James Baldwin, Richard Pryor and Marvin Gaye. Now, I’m not surprised by Baldwin. Hell, I’m not even surprised by Pryor. Look, Pryor has made jokes about his sexuality and his widow even confirmed the story. However; Gaye through me for a loop, fam. All in all, this tale doesn’t make one bit of difference to me. But, it’s bugged out how casually Jones said it, bruh. Shit, it’s almost as if he looked at the interviewer crazy for not knowing this information. At the end of the day, Jones has seen EVERYTHING, people!

In the end, long live Quincy Jones, son! Ultimately, that’s a wild ass dude, man! All I can say is, I can read/listen/watch his interviews all day, fam. By and by, shout-out to GQ and Vulture for getting him to let off these shots. That is all. LC out.

Sammy Sosa Looks BONKERS!

Son! Fam! Bruh! What?! Huh?! Dude, what the entire FUCK is going on around here?! Seriously, who the hell is the pink-faced mammal in the photo above?! Now, people are telling me that it’s Sammy Sosa, but I refuse to believe that, son. Like, I’ve always known about his skin-bleaching fetish, but this is preposterous, man! All jokes aside, Sosa has surpassed Michael Jackson in terms of skin-changing fuckery.

Now, shit got weird when Sosa sat down with ESPN to talk about this year’s Home Run Derby. Needless to say, once we all saw his face, we stopped giving a fuck about what he was saying. Son, what in Baby Jesus‘ name did this man do to himself?! Shit, what part of the game is being lavender, son? What part of the game is looking like a batch of cotton candy, man? Listen, I like to match my clothes, but I didn’t think my skin color had to be part of the equation, fam. All in all, this man looks fucking NUTS, bruh!

On the real, I knew Sosa had an affinity for bleaching, but I never thought he’d take it this far. Keeping it a buck, the dude used to be my complexion, son. Now, he looks like a fucking Starburst, man. It’s like he went into Home Depot and said “I want to look like the paint in my daughter’s room.” All I know is, I literally can’t believe what I’m witnessing, fam.

Moving on, this type of tomfoolery is why people like Kodak Black need to be called out on their fuckery, man. This Sosa nonsense is a PRIME example of what some folks do when they hate their skin color, son. So, no, we can’t just let derogatory comments about complexion slide, fam. All in all, when I look at Sosa, I see a man who legitimately hates himself. Frankly, it’s disgraceful to watch because I used to be a huge fan of this guy, steroids and all.

In the end, I’m blown away by all of this, son. Like, this fool is actually pink, man! I swear, the truth is always stranger than fiction, fam. Ultimately, I don’t see where Sosa can go from here. I mean, it’s not like he can turn back the hands of time, bruh. Sadly, I don’t think he wants to either. *Sigh* LC out.