Quincy Jones Doesn’t Give A F*ck

Listen, old people don’t give a flying fuckity-fuck, son. I swear, once people make it past “retirement age,” they do and say whatever the hell they want, man. All I know is, Quincy Jones DEFINITELY fits into that category, fam. Real talk, the legendary producer recently did interviews with GQ AND with Vulture. Needless to say, he let ALL of the hot takes go, bruh! All in all, I can see people having issues with some of his statements. However; his sit-downs with these well-known publications were HIGHLY entertaining, folks!

Ok, let’s just skip the formalities, son. On the real, I simply want to get straight to the fuckery, man. Now, in regards to the tomfoolery, I want to do something a little different, fam. Keeping it a buck, I want to go through some of Jones’s most ear-catching stories in bullet format. With that being said, here’s some of the shit that made me go “oh shit”:

1. Jones claims to have 22 girlfriends all around the world. In addition, despite being 84 years old, his women apparently range between 28 and 42. Now, even funnier, those ages are part of an agreement between him and his daughters. Look, this is a wild motherfucker, son!

2. When he was down with Lionel Hampton‘s band, they allegedly used to buy dope from Detroit Red. Now, this is notable because the man formerly known as Detroit Red eventually became Malcolm X. Sheesh, that’s some wild shit, man!

3. Jones claims that Ray Charles convinced him to try heroin for a few months. In addition, Charles’s addiction was apparently so bad, he used to have a guy shoot dope directly into his nuts. Look, if that story ain’t true, then Jones has the CRAZIEST imagination, fam!

4. Apparently, after the infamous James Brown concert where Prince embarrassed himself in front of Michael Jackson, Prince tried to run over MJ with his limousine. Bruh, that’s fucking HILARIOUS! I swear, Prince was always the king of petty. This is part of the reason why I’m still a huge fan of his.

5. Jones asserts that MJ’s monkey, Bubbles, hit his daughter Rashida. Now, hurting a child is never funny, but come on, son! Only MJ would get into some shit where his pet monkey hit a kid. Good Lord, Mike was a cotdamn legend but a weird ass dude, man!

6. Jones maintains that Taylor Swift is a bad songwriter, that Elvis Presley couldn’t sing and that The Beatles were terrible musicians. Listen, I can see A LOT of people being upset by these claims, but what the fuck can they say to Quincy Jones, fam? I mean, he’s a legend among legends, bruh. Just deal with it.

7. Jones said that Marilyn Monroe‘s breasts looked like pears. On the real, I don’t know why that’s so funny, but I laughed REALLY hard when I read that, son.

8. About twelve years ago, Jones allegedly dated Ivanka Trump. Now, in his own words, she had great legs, so OF COURSE he had to do it, man! Real talk, this man has been a dog, by his own admission, for DECADES!

9. Last but not least, Jones claims that Marlon Brando smashed James Baldwin, Richard Pryor and Marvin Gaye. Now, I’m not surprised by Baldwin. Hell, I’m not even surprised by Pryor. Look, Pryor has made jokes about his sexuality and his widow even confirmed the story. However; Gaye through me for a loop, fam. All in all, this tale doesn’t make one bit of difference to me. But, it’s bugged out how casually Jones said it, bruh. Shit, it’s almost as if he looked at the interviewer crazy for not knowing this information. At the end of the day, Jones has seen EVERYTHING, people!

In the end, long live Quincy Jones, son! Ultimately, that’s a wild ass dude, man! All I can say is, I can read/listen/watch his interviews all day, fam. By and by, shout-out to GQ and Vulture for getting him to let off these shots. That is all. LC out.


Get Ray Lewis The F*ck Outta Here!

Man, I have so many simultaneous thoughts in my head, I don’t even know where to start, son. Look, Ray Lewis needs to shut the fuckity-fuck up, fam! Listen, I’m pretty sure that Colin Kaepernick isn’t looking to him for advice, bruh. In addition, I TRULY don’t like the idea of a Black man telling another Black man to be low key about activism. On the real, that’s just another way of saying “play nice and don’t publicly piss off White people.” All in all, fuck all of that, man!

Now, for anyone who missed it, Lewis took it upon himself to show Kaepernick “the way.” According to Lewis, if Kaepernick wants to find another job in the NFL, he needs to be quieter about social injustice. Apparently, standing up for what’s right pales in comparison to not upsetting the owners. By and by, Kaepernick needs to be a “good boy” if he wants to secure a spot on another team.

Real talk, that seems to be a common theme amongst Kaepernick’s Black detractors. Basically, if he stopped making White people uncomfortable, then they’d let him throw the football around again. I mean, this is the same shit I roasted Michael Vick for. We’re so programmed as a community, that instead of championing Kaepernick for standing up for US, we’d rather tell him to be more presentable to the White majority. *Sigh* As Malcolm X once said, “who taught you to hate yourself?” Clearly, we already know the answer to that, son.

Moving on, outside of the ridiculous message, I also have a problem with the source, son. Keeping it a buck, Lewis is the LAST human being who should be giving ANYONE pointers, man! Lest we forget, his white suit was never found after Jacinth Baker and Richard Lollar were stabbed to death. Lest we forget, he snitched on Reginald Oakley and Joseph Sweeting to get his murder charges dismissed. Shit, Kaepernick is being judged for taking a knee during the fucking National Anthem, fam. All I know is, Lewis isn’t some beacon of purity, bruh.

In the end, I’m tired of Black people worrying more about our image than our rights. Instead of addressing the issues that Kaepernick is highlighting, folks would rather tell him to pipe down and just play football. Ultimately, the joke is on us as we continue to be mistreated and killed by systemic violence. Then again, maybe Lewis empathizes because he’s also gotten away with murder. Shit, just some food for thought, people. LC out.

