A Bald Man’s Letter To LeBron James

Dear LeBron James,

On the real, I’m not here to speak with you about your game. I mean, it’s generally understood that you’re one of the greatest basketball players of all time. Shit, depending on who you ask, you’ve already passed Michael Jordan as the GOAT. In any case, I’m not here to talk about your Los Angeles Lakers or the rest of the NBA. Frankly, I’m here, as a brother, to advise you about your hair. All I can say is, it’s time to fucking let it go, son.

Now, let’s keep it a buck, man. Seriously, we all saw what happened against the Utah Jazz, fam. Hell, Anthony Davis tried to warn you about what was going on, bruh. Needless to say, your lace front fell out, son. In the middle of a game, brethren. On national television. Like, do I even need to explain how embarrassing that is, kinfolk?

Look, for years (and years and fucking years), you’ve tried to avoid baldness like the plague. At the beginning of every season, it looks like you’ve found the cure for male pattern baldness. Then, like 20 games into the season, your real hairline resurfaces. From there, you look like Bobo the Clown for trying to convince us that this was your actual hair. All I know is, enough is fucking enough, son.

Listen, before you think that I’m judging you, allow me to be transparent about myself. Now, despite being bald, I can still technically grow hair on my head. In actuality, I began shaving it off because my front hairline started to go from a straight line to a McDonald’s arch. Anyway, the way my pride is setup, I couldn’t continue to front (and argue with my Jamaican barber) like my shit was still pristine, man. So, I told him to buzz it all off. That was February of 2009. The truth is, I’ve been blissfully happy ever since, fam.

All in all, you don’t have to go through this, bruh. The last time I checked, Jordan was/is your favorite player, son. Real talk, he made baldness cool, man. The way I see it, you don’t have to dealt with this anguish, fam. Just let the hair follicles go and let your scalp be free, brethren. From my viewpoint, your scalp wants to be free anyway.

In the end, come join the team, son. Ultimately, it’s enjoyable on this side, man. By and by, I haven’t worn a durag in a decade, fam. Furthermore, I can go to sleep/wake up without brushing my hair, bruh. At the end of the day, I’m offering you liberation, LeBron. Please, embrace what nature is already trying to show you. It’s the only way, brethren.

Sincerely,

A fan who doesn’t want to see you suffer anymore

My Conflicted Thoughts On DeMarcus Cousins

So, DeMarcus Cousins has had a tough couple of years, huh? I mean, where do I even begin, son? In 2018, while playing for the New Orleans Pelicans, Cousins tore his left Achilles tendon. Then, in April of this year, while playing for the Golden State Warriors, he tore his left quadriceps. Fast forward to August, his tore his ACL as a new member of the Los Angeles Lakers. All in all, his stock as an NBA player has taken a MAJOR hit due to his injuries. Now, on top of all of that, he’s wanted by police in Mobile, Alabama.

Ok, for those who missed it, an arrest warrant for Cousins has been issued in relation to a misdemeanor domestic violence charge. Now, as outlined in the leaked audio from TMZ, Cousins threatened to shoot Cristy West, his son Amir‘s mother, in the head. Honestly, I highly doubt that was a real threat, but that’s not the point, man. The fact is, no man is allowed to talk to anyone like that, especially not the mother of his child. In addition, West has alleged that Cousins has choked her in the past. All I know is, if her stories of abuse are real, then Cousins is a piece of shit, fam.

With all of that being said, here’s my beef with West, bruh. Now, after listening to the recording, the source of the tension was Amir’s presence, or lack thereof, at Cousins’ wedding. Apparently, before his marriage to Morgan Lang, Cousins asked West to let Amir attend the ceremony. She refused. He asked a few more times and she still refused. From there, Cousins lost his cotdamn mind and threatened to shoot her. All I can say is, it’s a terrible situation all around.

Now, am I excusing Cousins’ reaction? Fuck no, son. Frankly, he was deadass wrong for coming at her like that. But, why would she refuse his request, man? Like, if he truly wanted his son at his wedding, why was that a problem? In my eyes, it’s petty to keep Amir away on a day that meant a lot to Cousins. To me, that part of the story gets lost in the general narrative, fam.

