I Don’t Care About ‘Covfefe’

So, to be real, I wasn’t even going to write about this story, son. I mean, keeping it a buck, Donald Trump‘s inability to spell is not news. Look, his grammatical error game is strong on Twitter, man. Frankly, I’m surprised when he’s actually able to tweet a coherent thought, fam. That’s how rarely that event occurs, bruh. In any case, I don’t like how this nonsense is distracting us from the Trump administration’s usual fuckery. In any case, LC is here to remind everyone of just that, son.

Now, before I continue, let me get one thing out of the way. Man, someone needs to put Sean Spicer out of his misery, bruh. Listen, defending Trump MUST be killing him inside. Fam, this dude really stood behind a podium and said “the President and a small group of people know exactly what he meant.” Good fucking Lord, man! This administration can’t even admit to a fucking typo, son! That statement is one of the most preposterous collections of words I’ve ever heard in my life. Look, Spicer, NO ONE believes that bullshit, man! Absolutely no one.

Moving on, let me be perfectly clear about this entire brouhaha. I don’t care about “covfefe” because the House Intelligence Committee just subpoenaed Michael Flynn and Michael Cohen, Trump’s personal lawyer. I don’t care about “covfefe” because James Comey has agreed to testify before the Senate. I don’t care about “covfefe” because Trump is having a war of words with Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany. As a reminder, Germany is an ally of ours. Needless to say, so much real shit is happening out here, we shouldn’t have time to worry about the fact that Trump is dumber than a fifth grader. We all need to be paying attention to the real issues, fam. It’s getting ugly out here, son. Really ugly.

In the end, we all know Trump is an idiot, man. That tidbit is not news. At this point, we all need to be worrying about the inner workings of this administration. Ultimately, the FBI and the intelligence committees need to get to the bottom of the real tomfoolery, son. Until then, please keep the stupidity out of the media, fam. Thanks. LC out.


Greg Gianforte: The Stone Cold Steve Austin Of Politics

Bruh, what manner of fuckery is this? I mean, is this how our politicians are getting down now? Look, I know we’re in the age of Donald Trump, but there has to be a limit to the foolishness, right? Son, Greg Gianforte really just took a hatred of the press to the next level. For a moment, he forgot he was running for Congress and took up Stone Cold Steve Austin‘s mantle. All I know is, I’m not sure how practicing wrestling moves can help a campaign.

Now, I won’t lie, son. When I first heard the story I’m about to tell, I laughed. Like, I couldn’t fathom the idea of a politician doing what Gianforte did, man. So, for those who are unaware, Gianforte physically attacked a reporter. It all began when Ben Jacobs, a journalist from The Guardian, walked into Gianforte’s campaign headquarters and put a recorder in front of Gianforte. Apparently, he wanted to know Gianforte’s take on the latest Congressional Budget Office report. This newly-released document stated that 23 million people would lose health insurance under the recently-approved American Health Care Act. Needless to say, Gianforte wasn’t thrilled by the question.

From there, Gianforte grabbed Jacobs by the neck, body slammed him and then started punching him in the face. Now, how do we know all of this? Because Alicia Acuna, a Fox News reporter, was one of the people in the room when the assault occurred. Meaning, they were able to refute Gianforte’s claim that Jacobs was physically aggressive towards him. All in all, Gianforte went into Wolverine berserker mode and started bugging out on Jacobs.

Man, what in the fuckity-fuck is good in these streets? Son, this dude is running for Congress? Like, he’s trying to be down with the House of Representatives? For real?! How the fuck can anyone in Montana vote for this dude if he behaves like this? How can this man be trusted by anyone? For God‘s sake, he attacked a man for asking him a question! How does that action exude any type of leadership or self-control? At this point, Montana should be ashamed of themselves if they elect this clown. Hell, he was just arrested for what he did to Jacobs. Ultimately, he doesn’t deserve a seat in the House, fam.

In the end, our political system has gone to Hell, son. Listen, I literally can’t guess what will happen next with our elected officials. Seriously, everyone has lost their fucking minds around here. At this rate, I might really have to run for office, man. I mean, I’m competent enough, right? Right?! Yeah, I thought so. LC out.

How About That Obamacare Repeal?

First off, despite the title of today’s post, I’m going to stop referring to the Affordable Care Act as Obamacare. On the real, Republicans have used this phrasing to stigmatize the issue in the minds of their base. This is exactly why a number of GOP voters don’t even realize that Obamacare and ACA are the same damn thing. In any case, now is a good time to laugh at the right-wing. Despite being in control of the presidency AND both houses of Congress, they still couldn’t muster up enough votes to pass the American Health Care Act. I’m sorry, but that’s fucking hilarious, son.

