The Los Angeles Lakers Are A Sh*tshow

Look, before I even begin, let me acknowledge the fact that I’m a New York Knicks fan. This means that I am accustomed to a team being a dumpster fire. With that being said, the Los Angeles Lakers are in a world of shit right now, son. I mean, missing the playoffs was bad enough, man. However, after Magic Johnson’s sudden departure, it’s safe to say that one of the NBA’s most storied franchises is lost as fuck, fam.

Ok, for those who missed it, Johnson stepped down as the President of Basketball Operations for the Lakers. Now, this is notable for a bunch of reasons, but the manner in which he did it was wild, bruh. So, not only did Johnson leave his post, but he did it in front of the media, didn’t tell Jeanie Buss, the team’s owner, and didn’t wait until the end of the season. Furthermore, he did it with a whole bunch of tears in his eyes. Frankly, I watched this whole episode like “what the fuck is happening, son?”

Now, I already see a lot of people blaming LeBron James for this change (i.e. Michael Rapaport). All I can say is, that’s pure nonsense, man. Ok, yes, the team did miss the playoffs. But, they’ve missed the playoffs for the last six years, on top of the fact that James, Lonzo Ball and Brandon Ingram had a ton of injuries. So, I’m not ready to hang this on James’ head, fam. The truth is, Johnson wasn’t very good at his job, bruh. Like, I know he’s a legend, son. However, being a legend on the court doesn’t automatically make him a legend in the boardroom.

Shit, let’s go through some of his failures, man. First, he traded D’Angelo Russell. Now, for anyone who hasn’t been paying attention, Russell has been killing it with the Brooklyn Nets, fam. On the real, he’s turning into the player that a lot of people thought he could be. All I can say is, the Lakers never gave him a chance, bruh. Second, Johnson gambled on Anthony Davis and lost. The Lakers tried to throw the kitchen sink at the New Orleans Pelicans and they didn’t budge, son. All in all, Johnson and the Lakers were stuck with egg on their face, folks. Lastly, Johnson couldn’t get Paul George. Despite the fact that it seemed like George wanted to go to L.A., the deal never went through, people. Instead, George went on to have an MVP-level season with the Oklahoma City Thunder. Basically, Johnson botched all of the team’s moves, brethren.

In the end, good luck to the Lakers, son. Wait, what am I saying, man? I’m a Knicks fan, fam. Fuck the Lakers, bruh! Ultimately, I hope everything bad in life happens to them and only them (word to Silky Johnson). By and by, I’m thoroughly enjoying the chaos, folks. In any case, I’m sure I’ll be singing a different tune when the Knicks fail to sign Kevin Durant and/or Kyrie Irving. At the end of the day, I don’t have much faith in my team either, people. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Dear Basketball Gods, can the Knicks at least sign Zion Williamson? Please? Pretty please? Thanks a lot and have a good day.

I Am Finally Done With The New York Knicks

Good morning, everyone. My name is Lawrence Charles and I’m a lifelong New York Knicks fan. Moving on, I was there when John Starks went 2-18 from the field in Game 7 of the 1994 NBA Finals against the Houston Rockets. I was there when Patrick Ewing missed a game-tying finger roll in Game 7 of the 1995 Eastern Conference Semifinals against the Indiana Pacers. I was there when the organization traded away half of the Eastern Seaboard to sign Carmelo Anthony. However, I’ve had enough, son. *Sigh* After decades of nonstop tomfoolery, I’ve finally had enough, man.

Ok, for those who missed it, the Knicks decided to trade Kristaps Porzingis, our most promising player, to Luka Doncic’s Dallas Mavericks. Now, along with Porzingis, the team has also given away Trey Burke, Courtney Lee and Tim Hardaway Jr. All this in exchange for Wesley Matthews, Dennis Smith Jr., DeAndre Jordan and two future first-round picks. Apparently, Porzingis, who’s also coming off of injury, asked to be traded because he wasn’t down with the direction of the organization. Frankly, I don’t blame him, fam.

