A Knicks Fan In Physical Pain

So, I won’t lie, son. On the real, I’m fucking devastated right now, son. I mean, being a New York Knicks fan is the most painful shit on Earth, man. Like, year after year after year, we get our hopes up, only to have our proverbial testicles stomped on, fam. With that being said, the start to this year’s free agency is especially egregious, bruh. That fact is, NO top players want to play for our shitty franchise, folks.

Ok, for those who missed it, the Knicks are still the laughingstock of the NBA. Furthermore, we’re getting pissed on by our crosstown rivals. Now, let’s start with the obvious, son. So, both Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving have agreed to play for the Brooklyn Nets. Meaning, despite yearlong reports of them coming to the Knicks, both players said “fuck you” to James Dolan and agreed to go play in the Barclays Center. All in all, our plans for bigtime acquisitions have already gone to shit, man.

Look, to explain how bad this is, allow me to layout the trail of fuckery that has led to this point. First, we traded Kristaps Porziņģis, our franchise player. Essentially, we did this to free up enough cap space to sign two max players (i.e. Durant and Irving). Next, we didn’t get the first pick in the NBA Draft, meaning we missed out on the opportunity to get Zion Williamson. So, we traded our best player, didn’t get the number-one pick AND didn’t get any of the most notable free agents. *Sigh* Why do the basketball gods hate us so fucking much, fam?! For God‘s sake, do they really expect me to be happy with Julius RandleTaj Gibson and Bobby Portis?! Shit, I know they’re good players, but they’re not good enough for all of the shit we’ve gone through, bruh!

Listen, I know there are people who have their reservations about Durant and Irving. Hell, my boy Fabo correctly pointed out that Irving can be a shit-show and Durant’s future health is unknown. However, I was very willing to take that risk, son. Side note, everyone should go listen to my dude’s The Receding Hairlines Podcast. In any case, we’ve already seen Irving be the second-best player on a championship team, man. In addition, if Durant comes back even 85% of the player he used to be, then he’s still better than 99% of the league, fam. Frankly, I’d gladly take that type of production, bruh. The sad part is, Durant wouldn’t even give us a meeting and Dolan didn’t want to give him the max. Basically, we lost off the rip, son.

In the end, I’m fucking devastated, man. Like, my head is legitimately hurting right now, fam. Ultimately, the Knicks are poised to be as inept as we’ve always been. By and by, I don’t think I can do this anymore, bruh. At the end of the day, a sports team shouldn’t control my emotions like this, son. All I can say is, AHHHHHHHH! That’s all I’ve got, brethren. That’s all I’ve fucking got. LC out.

I Am Finally Done With The New York Knicks

Good morning, everyone. My name is Lawrence Charles and I’m a lifelong New York Knicks fan. Moving on, I was there when John Starks went 2-18 from the field in Game 7 of the 1994 NBA Finals against the Houston Rockets. I was there when Patrick Ewing missed a game-tying finger roll in Game 7 of the 1995 Eastern Conference Semifinals against the Indiana Pacers. I was there when the organization traded away half of the Eastern Seaboard to sign Carmelo Anthony. However, I’ve had enough, son. *Sigh* After decades of nonstop tomfoolery, I’ve finally had enough, man.

Ok, for those who missed it, the Knicks decided to trade Kristaps Porzingis, our most promising player, to Luka Doncic’s Dallas Mavericks. Now, along with Porzingis, the team has also given away Trey Burke, Courtney Lee and Tim Hardaway Jr. All this in exchange for Wesley Matthews, Dennis Smith Jr., DeAndre Jordan and two future first-round picks. Apparently, Porzingis, who’s also coming off of injury, asked to be traded because he wasn’t down with the direction of the organization. Frankly, I don’t blame him, fam.

Listen, the Knicks have been arguably (not arguably) the worst organization in professional sports. I mean, we have a long, long, LONG history of making terrible fucking decisions, bruh. On the real, why would Porzingis trust the team’s direction, son? Seriously, when have we showcased ANY intelligence when it comes to building a competent squad? Keeping it a buck, I already know we’re going to fuck up those future first-round picks, man. Shit, we’re absolutely atrocious when it comes to selecting decent players, fam.

To make matters worse, Knicks management has almost certainly shot us in the foot for free agency, bruh. Like, why would Kevin Durant or Kyrie Irving come here if we don’t have Porzingis, son? Real talk, he was one of our biggest draws, man. Hell, he was one of the only bright spots on a team that has a SUPER checkered past, fam. All I know is, I want to break things and hit people, brethren. All jokes aside, I can’t take any more of this sustained abuse, folks.

