The Return Of Kanye West

So, I won’t lie, son. I’m a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to Kanye West. I mean, on one hand, I hate everything he does outside of music. Hence my “I’m Done With Kanye West” post. However, that dude can do no wrong when it comes to these compositions, man. Keeping it a buck, outside of Prince and Michael Jackson, Kanye is my favorite musician ever. Yes, I said EVER, folks! With that being said, I’m fucking HYPED that he’s dropping new records, fam! All in all, June can’t come soon enough, bruh!

Ok, for those who missed it, Kanye has returned to Twitter with a vengeance, son. Look, over the last week or so, he’s been pontificating about the meaning of life and waxing poetically about the design of his clothes. More importantly, he’s been updating us about his musical progress. In any case, he just dropped a lot of bombshells on us about the upcoming schedule for G.O.O.D. Music. All I know is, my brain can’t handle the prospect of the awesomeness on the horizon, man.

So, where do we begin, fam? Ok, basically, from May 25 to June 22, Kanye is dropping a Pusha T album, a solo album, a joint album with KiD CuDi and a Teyana Taylor album. Furthermore, according to both Pusha and Taylor, he’s apparently producing everything. Side note, my guess is he’s really just executive producing their projects. But, if 2 Chainz is right and Kanye is back to making beats himself, I can’t wait to hear the final product, bruh! Anyway, THIS is what I want from Kanye West, son! Not that Kardashian bullshit he’s normally on these days, man.

In the end, nothing else needs to be said, fam. Hell, Kanye is back! What else do we need to know, bruh? Nothing, that’s what. Now, I’m done rambling for the day, son. Let me get out of here and see what this J. Cole album is hitting for, man. Good day. LC out.

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Quincy Jones Doesn’t Give A F*ck

Listen, old people don’t give a flying fuckity-fuck, son. I swear, once people make it past “retirement age,” they do and say whatever the hell they want, man. All I know is, Quincy Jones DEFINITELY fits into that category, fam. Real talk, the legendary producer recently did interviews with GQ AND with Vulture. Needless to say, he let ALL of the hot takes go, bruh! All in all, I can see people having issues with some of his statements. However; his sit-downs with these well-known publications were HIGHLY entertaining, folks!

Ok, let’s just skip the formalities, son. On the real, I simply want to get straight to the fuckery, man. Now, in regards to the tomfoolery, I want to do something a little different, fam. Keeping it a buck, I want to go through some of Jones’s most ear-catching stories in bullet format. With that being said, here’s some of the shit that made me go “oh shit”:

1. Jones claims to have 22 girlfriends all around the world. In addition, despite being 84 years old, his women apparently range between 28 and 42. Now, even funnier, those ages are part of an agreement between him and his daughters. Look, this is a wild motherfucker, son!

2. When he was down with Lionel Hampton‘s band, they allegedly used to buy dope from Detroit Red. Now, this is notable because the man formerly known as Detroit Red eventually became Malcolm X. Sheesh, that’s some wild shit, man!

3. Jones claims that Ray Charles convinced him to try heroin for a few months. In addition, Charles’s addiction was apparently so bad, he used to have a guy shoot dope directly into his nuts. Look, if that story ain’t true, then Jones has the CRAZIEST imagination, fam!

4. Apparently, after the infamous James Brown concert where Prince embarrassed himself in front of Michael Jackson, Prince tried to run over MJ with his limousine. Bruh, that’s fucking HILARIOUS! I swear, Prince was always the king of petty. This is part of the reason why I’m still a huge fan of his.

5. Jones asserts that MJ’s monkey, Bubbles, hit his daughter Rashida. Now, hurting a child is never funny, but come on, son! Only MJ would get into some shit where his pet monkey hit a kid. Good Lord, Mike was a cotdamn legend but a weird ass dude, man!

6. Jones maintains that Taylor Swift is a bad songwriter, that Elvis Presley couldn’t sing and that The Beatles were terrible musicians. Listen, I can see A LOT of people being upset by these claims, but what the fuck can they say to Quincy Jones, fam? I mean, he’s a legend among legends, bruh. Just deal with it.

7. Jones said that Marilyn Monroe‘s breasts looked like pears. On the real, I don’t know why that’s so funny, but I laughed REALLY hard when I read that, son.

8. About twelve years ago, Jones allegedly dated Ivanka Trump. Now, in his own words, she had great legs, so OF COURSE he had to do it, man! Real talk, this man has been a dog, by his own admission, for DECADES!

9. Last but not least, Jones claims that Marlon Brando smashed James Baldwin, Richard Pryor and Marvin Gaye. Now, I’m not surprised by Baldwin. Hell, I’m not even surprised by Pryor. Look, Pryor has made jokes about his sexuality and his widow even confirmed the story. However; Gaye through me for a loop, fam. All in all, this tale doesn’t make one bit of difference to me. But, it’s bugged out how casually Jones said it, bruh. Shit, it’s almost as if he looked at the interviewer crazy for not knowing this information. At the end of the day, Jones has seen EVERYTHING, people!