Now, I’d like someone to explain this failure to me. Ever since ACA became law, the GOP has made it their mission to bring it down. I mean, along with taking away women’s rights and banning all Muslims, repealing ACA is at the top of the Republican agenda. So, with that being said, how could they lose in such epic fashion? The GOP literally has home court advantage, son.

Look, they control the House of Representatives, the Senate and the presidency, man! That’s like having Shaquille O’Neal, Wilt Chamberlain and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on the same team, bruh. The Democrats really can’t do shit but cry in a corner. All that, and Republicans STILL couldn’t convince enough members to vote for the new bill. Shit, “pitiful” isn’t even a strong enough word, son.

Moving on, as expected, Donald Trump is lashing out at anyone within arm’s reach. First, he took aim at the Democrats. He blamed them for not supporting ACHA at all. Once he remembered that his party controls everything, he shifted the blame to his own people. Ultimately, he attacked the House Freedom Caucus and Club for Growth and Heritage Action for America for the crushing defeat. All in all, I don’t give a fuck who’s responsible, man. The bill was trash, most Trump supporters actually signed up for ACA and the White House has no idea how to lead. All I know is, if they can’t get this done, they’re going to have a tough road ahead of them.

In the end, shout-out to the GOP for blowing a 3-1 lead. I’m sure the Golden State Warriors would be very proud. Now, was that an unnecessary knock on Stephen Curry and company? Yes, yes it was, son. Big whoop, wanna fight about it? LC out.

I’m Not Paying For A Wall

I’m not paying for a wall. I’m not paying for a wall. I’m not paying for a wall. I’m not paying for a wall. I’m not paying for a wall. I’m not paying for a wall. I’m not paying for a wall. I’m not paying for a wall. I’M NOT PAYING FOR A WALL! I’M NOT PAYING FOR A WALL!!!

Do these GOP assholes understand what I’m saying right now? The American people have no fucking business paying for Donald Trump‘s imaginary wall along the Mexican border. Look, everything about this wall is ridiculous, son. First, it’s inherently racist. Republicans have painted Mexicans as nothing but a group of rapists and criminals who are here to take everyone’s jobs. Despite the fact that there is no evidence to support this widespread belief, this type of rhetoric has been used to dupe gullible Americans. Now, Congress is trying to make the citizens foot the bill for Trump’s passion project.

Now, every facet of this wall has been problematic from the beginning. During his presidential campaign, Trump constantly said that Mexico would pay for the wall’s construction. With that being said, the Mexican government has made it abundantly clear that no such thing will happen. So, if Mexico basically told us to go fuck ourselves, then who will be responsible for ponying up the money? All I know is, it damn sure won’t be me, son.

Keeping it a buck, my resolve is now even stronger after watching a press conference with Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan. These fools really said this wall is going to cost between $12 billion and $15 billion. Bruh, what? What?! How many billions of dollars?! Man, get these Ronald McDonald-ass clowns the fuck outta here, son! On the real, unless we go to war with Mexico, there’s no way we can make them pay for this tomfoolery. All in all, not one red cent of my tax money better help fund this bullshit, man!

Ultimately, I want the GOP to take their Secure Fence Act and shove it up their asses, bruh. If they want to be bigots against an entire group of people, then tell them to use their own bread, son. I mean, they have more money than all of us anyway. *Sigh* I’m going to go find some bourbon, man. LC out.

C-SPAN: Broadcasting Live From Russia

Bruh, honestly, we, the American people, must be living in the Twilight Zone. Day after day, new situations arise that make me question my sanity, man. Look, all I really want to know is, why is Russia in all of our shit, son? It’s bad enough they purposely hacked us to influence our presidential election, but now they’re fucking with our television networks? Why is Russia becoming so emboldened with the fuck shit and why is America doing nothing about it? On the real, we need to put these clowns back in their place before we find the KGB ordering breakfast at Starbucks.

Now, for those who are unaware, last night, during an online feed of the House of Representatives on C-SPAN, the programming was interrupted by the Kremlin-backed RT channel. Keep in mind, this channel is one of the entities suspected of working with WikiLeaks to disseminate hacked information. Even though C-SPAN stated they’re still investigating the issue, they were quick to say “we don’t believe that we were hacked.” Well, if they’re still trying to find the root cause of the interruption, how do they know whether or not they were hacked? Why are folks always so quick to dismiss Russian meddling? Honestly, I’m beginning to think people want Russian influence on our government. That’s the only reason I can think of as to why certain people just continually shrug these actions off.

In my eyes, if this isn’t Russian hacking, then it’s a HELL of a coincidence, son. After all of the nonsense they pulled during our election, I’m extremely doubtful this is just some random occurrence. With all of the intelligence reports circulating around about Russian tomfoolery, do people really expect me to believe they just happened to broadcast over a faction of our Congress? Man, get the flying fuckity-hot-fuck outta here, son! Anyone who believes that is dumber than Forrest Gump trying to ride a hoverboard.

