A Post Of Jokes For Folks Mad About A Black Mermaid

So, I won’t lie, son. Real talk, I can’t even pretend like I’m surprised, man. I mean, anytime there’s an opportunity, bigots are going to dig into their bigotry bag, fam. In any case, this The Little Mermaid shit is especially preposterous. Like, really? Really, folks? We’re seriously out here debating the race of a fictional character? *Sigh* I guess it’s time to get these jokes off, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Disney just brought out the prejudice in a number of people. Now, Halle Bailey, one half of the Beyoncé-signed sister duo Chloe x Halle, was cast as Ariel in the upcoming live-action version of The Little Mermaid. Anyway, on paper, Bailey definitely has the chops to kill this role. I mean, she’s a credible actress, as seen on Grown-ish, and she’s an incredible singer. So, this should be a layup, right? Well, not according to a bunch of racists on social media, son.

Now, from the minute news went out, the hate train started rolling, man. Shit, whether we’re talking about the #NotMyAriel hashtag or the “Make Ariel White Again” group on Facebook, an unfortunate faction of people started to attack Bailey’s race. Apparently, a fictional character, who is also an imaginary entity, cannot be Black. All I can say is, are folks fucking serious, fam?!

Listen, to begin, Ariel is a fucking mermaid, bruh. Last time I checked, MERMAIDS AREN’T REAL, SON! Hell, this is like when Megyn Kelly and company legitimately tried to argue the race of Santa Claus on Fox News. Seriously, are certain White people so insecure, they need fake characters to validate themselves? Fam, we’re talking about a cotdamn mermaid who’s friends with a Jamaican crab and gets her voice box taken by an octopus in a dress. That’s the fight these folks are trying to fight, man? For God‘s sake, don’t these people have more important shit to worry about? Are they paying their mortgages on time? Did their children eat for dinner? Like, the ethnicity of Ariel is not the hill to die on, brethren.

In the end, I need everyone to understand something: if the race of Ariel causes a person to say bad shit about Black people, then they’re racist. Ultimately, there are no ifs, ands or buts about it, son. By and by, if White people weren’t pissed about the casting of Gods of Egypt, then shut the fuck up. If they weren’t pissed about Fisher Stevens playing Ben Jabituya in Short Circuit, then shut the fuck up. If they weren’t pissed about Scarlett Johansson playing a fucking Japanese cyborg in Ghost in the Shell, then PLEASE shut the fuck up. Side bar, I love Scarlett Johansson, but that’s neither here nor there. At the end of the day, race only becomes an issue in casting when White people don’t get the role. So, these folks can kiss the crack of every minority ass, man. That is all. LC out.

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The BeyHive Needs To Chill

So, let me be honest, son. On the real, I’m legitimately scared right now, man. I mean, no one in their right mind wants to run afoul of the BeyHive, fam. Frankly, I’m more frightened of them than the Bloods and Crips combined, bruh. In any case, the BeyHive really needs to chill, brethren. All in all, they truly have to relax on terrorizing innocent people.

Ok, for those who missed it, Jay-Z and Beyoncé were courtside for Game 4 between the Golden State Warriors and the Toronto Raptors. Moving on, there was a point where Hov was chopping it up with Nicole Curran, the wife of the owner of the Warriors. Now, in terms of positioning, Bey was sitting in between Jay and Curran while this conversation was occurring. Anyway, at some point, Bey’s face got serious, for who knows what reason. All I know is, that’s when shit went haywire, son.

Now, immediately following this incident, the BeyHive went into attack mode. I mean, they found Curran’s Instagram page and hit her with every bee emoji that social media would allow. Like, it got to the point where the woman had to defend herself AND Bey’s publicist had to tell the BeyHive to fall back. All I can say is, what are we doing out here, man? Shit, we have NO idea why Bey made that face. Hell, she could’ve just wanted to watch the game, fam. The fact is, the BeyHive went full Rambo without context, bruh. Real talk, if Bey was getting argumentative with Curran, then I’d probably understand. But damn, at least let the drama pop off before trying to hit this woman with the guillotine, son.

In the end, I’ve probably taken a major chance, man. Ultimately, criticizing the BeyHive is a risky move, fam. By and by, I might’ve put my life in danger, bruh. The truth is, my own wife would willingly sacrifice me to the Beyoncé gods, son. At the end of the day, I don’t want any problems, brethren. Frankly, I’m just trying to let the BeyHive know it’s okay to take their trigger fingers off of the chopper. Listen, they don’t always have to air out the entire room, folks. That is all. LC out.