In the end, long live Quincy Jones, son! Ultimately, that’s a wild ass dude, man! All I can say is, I can read/listen/watch his interviews all day, fam. By and by, shout-out to GQ and Vulture for getting him to let off these shots. That is all. LC out.

Sammy Sosa Looks BONKERS!

Son! Fam! Bruh! What?! Huh?! Dude, what the entire FUCK is going on around here?! Seriously, who the hell is the pink-faced mammal in the photo above?! Now, people are telling me that it’s Sammy Sosa, but I refuse to believe that, son. Like, I’ve always known about his skin-bleaching fetish, but this is preposterous, man! All jokes aside, Sosa has surpassed Michael Jackson in terms of skin-changing fuckery.

Now, shit got weird when Sosa sat down with ESPN to talk about this year’s Home Run Derby. Needless to say, once we all saw his face, we stopped giving a fuck about what he was saying. Son, what in Baby Jesus‘ name did this man do to himself?! Shit, what part of the game is being lavender, son? What part of the game is looking like a batch of cotton candy, man? Listen, I like to match my clothes, but I didn’t think my skin color had to be part of the equation, fam. All in all, this man looks fucking NUTS, bruh!

On the real, I knew Sosa had an affinity for bleaching, but I never thought he’d take it this far. Keeping it a buck, the dude used to be my complexion, son. Now, he looks like a fucking Starburst, man. It’s like he went into Home Depot and said “I want to look like the paint in my daughter’s room.” All I know is, I literally can’t believe what I’m witnessing, fam.

Moving on, this type of tomfoolery is why people like Kodak Black need to be called out on their fuckery, man. This Sosa nonsense is a PRIME example of what some folks do when they hate their skin color, son. So, no, we can’t just let derogatory comments about complexion slide, fam. All in all, when I look at Sosa, I see a man who legitimately hates himself. Frankly, it’s disgraceful to watch because I used to be a huge fan of this guy, steroids and all.

In the end, I’m blown away by all of this, son. Like, this fool is actually pink, man! I swear, the truth is always stranger than fiction, fam. Ultimately, I don’t see where Sosa can go from here. I mean, it’s not like he can turn back the hands of time, bruh. Sadly, I don’t think he wants to either. *Sigh* LC out.

Joseph Fiennes Killed Michael Jackson Again

So, I want everyone reading this to take a hard look at the picture above. LOOK AT THAT SHIT, MAN! Who approved this fuckery, son?! Why would Hollywood allow this bullshit to happen? I know the film industry has a long, looooooong history of Whitewashing historically Black characters, but this is out of control, man. All I know is, Joseph Fiennes and the entire staff of Elizabeth, Michael & Marlon need to be beaten with rubber hoses for what they did to Michael Jackson.

Now, before I continue eviscerating Fiennes for the bullshit makeup on his face, I want to talk about the plot of this movie. So, apparently, right after the 9/11 attacks, Jackson, Elizabeth Taylor and Marlon Brando hopped in a car and road tripped with each other from New York to California. Needless to say, shenanigans ensued along the way. *Sigh* Like, that’s a real plot, son. I mean, let’s put all of this into perspective. First, a screenplay was written about this. Next, a director signed on to make this. Finally, a cast and crew was put together to complete this. Along the way, ANYONE could’ve been like “ay, yo, this is a stupid ass idea.” However; NO ONE said that, son. I’m fucking baffled, man. Absolutely baffled.

Ok, getting back to Fiennes, I have so many fucking questions, son. First, why was this White dude allowed to play one of our greatest Black icons in the first place? Look, this isn’t a fictional character where it’s up to interpretation. Michael Joseph Jackson was a living, breathing human being and he was BLACK! All the vitiligo and plastic surgery in the world couldn’t change the fact that he was a Negro from Gary, Indiana, bro. Now, if anyone questions that, just go look at the rest of his family, man. Shit, Jermaine Jackson‘s face is probably super greasy as we speak, son.

Moving on, let’s talk about Fiennes’ makeup. Ok, look, in the latter parts of his life, MJ looked like a damn fool, son. I’ll be the first to admit that. With that being said, how in the fuck does Fiennes look even worse than the real MJ? How, Sway? How?! Bruh, I’m sure there are a billion pictures of Michael circulating around the internet right now. This crew couldn’t do a better job of approximating that man’s face?! I… I’m at a fucking loss for words, son. Mixing gall with an utter lack of execution is dangerous as all hell, man. 

In the end, I’m speechless, son. Joseph Fiennes and the cast of Elizabeth, Michael & Marlon murdered MJ for a second time. Shit, they need to be in prison with Conrad Murray. Look, even though Murray was an incompetent doctor, he wasn’t aiming to kill Mike. On the other hand, the clowns who worked on this movie did this bullshit on purpose. *Sigh* I’m out.