In the end, AHHHHHHHHHHH! I just… I just can’t do this any longer, son. Ultimately, I don’t know who I’m going to root for, but it can’t be the Knicks, man. By and by, James Dolan doesn’t care about us, fam. At the end of the day, as long as people show up to Madison Square Garden, he isn’t concerned with the team’s pedigree, bruh. All I can say is, I’m finally bowing out, people. No mas. That is all. LC out.

Good Riddance, Phil Jackson!

Oh, what a joyous day, people! What a beautiful and wonderful day, folks! The Lord dropped down manna from Heaven and the New York Knicks fired Phil Jackson! Look, I know the reports say it was a “mutual agreement,” but I’m not rolling, son. On the real, I’m pretty sure that James Dolan told Jackson to get the fuck outta dodge, man. I mean, after all of his bullshit with Carmelo Anthony and Kristaps Porzingis, it was clear that the “Zen Master” had to go. In any case, while I still can’t stand Dolan, I must give credit where credit is due. Good riddance, Phil Jackson!

Listen, Jackson has been a disaster in NY, fam. Over the last three seasons, as president of the team, he has an 80-166 record. Meaning, we’ve lost more than twice the amount of games we’ve won, son. Bruh, I couldn’t handle this shit anymore! Look, like I’ve said in a previous post, if Jackson actually traded Porzingis, I was going to abandon the Knicks. Thankfully, the organization decided to make ONE good decision, for a change. Frankly, an overrated NBA coach isn’t worth our best player (Anthony) and our best prospect (Porzingis).

Side note, before I continue, let me explain my belief that Jackson is overrated. Fam, in his career, he’s coached Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Shaquille O’Neal, Kobe Bryant and prime Pau Gasol. Son, even I could’ve won a couple of titles with those lineups. Keeping it a buck, I thought Jackson was overrated long before he decided to ruin my team. In addition, he didn’t even invent the offense he’s famous for! Tex Winter created the “triangle offense,” bruh. So, ultimately, what is Jackson’s real worth? I’ll let everyone get back to me on that.

In the end, nothing else needs to be said here, son. Today is a happy day! The sun is shining, the temperature isn’t too hot and Jackson is no longer able to run my squad into the ground. Now, pardon me while I go find some chilled liquor to consume. Yeah, it’s that kind of moment, man. LC out.

Phil Jackson Wants To Destroy The New York Knicks

So, to be clear, the New York Knicks are the worst organization in professional sports. I mean, over the last 20 years, tortured fans, such as myself, have had to deal with the highest levels of managerial incompetence. Whether we’re talking about James Dolan or Isiah Thomas, the Knicks never fail to make awful, awful, AWFUL decisions. As of right now, Jackson is trying to outdo ALL of his predecessors when it comes to fuckery. All I can say is, if Jackson actually trades Kristaps Porzingis, I will finally give up being a Knicks fan.

Now, I want Jackson to understand one truth: no one gives a fuck that Porzingis skipped his exit interview. Frankly, he’s tired of the team’s tomfoolery, man. So far, in his two seasons, he’s had to deal with copious amounts of losing. In addition, he’s also had to watch Jackson consistently disrespect Carmelo Anthony, the team’s best player. Look, why would any player be excited about their future in this city? The Knicks have made NO efforts to actually improve the squad. On the real, when I heard that Porzingis bailed on his interview, I completely understood, son. Honestly, I probably would’ve done the same exact thing.

Moving on, this clown Jackson really had the nerve to say he wants to do “what’s best for the club.” Well, if that’s the case, how the FUCK would getting rid of Porzingis help us?! Man, we’re talking about a dude that everyone compares to Dirk Nowitzki. Keep in mind, when we look at both players at this stage in their respective careers, Porzingis has already surpassed Nowitzki. Through two seasons, he’s better than Dirk in almost every statistical category. Yeah, that’s right, son. As it stands, Porzingis is outpacing an NBA legend who’s won a title and scored 30,000 points. Needless to say, why the FUCK would we trade him?! It makes absolutely no sense, fam!

Listen, I have a conspiracy theory, son. Now, when Jackson was a player, he played for the Knicks. In fact, he was on the only two teams that have won titles in our franchise’s history. Keeping it a buck, I think he’s sabotaging us in order to keep his rings sacred. I mean, I believe he only took this job for the money. I don’t think he really gives a fuck whether this works or not. In the end, he’ll take his cash, figure out a way to reconcile with Jeanie Buss and leave our city in ruins. By and by, this man needs to be stopped, fam!

Ultimately, this team has caused me enough pain. Bruh, even when we were good in the 1990s, I always knew our seasons would end in heartbreak. All in all, I can’t take this shit anymore, son. Real talk, trading Porzingis would be the straw that broke the camel’s back, man. Look, he’s the first good draft pick we’ve had in eons. If he leaves, then I leave. I have nothing else to give to this team. Fuck off, Phil! LC out.