Whose Mans Is This: The Attempted Robbery Of Polyana Viana

Good morning, friends and acquaintances. My name is LC and I’d like to talk to everyone about bad decisions. Now, as seen in the photo above, the man on the left is VERY familiar with bad decisions, son. Look, while attempting to rob the woman on the right, he got the holy shit beat out of him, man. All I know is, when people search for “poetic justice” on Google, his picture should show up, fam. In any case, let’s all take the time to mercilessly laugh at this dude, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, an attempted mugging went down in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil on Saturday night. Now, an unnamed assailant with a cardboard gun tried to steal a woman’s phone. Little did he know the woman was Polyana Viana, a UFC Strawweight fighter. Anyway, once she realized what was going on, she quickly sprang into action, son. According to the story, after his botched robbery, she punched him twice, hit him with a kick and then put him in a rear-naked choke. From there, he was incapacitated until the cops came. To make matters even funnier, he was asking for the police after getting his ass beat.

On the real, this story is super hilarious to me, man. I mean, he literally couldn’t have picked a worse target, fam. Shit, of all of the people he could’ve attacked, he chose the damn assassin, bruh. For God’s sake, that’s fucking BEAUTIFUL, son. Also, in my eyes, this situation is the perfect example of why all women should train in the martial arts, man. Like, they could pick boxing, they could pick jiu-jitsu or just MMA in general. All in all, knowing a lil sum sum could potentially save a life, brethren. So, everybody needs to chop chop and get to it, folks.

In the end, vengeance is mine, said the Lord. Except for when a clown tries to rob someone and gets righteously mollywopped. Ultimately, this guy got EXACTLY what he deserved, son. By and by, long live Polyana Viana, man! She’s the real MVP, fam. Hey, Dana White, gives this woman a raise, bruh. That is all. LC out.

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I Almost Disowned My Mother Over Stan Lee

So, allow me to keep it a buck for a second, son. Real talk, if anyone doesn’t understand how legendary Stan Lee was/is, then I really don’t want to know that person. Taking it a step further, if I have a friend/family member who doesn’t comprehend Lee’s GOAT‘ness, then I’m not sure that I can continue our relationship. I mean, Lee was The Gawd, man! Seriously, where the fuck would Marvel Comics or the overall zeitgeist be if Lee never existed, fam? Shit, I don’t even want to imagine such a world. All in all, Rest In Peace to one of the greatest dudes ever!

Ok, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let me explain the title of this post, bruh. So, once upon a time in elementary school, I was a HUGE comic book fan. Side note, I dare someone to test my knowledge on anything before like 2005. Honestly, I’ve got this, son. In any case, around like the third grade, I came across a special comic book: an original edition of Amazing Spider-Man #300. Now, for anyone who is unaware, this issue contains the first full-length appearance of Venom. Moving on, the comic first came out in 1988, but somehow in the early 1990s, I found an original copy. Needless to say, I was fucking HYPED, man!

Anyway, even though Lee didn’t write that particular issue, it’s no secret that Peter Parker was his brainchild. Hell, Parker along with every other Marvel character who has ever mattered, fam. All I can say is, getting ahold of Venom’s first foray meant EVERYTHING to me, bruh! On the real, I read that comic once and put it back in the plastic, son. Listen, I didn’t want to risk creasing it, man.

Now, fast forward to my freshman year of boarding school. I came home for my first vacation and noticed my room looked a little different. Most notably, my bookcase seemed to be missing all of my comic books. To add insult to injury, I definitely noticed that Spider-Man #300 was missing. From there, I asked my mom where my comics were and she uttered four words that changed our relationship: “I threw them out.” I immediately asked her why she would do such a thing and she said “you’re a teenager now, I figured you wouldn’t want them anymore.” All I know is, that might’ve been the only time I legitimately wanted to hit my own mother with the Stone Cold Stunner.

Look, I told that story to highlight one main point: Stan Lee invented a universe that I NEEDED to be a part of. Like, he created characters with nuance, fam. He created characters with ethos. For God‘s sake, he based Professor X and Magneto on Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X! What else do people need to know, bruh?! Yeah, these heroes had unreal abilities, but a lot of them had VERY real problems, son. Keeping it a buck, what awkward teenager couldn’t relate to Peter Parker? Being a superhero didn’t absolve him from the trash-ness of high school, man. The fact is, Lee built a world that all of us could identify with AND get lost in.