Listen, the Knicks have been arguably (not arguably) the worst organization in professional sports. I mean, we have a long, long, LONG history of making terrible fucking decisions, bruh. On the real, why would Porzingis trust the team’s direction, son? Seriously, when have we showcased ANY intelligence when it comes to building a competent squad? Keeping it a buck, I already know we’re going to fuck up those future first-round picks, man. Shit, we’re absolutely atrocious when it comes to selecting decent players, fam.

To make matters worse, Knicks management has almost certainly shot us in the foot for free agency, bruh. Like, why would Kevin Durant or Kyrie Irving come here if we don’t have Porzingis, son? Real talk, he was one of our biggest draws, man. Hell, he was one of the only bright spots on a team that has a SUPER checkered past, fam. All I know is, I want to break things and hit people, brethren. All jokes aside, I can’t take any more of this sustained abuse, folks.

In the end, AHHHHHHHHHHH! I just… I just can’t do this any longer, son. Ultimately, I don’t know who I’m going to root for, but it can’t be the Knicks, man. By and by, James Dolan doesn’t care about us, fam. At the end of the day, as long as people show up to Madison Square Garden, he isn’t concerned with the team’s pedigree, bruh. All I can say is, I’m finally bowing out, people. No mas. That is all. LC out.

What The F*ck, Boogie Cousins?!

Man, what the fuck is going on out here, son? Like, is competition an antiquated concept? I mean, what’s the point of watching the NBA if EVERY superstar just decides to play together? All I know is, free agency has officially jumped the shark, fam. Keeping it a buck, DeMarcus Cousins signing with the Golden State Warriors is one of the most ridiculous deals I’ve ever seen, bruh. All in all, I may need to bow out of watching league games, folks.

Ok, for those who missed it, Cousins just one-upped LeBron James in the “How To Break Social Media” game. Apparently, after not receiving any offers from other teams, because of his fucked up Achilles, Cousins decided to call the Warriors. From there, the two sides worked out a one-year deal that would bring Cousins to The Bay for $5.3 million. So, if we’re keeping count, the Warriors now have FIVE players who have been selected to an All-NBA Team. Shit, at this point, should these other teams even show up to play next season?

Look, here’s my issue with all of this, son. On the real, it seems as if players no longer want to compete against each other. Ok, Cousins did nothing wrong, according to the rules, but shit, what happened to rivalries? What happened to players going at one another, man? Hell, everyone just wants to stack the deck now and gang up on undermanned teams. Honestly, all of this shit is corny, fam. All I can say is, Cousins went from wanting to beat the shit out of Kevin Durant to joining his team. *Sigh* It’s fucking ridiculous, bruh!

Keeping it a buck, I blame LeBron and the Boston Celtics for all of this new age fuckery, son. Listen, this era began when Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen teamed up. Now, as the story goes, that Celtics team gave James headaches, which caused him to join the Miami Heat with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. From there, the floodgates were opened, man. Years later, Durant joins the Warriors and now this Boogie shit. Frankly, these free agency deals are nothing more than the culmination of an issue that’s been brewing for almost a decade, fam.

In the end, fuuuuuuuuuck, bruh! *Sigh* How can I even watch basketball next season, son? Ultimately, we KNOW how it’s all going to end, man. By and by, the Warriors were going to win another title without Cousins. So, it’s a foregone conclusion that they’re going to three-peat, fam. At the end of the day, let me get a contract too, Warriors. Look, the cartilage in my right knee is trash, but my jumper is still pure, folks. That is all. LC out.

Don’t Tell Me You’re A Lakers Fan Now

So, he really did it, huh? LeBron James really signed with the Los Angeles Lakers, huh? Shit, after all of the theories and all of the speculation, he really moved to the Western Conference, huh? All in all, my least favorite part of being a basketball aficionado is about to go into overdrive, son: dealing with bandwagon fans. All I know is, I don’t want to hear ANY of these new motherfuckers try to convince me that they’re Lakers fans now, man.