P.S. The entire “shut the fuck up” mantra of this post also applies to Kordell Stewart. Seriously, no one wants this dude’s opinion, fam. On the real, all I want from “Slash” is Porsha Williams‘ phone number. Hook that up, bruh. That is all.

Who Pissed In Kid Cudi’s Cereal?

Man, what would Twitter be if it wasn’t a venue for celebrities to lose their shit in a barrage of 140 characters? Honestly, ain’t that the best part of following public figures on social media, son? With that being said, I’d like to thank Kid Cudi for throwing all types of shots at Kanye West and Drake yesterday. While I’m not sure who rubbed their nuts on Cudi’s Corn Flakes, I’m absolutely here for the show, bro. Now, let’s get to it.

Now, I have to be honest, son, I don’t know where to start with this story. This is mainly because it has so many layers and they’re all hilarious. So, apparently, Cudi stubbed his toe on a staircase bannister and then decided to fire off some tweets. At first, Cudi spoke in generalizations about artists who consider themselves Top 5 despite having “30 people” write for them. He continued to wax poetically about how the “fake ones” won’t last and he even used my favorite word in the universe: fuckery. Now, even though he shouted out artists like A$AP Rocky and Travis Scott, he made it perfectly clear his derision was aimed at Kanye and Drake.

While I have no idea what these two dudes did to Cudi, he firmly declared the notion that neither one of them care about him. In his mind, they only needed him when he had something to offer them. Furthermore, he believes they only kept him close because of how “powerful” he is. Look, it sounds like a bunch of BFF beef to me, but I can’t fault a man for feeling the way he feels. However; that doesn’t mean I can’t laugh at how emotional these tweets are, bro. I mean, let’s be real, Cudi did the same thing on Twitter that Kanye does on a regular basis. At this point, Kanye is Regal Ruler of Random Ranting and Rambling. No wonder him and Cudi were friends for so long, son.

With all of that being said, there was NO way word was going to get back to Kanye without a response. During his Saint Pablo tour stop in Tampa, Yeezy decided to respond to his former protégé. After a flurry of comments like “I birthed you” and “don’t never mention Ye name,” Kanye expressed being hurt because he was the first one to be called names for wearing skinny jeans. Ok, he didn’t necessarily say that was the only reason he was upset, but c’mon son, he literally brought up wearing skinny jeans first. So, a former mentee airs him out and that’s one of the first things that comes to his mind? I swear, Kanye is one of the funniest human beings on the planet, son. Any man that can mention skinny jeans and Malcolm X is adjoining sentences is a genius, bro.

In the end, can’t we all just get along, man? Look, I’ll give Cudi his credit, son. While I’m not his biggest fan, I’m well aware of the wave he started. He was a driving force behind Kanye’s 808s & Heartbreak, which essentially created Drake’s whole aesthetic. So, yeah, his influence can’t be denied. However; I don’t see how this ends well for him. I mean, regardless of what Cudi puts out musically, I doubt it can harm the reign of Drake and Kanye. In case he forgot, they’re the two biggest rappers on the planet. And no, this isn’t up for debate, son. They just are. It is what it is, bro. Good day.

P.S. I know Drake responded to Cudi too, but I can’t help but shoulder shrug, son. Once again, he takes shots onstage, but he probably ain’t got no bars for Cudi. Until then, miss me with the jokes. I’m out.

A Letter To Gabby Douglas

Dear Gabby Douglas,

While you may not know me, I wanted to take this time to write to you directly. During this crucial time in your life, I’m positive you have loved ones who are reassuring you that everything will be alright. With that being said, my words may not matter much at all. In any case, I still feel compelled to reach out to you. Despite all of the mean-spirited attacks being levied your way, I simply want to deliver one message to you: fuck the haters.

As sad as it is, we live in a society where people love being outraged and love tearing others down. Losers feed off of the emotions of the individuals around them, as if causing another human being pain adds value to their lives. This concept is one of the main problems with social media. Cowards who wouldn’t have the balls to utter such ugliness to their intended target in person just hide behind their computer screens and smartphones. They’d much rather feel powerful in the comments section of a website while wondering why they have no friends.

For me, the worst part about this entire situation is the fact you’ve been getting knocked down by people who look like you, in addition to all of the others. It’s absolutely disgusting that Black people can see you compete on the highest level of your sport and only think to comment on your hair. The self-hate is so visible when some misguided fools can criticize the way your hair grows NATURALLY out of your head. Do they believe their hair behaves any differently? Malcolm X asked the following question decades ago: who taught you to hate yourself? That’s a question your Black detractors need to ask themselves at this particular moment.

It’s also incredibly disheartening to see so many White people question your patriotism. Whether they’re attacking you for not putting your hand on your heart during the national anthem or not “cheering” for your teammates enough, the lack of empathy is ridiculous. Have they never been disappointed before? I know the results of a couple of Olympic events didn’t go the way you planned them, so I completely understand being upset by the outcome. When you want something so bad and don’t achieve it, the pain is very real and hard to hide. Do NOT feel bad for being human. You have every right to be emotional during these times, naysayers be damned. I wonder how any of your critics would feel if they were in a similar position. Would they feel chipper if they saw the intended finish line and didn’t cross it in the way they envisioned? It’s incredibly easy to be critical of someone else when that individual has nothing at stake.

In the end, all I can say is, you’ve represented this country to the best of your ability. If anyone out there can’t accept that, they didn’t deserve to have you on their side in the first place. Also, while you may be too proper to say things as plainly as you should, I do not have that problem. Soooooo, fuck any and everybody who has something malicious to say about you. I guarantee they haven’t done shit with their lives anyway. In any case, keep your head up and keep pushing, Gabby.


Your friendly neighborhood LC