Listen, dudes are often painted as deadbeats when it comes to parenting and the court system. A lot of times, it’s an accurate assertion, bruh. However, not enough emphasis is placed on women who don’t let men see their children. The truth is, that happens waaaay more than people like to admit. I know multiple stories of children who are used as pawns in a battle between parents. Real talk, everyone needs to grow the fuck up and realize that the kids come first, brethren.

Look, when I was in the doghouse years ago, my wife could’ve easily kept my son away from me. However, she didn’t, man. Shit, she would ignore me for everything else, but gladly call to say “come get your son.” Granted, it didn’t feel good being up shit’s creek, but my child was never taken from me, fam. Side note, during one of those past exchanges, she literally opened her apartment door wide enough to push the stroller out and then shut it right back. She haaaaated me, people. It’s hilarious now but was super awkward back then. Anyway, people need to put their pride aside and let parents parent. Well, unless that parent is an actual danger to the child’s well-being.

In the end, I see both sides to this story, bruh. Ultimately, Cousins fucked up by saying that foul shit to West. However, I also think West fucked up by denying their son access to Cousins’ wedding. By and by, this is a messy ass situation, son. At the end of the day, speaking as a dude from a broken house, keep the courts out of parenting, man. Hell, the ending rarely works out for anyone, fam. That is all. LC out.

Comparing Kawhi Leonard To Kevin Durant

So, here we are, son. It’s 9:39 AM EST on July 3rd and it looks like Kawhi Leonard may go to the Los Angeles Lakers. Now, as a New York Knicks fan, I hate everything about this possibility, man. However, as a basketball fan, I’m interested to see how he’d gel with LeBron James and Anthony Davis. In any case, in light of this potential move, I see people trying to compare Leonard to Kevin Durant. All I know is, if Leonard went to the Lakers, it still wouldn’t be anything like Durant’s move to the Golden State Warriors.

Look, when people talk about Durant, they keep confusing the argument, fam. For me, I never judged the fact that he wanted to leave the Oklahoma City Thunder. I mean, given Russell Westbrook‘s playing style, Durant HAD to be frustrated, bruh. Anyway, I never hated on Durant for leaving. In actuality, I criticized him for joining the fucking Warriors, son. Need I remind everyone, the 73-9 Warriors defeated the Durant-led Thunder in the 2016 Western Conference Finals. So, Durant literally joined the team that beat him, man. I’m sorry, but I will always look at that as a sucker move, brethren.

Now, let’s take a look at Leonard. Real talk, homie just had one of the best individual runs in NBA playoff history AND won a title with a team that previously never made it to the Finals. Shit, he legitimately got a ring with Pascal SiakamMarc GasolSerge Ibaka and Fred VanVleet. Listen, all of these guys are good players, but the Toronto Raptors weren’t the squad that everyone picked to win it all. As a matter of fact, most analysts thought the Milwaukee Bucks were the team to beat, son. Needless to say, that shit ain’t happen, man.

The point is, if Leonard joined the Lakers, it wouldn’t be because he couldn’t get it done without a superteam. In addition, the Lakers weren’t some behemoth last year. Hell, they didn’t even make the playoffs, man. All I can say is, that’s a far cry from Durant joining a team that won the most regular season games in history. On the real, I may be a salty Knicks fan, but at least I have the ability to be objective, fam. All in all, coming off of a ring, Leonard can call his own shot, bruh.

In the end, none of this shit changes anything for me, son. Ultimately, the Knicks still suck and I’m seriously contemplating setting the Barclays Center on fire. By and by, this next season is going to be intriguing (and painful) as fuck, man. At the end of the day, if Leonard goes to the Lakers, they BETTER win the title, fam. Like, a team with James, Leonard and Davis would have no fucking excuse, bruh. Frankly, I could be their starting point guard and they’d still probably win. That’s how great those guys are, folks. That is all. LC out.

