Julia Roberts Ain’t Nobody’s Harriet Tubman

So, on today’s episode of Folks Be Doing The Cotdamn Most, we get one of the most laughable stories I’ve ever heard. Look, I couldn’t make this story up if I tried, son. Now, according to Gregory Allen Howard, the screenwriter for Kasi LemmonsHarriet, a studio executive once wanted Julia Roberts to play Harriet Tubman. *Sigh* Let me say that again, man. Once upon a time, a Hollywood exec wanted Roberts, a whole White woman, to play one of this country’s most-notable African-Americans. All I know is, I’m at a complete loss for words, fam.

Ok, for those who are unaware, a Harriet Tubman movie has been on the docket since the early 1990s. Now, back in 1994, Howard was already tasked to write the film’s screenplay. In any case, during a meeting about the movie, this unnamed exec floated the idea of getting Roberts to play Tubman. Moving on, when everyone in their right mind said “homie, you wilin’,” the aforementioned exec replied “it was so long ago, no one is going to know the difference.”

Now, I don’t even know where to begin with this story, bruh. I mean, I can’t even express in words how preposterous that idea was, son. Listen, Hollywood has SUCH a lack-of-faith in Black stories that they’ll do ANYTHING to whitewash it, man. Fam, on what planet is it cool to have a White woman play a Black woman who freed other Black people from slavery?! Like, what? What?! All I can say is, I’ll be down for a White Harriet if they’ll be down for a Black Elvis with dreads and a spliff. So, who’s ready for the shits now, bruh?

In the end, I’m a little ashamed of myself, son. Ultimately, I’m surprised that I can still be surprised by some of the fuckity-mcfuckery that happens in this country, man. By and by, situations like this are why I’m a firm believer in minorities controlling our own stories. At the end of the day, we can’t depend on outsiders to do right by us, fam. The way I see it, allies are ALWAYS great. But, we also need to determine our own destinies. That is all. LC out.

My Tug-Of-War With ‘Harriet’

Disclaimer: Spoilers, I guess.

So, let me begin this post by saying that I have not seen Kasi LemmonsHarriet movie yet. In fact, the current plan is for my wife and I to see it at some point this weekend. Side note, I know that I’ve previously expressed my exhaustion with slave movies. But, I also said that I still wanted to see this film. In any case, after hearing about the inclusion of the Bigger Long character, I was slightly taken aback, son. All in all, I don’t know what to make of that storyline, man.

Ok, for those who are unaware, the internet is currently divided on what to think about Bigger Long’s presence in the Harriet movie. Now, in regards to the plot, Long is a Black bounty hunter who was hired to catch Harriet Tubman by her slave owner, Gideon Brodess. Moving on, despite being the catalyst for Long’s pursuit, Brodess ultimately kills him before he can harm Tubman. With all of that being said, a number of people, including myself, are thrown off by the fact that a White slave owner ends up saving a Black woman from a Black man.

Now, to be fair, I’m fully aware of the fact that there were Black bounty hunters during slavery. Sadly, there were a couple of reasons why a former slave would take up this profession. First, there were individuals who were looking for a way to provide for themselves and ended up selling out their own people in the process. Second, there were just some evil ass bastards who inexplicably hated their own kind. Either way, it was a fucked up way to live, fam. Moving on, the main issue with the film is the fact that no one can find a record of anyone like Bigger Long in Tubman’s history.

Look, let’s keep it a buck, bruh. Shit, against better judgment, people tend to take biopics at face value, son. Meaning, it’s easy for folks to just blindly believe what’s being presented to them. So, for anyone who isn’t willing to do the research for themselves, they’re going to leave the movie theater thinking that a Black man was trying to kill a Black woman and a White man saved her. I mean, no matter how Lemmons tries to justify it, that’s exactly what that scene means, man. Now, I’m not going to sit here and pretend like that’s the crux of the story. Mainly because I haven’t seen the movie yet. But, why add this dynamic to a story that didn’t require it, fam? Like, it’s not as if Lemmons added some random ass friend to the plot. She added an entire Black villain, kinfolk. Listen, Tubman’s life was wild enough without the added racial ambiguity, brethren.

