Tristan Thompson Is Out Here Wilin’

So, LeBron James needs to come get Tristan Thompson, son. I mean, homie is out here WILIN’, man! Like, did he not know he was 6’9″, fam? Shit, we can all see him, bruh! All I know is, Thompson seemingly has NO couth, folks. Hell, he’s out here cheating on Khloé Kardashian in the braziest ways possible, people. All in all, Thompson has two options: either stop cheating or learn to be waaaaay more incognegro about it. Side note, I’m aware of the fact that the former is the better option, brethren. I don’t need my wife plotting to murder me.

Ok, before I continue, allow me to briefly be insensitive. Now, I know that Khloé is pregnant right now. I know that this type of stress is bad for a growing baby. With that being said, I wish her and her child nothing but health. However; I don’t feel sorry for Khloé at all, son. Lest we forget, Thompson previously dated a woman named Jordan Craig. In addition, her ass was also SUPER pregnant when Thompson started bumping uglies with Khloé. So, am I supposed to sympathize with a woman who’s getting the same treatment she initially encouraged? Hell fucking nah, man! The way I see it, that’s a whole HEAP of karma for that ass, fam.

Anyway, let me get back to Thompson, bruh. All I can say is, that dude can’t even spell the word “discretion.” First, a video came out that showed him clubbing with a couple of women back in October. Now, at that time, Khloé was about three months pregnant. In any case, what was Thompson doing? Tonguing down chicks, motorboating them and letting them feel his crotch. Look, I’ve done some reckless shit in my life, but I’m not famous, son. This dumbass was doing all of this shit on camera, man! Fam, chill the fuck out! The tape is rolling!

Moving on, the Thompson Fuckery Train kept going as a new video surfaced with even more shenanigans. This time, here in New York, he was seen entering a hotel with Lani Blair, a bartender at Angel’s Strip Club. To make matters worse, she definitely had an overnight bag with her. Meaning, she was prepared to have her back blown out for an extended period of time. On the real, I feel like Thompson wanted to get caught, bruh. That’s the only way I could understand how he could be so openly careless. Keeping it a buck, I hope he’s ready for the slander he’s about to receive on Keeping Up with the Kardashians. At the end of the day, it didn’t work out so well for Lamar Odom, son.

In the end, I had a good ass time laughing at all of the tomfoolery, man. On top of that, the memes have been GOLD, fam! Ultimately, we’ll see how this story plays out, bruh. By and by, the last time he cheated like a madman, the Cleveland Cavaliers won the NBA Finals. Soooo, maybe LeBron should just let Thompson keep on cooking. Then again, what do I know, son? LC out.

Advertisements

Angela The Scammer: The Legend Of Blac Chyna

Ok, so, I’m well aware of the fact my posts normally deal with logic, facts and sound arguments. However; fuck ALL of that today, son! I’m just here for the jokes, man. I’m here for all of the lulz, memes and slanderous comments. While I don’t believe not, nann, none of this story about Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian, I still think it’s a comical ass situation to laugh at. If Angela Renée Kardashian really ran off on the plug twice, like Rob is insinuating, he’s without a doubt the dumbest man walking the Earth right now.

Now, like I’ve said before, I’m not here for the facts, man. I just want to laugh at some fuckery. Apparently, Rob came home one day and Chyna hit him with the Harry Houdini. When he looked around, she was gone, their newborn daughter Dream Kardashian was gone, and even the nursery he built was gone. This comes after a “hacker” leaked a bunch of her Instagram DM’s, which seem to show her calling Rob all types of “fat loser” and hollering at random rappers. To make matters funnier, excuse me, worse, the “hacker” seemed to expose her plan to leave Rob after a year.

So, I just have one question for Rob: what the fuck did he think was going to happen, son? This man decided to date the ex-girlfriend/baby mother of his sister’s current boyfriend and thought shit was going to be cool? He decided to impregnate a former stripper/current Fit Tea promoter and thought she wasn’t after the money? Wait, did anyone actually think this relationship was real in the first place? Man… Get. The. Flying. Fuck. Out. Of. Here! Is this even news? Why am I seeing outlets like CNN covering this shit? I swear, as a country, we are WAAAAAY too invested in whatever fuck shit the Kardashian’s are doing. At this point, I’m a firm believer that EVERYTHING they do is for a storyline. With that being said, if Blac Chyna is nothing more than an opportunist, then that’s exactly what they asked for. That family has done nothing but mine everyone’s business for attention. If there’s any doubt about that, just go ask Lamar Odom.

In the end, Angela took the Jedi mantel from Joanne The Scammer and ran off with all of Rob’s duckets and feelings. All we can do now is sit back, laugh and then move on to some shit that’s actually important. Good day.

Paris OD’d On Kim Kardashian

Listen, I’ve never been a fan of the Kardashian family, but wow, son, Paris completely stepped out of bounds. The newly unearthed story of Kim Kardashian’s robbery is so wild, it legit sounds like some movie shit. Honestly, I’m confused as to how something so bonkers could happen to someone at Kim’s fame level. I have so many questions, man. So many damn questions. Let me see if I can talk my way through this.

First, for those who are unaware, Kim was robbed of $10 million worth of jewelry at a Paris hotel. Now, on face value, when I hear a story like that, I automatically think someone got lucky by stealing a suitcase or something. However; in this case, the situation was WAY more dangerous. Apparently, a couple of gunmen dressed up like police, put the pistol to the concierge and made him take them to Kim’s residence. From there, the gunmen tied Kim up in a bathroom and ran off with her shit. Like, I didn’t make up any part of this story, son. That’s actually what’s being reported, man.

All I want to know is, where the fuck does this type of shit happen, bro? Where was her security? Why wasn’t the security at the hotel better? Look, it’s entertaining to make fun of the Kardashian family, but this ain’t the time for jokes, man. This really could’ve been a hazardous scenario. Do we even know if her kids were with her at the time? So many loose ends to tie up, no pun intended, though.

Ultimately, I don’t really have much else to say. Nobody deserves to face that type of potential violence. On the real, armed people need to be around celebrities at all times. No one can ever guess when some overzealous fools might try to reenact some nonsense they saw in a Quentin Tarantino film. At this point, I’m just looking for a simpler time when I could make fun of the Kardashian’s for being media whores. This type of incident is way too real for the streets they reside on. Everybody needs to be safe, though. Word to Taxstone. Good day.

P.S. Like my homegirl LeShay said, this story better NOT end up on Kim’s reality show. This ain’t the type of shit that should be exploited for ratings. Then again, that family put Lamar Odom‘s issues on blast, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised if it does. All I know is, I agree with my fiancée: that stolen jewelry is waaaay too hot for the theives to be able to safely lay low. I hope it was worth it, son. I hope it was all worth it.