Stop Giving Laura Ingraham Attention

So, before I begin, let me say that I know what some people might be thinking. Yeah, I’m aware that writing this post is a bit hypocritical, given the title. However, today’s thoughts aren’t really about Laura Ingraham. In reality, they’re about how we all react to Laura Ingraham. Keeping it a buck, we need to stop giving her attention, son. All in all, why the fuck do we care about what she says, man?

Ok, for those who missed it, Laura Ingraham went into her Laura Ingraham bag. Now, while addressing Nipsey Hussle’s funeral at the Staples Center, she decided to laugh and take swipes at the deceased rapper. I mean, despite all of the things that Hussle did for his community, Ingraham simply labeled him as an artist who “released a song called ‘FDT,” F Donald Trump.” From there, her and Raymond Arroyo showed a picture of YG, not Nip, and laughed about the song’s chorus. All I can say is, it was incredibly distasteful, fam.

But, with all of that being said, why is anyone surprised, bruh? Like, this is the same woman who told LeBron James to “shut up and dribble.” This is the same woman who publicly ridiculed David Hogg, a survivor of the Parkland shooting. Frankly, she’s given us AMPLE examples that she’s a piece of shit, son. The truth is, the more we react to her tomfoolery, the more she’s going to feel emboldened, man. Real talk, she’s no different than Tomi Lahren, fam. The way I see it, we need to stop giving these vapid losers notoriety, folks. Their opinions truly mean nothing, brethren.

In the end, Ingraham is going to Ingraham, son. Ultimately, when she gets on her bullshit, we need to look the other way, man. By and by, if a tree falls in the forest and no one’s there to hear it, does it make a sound? Who the fuck cares, fam? Let that tree “tree” by itself, bruh. At the end of the day, our anger is what these idiots feed off of, people. They don’t deserve any of our peace, B. That is all. LC out.

The Los Angeles Lakers Are A Sh*tshow

Look, before I even begin, let me acknowledge the fact that I’m a New York Knicks fan. This means that I am accustomed to a team being a dumpster fire. With that being said, the Los Angeles Lakers are in a world of shit right now, son. I mean, missing the playoffs was bad enough, man. However, after Magic Johnson’s sudden departure, it’s safe to say that one of the NBA’s most storied franchises is lost as fuck, fam.

Ok, for those who missed it, Johnson stepped down as the President of Basketball Operations for the Lakers. Now, this is notable for a bunch of reasons, but the manner in which he did it was wild, bruh. So, not only did Johnson leave his post, but he did it in front of the media, didn’t tell Jeanie Buss, the team’s owner, and didn’t wait until the end of the season. Furthermore, he did it with a whole bunch of tears in his eyes. Frankly, I watched this whole episode like “what the fuck is happening, son?”

Now, I already see a lot of people blaming LeBron James for this change (i.e. Michael Rapaport). All I can say is, that’s pure nonsense, man. Ok, yes, the team did miss the playoffs. But, they’ve missed the playoffs for the last six years, on top of the fact that James, Lonzo Ball and Brandon Ingram had a ton of injuries. So, I’m not ready to hang this on James’ head, fam. The truth is, Johnson wasn’t very good at his job, bruh. Like, I know he’s a legend, son. However, being a legend on the court doesn’t automatically make him a legend in the boardroom.

Shit, let’s go through some of his failures, man. First, he traded D’Angelo Russell. Now, for anyone who hasn’t been paying attention, Russell has been killing it with the Brooklyn Nets, fam. On the real, he’s turning into the player that a lot of people thought he could be. All I can say is, the Lakers never gave him a chance, bruh. Second, Johnson gambled on Anthony Davis and lost. The Lakers tried to throw the kitchen sink at the New Orleans Pelicans and they didn’t budge, son. All in all, Johnson and the Lakers were stuck with egg on their face, folks. Lastly, Johnson couldn’t get Paul George. Despite the fact that it seemed like George wanted to go to L.A., the deal never went through, people. Instead, George went on to have an MVP-level season with the Oklahoma City Thunder. Basically, Johnson botched all of the team’s moves, brethren.