In the end, I’m not sure if my issue is with Lemmons or Hollywood, in general. Ultimately, Black people always campaign to be represented by major studios. However, when we get the chance, our stories are dramatized in unnecessary ways. Then, to make matters worse, the community is guilt-tripped into supporting because “we might not get another opportunity.” So, we’re forced to deal with inaccuracies in fear of getting nothing at all. At the end of the day, I’m fucking conflicted, son. Like, I want to see the movie, but I don’t want folks, even women like Lemmons, to take needless liberties with our history. *Sigh* I don’t know, man. Frankly, I’m just thinking out loud, fam. Honestly, I’d like to hear other people’s take on this, bruh. Holla at me. That is all. LC out.

Omarion Is The New Phil Jackson

So, I won’t lie, son. On the real, we can all learn from Omarion, man. Like, his level of chill is something to behold, fam. All I know is, if Apryl Jones was my ex and Lil’ Fizz was my friend, someone would’ve been put in a rear-naked choke by now. The way I see it, Omarion is the new Phil Jackson, bruh. Meaning, he’s this generation’s Zen Master. With that being said, I can’t do anything but salute him, brethren.

Ok, for those who are unaware, Jones, the mother of Omarion’s children, and Fizz, his B2K bandmate, are dating. Now, simply on principle, this situation is all types of wrong, son. I mean, on what planet is it cool for my ex to date my homie? Shit, I don’t even know who’s fouler here, man. First, there’s Jones, who has both of Omarion’s kids. Next, there’s Fizz, who’s been in a group with Omarion since 1999. All in all, I don’t care how they cut it or slice it, fam. Furthermore, I don’t care how much Fizz tries to downplay his friendship with Omarion. The fact is, both of these muhfuckas are fucked up, bruh.

Now, if I’m being frank, the fact that Jones and Fizz are dating isn’t even my biggest problem, son. Honestly, it’s the public disrespect that gets me, man. To be fair, I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I’m aware of the inner-workings of Jones’ relationship with Omarion. For all I know, Omarion could’ve been a bastard to her, fam. But, the general masses can’t do anything but speculate about that. However, we DO know that Omarion has never publicly said/done anything shitty against Jones or Fizz. If anything, he’s taken the “I don’t care, as long as it doesn’t affect my business” approach. Yet, the two of those fuckity-fucks talk crazy about him at every turn.

Look, if anyone has watched an episode of Love & Hip Hop, they’d know that Jones spends a lot of the show talking shit about Omarion. At the same time, Fizz is always in the background, being “supportive” and claiming that he doesn’t care how Omarion feels. All the while, Omarion hasn’t said a cotdamn thing, bruh. Hell, he just did a reunion tour with B2K and still ain’t beat the brakes off of Fizz, son. In my eyes, that’s a level of self-control that I aspire to attain, man. Listen, the way my anger is setup, if I were Omarion, I would’ve done the “Touch” dance with my feet on Fizz’ face, fam.

In the end, Omarion’s zen is some otherworldly shit, bruh. Ultimately, it definitely seems like Apryl Jones and Lil’ Fizz go out of their way to disrespect him, son. By and by, I can’t speak to what happens behind closed doors. All I know is, this “new” couple is continuously going outside and acting a mutt, man. At the end of the day, it couldn’t be me, fam. Seriously, at this point, some heads would have to roll, bruh. That is all. LC out.

P.S. Apryl Jones is bad as shit, son. So, yeah, I might shoot Fizz some bail, man. Don’t judge me! Good day.

Can We Get A Mansa Musa Movie?

So, I won’t lie, son. On the real, I may alienate some people with this statement, but I’m fucking tired of slave movies, man. Like, how many films about slavery can we possibly make, fam? I swear, every year, there’s another “critically-acclaimed” movie about the horrors our Black ancestors had to endure. Yes, it’s very important to give an accurate depiction of our history. But, slavery isn’t the only history we have, bruh. With that being said, can we please get a Mansa Musa movie?

