Donald Trump Loves Obstructing Justice

Now, I don’t know about anyone else out there, but I’m exhausted, son. I’m completely tired of the constant barrage of fuckery, man. Day after day after day, the American people have to deal with new levels of tomfoolery and idiocy. At some point, our backs are going to break from trying to stay afloat in the Donald Trump era. All in all, I can only hope that the end is near, fam. *Sigh* I can only hope, son.

So, I’m here today to talk about the latest development in the back-and-forth between Trump and James Comey. Apparently, back in February, when Comey still ran the FBI, Trump asked him to stop investigating Michael Flynn. To be fair, Trump didn’t ask him in those exact words. Instead, he told Comey that he hoped he would just “let it go.” Ultimately, we’re aware of this exchange because Comey kept detailed memos during his tenure with the Bureau.

Ok, keep in mind that Flynn is in trouble for lying about his communications with Sergey Kislyak, the Russian Ambassador. Keep in mind that Sally Yates warned Trump about Flynn’s dealings and noted that he could be blackmailed by the Russian government. With all of that information, Trump still urged Comey to look the other way when it came to Flynn. Now, why the fuck would he do that, man? On the real, why is Trump trying to circumvent justice in the name of a disgraced government employee?

Man, this is now the second time that Donald Trump has tried to interfere with investigations, fam. As of now, we all know that Comey was fired as FBI Director because he was looking into possible collusion between Trump’s administration and Russia. Now, we’re getting wind of the fact that Trump tried to dissuade Comey from looking into Flynn’s wrongdoings. *Sigh* I mean, what the actually fuck, man? Seriously, what in the fuck is really happening around here, son?

In the end, is the GOP going to continue to allow Trump to behave this way? Listen, he’s making an absolute mockery of our government. All I know is, his nonsense is past all of this bipartisan bullshit, son. Our own president is acting like a fucking criminal, man! Enough is fucking enough, fam! This clown needs to be impeached ASAP! By and by, nothing else will suffice. LC out.

Donald Trump Just Fired The Dude Investigating Him

Son, what the fuck is going on right now? Like, Donald Trump and company must really think we’re stupid, man. Then again, he was actually voted into office, so the American people are clearly stupid. In any case, there is no way, NO WAY that someone can convince me that James Comey’s firing was justified! I mean, this entire situation reeks of insidiousness and underhanded behavior, fam. Look, no Earthly creature can tell me that this decision wasn’t related to Comey’s investigation of the Trump administration. With that being said, we need to figure out this Russia connection before it’s too late.

Now, before I continue, let me be clear on one particular point: I don’t like James Comey. Listen, even though Hillary Clinton’s campaign made NUMEROUS errors, the fruitless FBI investigation into her emails ended up hurting her electability. Bruh, Comey reopened the investigation TWO WEEKS before people went to the polls! To make matters worse, the Feds weren’t even looking at her emails directly. They were probing through the emails of Huma Abedin, Clinton’s right-hand woman. In the end, what results did this investigation yield? NOT A FUCKING THING, MAN! So, ultimately, Comey royally screwed Clinton.

Moving on, this is exactly why the White House’s explanation for firing Comey doesn’t make sense. All in all, everything I just wrote in the last paragraph happened in the summer and fall of 2016. If Comey was such a liability, why didn’t they fire him as soon as Trump took office? As a matter of fact, as recently as January, Trump said that Comey would keep his job. There were literally no new developments in the Clinton saga, so how could that be the reason for relieving him of duty? Nah, son, they decided to fire Comey when he announced an inquiry into the links between Trump’s administration and Russia. The timeline is clear as day, son. So, miss me with the bullshit misdirection, man.

By and by, we’re witnessing something EXTREMELY dangerous right now. Look, it’s only been a couple of months and Trump has already set the precedent of firing people who question him. He fired Sally Yates for refusing to enforce the Muslim Ban. He fired Preet Bharara for investigating questionable decisions by members of Trump’s team. Now, he fired Comey. Fam, this isn’t a fucking television show! This man can’t just fire people for ratings. Ultimately, all of these actions could have scary consequences for our democracy. All I know is, a reality star has turned our country into a terrible reality show. LC out.

