Good Riddance, Phil Jackson!

Oh, what a joyous day, people! What a beautiful and wonderful day, folks! The Lord dropped down manna from Heaven and the New York Knicks fired Phil Jackson! Look, I know the reports say it was a “mutual agreement,” but I’m not rolling, son. On the real, I’m pretty sure that James Dolan told Jackson to get the fuck outta dodge, man. I mean, after all of his bullshit with Carmelo Anthony and Kristaps Porzingis, it was clear that the “Zen Master” had to go. In any case, while I still can’t stand Dolan, I must give credit where credit is due. Good riddance, Phil Jackson!

Listen, Jackson has been a disaster in NY, fam. Over the last three seasons, as president of the team, he has an 80-166 record. Meaning, we’ve lost more than twice the amount of games we’ve won, son. Bruh, I couldn’t handle this shit anymore! Look, like I’ve said in a previous post, if Jackson actually traded Porzingis, I was going to abandon the Knicks. Thankfully, the organization decided to make ONE good decision, for a change. Frankly, an overrated NBA coach isn’t worth our best player (Anthony) and our best prospect (Porzingis).

Side note, before I continue, let me explain my belief that Jackson is overrated. Fam, in his career, he’s coached Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Shaquille O’Neal, Kobe Bryant and prime Pau Gasol. Son, even I could’ve won a couple of titles with those lineups. Keeping it a buck, I thought Jackson was overrated long before he decided to ruin my team. In addition, he didn’t even invent the offense he’s famous for! Tex Winter created the “triangle offense,” bruh. So, ultimately, what is Jackson’s real worth? I’ll let everyone get back to me on that.

In the end, nothing else needs to be said here, son. Today is a happy day! The sun is shining, the temperature isn’t too hot and Jackson is no longer able to run my squad into the ground. Now, pardon me while I go find some chilled liquor to consume. Yeah, it’s that kind of moment, man. LC out.

Phil Jackson Wants To Destroy The New York Knicks

So, to be clear, the New York Knicks are the worst organization in professional sports. I mean, over the last 20 years, tortured fans, such as myself, have had to deal with the highest levels of managerial incompetence. Whether we’re talking about James Dolan or Isiah Thomas, the Knicks never fail to make awful, awful, AWFUL decisions. As of right now, Jackson is trying to outdo ALL of his predecessors when it comes to fuckery. All I can say is, if Jackson actually trades Kristaps Porzingis, I will finally give up being a Knicks fan.

Now, I want Jackson to understand one truth: no one gives a fuck that Porzingis skipped his exit interview. Frankly, he’s tired of the team’s tomfoolery, man. So far, in his two seasons, he’s had to deal with copious amounts of losing. In addition, he’s also had to watch Jackson consistently disrespect Carmelo Anthony, the team’s best player. Look, why would any player be excited about their future in this city? The Knicks have made NO efforts to actually improve the squad. On the real, when I heard that Porzingis bailed on his interview, I completely understood, son. Honestly, I probably would’ve done the same exact thing.

Moving on, this clown Jackson really had the nerve to say he wants to do “what’s best for the club.” Well, if that’s the case, how the FUCK would getting rid of Porzingis help us?! Man, we’re talking about a dude that everyone compares to Dirk Nowitzki. Keep in mind, when we look at both players at this stage in their respective careers, Porzingis has already surpassed Nowitzki. Through two seasons, he’s better than Dirk in almost every statistical category. Yeah, that’s right, son. As it stands, Porzingis is outpacing an NBA legend who’s won a title and scored 30,000 points. Needless to say, why the FUCK would we trade him?! It makes absolutely no sense, fam!

Listen, I have a conspiracy theory, son. Now, when Jackson was a player, he played for the Knicks. In fact, he was on the only two teams that have won titles in our franchise’s history. Keeping it a buck, I think he’s sabotaging us in order to keep his rings sacred. I mean, I believe he only took this job for the money. I don’t think he really gives a fuck whether this works or not. In the end, he’ll take his cash, figure out a way to reconcile with Jeanie Buss and leave our city in ruins. By and by, this man needs to be stopped, fam!

Ultimately, this team has caused me enough pain. Bruh, even when we were good in the 1990s, I always knew our seasons would end in heartbreak. All in all, I can’t take this shit anymore, son. Real talk, trading Porzingis would be the straw that broke the camel’s back, man. Look, he’s the first good draft pick we’ve had in eons. If he leaves, then I leave. I have nothing else to give to this team. Fuck off, Phil! LC out.

