The Los Angeles Lakers Are A Sh*tshow

Look, before I even begin, let me acknowledge the fact that I’m a New York Knicks fan. This means that I am accustomed to a team being a dumpster fire. With that being said, the Los Angeles Lakers are in a world of shit right now, son. I mean, missing the playoffs was bad enough, man. However, after Magic Johnson’s sudden departure, it’s safe to say that one of the NBA’s most storied franchises is lost as fuck, fam.

Ok, for those who missed it, Johnson stepped down as the President of Basketball Operations for the Lakers. Now, this is notable for a bunch of reasons, but the manner in which he did it was wild, bruh. So, not only did Johnson leave his post, but he did it in front of the media, didn’t tell Jeanie Buss, the team’s owner, and didn’t wait until the end of the season. Furthermore, he did it with a whole bunch of tears in his eyes. Frankly, I watched this whole episode like “what the fuck is happening, son?”

Now, I already see a lot of people blaming LeBron James for this change (i.e. Michael Rapaport). All I can say is, that’s pure nonsense, man. Ok, yes, the team did miss the playoffs. But, they’ve missed the playoffs for the last six years, on top of the fact that James, Lonzo Ball and Brandon Ingram had a ton of injuries. So, I’m not ready to hang this on James’ head, fam. The truth is, Johnson wasn’t very good at his job, bruh. Like, I know he’s a legend, son. However, being a legend on the court doesn’t automatically make him a legend in the boardroom.

Shit, let’s go through some of his failures, man. First, he traded D’Angelo Russell. Now, for anyone who hasn’t been paying attention, Russell has been killing it with the Brooklyn Nets, fam. On the real, he’s turning into the player that a lot of people thought he could be. All I can say is, the Lakers never gave him a chance, bruh. Second, Johnson gambled on Anthony Davis and lost. The Lakers tried to throw the kitchen sink at the New Orleans Pelicans and they didn’t budge, son. All in all, Johnson and the Lakers were stuck with egg on their face, folks. Lastly, Johnson couldn’t get Paul George. Despite the fact that it seemed like George wanted to go to L.A., the deal never went through, people. Instead, George went on to have an MVP-level season with the Oklahoma City Thunder. Basically, Johnson botched all of the team’s moves, brethren.

In the end, good luck to the Lakers, son. Wait, what am I saying, man? I’m a Knicks fan, fam. Fuck the Lakers, bruh! Ultimately, I hope everything bad in life happens to them and only them (word to Silky Johnson). By and by, I’m thoroughly enjoying the chaos, folks. In any case, I’m sure I’ll be singing a different tune when the Knicks fail to sign Kevin Durant and/or Kyrie Irving. At the end of the day, I don’t have much faith in my team either, people. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Dear Basketball Gods, can the Knicks at least sign Zion Williamson? Please? Pretty please? Thanks a lot and have a good day.

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Phil Jackson Wants To Destroy The New York Knicks

So, to be clear, the New York Knicks are the worst organization in professional sports. I mean, over the last 20 years, tortured fans, such as myself, have had to deal with the highest levels of managerial incompetence. Whether we’re talking about James Dolan or Isiah Thomas, the Knicks never fail to make awful, awful, AWFUL decisions. As of right now, Jackson is trying to outdo ALL of his predecessors when it comes to fuckery. All I can say is, if Jackson actually trades Kristaps Porzingis, I will finally give up being a Knicks fan.

Now, I want Jackson to understand one truth: no one gives a fuck that Porzingis skipped his exit interview. Frankly, he’s tired of the team’s tomfoolery, man. So far, in his two seasons, he’s had to deal with copious amounts of losing. In addition, he’s also had to watch Jackson consistently disrespect Carmelo Anthony, the team’s best player. Look, why would any player be excited about their future in this city? The Knicks have made NO efforts to actually improve the squad. On the real, when I heard that Porzingis bailed on his interview, I completely understood, son. Honestly, I probably would’ve done the same exact thing.

Moving on, this clown Jackson really had the nerve to say he wants to do “what’s best for the club.” Well, if that’s the case, how the FUCK would getting rid of Porzingis help us?! Man, we’re talking about a dude that everyone compares to Dirk Nowitzki. Keep in mind, when we look at both players at this stage in their respective careers, Porzingis has already surpassed Nowitzki. Through two seasons, he’s better than Dirk in almost every statistical category. Yeah, that’s right, son. As it stands, Porzingis is outpacing an NBA legend who’s won a title and scored 30,000 points. Needless to say, why the FUCK would we trade him?! It makes absolutely no sense, fam!

Listen, I have a conspiracy theory, son. Now, when Jackson was a player, he played for the Knicks. In fact, he was on the only two teams that have won titles in our franchise’s history. Keeping it a buck, I think he’s sabotaging us in order to keep his rings sacred. I mean, I believe he only took this job for the money. I don’t think he really gives a fuck whether this works or not. In the end, he’ll take his cash, figure out a way to reconcile with Jeanie Buss and leave our city in ruins. By and by, this man needs to be stopped, fam!

Ultimately, this team has caused me enough pain. Bruh, even when we were good in the 1990s, I always knew our seasons would end in heartbreak. All in all, I can’t take this shit anymore, son. Real talk, trading Porzingis would be the straw that broke the camel’s back, man. Look, he’s the first good draft pick we’ve had in eons. If he leaves, then I leave. I have nothing else to give to this team. Fuck off, Phil! LC out.