A Bald Man’s Letter To LeBron James

Dear LeBron James,

On the real, I’m not here to speak with you about your game. I mean, it’s generally understood that you’re one of the greatest basketball players of all time. Shit, depending on who you ask, you’ve already passed Michael Jordan as the GOAT. In any case, I’m not here to talk about your Los Angeles Lakers or the rest of the NBA. Frankly, I’m here, as a brother, to advise you about your hair. All I can say is, it’s time to fucking let it go, son.

Now, let’s keep it a buck, man. Seriously, we all saw what happened against the Utah Jazz, fam. Hell, Anthony Davis tried to warn you about what was going on, bruh. Needless to say, your lace front fell out, son. In the middle of a game, brethren. On national television. Like, do I even need to explain how embarrassing that is, kinfolk?

Look, for years (and years and fucking years), you’ve tried to avoid baldness like the plague. At the beginning of every season, it looks like you’ve found the cure for male pattern baldness. Then, like 20 games into the season, your real hairline resurfaces. From there, you look like Bobo the Clown for trying to convince us that this was your actual hair. All I know is, enough is fucking enough, son.

Listen, before you think that I’m judging you, allow me to be transparent about myself. Now, despite being bald, I can still technically grow hair on my head. In actuality, I began shaving it off because my front hairline started to go from a straight line to a McDonald’s arch. Anyway, the way my pride is setup, I couldn’t continue to front (and argue with my Jamaican barber) like my shit was still pristine, man. So, I told him to buzz it all off. That was February of 2009. The truth is, I’ve been blissfully happy ever since, fam.

All in all, you don’t have to go through this, bruh. The last time I checked, Jordan was/is your favorite player, son. Real talk, he made baldness cool, man. The way I see it, you don’t have to dealt with this anguish, fam. Just let the hair follicles go and let your scalp be free, brethren. From my viewpoint, your scalp wants to be free anyway.

In the end, come join the team, son. Ultimately, it’s enjoyable on this side, man. By and by, I haven’t worn a durag in a decade, fam. Furthermore, I can go to sleep/wake up without brushing my hair, bruh. At the end of the day, I’m offering you liberation, LeBron. Please, embrace what nature is already trying to show you. It’s the only way, brethren.

Sincerely,

A fan who doesn’t want to see you suffer anymore

I Don’t Understand Kevin Durant

So, before I even begin, let me make something clear: I honestly believe that Kevin Durant is the second best basketball player in the world. I mean, I still have LeBron James in the number-one spot, but keeping it a buck, Durant be giving James work, son. In any case, ever since Durant left the Oklahoma City Thunder, his views on the situation confuse me, man. All in all, OKC has every right to fucking hate him, fam.

Ok, for those who missed it, Durant gave an in-depth interview to The Wall Street Journal. Now, during the course of the conversation, he spoke about a lot of different topics. He spoke about shit like his rehab process, his issues with the Golden State Warriors‘ motion offense and the general nonsensicalness of the NBA. But, it’s his take on OKC that left me thoroughly perplexed, bruh.

Look, I’ve said it multiple times on this blog. Real talk, I don’t blame him for leaving the Thunder, son. Frankly, the dynamic between him and Russell Westbrook was doomed, man. Like, their respective games didn’t match each other and it impeded the team from winning, fam. Anyway, that still doesn’t excuse him from going to a conference rival, bruh.

Now, for those who don’t remember, the Thunder were one game away from the Finals in 2016. They had a 3-1 lead over the 73-9 Warriors and fucking blew it, son. Listen, people love to blame Westbrook for the lose, but Durant also played like hot dog shit, man. On top of that, it took a God-level performance from Klay Thompson in Game 6 to salvage that series for the Warriors. All I know is, that incarnation of the Thunder could’ve done some serious damage, fam.

Instead, Durant decided to skate out of town and join the very team that dashed his championship hopes. In addition, the Thunder haven’t won a playoff series since. The point is, WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY TREAT HIM KINDLY?! For God’s sake, he ruined the franchise’s trajectory and he’s surprised that the fans don’t fuck with him? All I can say is, that’s the most delusional shit in the world, bruh. The fans have every right to be furious with him, son.