In the end, RIP to the greatest! Ultimately, his influence will forever be solidified. By and by, Marvel is stronger than ever and it’s directly because of his influence. At the end of the day, legends never die, fam. Long live Stan Lee! That is all. LC out.

P.S. Man, I still don’t know if I’ve forgiven my mom. Look, I just Google‘d the price of an original copy of that Spider-Man issue and got mad all over again. *Sigh* Her and I need to have another discussion, son. Good day.

Children Aren’t Negotiation Tools, Donald Trump

So, I won’t lie, son. Real talk, I haven’t written about the heinous practices at the southern border because I haven’t been able to find the right words to express my disgust. Like, I don’t know how a “fair and just” nation could EVER think that separating innocent children from their parents is an acceptable policy. All I know is, I’m sick of Donald Trump, I’m sick of the GOP and I’m sick of all of the people who support this inhumane agenda.

Now, at this point, EVERYONE should’ve heard about what’s happening at the southern border, son. Basically, kids are being ripped away from their parents for trying to get into this country. Ok, yes, there absolutely should be checks and balances for who’s allowed to come into the United States. However, what part of the game is decimating families for the sake of immigration? Look, America has been a nation for almost 250 years. Clearly, we’ve used MUCH better ways to determine an immigrant’s status, man.

Look, I’m not falling for any of the smoke screens, fam. On the real, I hope NO ONE believes the idea that the Democrats enforced this law. First, Trump himself tried to use the separation practice as a negotiation tool. Shit, he literally said that he’d change the law if the Dems agreed to fund his border wall. Next, Jeff Sessions flatly told Laura Ingraham on Fox News that the policy was being used as a “deterrent.” Meaning, they’re threatening immigrants with losing their children if they come across the border.

To make matters worse, crazy ass Stephen Miller is a STRONG proponent of the policy and is alleged to be the psycho who created it. Finally, when I watch Ann Coulter call the crying babies “child actors” and hear Corey Lewandowski say “womp womp” to a video of a girl with Down Syndrome, I know that I’m witnessing pure evil, bruh. So, with all of that being said, miss me with the “this is the Democrats fault” shit. Keeping it a buck, this is EXACTLY the type of devastation that the Republicans wanted, son.

In the end, America continues to show the world just how garbage we are, man. Ultimately, I don’t know how anyone can take pride in this nation, fam. Ok, wait, that’s not true, bruh. By and by, the ONLY people who take pride in this country are the ones who aren’t affected by any of its despicable policies. At the end of the day, the U.S. continues to prove that it isn’t built for anyone with pigmented skin. That is all. LC out.

P.S. If anyone thinks I’m being overly dramatic, just look up “tender age shelters” in Google. *Sigh* This is America, son. Word to Childish Gambino.

Nas Album Done?!

Now, this is exactly what I’m talking about, son. Look, as soon as Kanye West gets me excited about something, he turns around and does some fuckity-fuck shit. I mean, that’s precisely what happened when he praised resident Fox News lackey, Candace Owens. However, per usual, I’m going to TRY and ignore the bullshit, man. Especially since he tweeted out some more big news, fam: he’s apparently producing on Nas‘ next album. All I know is, if he’s really telling the truth, then I have no idea how to contain my joy, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Kanye is still on a roll when it comes to potential new releases. Now, last week, he promised fresh music from Pusha T, KiD Cudi, Teyana Taylor and himself. Keeping it a buck, that was MORE than enough to get me amped, son. However, Kanye had to one-up himself with the announcement of a new Nas album. Hell, I guess he’s trying to make good on his vow to Barack Obama to make beats for Nasir. In any case, I honestly pray that Ye is not fucking with us, man. Seriously, my heart doesn’t need these kind of palpitations, fam.

Moving on, Kanye also stated that he’s back to chopping samples and making tracks by hand. Side note, he also said he’s making beats in the “sunken place,” but there’s only so much fuckery I can address in one post, bruh. Anyway, I’m super intrigued to hear what “Chop Up The Soul” Kanye sounds like in 2018, son. On the real, I just hope he’s not rusty, man. All in all, I really believe that he was at his best when he was creating on the ASR-10 and MPC, fam. Look those drum machines up, people. Google is everybody’s friend.