P.S. For anyone who doubts my logic here, just think about the fact that Jeff Sessions was the man who suggested removing Comey. Lest we forget, Sessions had to recuse himself from the Russia investigation because he was balls deep in the fuckery. So, tell me again how all of this isn’t related? Yeah, I thought so. That is all.

A Letter To Hillary Clinton

Dear Hillary Clinton,

Look, I’m not one to mince words, so I’ll just get straight to the point. I’m going to need you to let the election go now. The fact of the matter is, you lost. Yes, we could all point to a million different factors that led to this outcome. However; as much as it pains me to say this, Donald Trump is the President. At this point, instead of rehashing your defeat, maybe you should focus on helping to prevent him from ending Western Civilization.

Now, to be fair, I did vote for you. To do this, I begrudgingly looked past your “superpredators” comment and your history with the prison industrial complex. Shit, as fucked up as your policies have been, I was/still am legitimately scared of Trump. I mean, based on what we’ve seen so far, World War III may still be on the horizon. In any case, I’ve never enjoyed picking the “lesser of two evils.” Listen, this entire election cycle has proved how antiquated the two-party political system really is.

Moving on, despite the loss, you refuse to accept any responsibility. Ok, I get it, FBI Director James Comey royally screwed you with his fuckery. The timing of his renewed investigation into your emails is suspect at best. However; that doesn’t account for the many errors you made on the campaign trail.

First, you lost Michigan, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and Florida. These are all states that Barack Obama won twice. Twice! In fact, until you, a Democrat hadn’t lost Pennsylvania since 1988. I was 3 years old when that last occurred. To make matters worse, you didn’t campaign in Wisconsin and you only put some money down in Michigan during the last week of the election. How the fuck did you expect to win those states? In my eyes, your hubris got the best of you. You really thought you could just pull those states out of your ass with minimal effort. Well, clearly you were wrong.

Listen, I’m not ignoring the outside factors that may have contributed to your loss. Was there a gender component? Absolutely. Was there a Comey component? Absolutely. Was there a Julian Assange/WikiLeaks/Russia component? Absolutely. With that being said, take some responsibility for your own mistakes. Otherwise, you’re going to keep looking like a bitter loser. All in all, it is what it is, Mrs. Clinton. It just is what it is.

Sincerely,

A dude who’s stockpiling supplies in preparation for Armageddon

Don’t Fall For Donald Trump’s Ruse

Nah, son. No way. Go home. Get the fuck outta here. I’m not falling for the okie doke, bruh. I’m not going for the misdirection, man. On the real, I truly hope no one believes the gaffle here. Over the weekend, Donald Trump made insanely baseless accusations against Barack Obama. To be clear, this action was taken for one reason and one reason only: to distract from finding a link between Trump’s administration and Russia. It’s no coincidence that right as the Russia talk heats up, a new story is thrown against the wall. All I know is, it’ll take more than Twitter to fool me, son.

Now, before I continue, let me outline some FACTS. First, Michael Flynn, Trump’s former National Security Advisor, lied about being in contact with the Russian ambassador. For that move, he lost his job. Second, Jeff Sessions, Trump’s current Attorney General, ALSO lied about being in contact with the Russian ambassador. To make matters worse, Sessions told these fairy tales during his confirmation hearing. Meaning, he perjured himself. For that action, he has to recuse himself from any potential investigation between Trump and Russia. In addition, if any further dirt is discovered, then Sessions could also lose his job.

Moving on, let me outline some unfounded opinions. As it stands, Mark Levin is the man who started the rumor about Obama wiretapping Trump’s phones during the election. Now, for anyone who is unfamiliar with Levin, he’s a conservative radio host who has a documented history of saying wild shit about Obama. He’s long argued that Obama has initiated a “silent coup” within our government, enacting “martial law” through immigration, health care and law enforcement policies. In any case, Levin is the first person to claim that Obama was secretly monitoring Trump.

So, after Levin made his outrageous claims, the story ended up on Breitbart News. Side note, c’mon son, is anyone else seeing a pattern here? Once again, Steve Bannon’s repugnant ass website has dug its claws into the bullshit. Anyway, after seeing the tomfoolery on Breitbart, Trump fired off a series of tweets alleging that Obama tapped his phones during the campaign trail. Now, Trump wants an investigation into Obama’s mythical and fictitious deeds.