Ok, for some background, the upcoming Harriet film inspired this post. Now, before I get chewed to bits, I absolutely believe that Harriet Tubman deserves a quality film. The truth is, Harriet isn’t necessarily my problem. In actuality, Harriet is just a symptom of a larger issue. Frankly, I think Hollywood is just obsessed with slave movies, son. I mean, whether we’re talking about Amistad or 12 Years a Slave or The Birth of a Nation or Django Unchained, there always seems to be a new slave film in the works, man. Keep in mind, I love all of the aforementioned movies, fam. But, the Black experience shouldn’t just be relegated to slavery, drugs, sports or fucking music, bruh.

In any case, I’d like Hollywood (well, Black directors) to venture outside of the usual subject matter. The way I see it, there’s no excuse for the lack of a big-budget Mansa Musa movie, son. Shit, we’re literally talking about the wealthiest person in human history, man. How is it possible that the richest man ever, who happens to be Black, isn’t bombarding our theaters, fam? In my eyes, it’s not a coincidence that we’re always depicted as slaves, but not as royalty, bruh. So, take that for what it’s worth, folks.

In the end, I’m putting all of Black Hollywood on notice, son. Ultimately, I’m not telling people not to see movies like Harriet. Hell, my wife and I definitely plan on seeing the film. However, I’m challenging Spike Lee or Ava DuVernay or Steve McQueen or whoever to tackle these types of projects. By and by, I’ve read that Ryan Coogler and Michael B. Jordan have expressed interest in making a Mansa Musa movie. At the end of the day, I just want us to move away from the regular script, pun intended. The truth is, slavery isn’t the only thing that defines Black people. So, let’s talk about it, brethren. That is all. LC out.

Tyler Perry Runs Hollywood

So, I won’t lie, son. Real talk, I have conflicting feelings about Tyler Perry, man. On one hand, I can’t say that I’m the biggest fan of his movies and TV shows. But, I must admit, I respect the fuckity-fuck out of him, fam. I mean, what he’s accomplishing in Hollywood needs to be applauded, bruh. All in all, instead of waiting for the powers that be to empower him, Perry took ownership of his legacy. The point is, the grand opening of Tyler Perry Studios is a big fucking deal, brethren.

Ok, for those who missed it, Perry officially opened the 330-acre studio he built in Atlanta, Georgia. Now, at first, I was confused, son. Shit, based on the fact that Black Panther and The Walking Dead have filmed there, I thought the studio was already up-and-running. However, those projects only operated on a small part of the studio. The fact is, the overall site is a much bigger and doper endeavor, man.

Now, in celebration of the grand opening, Perry had a party that included damn near every important Black person in the industry. Like, whether we’re talking about Oprah WinfreySamuel L. JacksonAva DuVernayBeyoncé or Jay-Z, the stars showed up and showed out at Perry’s event. With all of that being said, I hope people don’t miss the point about why this is a huge moment, fam. For some background, Tyler Perry Studios is the first production studio that’s fully-owned by a Black person. On top of that, it’s larger than Walt Disney StudiosWarner Bros. Studios and Paramount Pictures combined. Yeah, that’s big shit right there, bruh.

In the end, I wholly respect Perry for not waiting for a handout. Ultimately, as people of color, we’re always talking about wanting “a seat at the table.” The way I see it, fuck all of that, son. Frankly, we should be more worried about building our own tables. By and by, when we maintain our independence, we no longer put ourselves at the mercy of those who don’t want us to win. At the end of the day, ownership is real freedom, man. So, salute to Tyler Perry, fam. Salute. That is all. LC out.

Drake Should Do More Acting

So, if I’m being honest, this should be a short post today, son. I mean, I’m only here to endorse the “No Guidance” video by Chris Brown and Drake, man. On the real, I can’t remember the last time I truly laughed out loud during a music video, fam. All I know is, Drake needs to do waaaaay more acting, bruh. Seriously, he’s fucking comedic gold, folks.

