Get Pepsi & Kendall Jenner The F*ck Outta Here!

*Sigh* Damn, son. Why did it have to be Pepsi, man? I mean, I’m one of the people who can actually tell the difference between Pepsi and Coca-Cola. With that being said, Pepsi is without question the superior product, bruh. However; that tidbit can’t save them from getting this work, fam. Look, all I want to know is, what the fuckity-fuck were Pepsi and Kendall Jenner thinking? Now, I’ve seen some strange things in my life, but I’m pretty sure an ice-cold soda won’t stop this country from doing fuck shit.

So, I don’t even know where to begin with the tomfoolery, son. Shit, I could start with Skip Marley for donating his “Lions” song to this ridiculous ass commercial. I could talk about the randomness of the Asian man playing the cello or the hijab-wearing Muslim woman freaking out over her pictures. I could talk about the “joy” on people’s faces while they “protest” injustice. Look, I could rip this commercial apart from so many different angles, but I have to aim my crosshairs at the soda itself.

Now, maybe I’m dumb, but can someone please explain to me how a Pepsi can save the world? Listen, before I continue, I’m pretty sure this company doesn’t literally think handing out soda will solve all of our issues. However; I do think it perpetuates a dangerous ideology. Ultimately, being nice to the establishment won’t stop them from fucking us over.

To be clear, sucking up to authority won’t stop police from killing unarmed Black people. Sucking up to authority won’t stop our government from violating the rights of Muslims, women, minorities, poor people and the LGBTQ community. Keeping it a buck, real protest isn’t convenient and it damn sure isn’t jovial, fam. People are really out here fighting for basic human rights and Pepsi just turned it all into a fucking joke, son. All I know is, everyone involved with this nonsense should be fired immediately, man.

In the end, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I’m just… I’m just tired of the day-to-day stupidity, bruh. It’s just so fucking tiring and irritating, son. I quit. I… I fucking quit. LC out.

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Get Milo Yiannopoulos The F*ck Outta Here!

So, on the latest episode of Get (Blank) The Fuck Outta Here, I bring to you Milo Yiannopoulos. This douchebag is the now-former editor of Breitbart News. Yes, the Satan-spawn of Steve Bannon has come back to plague us again. In any case, since the weekend, Milo has had a glorious downfall. On the real, I can honestly say that I don’t feel a shred of sympathy for him. Milo is a shit-stain of a person and he’s getting EVERYTHING he deserves.

Now, before I continue, let me explain to everyone who this turd is. I’ve covered the Breitbart part, but that’s just the beginning of his fuckery. If anyone actually read the filth he spewed on that website, they’d see that he has no regard for civility or humanity. This is a man who disrespects women and the LGBTQ community with regularity. Side bar, that last tidbit is EXTREMELY odd given the fact that he’s gay. Anyway, this is also the same man who made it his life’s mission to bully Leslie Jones on Twitter. Needless to say, for his constant hate, he was banned from the social media platform.

In any case, Milo’s real downfall began after some outrageous comments surfaced on a livestream. For all intents and purposes, Milo defended pedophilia. This fucking clown had the audacity to say that when older men have relationships with younger boys, they give the kids “love” and a “reliable sort of a rock.” Taking it a step further, he mentions his own childhood sexual abuse and says that he’s “grateful for Father Michael.” In Milo’s own words, he wouldn’t be as good at giving head without the priest. Finally, Milo believes that 13 year old boys are “sexually mature.”

Look, it’s very rare that I’m speechless, son. However; I’M FUCKING SPEECHLESS! I’m confused on so many levels, man! How can any functional human being speak so casually about the abuse of children? In addition, how can anyone who’s actually been abused be so nonchalant about taking a child’s innocence? I’m fucking baffled, bruh! Without question, Milo is one of the most hateful people walking this Earth. He gives no respect to women, children or anybody else, for that matter. It’s fucking disgusting, son! Shit, “disgusting” is not even a strong enough word, man. Real talk, I don’t even know how to accurately describe my disdain for this dude.

Ultimately, I’m ecstatic that Milo is losing all of achievements. So far, he’s lost his Conservative Political Action Conference invitation, his book deal and his job at Breitbart. It’s ridiculous that it took this long to get rid of him, but I’ll take it, man. All in all, Breitbart has produced nothing but hate, son. That site needs to be eradicated, along with everyone that contributes to it. LC out.

P.S. Bill Maher can get the fuck outta here too. No one’s giving this dude credit for getting Milo fired, son. Maher’s a clown for even having him on his show in the first place, man. That is all.

Thank You, America

Thank you, America. Thank you for hating Hispanics. Thank you for hating Muslims. Thank you for hating Black people. Thank you for hating women. Thank you for hating the LGBTQ community. Thank you for hating disabled people. Thank you for hating every group of individuals Donald Trump has shitted on over the course of this election. America, you have emphatically shown us what type of despicable country you are and what you actually value: bigotry across all platforms. Bravo, America! Fucking bravo!

At this point, I could write two sentences or I could write an entire dissertation. I’m truly fucking confused by what happened last night. People, please tell me I’m dreaming. Please tell me Trump isn’t really the next president of our country. Please tell me we didn’t let an overwhelming wave of hate, irrational fear and stupidity guide the future of our nation. Look, I’m absolutely APPALLED by the people of this country. I just hope we’re all ready for a strong presence of racism, sexism, xenophobia, religious persecution and tax breaks for the rich. We’ve already seen bigots become way more emboldened as Trump gained power, and with him going to the Oval Office, I don’t see that weakening any time soon. When we add up a Republican presidency, Senate, House, and most likely, Supreme Court, that equals four years of unadulterated HELL!