Ok, I have questions, son. First, if Trump has proof, then why does he need an investigation? Why doesn’t he just reveal the evidence he already has? Ohhhh, that’s because THERE IS NO EVIDENCE, MAN! This tactic is nothing more than a ruse to get people talking about this instead of Russia. The fucked up thing is, it’s working, son. Ever since Trump’s tweets, this story has been the topic of conversation on the news. Trump has successfully shifted the focus of both the public and the media. If I wasn’t so infuriated by the obvious ploy, I’d be impressed, man.

In the end, let’s cut the malarkey, son. I don’t want to hear about wiretaps and I don’t want to hear about leaks. Until the story is resolved, let’s find out what’s really good between Trump’s administration and Russia. If everything is aboveboard, then why is Trump’s staff constantly lying about speaking with Russian dignitaries? I mean, fuck conjecture, man. We know for a fact that people in this current regime have been less than truthful to the American public. At this point, I’m tired of the back and forth, man. I just want to know the truth… about everything. LC out.

P.S. FBI Director James Comey has already asked the Department of Justice to refute Trump’s claims. I find it very odd that they haven’t done so yet. The idiocy in our government is simply staggering, man. That is all.

Donald Trump Loves Golden Showers

So, let me begin this post by saying there is no actual evidence to suggest that Donald Trump loves golden showers. As of right now, Ben Smith‘s dossier in BuzzFeed is the only article to mention the possibility of Trump paying hookers to piss on him. Now, even after saying that, I guarantee some idiot is going to read my headline and get pissed (phrasing). Well, stupid is as stupid does, son. I have no control over people’s reactions, man. In any case, the real story here is the allegations that Russia has damaging personal and financial information about Trump. With that being said, all I want to know is, if this is the case, why was Hillary Clinton the only person harmed by Russian hacking?

Now, at this point, I don’t have to tell anyone what happened during the election, man. If someone is unaware of the fuckery that occurred over the past year, then they’re lost anyway. In any case, American intelligence agencies have made it well known that Russia engaged in various hacks, in an attempt to influence our presidential election. Despite the fact that Trump and his team have denied all of this from the beginning, I’m going to go ahead and believe the FBI, CIA and NSA. Let’s just say, I’m more convinced of their ability to deal with facts instead of propaganda.

Moving on, I just want to know, if all of these agencies were aware of potentially damaging information about Trump, why did Clinton always get the short end of the stick? Shit, just a week before voting in November, FBI Director James Comey released a note saying they were looking into more emails related to Clinton. Despite the fact they found nothing, this incident was just another slight against Clinton, which raised doubts in the minds of the American people. Keep in mind, outside of the fact that the private email server existed, the FBI never found any evidence of an actual crime. Yet, this storyline ended up playing a major factor in our election. None of this is adding up to me, son.

In the end, I may be looked at as a conspiracy theorist, but when shit stinks, it stinks, man. If a foreign entity has information about two people and only one person suffers for it, it can be deduced that they were trying to benefit the other. Don’t be surprised when Vladimir Putin is freely walking around Manhattan, son. Hell, he might have a suite in Trump Tower as we speak. We’ve got a Russian puppet as a President, man. Oh happy day… on Opposite Day.

P.S. Even though I don’t think the story is true, wouldn’t it be GOLD if Donald Trump loved getting peed on? Side note, see what I did there? I’m killing y’all, man. Get fire on these bitches, son! In any case, the more Trump’s questionable behavior comes to light, the more I’m convinced he’ll be quickly impeached. I would rejoice, but I’m not too fond of a Mike Pence presidency either. That dude is verifiably loco, son. That is all.

A Dissertation About Hillary Clinton, Emails & D*ck Pics

I know, I know, I know, son. I know I said I wasn’t going to write about this election anymore. But dammit, ridiculous things just keep on happening, man. All jokes aside, I’ve never seen an election of any kind with this much fuckery embedded in it. Real talk, I wholeheartedly believe a high school senate race has more ethics than this bullshit. I mean, look at all of the nonsense this myriad of adults has engaged in, son. With that being said, here we go again with Hillary Clinton’s emails, man. Eight days before a dire presidential election and the FBI is looking into her situation again, thanks to none other than Anthony Weiner.