Ok, I’m not going to sit here and give an entire breakdown of the video. But, I will set it up for everyone. Now, it’s no secret that there used to be bad blood between Brown and Drake. Frankly, both men couldn’t keep their feelings for Rihanna in check, son. From there, these dudes were getting into bottle fights with each other and throwing countless subliminal shots. Side note, I would absolutely knee a dude in the esophagus over Thick Rihanna. I’ve already established this, brethren. All in all, a lot of clownery was in the air between the both of them, but they were finally able to put their differences aside.

In any case, the video starts off by alluding to their previous feud. So, as a plot device, both artists act like it’ll be on site if they run into one another at this party. Anyway, when they do come face-to-face, Brown challenges Drake to a dance battle. All I can say is, this scene is where Drake kills shit, man. Like, we all know that Brown is a Top 3 dancer of all-time. However, Drake’s comedic timing is worth the price of admission, fam. Keeping it a buck, this is the same ability that he showed on Saturday Night Live, bruh. The way I see it, Drake needs to go ahead and get these Hollywood dollars, brethren. To me, he’s legitimately hilarious, folks.

In the end, I’m sure that Drake will move back to acting once he gets ALL of the music money. Ultimately, as crazy as it sounds, he could probably have a longer career in film and television than music, son. Shit, I know he’s been on top of the game for a decade, but a quality actor can work for the rest of his or her life, man. By and by, folks don’t have to take my word for it, fam. Hell, just watch the video below, bruh. At the end of the day, it’s funny as shit, people. That is all. LC out.

Put Some Respeck On Wesley Snipes’ Name

So, let me be clear off rip, son. On the real, I have nothing negative to say about Mahershala Ali, man. I mean, it goes without saying, but he’s one of the best actors in the game, fam. Shit, from House of Cards to Luke Cage to True Detective to Moonlight, Ali has been consistently great, bruh. With that being said, there will be no slander on his pedigree, folks. Instead, the goal of this post is to get people to appreciate the dopeness of vintage Wesley Snipes. All in all, people need to put some respeck on his name, brethren.

Ok, for those who missed it, the Marvel Cinematic Universe just delivered some big news, son. Apparently, Ali is going to portray Blade in a reboot of the film series. Now, as most people know, this role was made famous by Snipes. Honestly, because of this character, Snipes was the biggest actor in Hollywood for a hot second. As a matter of fact, the first Blade movie got me in massive trouble with my mom, man.

Look, once upon a time, 13-year-old LC thought he could pull a fast one on his mother. Now, as a birthday present, I convinced my mom to take me to see Blade. Moving on, she knew it was a Rated R movie, but I neglected to tell her what the film was really about. In any case, the first five minutes of the movie features a party in the basement with a bunch of vampires dancing under blood-filled sprinklers. From there, Blade swoops in to kill them all. All I know is, my mother slapped holy fire out me and swiftly removed me from the theater.

Anyway, despite the temporary setback, I eventually saw the movie about a hundred times. All I can say is, it’s one of my favorite films, along with a myriad of work from Snipes’ catalog. Listen, this is the same man that wrecked shop in Mo’ Better BluesNew Jack CityJungle FeverWhite Men Can’t JumpMurder at 1600 and U.S. Marshals. The truth is, Snipes has a lot of movies that I’ll watch anytime they’re on television, fam. So, even though I’m a huge fan of Ali, I don’t want people to forget the greatness of Snipes.

In the end, that’s all that needs to be said, bruh. Ultimately, Snipes is a legend and should be treated as such. Besides, he gave dark-skinned dudes like me hope, son. By and by, he spoke directly to me when he put a knife through Kareem‘s hand in New Jack City and said “I never liked you anyway, pretty motherfucker.” At the end of the day, long live Wesley Snipes! Long live Blade! That is all. LC out.