In the end, Durant just needs to learn to let this shit go, man. Ultimately, OKC will probably never fuck with him again. By and by, I can understand him having a beef with the actual Thunder organization. However, the fans were devastated by his departure and had every right to be. At the end of the day, Durant needs to get out of his feelings, stop arguing with people on Twitter and be satisfied with his accomplishments. That is all. LC out.

Comparing Kawhi Leonard To Kevin Durant

So, here we are, son. It’s 9:39 AM EST on July 3rd and it looks like Kawhi Leonard may go to the Los Angeles Lakers. Now, as a New York Knicks fan, I hate everything about this possibility, man. However, as a basketball fan, I’m interested to see how he’d gel with LeBron James and Anthony Davis. In any case, in light of this potential move, I see people trying to compare Leonard to Kevin Durant. All I know is, if Leonard went to the Lakers, it still wouldn’t be anything like Durant’s move to the Golden State Warriors.

Look, when people talk about Durant, they keep confusing the argument, fam. For me, I never judged the fact that he wanted to leave the Oklahoma City Thunder. I mean, given Russell Westbrook‘s playing style, Durant HAD to be frustrated, bruh. Anyway, I never hated on Durant for leaving. In actuality, I criticized him for joining the fucking Warriors, son. Need I remind everyone, the 73-9 Warriors defeated the Durant-led Thunder in the 2016 Western Conference Finals. So, Durant literally joined the team that beat him, man. I’m sorry, but I will always look at that as a sucker move, brethren.

Now, let’s take a look at Leonard. Real talk, homie just had one of the best individual runs in NBA playoff history AND won a title with a team that previously never made it to the Finals. Shit, he legitimately got a ring with Pascal SiakamMarc GasolSerge Ibaka and Fred VanVleet. Listen, all of these guys are good players, but the Toronto Raptors weren’t the squad that everyone picked to win it all. As a matter of fact, most analysts thought the Milwaukee Bucks were the team to beat, son. Needless to say, that shit ain’t happen, man.

The point is, if Leonard joined the Lakers, it wouldn’t be because he couldn’t get it done without a superteam. In addition, the Lakers weren’t some behemoth last year. Hell, they didn’t even make the playoffs, man. All I can say is, that’s a far cry from Durant joining a team that won the most regular season games in history. On the real, I may be a salty Knicks fan, but at least I have the ability to be objective, fam. All in all, coming off of a ring, Leonard can call his own shot, bruh.

In the end, none of this shit changes anything for me, son. Ultimately, the Knicks still suck and I’m seriously contemplating setting the Barclays Center on fire. By and by, this next season is going to be intriguing (and painful) as fuck, man. At the end of the day, if Leonard goes to the Lakers, they BETTER win the title, fam. Like, a team with James, Leonard and Davis would have no fucking excuse, bruh. Frankly, I could be their starting point guard and they’d still probably win. That’s how great those guys are, folks. That is all. LC out.

I Don’t Feel Sorry For The Golden State Warriors

So, before I begin, let me make something clear, son. On the real, I don’t wish injuries on anybody, man. Shit, as a dude who’s ravaged every ligament in both of my knees, it hurts to watch players go down. With all of that being said, I still won’t shed a tear for the Golden State Warriors. I mean, after numerous opposing players got injured during their championship run, the chickens have come home to roost, fam. All in all, the Toronto Raptors finally put them out of their misery.

Ok, for the weirdos who missed it, the Raptors just won the 2019 NBA Finals. Now, I won’t lie, bruh. Real talk, the copious amounts of injuries on the Warriors definitely helped Toronto win. Like, this would’ve been a completely different series if Kevin Durant and Klay Thompson were healthy. However, despite all of that, the Raptors did what they had to do to win the title, son. Hell, they won three games in Oracle Arena, man. Frankly, I didn’t think that was possible, fam.

In any case, I don’t want to hear any sob stories about the Warriors. Look, I’m already seeing people on that “Raptors beat a depleted team” shit, bruh. Ok, yeah, they did, son. Also, I don’t give a flying fuckity-fuck, man. Listen, the Warriors have continuously benefitted from other teams having injuries. So, am I supposed to feel sorry for them now? Hell nah, fam. Keeping it a buck, karma is a motherfucker, brethren. The fact is, it was the Warriors’ turn to have some real adversity, people.

