A Letter To Chris Brown

Dear Chris Brown,

What the fuck is wrong with you, son? You mean to tell me, after all of this time, you haven’t learned anything? After Rihanna, prison and God knows how many public incidents, you really haven’t learned a fucking thing? Bruh, what is your issue with women, man? Why do you always have such high-levels of aggression toward the opposite sex? *Sigh* Ultimately, despite all of the chances you’ve been given, this latest situation with Karrueche Tran shows that you’re nothing but a lost cause.

Now, I don’t need to tell you what’s going on. I’m positive you’re already aware of the restraining order Karrueche filed against you. I’m just baffled by the fact that ANOTHER woman is accusing you of abuse after your VERY public history. I mean, we ALL know what you did to Rihanna. There’s no need to go over that again. However; how are you so dense that a different woman can accuse you of punching her and pushing her down the stairs? Karrueche even excused you of recently threatening to kill her. Apparently, you told these plans to a number of people. So, rehab, prison and a career hit wasn’t enough for you to get your shit together? Good fucking Lord, man, you are hopeless!

At this point, I don’t know how anyone can defend you anymore. Now, I’m sure your loyal fans will try to cape for you, but delusional people also cape for Donald Trump. Meaning, stupid is as stupid does, in the immortal words of Forrest Gump. In any case, when singers like Kay Cola claim that she’s personally heard your abuse before, it’s difficult to pass this story off as conjecture. In addition, since you’re the same man who proudly admits to stalking ex-girlfriends, I don’t understand why anyone is surprised by these allegations.

All in all, it’s time for you to vanish now. You don’t deserve sympathy, you don’t deserve fans and you don’t deserve a career. I’ll never be the one to deny your talent, but you’re a worthless human being, son. Any man who continuously inflicts violence on women doesn’t deserve any positivity in his life. Frankly, you’re a piece of shit, Chris Brown. Plain and simple. Please disappear. Now!

Sincerely,

A real man who doesn’t condone domestic violence

A Letter To Soulja Boy

Dear Soulja Boy,

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you, bro? Even though you’ve always been a clown, over the past year, you’ve ascended to Jedi-levels of Ronald McDonald. At this point, you’ve probably beefed with every artist who’s more relevant than you. From Lil Yachty to Migos to Chris Brown, you’ve taken it upon yourself to let your Fuckboy Flag fly. Ultimately, all I know is, it’s time for you to disappear forever. Forever-ever.

First, you decided to beef with Lil Yachty over an Instagram chick. The funny thing is, I’m not even sure which of you is more of a loser in this situation. India Love doesn’t claim either one of you fools and y’all are out here tweaking on social media. I’m sorry, but real men don’t post screenshots of private conversations they had with other people. If you’re talking to India and Yachty behind the scenes, then keep that shit behind the scenes, man. The general public doesn’t give a flying fuck about any of this, son. Keep the fuckery under wraps, bro.

Next, you randomly decided to drag Quavo and the rest of Migos into your world of nonsense. Honestly, I’m not even sure what this conflict was about, man. All I know is, you got on IG, again, and flashed a potentially fake AK-47 for all to see. So, are you trying to convince us that you’re a goon now? Are we, the people, supposed to be scared of the dude who made “Yahhh!“? Bruh, if you don’t sit your short bus ass down. Look, I don’t even think you can spell the word “gun,” let alone actually shoot someone with one. Get the fuck outta here, man!

Finally, you decided to enter into a new conflict with Chris Brown over Karrueche, of all people. You alleged that Chris called you over liking one of Karrueche’s pictures and then proceeded to offer Chris all types of fade. Now, while Chris is no stranger to fuck shit, I have a hard time believing this tall tale. Keeping it a buck, I think you have a vivid imagination and be dreaming all of your gripes. With that being said, let me make one thing clear: no one, and I mean NO ONE, is threatened by you, son. We all saw your recent jailhouse picture, bro. When shit got real, you tensed up reeeeeeal quick. Don’t pretend to be about that life if you’re gonna piss on yourself when shit goes down. That’s not keeping it G, my dude. Not in the least.

In the end, I need you to disappear, son. Your career has run its course, man. As it stands now, you’re nothing more than a character to make fun of. I mean, I’ve been laughing at Joe Budden‘s impersonation of you for the last few days now. This is how we all view you, man. On the real, just take whatever money you have left and banish yourself to the mountains. That’s truly what the people want, bro. And that’s truly what the people deserve.

Sincerely,

A dude who actually used to jam out to “Pretty Boy Swag