My First (Real) Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Class

So, I won’t lie, son. On the real, I love fighting, man. Now, I haven’t been in a real fight in years, but I still need that type of aggression, fam. Shit, I grew up doing Taekwondo, I’ve boxed, I’ve done Muay ThaiJeet Kune Do and general MMA. Needless to say, I’m semi-addicted to pain, bruh. In any case, last night was a first for me. Last night was the first time I took a real Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class. All in all, I’m still processing my experience, brethren.

Ok, to be clear, last night was not the first time I’ve rolled. Shit, thanks to previous MMA classes, I’ve had the pleasure of putting someone in and being put into a rear-naked choke and an armbar. However, those experiences didn’t necessarily prepare me for a full hour and a half of BJJ, son. Frankly, despite my years of martial arts training, I’ve learned that I don’t know shit upon shit about fighting on the ground, man.

Now, before I continue, I have to give a major shout-out to Babs Olusanmokun. The actor/BJJ black belt runs Babs BJJ out of Phil Nurse‘s The Wat school in lower Manhattan. Side bar, I have to give another shout-out to my wife for finding this school, fam. Keeping it a buck, she’s the real MVP, bruh. Anyway, since the spot is only a few blocks away from my job, I figured I’d give a class a test spin, son. All I know is, I wasn’t exactly prepared for this shit, man.

In any case, the class went as follows: I first learned to shrimp, followed by front rolls and back rolls. From there, I learned how to do the technical stand-up. Next, I learned the basics of the triangle choke. After that, I spent the majority of the class drilling kimuras with other white belts. Side bar, one of the white belts had one stripe and the other had three stripes. Meaning, we were not the same, fam. Frankly, both of those dudes could fuck me up, bruh. It just is what it is.

Moving on, I was involved in all of the activities until it came time to roll. Babs knew that I would get mangled if I got my ass down there, son. Instead, I just watched and came to the realization that a 5’5″ woman with a blue belt could choke the fuckity-fuck out of me, man. All I can say is, it was a very humbling experience, fam.

In the end, I’m still trying to process it all, bruh. Hell, look at my face in that above picture, son. Ultimately, that’s the face of a dude who got his innocence took, man. By and by, I’m pretty sure I’ll go back, fam. At the end of the day, I just need my knees to cooperate with me, brethren. The truth is, it’ll be easy as fuck for someone to double leg me if I don’t get lower to the ground. But, I only have one life and I need to try everything, people. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Someone tell my boy Fabo that I’m renigging on my word to roll with him. Son, I ain’t ready for that type of smoke. Talk to me in a year, man. Good day.

Whose Mans Is This: The Attempted Robbery Of Polyana Viana

Good morning, friends and acquaintances. My name is LC and I’d like to talk to everyone about bad decisions. Now, as seen in the photo above, the man on the left is VERY familiar with bad decisions, son. Look, while attempting to rob the woman on the right, he got the holy shit beat out of him, man. All I know is, when people search for “poetic justice” on Google, his picture should show up, fam. In any case, let’s all take the time to mercilessly laugh at this dude, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, an attempted mugging went down in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil on Saturday night. Now, an unnamed assailant with a cardboard gun tried to steal a woman’s phone. Little did he know the woman was Polyana Viana, a UFC Strawweight fighter. Anyway, once she realized what was going on, she quickly sprang into action, son. According to the story, after his botched robbery, she punched him twice, hit him with a kick and then put him in a rear-naked choke. From there, he was incapacitated until the cops came. To make matters even funnier, he was asking for the police after getting his ass beat.

On the real, this story is super hilarious to me, man. I mean, he literally couldn’t have picked a worse target, fam. Shit, of all of the people he could’ve attacked, he chose the damn assassin, bruh. For God’s sake, that’s fucking BEAUTIFUL, son. Also, in my eyes, this situation is the perfect example of why all women should train in the martial arts, man. Like, they could pick boxing, they could pick jiu-jitsu or just MMA in general. All in all, knowing a lil sum sum could potentially save a life, brethren. So, everybody needs to chop chop and get to it, folks.

In the end, vengeance is mine, said the Lord. Except for when a clown tries to rob someone and gets righteously mollywopped. Ultimately, this guy got EXACTLY what he deserved, son. By and by, long live Polyana Viana, man! She’s the real MVP, fam. Hey, Dana White, gives this woman a raise, bruh. That is all. LC out.