Say It Ain’t So, Melo!

Now, just in case anyone missed this, I’m a diehard New York Knicks fan. Like, diehard to the point that this team has caused me mental, emotional and physical pain. Side note, I said “physical pain” because my cousin once body slammed me after a Knicks loss in the ’90s. But that’s a story for another day, son. In any case, while I haven’t always been pro-Carmelo Anthony, I refuse to believe these recent reports. All I know is, if he really got a stripper pregnant, then he has WAY bigger problems than his issues with Phil Jackson.

Ok, before I continue, let me explain my issues with Melo. Now, keeping it a buck, my gripes aren’t really with him at all. Honestly, I have beef with the circumstances that brought him to the team in the first place. Look, if we venture back to 2011, the fuckery of James Dolan and company is very visible. After regaining some respectability with Amar’e Stoudemire, the dumbass Knicks front office decided to trade away Wilson Chandler, Raymond Felton, Danilo Gallinari, Timofey Mozgov and a first-round draft pick for Melo, Chauncey Billups and a bunch of bums. Yeah, we made it to the playoffs twice, but we were doomed from the start, man. Needless to say, I’ve always held a grudge, son.

So, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s talk about the fuck shit that Melo might’ve gotten himself into. First, news came out that he was separating from his wife, La La Anthony. Now, while the breakup of a marriage is always sad, people get divorced everyday, B. That in and of itself isn’t the story. Apparently, a major catalyst for their split is the rumor that he got a stripper pregnant here in NY.

*Sigh* Man, on everything I love, I hope that’s not true, son. Really, bro? Really?! With all of the stress he’s dealing with, courtesy of the Knicks, he thought this was the move? Bruh, he can’t be that stupid. Please tell me he isn’t that dumb, fam. Shiiiit, let me come home and tell my wife I knocked up a stripper. I probably won’t leave the house alive or in one piece, son. To make matters worse, she’s a lawyer, so she could probably find some legal loophole to get herself acquitted, man. With that being said, I’m gonna keep it reeeeal cool over here.

In the end, Melo and La La have been together for waaaaay too long to have it end like this, bruh. Shit, I remember the struggle days when La La worked for MTV and Melo was fresh off the block. Ultimately, I will not believe these reports until someone from their camp confirms it. Until then, Melo needs to use that Shaggy defense: “it wasn’t me.” Then again, he doesn’t play a lick of defense, so he might be fucked, son. LC out.

Charles Oakley Is The GOAT!

Let’s just skip the pleasantries here, son. Charles Oakley is the GOAT, the Gawd, the Myth and the Legend. For ten seasons, he faithfully served my beloved New York Knicks and helped to cultivate our 90s image. Now, when I say image, I’m talking about the fact that he was the tough guy. Along with Anthony Mason and Xavier McDaniel, Oakley let teams know that they couldn’t fuck around in the paint, son. Elbows were being thrown and shoulders were being checked. With that being said, regardless of what happened at Madison Square Garden last night, I’m glad to see his fire still burning.

So, there are conflicting stories about what got Oakley escorted out of last night’s game against the Los Angeles Clippers. According to outsiders, Oakley was either going after Knicks owner James Dolan or a random fan. From there, he got into a physical altercation with MSG security and was forcibly removed from his seat. Now, according to Oakley, he was minding his own business when security told him that “someone” wanted him out. In any case, regardless of the fight’s catalyst, Oakley was eventually arrested and charged with three counts of assault.

Now, maybe I’m a weirdo, but let me explain why this story made me proud. First, I prefer to believe the version of the story where Oakley tried to confront Jim Dolan. As a lifelong Knicks fan, Dolan has run this team into the fuckin ground. He’s made it his life’s mission to oversee every team decision and he ALWAYS makes the wrong choice. Like, I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to his ineptitude. Whether we’re talking about Allan Houston‘s ridiculous $100 million contract, hiring Isiah Thomas or trading away our entire team for Carmelo Anthony, Dolan’s been at the center of ALL of our worst moves. Needless to say, it’s about time someone rolled up on Dolan for his constant fuckery. I’m a firm believer that as long as he owns this team, we will NEVER be great, let alone average.

In the end, FREE CHARLES OAKLEY! He’s just doing the Lord‘s work, man. Contrary to what the Knicks organization said, Oakley doesn’t “need help,” man. Frankly, he’s the only one thinking clearly out here. Dolan is the worst thing to ever happen to New York sports, son. Get. Jim. Dolan. The. Fuck. Outta. Here! LC out.