Let’s Talk About The ‘Bowling Green Massacre’

*Sigh* Another day, another opportunity to hear some “alternative facts.” Look, I didn’t even think I had anything to write today, but here comes Kellyanne Conway to save the day. I mean, I can always count on her for some Grade A fuckery, right? In any case, all I could do was shake my head in disbelief when I heard her mention the “Bowling Green Massacre” on MSNBC. Namely because such an event doesn’t exist! Once again, Donald Trump‘s administration has made it their mission to ignore logic, facts and evidence in order to make their points.

So, Conway was on MSNBC defending Trump’s Muslim Ban. She claimed that what Trump is doing isn’t unprecedented because Barack Obama banned refugees from Iraq for six months back in 2011. Apparently, this action was taken after the arrest of “the masterminds behind the Bowling Green massacre.” Now, there are two things drastically wrong with this argument: first, Obama never instituted a six-month ban on Iraqis. In actuality, after it was discovered that two Iraqi immigrants were trying to send weapons and money back to Iraq, Obama’s administration re-vetted all incoming Iraqis. During this period, refugees were still being let into the country. There was NEVER a ban.

Second, A MASSACRE IN BOWLING GREEN, KENTUCKY NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED! Good fucking Lord, man! Bending the truth is one thing. However; this woman legitimately made up a terrorist attack that never occurred. This can’t be fucking life, man! Kellyanne Conway is in a legit position of power and she’s BLATANTLY making up information, son. These are the people who are leading our country, bruh. This type of shit should scare everyone. All it takes is one grandiose and misplaced lie to start a war with another nation. Shit, ain’t that how the Iraq War started in the first place? Whatever happened to those “weapons of mass destruction,” George W. Bush?

Ultimately, I’m losing more and more of my hair everyday, son. Well, that’s a lie since I’m already bald, but we all know what I mean, man. This administration is driving my stress level to ungodly heights. The amount of incompetence is fucking frightening, son. *Sigh* I don’t know what else to say here. LC out.

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The Muslim Ban: An Official Rebuke Of The First Amendment

*Sigh* No lie, I’ve been trying to find a way to articulate myself all weekend. We’re literally watching the destruction of America right before our very eyes. Now, if anyone wants to read our country’s First Amendment, they’ll notice that the first thing the bill guarantees is freedom of religion. With one stroke of his pen, Donald Trump has egregiously violated our Constitution. On the real, based on Trump’s first ten days in office, I’m thoroughly convinced we’re on the verge of both World War III and Civil War II.

At this point, if anyone reading this is unaware of Trump’s Muslim Ban executive order, then… Google, son. Like, being in the dark on this issue is unacceptable. Trump essentially banned the entry of citizens from Syria, Iran, Sudan, Libya, Somalia, Yemen and Iraq. This is part of the “extreme vetting” that Trump constantly spoke about during his campaign run. According to his logic, this is to protect us from potential terrorist attacks. However; if that’s really the case, why aren’t Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan and Egypt on this list? Last time I checked, terrorists from these countries have actually attacked us. Has anyone heard of a little event called 9/11?

Look, I’m not naive and I’m fully away of the fact that ISIS has footing in some of the countries listed in the ban. However; here’s something to consider: Islamic radicals are killing mass amounts of their own people in these countries! That’s why countless innocent families are trying to flee and seek solace. Even outside of these refugees, green card holders and valid visa carriers were also being detained at airports. That’s right, son. People who had the LEGAL RIGHT to enter our country were being held up at numerous airports across the nation. Needless to say, the American public has had enough of the fuck shit and have taken to the streets to protest.

Now, here’s where Trump’s hypocrisy takes center stage. He claims that the ban isn’t based on religion, but his executive order gives preference to Christian refugees. Good fucking Lord, man! We’re watching an administration vehemently lie to our faces and then pretend like we don’t see the bullshit. This entire episode is one of the most deplorable violations of democracy I’ve ever seen. Like, I’m having a very hard time putting all of this into words, man. Our rights are being trampled on for the entire world to see, son.

As a response, Iran has already made strides to block U.S. visitors. Does everyone see what’s happening here? We’re very rapidly entering into a zone that can have very dangerous ramifications. Thanks to Trump, we’re already on bad terms with NATO and the United Nations. If we stay on this trajectory, we could end up in a military conflict with no allies to back us. So far, we’ve pissed off Europe, our Hispanic neighbors to the South and our Canadian neighbors to the North. If we add public unrest to that equation, we truly have the ingredients for another World War AND another Civil War.

All in all, to all of my Muslim brothers and sisters out there: your religion is not a crime. Donald Trump does NOT speak for the people and we categorically condemn everything he stands for. All jokes aside, the revolution is now and everyone needs to decide what side they’re on. All I know is, these despicable acts of injustice CANNOT continue. LC out.

The Revisionist History Of Barack Obama

Ok, look, I’m well aware of the fact everyone doesn’t agree with each other when it comes to ideology. However; there’s a HUGE difference between disagreeing with someone and flat out lying about them. Now, regardless of how anyone feels about President Barack Obama, it’s clear as day that individuals like Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani and Katrina Pierson are essentially spreading falsehoods about the president and his record. With that being said, let’s take this time to relentlessly roast these clowns.