In the end, my head hurts, man. America is becoming a clown show and all of these countries see it. That’s exactly why Russia feels like they can do whatever they want. We’re about to have an administration that’s too stupid to see they’re getting played. At this rate, my wife may just convince me to go back to the Caribbean after all. LC out.

What Is The Point Of The Electoral College?

To begin, I know exactly what the point of the Electoral College is. However; as this recent election, along with the 2000 George W. BushAl Gore race, has shown us, this system is fucking bullshit, man! As it currently stands, Hillary Clinton has amassed 62.8 million votes across the country. In comparison, Donald Trump has pulled in 61.5 million total votes. Now, despite securing well over a million more votes than Trump, Clinton somehow lost the election by 74 projected electoral votes (306 to 232). Based on this result, on December 19th, the actual Electoral College is supposed to vote and confirm Trump’s presidency. So, let me get this straight, son. This woman could literally have a million MORE people on her side and still get trounced in the race? If that ain’t a sign that the Electoral College needs to go, we all must be wrong about simple mathematics, man.

Now, for those who don’t understand the Electoral College, I’ll try to give a little bit of background. I’m not going to go balls deep into the issue, but I’d like to give some insight on its purpose. So, the idea is, the Senate, the House of Representatives and three additional electors from Washington, D.C. vote for who will ultimately become the President and the Vice President. The way this vote works, all states, except for Maine and Nebraska, vote in a “winner-take-all” manner. Meaning, if a candidate has the most general election votes in a particular state, the electors from that state give all of their votes to that candidate. In addition, the number of electors per state depends on the population of that state. This is why states like New York, California, Florida and Texas have a shit-ton of electors.

With all of that being said, this system is fucking broken, son! First, the founding fathers put this system in place because they did NOT want the popular vote to choose the president. That’s a major red flag, man. Way to circumvent the will of the people, douchebags! Second, this system gives way too much power to “swing states.” Every four years, we can basically guess how most of the country will behave. California will most likely be a blue state, while Texas will most likely be a red state. Meaning, places like fucking Ohio and Iowa ultimately have the upper hand on who will win the election. Look, son, maybe it’s just me, but a couple of random states shouldn’t have that much fucking influence. If the overall country is leaning towards a particular candidate, why should we all have to suffer because a few states in the Midwest decided to do some fuck shit? It doesn’t make any sense, man! More Americans wanted Clinton as our president, bro. I don’t give a flying fuck about what people in Michigan are thinking. These swing states ruined it for all of us, son!

Ultimately, I could keep going with my Electoral College hate fest. However; I should probably get back to work. I need to make sure I acquire as much funds as possible, son. I damn sure ain’t gonna be broke during the revolution, bro. All I know is, Donald Trump ain’t my president, man. Tell his supporters to come and get me. Good day.

P.S. It’s funny, as in not funny, how Trump now praises the Electoral College after calling it a disaster back in 2012. I guess it’s only “genius” when it benefits him instead of a Black man. That is all.

Thank You, America

Thank you, America. Thank you for hating Hispanics. Thank you for hating Muslims. Thank you for hating Black people. Thank you for hating women. Thank you for hating the LGBTQ community. Thank you for hating disabled people. Thank you for hating every group of individuals Donald Trump has shitted on over the course of this election. America, you have emphatically shown us what type of despicable country you are and what you actually value: bigotry across all platforms. Bravo, America! Fucking bravo!

At this point, I could write two sentences or I could write an entire dissertation. I’m truly fucking confused by what happened last night. People, please tell me I’m dreaming. Please tell me Trump isn’t really the next president of our country. Please tell me we didn’t let an overwhelming wave of hate, irrational fear and stupidity guide the future of our nation. Look, I’m absolutely APPALLED by the people of this country. I just hope we’re all ready for a strong presence of racism, sexism, xenophobia, religious persecution and tax breaks for the rich. We’ve already seen bigots become way more emboldened as Trump gained power, and with him going to the Oval Office, I don’t see that weakening any time soon. When we add up a Republican presidency, Senate, House, and most likely, Supreme Court, that equals four years of unadulterated HELL!

In the end, I have nothing else to say, son. Nothing at all, man. All I know is, I’m not writing shit for the rest of this week, possibly longer. I’m done. Fucking done here. As my fiancée always says, “this country isn’t for us.” In this case, the “us” is literally EVERY disenfranchised group. Goodbye.

P.S. I don’t want to hear SHIT from anyone who didn’t vote or voted for a third-party candidate. They, along with a higher turnout of uneducated White voters, allowed this nonsense to happen. Thanks for absolutely nothing, y’all.