Listen, all folks have to do is go through their history, son. First, in 2015, they faced a Cleveland Cavaliers team that didn’t have Kyrie Irving or Kevin Love. In 2017, they played a San Antonio Spurs team that didn’t have Kawhi Leonard or Tony Parker. In 2018, they battled a Houston Rockets team that was missing Chris Paul for games six and seven. Shit, I could literally keep going, folks. The point is, the Warriors are finally on the wrong side of injuries, man. After four years of luck, the shit just went bad for them, fam. It just is what it is. All I know is, if their titles don’t have asterisks next to them, then neither does Toronto’s title.

In the end, shout-out to Leonard, bruh. Ultimately, the trade for him might go down as one of the best trades ever. By and by, homie showed up for one season and brought a ring to a team that has never won one before. All I can say is, DeMar DeRozen has to be siiiiiick right now, son. At the end of the day, the North did it without him, man. Welp, those are the breaks, fam. That is all. LC out.

P.S. At some point, we need to talk about Steph Curry‘s clutch shooting. All I know is, if LeBron James went 0-8 on playoff go-ahead shots with 20 seconds left, he’d be nailed to a cross, bruh. But, we’ll save that for another time. Good day.

Cry Me A River About Steph Curry

So, let me be honest, son. On the real, I’m not writing this post to bash Steph Curry. As a matter of fact, homie is balling out right now in the NBA Finals. But, it’s amazing to see people’s biases in full swing, man. Real talk, a lot of the folks who are saying that Curry has no help are the same ones who refused to give LeBron James the same leeway.

Ok, for those who are living under a rock, the Golden State Warriors are battling it out with the Toronto Raptors for the title. Now, Wednesday‘s Game 3 saw the Warriors seriously undermanned. First, Kevin Durant is still out with his strained (torn?) calf. Next, Klay Thompson couldn’t play because of a fucked up hamstring. On top of that, Kevon Looney is out with a fractured rib. Lastly, DeMarcus Cousins is still clearly hobbled from his injuries. All in all, Curry was basically taking on the Raptors by himself, fam.

In any case, with his back against the wall, Curry put up 47 points in a loss. Now, outside of James’ 51 points in last year’s Finals, that’s the most any player has scored in a losing effort. Moving on, now I’m starting to see a lot of people on that “Curry needs some help” wave. Well, where was that energy when James needed help? Hell, in the 2015 Finals, he took on the Warriors without Kyrie Irving AND Kevin Love. Somehow, James still pushed the series to six games. However, instead of acknowledging his uphill battle, haters criticized him for losing.

Going back for a second, let’s talk further about last year’s Finals. So, James took on a Durant-led Warriors team. Now, outside of Love, no one else on the Cleveland Cavaliers averaged double figures. Furthermore, James averaged 34 points, 10 assists and 8.5 rebounds on 53% shooting. Despite all of that, he still caught flack for losing to the Warriors. The truth is, I’m fucking confused, bruh. How can people hate on James but try to give Curry a pass? I mean, it’s fucking nonsense, brethren.

In the end, my point is very simple, son. Ultimately, if people didn’t feel bad for James, then don’t feel bad for Curry. By and by, folks need to keep the same energy all around, man. At the end of the day, if Curry’s that great, then he’ll find a way to win. Isn’t that how people feel about James? Yeah, I thought so. Don’t be a hypocrite, man. Just let these players be great, fam. That is all. LC out.

Stop Giving Laura Ingraham Attention

So, before I begin, let me say that I know what some people might be thinking. Yeah, I’m aware that writing this post is a bit hypocritical, given the title. However, today’s thoughts aren’t really about Laura Ingraham. In reality, they’re about how we all react to Laura Ingraham. Keeping it a buck, we need to stop giving her attention, son. All in all, why the fuck do we care about what she says, man?