Look, I may be wrong, but I feel like James is responsible for this new era of fandom. Like, instead of being fans of teams, people have become fans of players. Because of this, whatever team their favorite player is on, that’s the team these people root for. Hell, in James’s case, I’ve watched folks be Cleveland Cavaliers fans, then Miami Heat fans and back to Cavs fans. Real talk, they don’t know ANYTHING about these teams other than the fact that James was on them. In any case, despite the reality that it’ll irritate the SHIT out of me, I’m already preparing myself for these brand new Lakers “fans.”

In the end, the next NBA season is about to be WILD, fam! Ultimately, it looks like I’ll finally get my wish of seeing new teams in the Finals, bruh. All I can say is, James’s run of consecutive Finals appearances is over, son. I mean, there’s NO WAY he’s getting past the Golden State Warriors, man. Seriously, he has NO chance in the 9 Circles of Hell, fam.

As of right now, I’m picking Kevin Durant, Steph Curry and the Warriors to face Kyrie Irving and the Boston Celtics in the Finals. By and by, we’ll see how this Lakers experiment will work for James. The way I see it, he’s waiting for Kawhi Leonard to join him next year. For now, he’ll just have to put up with the shenanigans of Lonzo Ball and Kyle Kuzma. That is all. LC out.

What The F*ck Was JR Smith Thinking?!

Man, last night’s game was CRAZY, son! On the real, game one of this year’s NBA Finals had one of the wildest finishes I’ve ever seen, man. All I know is, after all of the shenanigans, there’s only one question to ask, fam: what the FUCK was JR Smith thinking, bruh?! I mean, cotdamn, people! I can’t remember the last time I’ve witnessed such a lack of court awareness, folks. All in all, Smith, along with the referees, might’ve cost the Cleveland Cavaliers their ONLY shot at beating the Golden State Warriors.

Now, before I continue, I have to talk about the officiating, son. Look, I’m not one of those dudes who likes to blame the refs for how a game turned out, man. However, there were a couple of calls that ABSOLUTELY contributed to the Cavs’s loss, fam. First, there was the overturned charge on Kevin Durant in the fourth quarter. Listen, LeBron James was CLEARLY outside of the restricted area and KD barged right into him, bruh. Frankly, they originally got the call right when they called it on KD. But, they overturned it and it led to free throws for the Dubs. So, instead of the Cavs being up by two with the ball, it became a tied game, people. *Sigh*

Also, there was another time where George Hill legally slapped the ball out of KD’s hands. But, the refs called it a foul. Once again, this blunder led to free points for the Warriors. But, we can talk about that later, son. Anyway, let’s touch on how Smith fucked his own team, man. Now, with the Cavs being down 107-106 in the final minute, Hill got fouled and went to the free throw line. He made the first shot to tie the game. Then, he missed the second shot and Smith got the rebound right under the basket. Now, did Smith put up a layup? No. Did he give the ball to an open Hill? No. Did he give the ball to James? No. Instead, this fucking guy ran the clock out because he thought the Cavs were in the lead. Wait, what? WHAT?! Hell fucking nah, fam!

Listen, that type of fuckery is UNACCEPTABLE for a professional basketball player, bruh! Seriously, it’s his job to keep track of the score and keep track of the clock, bruh. The Cavs had a golden opportunity to win the game in regulation, but Smith squandered it, son. From there, the Cavs got their asses kicked in overtime and wasted a legendary 51-point performance from James. Keeping it a buck, the embedded picture above is exactly why James will probably leave Cleveland after the season, man. All I can say is, the organization better enjoy James’s greatness while they still can, fam.