Don’t Ever Throw Hands With Mike Tyson

So, let me get straight to the point, son. On the real, there are just certain things in life I would never do, man. Like, I would never climb Mount Everest. I mean, just take a look at all of the people who are dying as we speak. In addition, I would never play Russian Roulette. Shit, why would someone invent that stupid ass game, brethren? Lastly, I would never get into a fucking fist fight with Mike Tyson. For God‘s sake, what was Wack 100 thinking, fam?! All in all, ain’t no podcast convo worth a left hook to the dome, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Wack, The Game‘s manager, was recently a guest on Tyson’s Hotboxin’ with Mike Tyson podcast. Now, since Tyson has gotten into the weed game, he basically gets high with his guests and has a grand ol’ time. Side note, I need to make it out to Tyson Ranch, son. Anyway, the conversation went left when Tyson asked Wack about Tupac Shakur. Basically, Wack has been talking wild shit about Pac for years and Tyson was one of Pac’s closest friends. Needless to say, Tyson didn’t take too kindly to the disrespect, man.

Moving on, here’s where things get foggy, fam. Now, as alluded to by Wack, he apparently swung on Tyson first. From there, his story becomes vague. On the other hand, Tyson responded by quoting himself and saying “everyone has a plan ’til they get punched in the mouth” on Instagram. Either way, it seems like Wack got his fucking wig rocked by Tyson. With all of that being said, what kind of dumbass fights Mike Tyson ON PURPOSE?!

Look, do I need to bring up the footage, bruh? Hell, Tyson used to MURDER people in the boxing ring, son! Real talk, he specialized in hurting the fuck out of people, man. Like, I can’t remember the dude’s name, but I’m pretty sure Tyson knocked a dude out from a body shot, fam. A fucking body shot, y’all! All I know is, that is NOT the man to fuck with. The way I see it, Wack can save all that “but who landed the first shot” shit. If I hooked off on the Hulk first and got smashed into dust, who really won, people?

In the end, just leave Mike Tyson alone, son. Ultimately, that dude spent a LIFETIME being a crazy motherfucker. By and by, if he wants to just lay back and smoke weed, then let that guy cook, man. At the end of the day, we don’t need the “I want to eat his children” dude to resurface, fam. That is all. LC out.

Don’t Ruin ‘Avengers: Endgame’ For Me!

So, I played myself, son. Like, I waited too long to get Avengers: Endgame tickets, man. In any case, I have to wait until next week to get my IMAX 3D experience, fam. With that being said, I’d like to address all of my compatriots who are blessed to see the movie this weekend. From the bottom of my heart, DON’T RUIN THE FUCKING MOVIE FOR ME, BRUH!

On the real, I don’t have much to say, son. Frankly, I just know how social media works, man. Hell, most of the time, folks can’t WAIT to jump on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to spoil shit. Keeping it a buck, just by writing this post, I bet a couple of dummies are going to try and fuck shit up for me. However, I’m imploring everyone to not be a dick, fam. Please allow me to cry from joy in my own time, bruh.

In the end, that’s all I’ve got, son. Ultimately, waiting a week to see this movie is making me siiiiiiick, man. By and by, I need Thanos in my life, fam. At the end of the day, I’m probably going to have to quit social media until next week, bruh. That’s probably the only way for me to be safe. Well, besides my friends who have my number. But, in that case, I can just assault them. Yeah, that sounds about right. That is all. LC out.

Does Anyone Still F*ck With Kodak Black?

So, let me begin this post by saying that I’ve never been a Kodak Black fan, son. Like, never. I mean, even if we remove the real-life fuckery he’s always engaged in, I just can’t get into the music, man. In any case, his penchant for cooth-lessness re-emerged when he tried to shoot his shot at Lauren London. All in all, this ain’t the time for the bullshit, fam. Side note, I know “cooth-lessness” isn’t a word. But, it made perfect sense, right?

Ok, for those who missed it, Kodak is still out here being Kodak. Now, in light of Nipsey Hussle‘s death, Kodak thought it was a good idea to reveal his thoughts about London. So, according to his IG Live, he plans on giving London a year of “crying and shit” before he tries to holla. Look, Nip ain’t even in the ground yet and homie is already scheming on his woman. For God‘s sake, let the lady grieve in piece, bruh. Frankly, she ain’t got time to entertain Kodak’s tomfoolery. She has children to raise, son. That’s a hard enough job in and of itself, man.

Moving on, I don’t even know why I’m surprised, fam. Shit, Kodak has a long, long, loooooong history of nonsense, bruh. Like, didn’t he just get accused of rape… again? Seriously, what would it take for fans to acknowledge that their favorite artists might be trash? On the real, even if someone fucks with Kodak’s music, at what point do we say “nah, I’m off the bullshit”? In my eyes, dude consistently shows us who he is and we just let it slide. For the life of me, I don’t understand it, son.