Now, hasn’t this dude caused enough trouble in his lifetime? Hasn’t Carlos Danger ruined enough people already, man? It’s bad enough he can’t stop sending pictures of his dick to women, but now his ridiculous habit could have an effect on the election. Apparently, during an FBI probe into his underage sexting scandal, the bureau found some emails that could pertain to their previous investigation of Clinton’s private email server. The problem is, there are more than 1,000 emails for the bureau to sift through, which cannot possibly be done before we all vote next week. So, this situation could potentially alter the outcome and we’re not even sure if they’re going to find anything. As it stands, it seems as if they didn’t find any emails from Clinton directly, but her name appears to be swirling all throughout the muck and the mire.

At this point, facts really don’t matter here (shout-out to Desus Nice and The Kid Mero). It doesn’t matter if FBI Director James Comey broke protocol by announcing these findings publicly. The content of these emails don’t matter either, man. The reality is, perception is everything, son. It’s no secret that Hillary Clinton has a high disapproval rating and there are numerous people who don’t think she’s trustworthy. This situation is yet ANOTHER incident which lends credence to people’s fears that she’s just some corrupt politician with no regard for rules. In the end, that’s all her detractors need to plead their case against her. Regardless of what Democratic pundits try to say, these things matter in the eyes of the people. Soooooo, next Tuesday’s election should be very interesting and not in a good way, son. Not in a good way at all.

All in all, I have nothing else to say, man. I just want this election to be over. I simply want to know whether or not I need to buy a plane ticket out of this country. With that being said, next Tuesday can’t come soon enough. Good day.

Please, Short-Circuit Hillary Clinton’s Mic

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Ok, I think it’s time we have a candid conversation about Hillary Clinton. There’s an ugly truth Democrats don’t want to admit about their presidential nominee: a loooooooot of people straight up don’t like her, son. The problem is, more than a few of her actions don’t necessarily help her cause at all. At this point, her email server scandal shouldn’t be news to anyone. That situation alone causes certain Democrats to flatly look over her and a ton of Republicans to call for her to be hung in Times Square. With that being said, the former Secretary of State doesn’t seem to know how to remedy her own dilemmas. Now, if anyone needs any more proof, her latest “short-circuit” should give people a clear example of her real issue.

Ever since the FBI investigation into her private email server, Clinton has been telling everyone who would listen that director James Comey said all of her statements regarding the matter have been “truthful.” However; that is definitely NOT what the director said. In actuality, he said she was “extremely careless” with her actions and couldn’t really comment on her public assertions. In addition, while she maintains the facade she never shared any classified information in her emails, Comey’s findings directly contradict that theory. Frankly, the final conclusion was the fact that Hillary’s shit stinks, but not enough for the bureau to drape her in an orange jumpsuit.

So, now that I’ve gotten all of that information out of the way, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Honestly speaking, if this were a normal election, and if Donald Trump wasn’t a raging psychopath, Clinton would be in real danger of being unelectable. Simply combine the fact she’s been a Washington, D.C. constant since the Stone Age and a high percentage of Americans don’t seem to trust her, not a lot of folks really feel enthused to give her their vote. At this point, I can’t even recall the amount of times I’ve heard people say they’re only voting for her to prevent Trump’s bid to destroy the planet. That doesn’t sound like much faith in her candidacy, son. I truly believe if she were up against a more solid opponent, she’d be left in the dust. Hell, ain’t that what happened with President Obama all those years ago? In the beginning, no one really thought some upstart senator from Chicago could derail her campaign. Alas, eight years later, she’s still trying to get into that Oval Office, man. Shiiiiit, maybe the writing has been on the wall when it comes to her.

In the end, voting for the “lesser of two evils” may seem like the right thing to do, but I’d be lying if I said this shit wasn’t mentally draining, son. Why do the candidates for the two most visible political parties suck sooooo much, man? Forget it, though. I might just have to run for president myself. I can’t possibly be any worse than these two individuals. Good day.