In the end, Smith fucked up, bruh. Hill fucked up by missing that second free throw. Ultimately, I don’t know what else people want James to do, son. By and by, he does EVERYTHING in his power to put his team in a position to win, man. At the end of the day, SOMEBODY else is going to have to show up, fam. Honestly, that was the beauty of Kyrie Irving‘s game, folks. Shit, that dude ALWAYS showed up to play, people. At this point, a 1-8 3-point shooting performance from Kevin Love isn’t going to do it. Missing crucial free throws isn’t going to do it. Losing track of the damn score isn’t going to do it. *Sigh* I hope James has made his peace with a 3-6 Finals record, brethren. Hell, he can’t stop it now. That is all. LC out.

I Want The Cavaliers & The Warriors To Lose

Look, I know what everyone is thinking, son. I mean, based on the title, it may seem like I’m hating, man. But, before people try to take my head off, let me explain why I want the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Golden State Warriors to lose. Basically, as a lifelong basketball fan, I’m getting bored with the NBA, fam. Year after year, the same fucking teams go the Finals, bruh. All in all, I need some new shit to happen to keep my interest, folks.

Now, I won’t lie, son. I’ve actually felt this way for a little while, man. Listen, for the last seven years, it was a given that LeBron James and company were going to win the East. For the last few years, it was a given that Stephen Curry and company were going to win the West. From there, barring any random occurrences (like Draymond Green getting suspended in the 2016 Finals), it was a given that the Dubs were going to beat the Cavs. So, what does a dude like me have to look forward to, fam? On the real, we’re all just watching the same damn script, bruh. There’s no drama, no suspense and no thrill, people.

Listen, let me tell everybody how serious I am about wanting change. Now, I’m a New York dude through and through. Meaning, I hate ALL Boston teams with an undying passion. However, I’m so tired of the same matchups that I actually want the Celtics to beat the Cavs, son. Shit, does anyone know what that wish does to my soul, man? I’m actually rooting for a fucking team that I despise, fam. THAT’S how much I want things to be shaken up, bruh. All I know is, I’m going to have to repent to Yankees Jesus, folks.

In the end, my wish probably won’t come true, son. Ultimately, the Cavaliers and the Warriors will probably meet again in the Finals, man. Yes, I know that the Cavs just got trounced by the Celtics in Game 1. But, they’re going to have to beat LeBron three more times, fam. All I can say is, that’s a tall order for a young team, bruh. In addition, I don’t believe in the Houston Rockets‘s ability to beat GS, people. By and by, they’re going to have to show and prove before I believe the hype. In any case, I’ll see everyone in the Finals for part four of LeBron versus Steph and part three of LeBron versus Kevin Durant. LC out.

LeBron James Ain’t Going To Golden State

So, I won’t lie, son. I have no proof that LeBron James wouldn’t go to the Golden State Warriors. Frankly, I’m only making this assertion because my mind can’t grasp that concept, man. Like, my brain can’t handle the idea of LeBron making a superteam even more super, fam. Shit, it was bad enough when Kevin Durant went to GS, bruh! All in all, if LeBron actually went to The Bay, we might as well retire the idea of competition. Real talk, no one seems to want to battle with each other anymore.

Ok, so, for those who missed it, some interesting news just hit the NBA. Now, after this season ends, LeBron has the option to become an unrestricted free agent. Meaning, he could go to any team he wants. Apparently, he stated that if the Warriors were willing to free up some cap space for him, he’d entertain a meeting with them. Man, get the FUCK outta here, son! Good Lord, does everybody just want to play with one another now? Hell, the Dubs already have TWO MVP‘s on their team, fam! Why the fuck would they need another one? Give me a fucking break, bruh!

In the end, I completely understand that all of this is just conjecture, son. However; the idea of this alone infuriates me, man. Ultimately, this type of shit is exactly why I’m losing interest in the NBA, fam. At this point, why should I even bother watching any of these games, bruh? The outcomes are always predetermined because players just want to click up instead of duking it out with each other. On the real, I was originally critical of Kylie Irving, but now I’m happy he’s on the Boston Celtics. By and by, his move broke up some of the monotony, folks. *Sigh* I swear, none of these current players have any competitive spirit, people. It’s fucking disgusting. That is all. LC out.