In the end, it ain’t nothing for me to disregard Kodak, man. Ultimately, I was never on the wave to begin with, fam. By and by, disrespecting a widow should never be tolerated, bruh. Side note, rape should never be tolerated either, but folks just keep letting the allegations cook. Anyway, all love to Lauren London during her time of mourning. At the end of the day, she needs to be uplifted, not fetishized. That is all. LC out.

Will Smith Needs To Put Hands On August Alsina

So, I have an idea for Will Smith. Now, I know he’s in the middle of his Will Smith’s Bucket List show. Anyway, I truly believe he should add “beat a dude’s ass on camera” to the docket, son. I mean, he might really need to give August Alsina that work, man. Listen, as a husband myself, I wouldn’t even care about the truth, fam. The way I see it, insinuations of infidelity are enough for someone to catch these hands, elbows, knees and feet, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Alsina may be out here wilin’, son. Now, the singer just dropped a new song/video called “Nunya.” On the track, he’s waxing poetic about a woman who isn’t giving him any action, but still asking about his sex life. Moving on, in the visuals, a text message is shown with him and a woman named Koren. Side note, this is notable because social media is alleging that Jada Pinkett Smith’s middle name is “Koren.” In any case, a GIF of Jada appears in the text thread and Alsina also sings “you’re just an actress putting on a show.”

Now, let me explain why Will needs to beat the brakes off of this dude. Look, if a guy I know smashed my wife, he needs to catch these hands. If a guy I know even makes it seem like he’s smashing my wife, he needs to catch these hands. Shit, I know that Alsina has always maintained that he’s super close to the Smith family. But, if I were Will, I’d like to know why homie feels comfortable enough to be this damn ambiguous. Nah, fam, someone needs to get put in a leg lock, man. Frankly, Alsina is way outta pocket with this track, bruh.

In the end, Will Smith knows what he needs to do, son. Ultimately, he’s the king of viral moments right now. So, why not unleash the Philly hands on Instagram, man? By and by, it’ll be the most cherished video in the history of social media, fam. At the end of the day, I’d pay any amount of money to watch Will Smith sleep August Alsina on film, bruh. That is all. LC out.

Cardi B: When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

So, let me begin this post by saying that I’m a Cardi B fan. I mean, if anyone has read my blog, they’d know that, son. On the real, I’ve always appreciated the fact that she’s herself, regardless of the situation. On top of that, she’s from the Bronx, so that’s just code, man. With all of that being said, she needs to knock off the dumb shit, fam. Listen, we all know that she had a life before Rap. However, she needs to keep some of that shit to herself, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Cardi is getting flamed for some shit she said on Instagram three years ago. So, based on her own admissions, she used to rob men during her stripper days. Now, to take it a step further, she admitted to luring men in who wanted to have sex with her, drugging them and THEN robbing them. Apparently, she did all of this because of “limited options.” Listen, I didn’t put “limited options” in quotations because I don’t believe she struggled. I phrased it like that because that’s still no fucking excuse, son. Look, I’m not naïve to crime, man. I’ve seen my fair share of fuckery while growing up in the Bronx, fam. But, she’s crazy if she thinks that people co-sign any of this behavior, bruh. Wrong is wrong is wrong, folks.

In addition, she ain’t need to confess to any of this shit, bruh. Like, this is the type of tomfoolery that got Liam Neeson in trouble. Real talk, no one needed to know that Neeson was looking for random Black dudes to kill, son. The same way that no one needed to know that Cardi was out here drugging dudes and doing Lord knows what to them. Now, instead of just tending to business, the public is looking at the both of them crazy, man. Hell, in the #MeToo era, Cardi can’t be out here talking about drugging people, fam. That’s the same shit that got Bill Cosby (rightfully) hemmed up.

In the end, Cardi needs to leave the past in the past. Ultimately, we already know that she’s not a perfect individual, bruh. By and by, she doesn’t need to keep reaffirming this. At this point, she’s just incriminating herself, son. Just watch, a bunch of dudes are about to come out and claim that Cardi did this to them. *Sigh* All of these younger artists just like snitching on themselves on social media, man. I just hope they know that the cops are listening, fam. That is all. LC out.

P.S. I don’t like the false equivalence between her actions and being a drug dealer. Yes, both are crimes, but at least a crackhead chose to do crack, son. All in all, Cardi’s victims ain’t choose shit, man. They just woke up with their possessions (and pride) gone. Keeping it a buck, I can guarantee that they didn’t sign up for that, fam. Good day.