First, let’s talk about Donald Trump, the man we all know and love. Even though he’s already tried to backtrack from his comments, this past Friday, Trump entered yet another absurd statement into the zeitgeist. During one of his campaign speeches, Trump came right out and claimed Obama was the founder of ISIS. While he tried to chalk his foolishness up to “sarcasm,” other GOP pundits attempted to lay the blame on a supposed “power vacuum” created due to Obama removing the troops from Iraq. Either way, both factions are ridiculously wrong. On one hand, I’m about tired of a presidential nominee consistently making “sarcastic” remarks. This dude is running to be the leader of the free world and all he wants to do is make fucking jokes. At this point, I can name more lame wisecracks he’s made than actual policies he suggested. Now, for the individuals who think Obama created a power vacuum in Iraq, I’d like those dummies to look up the U.S.-Iraq Status of Forces Agreement. This agreement was signed by George W. Bush in 2008 and stated that America would remove combat forces from Iraqi cities by June 30, 2009 and be completely out of Iraq by December 31, 2011. So, if Republicans want to blame anybody for the fuckery happening in the Middle East, blame GW. He’s the one who actually created the aforementioned power vacuum.

Next, let’s address my former mayor, Rudy Giuliani. During a speech on Monday, Giuliani claimed there weren’t “any successful radical Islamic terrorist [attacks] in the United States” during the eight years preceding Obama’s tenure. Son, that is literally the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Honestly, how can this clown forget that 9/11 happened while Bush was in office? Giuliani has built his entire mythology around the false idea he was some sort of hero after the attack on the World Trade Center. However; he conveniently forgot this fact while berating Obama. This man is such a clown, son. People like him want to believe their narrative so much, they will completely ignore basic facts in order to make a point. Look, will the media stop giving this fool a microphone? Please?

Finally, I need to acknowledge the consistent tomfoolery that comes out of Katrina Pierson‘s mouth. To be honest, I have no idea what her purpose in life is, but she’s always on someone’s news network, defying common logic with her stupidity. While I don’t have time to comment on EVERY ridiculous statement she’s made, I would like to talk about her memory of the war in Afghanistan. During an appearance on CNN, she insisted President Obama was responsible for invading the country. She even went so far as to call the conflict “Obama’s war.” Here’s the thing: the war in Afghanistan began in 2001, a good eight years before Obama even made it to the Oval Office. Once again, this was yet another incident that occurred under GW’s watch. Seriously, do Republicans forget Bush was in office for eight years too? Do they not remember any of the actions he took? Look, I just want to remind everyone out there, people like her are the ones supporting Trump. In my eyes, that should tell folks everything they need to know about his candidacy.

In the end, if someone out there wants to criticize another person, at least have the decency to be factual in the attacks being made. At the bare minimum, let the hate be grounded in something that can survive being fact-checked. Otherwise, shut the fuckidy-fuck up and get off of our television screens. Good day.

The Day Ann Coulter Went Too Far

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So, Ann Coulter finally did it, huh? She finally said something that gave conservatives ulcers and conniption fits. Honestly, I never thought I’d see this day, man. After the years upon years of top shelf tomfoolery, her own constituents finally see her for the shiny turd she’s always been. I only have one question for her former supporters? What the hell took y’all so long? In any case, welcome to the side of the rational. Apparently, today is the day Ms. Ann finally went too far. Well, depending on who you ask.

To be fair, there aren’t too many things that are off limits in this country when it comes to free speech. Anytime I take a stroll through the wonderful streets of FacebookTwitter and Instagram, I see some of the most vile comments imaginable. However; there’s one faction of people who are generally left alone by individuals with even a morsel of morals: soldiers and their families. This general rule of thumb was blatantly violated by Ann after Khizr Khan‘s speech at the Democratic National Convention. Khan, the father of deceased Army Captain Humayun S.M. Khan, ridiculed Donald Trump‘s rhetoric against Muslims, especially since his son sacrificed his life for this country. During a tour in Iraq in 2004, Captain Khan saved the lives of his troops by telling them to stay back while he investigated a suspicious vehicle. Ultimately, this vehicle was packed with explosives and claimed Khan’s life. Based on the fact Trump’s plan is to ban all Muslims from the United States, Khizr Khan painted a real life picture of the sacrifices made by members of this community.

Since good ol’ Ann is a star player on Team Trump, she decided to take aim at Khan and his wife. According to her, Khan is an “angry Muslim with a thick accent like Fareed Zacaria.” Now, there are several things wrong with this statement. First, the CNN host’s proper name is Fareed Zakaria. Second, why was his name brought up in the first place? He had nothing to do with nothing, son. Third, talking about someone’s accent is a textbook example of racism, man. His accent doesn’t sound like hers, so apparently, there’s something wrong with him. Fourth, a man’s son gives the ultimate sacrifice for the country she claims to love and THIS is what she says about his family? Man, there is literally no pit of Hell this woman won’t sink to. You know things are bad when conservatives lose their collective minds. According to John Podhoretz, he’s ashamed to have ever known her. Jerry Saltz forwarded her a picture of Captain Khan’s gravesite and Yair Rosenberg questioned whether Ann was hugged enough as a child.

To be frank, I’m confused as to why it took people so long to realize Ann Coulter is a terrible human being. She was a terrible human being when she talked about Latin America‘s imaginary “rape culture” while campaigning for Trump. She was a terrible human being when she told a disabled Vietnam vet that people like him caused us to lose the war. She was a terrible human being when she suggested making a televised sport out of torturing Arabs. I mean, the list goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on, son. She’s literally one of the most despicable people walking this planet, man. It’s no wonder she has such a deep love for Trump. They’re made for each other.

In the end, do I really have to say anything else, bruh? Ann Coulter is exactly who we think she is. She’s always been this person, and FINALLY, her own compatriots are starting to see it. Hopefully, her audience has had enough of her, man. To be honest, I was done with her about fifteen years ago. Good day.