In the end, I have nothing else to say, son. Nothing at all, man. All I know is, I’m not writing shit for the rest of this week, possibly longer. I’m done. Fucking done here. As my fiancée always says, “this country isn’t for us.” In this case, the “us” is literally EVERY disenfranchised group. Goodbye.

P.S. I don’t want to hear SHIT from anyone who didn’t vote or voted for a third-party candidate. They, along with a higher turnout of uneducated White voters, allowed this nonsense to happen. Thanks for absolutely nothing, y’all.

Et Tu, Dave Chappelle?

Look, I’m a Dave Chappelle fanatic, son. Like, an absolute Stan, man. In my opinion, he’s the greatest comedian of all time and created the greatest sketch show ever. Now, with all of that being said, all of my hero worship doesn’t mean he can’t get this work too, son. After hearing his thoughts on Hillary ClintonDonald Trump, women’s rights and the LGBTQ community, I’m forced to take the Gawd to task for the fuckity-fuck shit he said. *Sigh* With great pain in my heart, let’s do this, man.

So, over the weekend, Chappelle did a number of surprise shows at The Cutting Room here in New York. Now, while he’s been known to incorporate social and political musings in his material, I don’t think his Friday audience was prepared for his latest batch of hot takes.

To begin, let’s talk about Trump’s “grab them by the pussy” scandal. Apparently, to Chappelle, while Trump’s words were “gross,” he thought the idea of Clinton’s camp possibly leaking the Access Hollywood tape was more egregious. In addition, he didn’t agree that Trump promoted sexual assault in his rhetoric. According to Chappelle’s logic, the phrase “they let you do it” implies consent. I guess we’re just ignoring the fact that Trump literally said he’ll flat out kiss AND grab women if he finds them attractive. Nowhere in his comments did he EVER state his advances were warranted. Shit, Chappelle must have been famous for too long because even he can’t seem to wrap his mind around the fact that physical actions can’t just be taken. If the woman didn’t co-sign beforehand, it’s a no-go, son. Plain and fucking simple, man. Also, even if Clinton did release the tape, who gives a fuck, man? Out of every group Trump has offended this election cycle, it would be poetic justice if he fell on the sword of his own words.

Now, while Chappelle’s political philosophies may have been bad enough, he decided to turn his attention to women and the LGTBQ community. It appears Dave has a problem with activists discussing the issues of these particular groups in front of Black people. In terms of disenfranchisement, racism is apparently top tier and everyone else’s struggle is secondary. Good fucking Lord, Dave! Look, man, I’m one of the main people speaking about racial injustice around here, but that shouldn’t come at the expense of someone else’s fight, son. What the fuck, Dave?! Black people have a raw fucking deal in this country, but so do American Indians, women, gay people, transgender people, etc. Shit, if we’re really being real here, this country favors straight White men. Everyone else is working to gain some type of equal footing. It’s a fucking shame that Chappelle is acting like he isn’t aware of this.

In the end, maybe Chappelle has been in Yellow Springs, Ohio for too long now. He’s becoming a cantankerous older gentleman and it’s a damn shame to watch, man. Now, maybe, hopefully, I’m blowing this entire thing out of proportion. All I know is, we can’t be out here losing more of our heroes, son. Get your shit together, Dave! Good day.

Donald Glover Is My Hero

Disclaimer: There are spoilers all over this post, son. If anyone hasn’t watched Donald Glover’s Atlanta yet, be warned, I’m spilling all of the beans, bro. I’m just trying to give the people a heads-up, man. Now, let’s go.

Let’s just skip the formalities and get right to the proceedings, son. Donald Glover is my hero, man. I watched the first two episodes of his new show (Atlanta) last night, and I couldn’t be more hyped for what’s to come. For me, it’s refreshing to see a Black show on TV that doesn’t revolve around clichés, stereotypes and overall coonery. Side note, I’m well aware of the fact Black-ish also exists, so let me cook, man. In any case, as it stands now, the characters seem to have understated complexities that will surely evolve as the season progresses. With all of that being said, allow me to talk about some of my favorite scenes. Ready? Let’s get to it, son.

The first scene that jumps out at me is the one where Alfred (Paper Boi) gets into an altercation with a stranger over his car. While watching the events unfold with my fiancée, we found ourselves at odds in terms of how he should’ve handled the situation. On one hand, she thought he should’ve just left the situation alone. On the other hand, I COMPLETELY understood why he confronted that dude. He was just sitting in his car, minding his own damn business, and this random guy decides to kick off his side view mirror. Man, I would’ve been LIVID, son. Now, I wouldn’t advise anyone to shoot another person over this, but I’d absolutely give that clown a couple of kidney shots, for good measure.

Next, another scene that sticks out to me is one that occurs while Earn is in jail. Through no fault of his own, he’s sitting in the middle of a conversation between some other dude and a trans woman. During the dialogue, the man waxes poetically about the days he and the lady used to bump uglies, seemingly unaware of the fact she’s transgender. When the other men in the holding area call the guy out over this, he’s simultaneously overrun with anger and confusion, all while trying to establish the fact he isn’t gay. In a scene that probably lasted less than five minutes, the show was able to tackle a perception of the transgender community without being crass. It definitely takes a handful of bravery and gravitas to open up such a taboo dialogue in only the second episode.

Lastly, this next observation isn’t about a particular scene, but I have to say, the homie Darius is hilarious, man. Any man who can talk about lemon pepper wings, his balls been crushed and the meaning of life with the same level of deadpan is a genius, son. Honestly, whatever weed that dude is smoking, I want in, bro. He doesn’t seem to have a single care in the entire world. That’s truly the way to live, man.

In the end, there’s nothing else to say, bro. So far, this show is awesome. I’m definitely looking forward to the upcoming episodes. Viva la intelligent writing, man! I’m pretty sure that last sentence didn’t make much sense, but who cares, son. Fight me. Good day.