In the end, today is a good day, bruh. Ultimately, the prospect of all of this new music is almost too much to handle, son. By and by, May and June can’t come soon enough, man. Viva la good music, pun intended! LC out.

P.S. I also got wind of Kyle Kuzma‘s challenge to Lonzo Ball, son. Apparently, he wants Zo to drop an album on the same day as Nas. *Sigh* This is all because of the stupid ass shit that Zo said about Nas about a year ago. Listen, all I can say is, I’m officially an old head now, man. I swear, I hate these young dudes with a passion, fam. That is all.

Mase Got Cam’ron

Now, anybody who knows me knows that I am a MASSIVE Cam’ron fan. I mean, if anyone is a fan of my music, then they owe Cameron Giles a huge thank you, son. Real talk, a large part of the reason I rap the way I do is directly because of Killa Cam. In any case, I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t objective, man. With that being said, his rap battle with Mase didn’t work in his favor, fam. All in all, when it comes to their beef, Mase got one up on Cam, bruh.

Ok, when it comes to the tumultuous history between these two men, where do I start, son? So, the squabble between these dudes has been going on for damn near two decades now. On the real, I’m not going to explain the entire situation because it would take too long and because Google exists, man. In any case, they were friends, some shit happened, Mase became a preacher and they’ve been throwing jabs at each other ever since. Keeping it a buck, I thought this feud was dead until I heard “It’s Killa” on Cam’s The Program mixtape.

So, on that particular track, shit goes left from the first lyric, fam. In the first verse, Cam tells a story about how he saved Mase from getting ran up on by some dudes while stuck at a girl’s house. Now, for his troubles, Mase allegedly gave Cam $100. Needless to say, Cam wasn’t happy and decided to no longer fuck with Mase. In any case, that situation combined with some other hood shit caused Cam to question everything about Mase’s character. I mean, if we’re being real, people have been questioning Mase’s character for years now.

Moving on, I guess Mase didn’t want to let this shit slide. So, in retaliation, he released “The Oracle,” a full-blown diss track to Cam. On the record, he raps over the Jay-Z “Blueprint 2” beat, which Hov previously used to throw more shots at Nas. Anyway, over the course of four minutes, Mase goes hamburger on Cam. He talks about the time that Cam ran as Jim Jones fought Junior M.A.F.I.A. by himself in Rucker Park. He talks about the time that Cam got his chain jacked by Tru Life. Shit, he even alleges that Cam fucked his own sister (which was disputed because he doesn’t have a sister). All I know is, that track is brutal, bruh.

Fast forward a day, Cam came back with his own response. He put out “Dinner Time,” which was produced by The Heatmakerz, the longtime production crew for The Diplomats. Real talk, the beat is hard and Cam has some lines, but they don’t sting like Mase’s words do. Now, I wouldn’t say the song is trash, but it isn’t rough enough to counter Mase. Basically, as much as it pains me to say, Mase sonned Cam, man. Look, even though Cam is a musical hero of mine, I have to call a spade a spade, son.

In the end, I’ve got to give Mase his credit, fam. Listen, he may be a studio gangster/fraudulent pastor, but that dude could always rap, bruh. Ultimately, Cam picked a fight and didn’t deliver on the backend. By and by, this riff probably doesn’t even matter in the grand scheme of things. Hell, these dudes have already made up with each other on social media. So, what the hell do I know, son? All I can say is, I’m about to go listen to Purple Haze and scrub this shit from my mind, man. LC out.

I Can’t Wait For ‘The Punisher’!

So, I’m going to keep this short today, son. All I can say is, I can’t WAIT for this The Punisher show on Netflix, man! As a lifelong comic book fan, Frank Castle has always been one of my favorite characters. I mean, we all love a good superpower, but ain’t nothing like an ordinary human being doing some extraordinary shit, fam. Shit, that’s exactly why Batman is my favorite hero of all time. In any case, after the way Netflix and Jon Bernthal brought Punisher to life on Daredevil, I’m super hyped for this new show, bruh!

Now, I could take the time to explain to everyone who Punisher is, but that’s what Google is for, son. Instead, I’d much rather just let the trailer speak for itself, man. With that being said, check out the trailer for the upcoming show below. As of now, I don’t know when the show starts, but when it does, I shall be there, fam! In the end, long live Marvel, bruh! That is all. LC out.