Ok, for those who missed it, Laura Ingraham went into her Laura Ingraham bag. Now, while addressing Nipsey Hussle’s funeral at the Staples Center, she decided to laugh and take swipes at the deceased rapper. I mean, despite all of the things that Hussle did for his community, Ingraham simply labeled him as an artist who “released a song called ‘FDT,” F Donald Trump.” From there, her and Raymond Arroyo showed a picture of YG, not Nip, and laughed about the song’s chorus. All I can say is, it was incredibly distasteful, fam.

But, with all of that being said, why is anyone surprised, bruh? Like, this is the same woman who told LeBron James to “shut up and dribble.” This is the same woman who publicly ridiculed David Hogg, a survivor of the Parkland shooting. Frankly, she’s given us AMPLE examples that she’s a piece of shit, son. The truth is, the more we react to her tomfoolery, the more she’s going to feel emboldened, man. Real talk, she’s no different than Tomi Lahren, fam. The way I see it, we need to stop giving these vapid losers notoriety, folks. Their opinions truly mean nothing, brethren.

In the end, Ingraham is going to Ingraham, son. Ultimately, when she gets on her bullshit, we need to look the other way, man. By and by, if a tree falls in the forest and no one’s there to hear it, does it make a sound? Who the fuck cares, fam? Let that tree “tree” by itself, bruh. At the end of the day, our anger is what these idiots feed off of, people. They don’t deserve any of our peace, B. That is all. LC out.

The Los Angeles Lakers Are A Sh*tshow

Look, before I even begin, let me acknowledge the fact that I’m a New York Knicks fan. This means that I am accustomed to a team being a dumpster fire. With that being said, the Los Angeles Lakers are in a world of shit right now, son. I mean, missing the playoffs was bad enough, man. However, after Magic Johnson’s sudden departure, it’s safe to say that one of the NBA’s most storied franchises is lost as fuck, fam.

Ok, for those who missed it, Johnson stepped down as the President of Basketball Operations for the Lakers. Now, this is notable for a bunch of reasons, but the manner in which he did it was wild, bruh. So, not only did Johnson leave his post, but he did it in front of the media, didn’t tell Jeanie Buss, the team’s owner, and didn’t wait until the end of the season. Furthermore, he did it with a whole bunch of tears in his eyes. Frankly, I watched this whole episode like “what the fuck is happening, son?”

Now, I already see a lot of people blaming LeBron James for this change (i.e. Michael Rapaport). All I can say is, that’s pure nonsense, man. Ok, yes, the team did miss the playoffs. But, they’ve missed the playoffs for the last six years, on top of the fact that James, Lonzo Ball and Brandon Ingram had a ton of injuries. So, I’m not ready to hang this on James’ head, fam. The truth is, Johnson wasn’t very good at his job, bruh. Like, I know he’s a legend, son. However, being a legend on the court doesn’t automatically make him a legend in the boardroom.

Shit, let’s go through some of his failures, man. First, he traded D’Angelo Russell. Now, for anyone who hasn’t been paying attention, Russell has been killing it with the Brooklyn Nets, fam. On the real, he’s turning into the player that a lot of people thought he could be. All I can say is, the Lakers never gave him a chance, bruh. Second, Johnson gambled on Anthony Davis and lost. The Lakers tried to throw the kitchen sink at the New Orleans Pelicans and they didn’t budge, son. All in all, Johnson and the Lakers were stuck with egg on their face, folks. Lastly, Johnson couldn’t get Paul George. Despite the fact that it seemed like George wanted to go to L.A., the deal never went through, people. Instead, George went on to have an MVP-level season with the Oklahoma City Thunder. Basically, Johnson botched all of the team’s moves, brethren.

In the end, good luck to the Lakers, son. Wait, what am I saying, man? I’m a Knicks fan, fam. Fuck the Lakers, bruh! Ultimately, I hope everything bad in life happens to them and only them (word to Silky Johnson). By and by, I’m thoroughly enjoying the chaos, folks. In any case, I’m sure I’ll be singing a different tune when the Knicks fail to sign Kevin Durant and/or Kyrie Irving. At the end of the day, I don’t have much faith in my team either, people. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Dear Basketball Gods, can the Knicks at least sign Zion Williamson? Please? Pretty please? Thanks a lot and have a good day.