In the end, good luck to the Lakers, son. Wait, what am I saying, man? I’m a Knicks fan, fam. Fuck the Lakers, bruh! Ultimately, I hope everything bad in life happens to them and only them (word to Silky Johnson). By and by, I’m thoroughly enjoying the chaos, folks. In any case, I’m sure I’ll be singing a different tune when the Knicks fail to sign Kevin Durant and/or Kyrie Irving. At the end of the day, I don’t have much faith in my team either, people. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Dear Basketball Gods, can the Knicks at least sign Zion Williamson? Please? Pretty please? Thanks a lot and have a good day.

Christopher Darden Is Still A Clown

So, I’m going to try to keep this post short today, son. Frankly, I just want to proclaim that Christopher Darden is a clown, man. He was a clown in 1994 and he’s still a clown in 2019. On the real, I don’t care to hear the reasons why he’s defending Eric Holder. All I can say is, I hope he botches the case like he botched the O. J. Simpson trial. At this point, I only want justice for Nipsey Hussle, fam.

Ok, before I continue, let me be honest, bruh. Listen, a lot of this story doesn’t add up, B. So, let me attempt to make sense of this timeline. Now, Holder is seen having a conversation with Nip. Then, he leaves, comes back with a gun and starts firing. Next, he doubles back two more times and fires more shots into Nip. Days later, he’s apprehended by the police at a mental health facility. Finally, he’s now being represented by Darden. Fam, am I the only one who thinks that’s sketchy as shit? Nah, there’s something fishy in the water and I don’t like it at all, son.

In any case, I’m interested to see how Darden is going to try to spin this, man. The way I see it, he only has two options: self-defense or insanity. Based on the footage outside of Nip’s store, I don’t see self-defense working in the slightest. So, insanity is the only real play here. But, good luck with that, fam. It definitely seems like Holder had/has all of his facilities intact, bruh. So, I hope the judge throws his dumbass under the jail, brethren.

In the end, fuck Eric Holder and fuck Christopher Darden. Ultimately, that loser needs to pay for his actions, son. By and by, it’s time for Darden to do the Darden. Yeah, go ahead and fuck up this case, man. At the end of the day, we need him to fail again so Holder can go to prison for the rest of his life. That is all. LC out.

F*ck Eric Holder

So, let me get straight to the business, son. Fuck Eric Holder, man. I mean, it’s bad enough that he took Nipsey Hussle’s life. But, it’s even worse to know that it was seemingly over something so meaningless, fam. Now, based on the type of life that Nipsey led, I know that some people want to believe in conspiracies. However, it really does seem like he was killed by a loser with no morals. All in all, Nipsey Hussle didn’t deserve to die such a senseless death, bruh.

Ok, for those who don’t know the backstory, I’ll try my best to explain it. Now, Nipsey was a member of the Rollin 60’s Neighborhood Crips. Shit, if anyone heard any of his records, they’d know that he frequently made references to his upbringing, son. In any case, Holder, also known as Shitty Cuz, was another member of that particular set. Meaning, him and Nipsey knew each other. Apparently, Holder and Nipsey had a couple of conversations outside of Marathon Clothing before Holder came back shooting. Word on the street is, Nipsey originally tried to dismiss him due to Holder’s alleged history as an informant.

In any case, as of today, Holder is in custody. Based on reports, he was picked up by the police outside of a mental health facility. Side note, I really hope Holder doesn’t try to use the “I’m not fit to stand trial” defense. Nah, fam, he needs to own up to the bullshit he did, man. On the real, he took away a father, a businessman and a musician for no justifiable reason, bruh. Frankly, I hope that shit eats at him for however long he has left on this Earth, son.

In the end, rest in peace to Nipsey Hussle. Ultimately, that will continue to be the real story here. By and by, he was a man who was trying to make a real difference in his community. Hell, even the police department was shocked by his murder, man. At the end of the day, that’s how we know he stood for something positive, fam. That is all. LC out.