A Bald Man’s Letter To LeBron James

Dear LeBron James,

On the real, I’m not here to speak with you about your game. I mean, it’s generally understood that you’re one of the greatest basketball players of all time. Shit, depending on who you ask, you’ve already passed Michael Jordan as the GOAT. In any case, I’m not here to talk about your Los Angeles Lakers or the rest of the NBA. Frankly, I’m here, as a brother, to advise you about your hair. All I can say is, it’s time to fucking let it go, son.

Now, let’s keep it a buck, man. Seriously, we all saw what happened against the Utah Jazz, fam. Hell, Anthony Davis tried to warn you about what was going on, bruh. Needless to say, your lace front fell out, son. In the middle of a game, brethren. On national television. Like, do I even need to explain how embarrassing that is, kinfolk?

Look, for years (and years and fucking years), you’ve tried to avoid baldness like the plague. At the beginning of every season, it looks like you’ve found the cure for male pattern baldness. Then, like 20 games into the season, your real hairline resurfaces. From there, you look like Bobo the Clown for trying to convince us that this was your actual hair. All I know is, enough is fucking enough, son.

Listen, before you think that I’m judging you, allow me to be transparent about myself. Now, despite being bald, I can still technically grow hair on my head. In actuality, I began shaving it off because my front hairline started to go from a straight line to a McDonald’s arch. Anyway, the way my pride is setup, I couldn’t continue to front (and argue with my Jamaican barber) like my shit was still pristine, man. So, I told him to buzz it all off. That was February of 2009. The truth is, I’ve been blissfully happy ever since, fam.

All in all, you don’t have to go through this, bruh. The last time I checked, Jordan was/is your favorite player, son. Real talk, he made baldness cool, man. The way I see it, you don’t have to dealt with this anguish, fam. Just let the hair follicles go and let your scalp be free, brethren. From my viewpoint, your scalp wants to be free anyway.

In the end, come join the team, son. Ultimately, it’s enjoyable on this side, man. By and by, I haven’t worn a durag in a decade, fam. Furthermore, I can go to sleep/wake up without brushing my hair, bruh. At the end of the day, I’m offering you liberation, LeBron. Please, embrace what nature is already trying to show you. It’s the only way, brethren.

Sincerely,

A fan who doesn’t want to see you suffer anymore

What’s Wrong With Serena Williams?

So, let me begin this post by saying that Serena Williams is the greatest tennis player of all time. No, not just the greatest women’s player, but the greatest player, period. In any case, something is off about her, son. I mean, it’s almost as if she can’t win the big match anymore. All in all, what’s wrong with Serena Williams?

Ok, for those who missed it, Williams just played in the 2019 US Open final. She ended up losing in straight sets to 19-year-old Bianca Andreescu. Now, if this was an isolated incident, then I wouldn’t be that pressed about it. However, this is the fourth straight major final that Williams has lost. Shit, she lost the 2018 Wimbledon final to Angelique Kerber, she lost the 2018 US Open final to Naomi Osaka, she lost the 2019 Wimbledon final to Simona Halep and now this one. Listen, before this streak, she had a 23-6 record in major finals, dating back to 1999. Fam, she’s almost doubled that loss total in less than two years.

On the real, I wonder if the pressure is starting to get to her, man. Hell, with another win, she’d tie Margaret Court with the most major wins ever. Like, ever, bruh. Listen, Williams is already the greatest, but this would put her in the record books forever, son. Frankly, I really want to know if there’s a mental block that’s keeping her from reaching this feat. I mean, everyone she’s lost to is a great player, but she’s fucking Serena Williams, fam. If she’s good enough to keep reaching these finals, she’s good enough to win it all, brethren.

My fear is, the run is going to eventually come to an end, son. Like, there’s no guarantee that she’s going to keep making it to the finals of these tournaments, man. All I know is, if she doesn’t get that 24th title, she’s going to be sick looking back on all of the missed opportunities, fam. Now, keeping it a buck, it’s miracle that she’s been so productive post-pregnancy and post-illness. However, she’s Superwoman to me, bruh. The fact is, I don’t want to see her end her career without reaching that milestone, folks.

In the end, I hope Williams can figure this shit out, son. Ultimately, an athlete of her stature deserves to stand alone at the top. By and by, I just want her to get it done before the well dries up, man. At the end of the day, not even the greatest can do it forever, fam. Let’s get it done, Serena! That is all. LC out.

Dave Chappelle Doesn’t Give A F*ckity-F*ck

So, here we are, son. It’s 2019 and Dave Chappelle, the G.O.A.T., is back with another comedy special. Now, before I even watched Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones, I saw a couple of think pieces about why people shouldn’t view the Netflix special. All in all, I think it’s a terrible time to be a comedian, man. I mean, everyone is so damn sensitive and can’t see the humor in anything anymore.

Ok, to be clear, is Chappelle being offensive in this special? Absolutely, fam. But, he’s literally based his entire career on saying provocative shit, bruh. Hell, has anybody ever seen Chappelle’s Show? Son, the first fucking episode featured Clayton Bigsby, a Black White supremacist. Meaning, Chappelle has spent this whole time pushing the envelope, man. So, why is every joke seemingly off limits now?

My thing is, folks don’t have to find his jokes funny. Frankly, comedy is subjective as fuck, fam. Personally, I thought the special was hilarious, bruh. Now, does that mean I hate transgender people? No. Does that mean I hate the #MeToo movement? No. It just means that I can find humor in fucked up situations. For God‘s sake, that’s what comedy has done since the beginning of time, son. The truth is, no one batted an eye when Chappelle made racially-charged jokes for years. But, if he speaks on anything else, now he needs to be “cancelled?” The way I see it, folks can get the fuck outta here, man.

Listen, Chappelle basically said as much when he talked about getting called out for saying “faggot” on Chappelle’s Show. Look, he legitimately asked why he could say “nigger,” but couldn’t say “faggot.” To me, that’s a good fucking question, fam. So, only a certain type of offensive language is acceptable? If we’re keeping it a buck, ALL of the jokes were in “bad taste.” But, that’s what made them funny. All I know is, everybody needs to lighten up, bruh.

Now, I’m sure that some people are going to hate on me for writing this post. However, I laughed when he talked about Michael Jackson. I laughed when he talked about R. Kelly. I laughed at the jokes about Kevin HartJussie Smollett, school shootings AND the opioid crisis. Individually, are any of these subjects comical? Fuck no, son. But, finding humor in despair has always been part of the genre. All I can say is, society has lost the ability to laugh along the way. Hell, everything has become so serious and it’s a fucking buzzkill, man.

In the end, let me say it again, fam: I’m not telling anyone to like Chappelle’s special. Ultimately, I just think people need to relax. By and by, we laughed with Richard Pryor when he made a joke about setting himself on fire. The real is, he was high out of his mind and tried to kill himself. In addition, all of Eddie Murphy‘s specials are inappropriate as fuck. But, we just went along for the ride, bruh. At the end of the day, I don’t think Chappelle is being hateful at all. I just believe he finds humor in sensitive topics, son. On the real, we all used to have that ability. That is all. LC out.

Put Some Respeck On Stipe Miocic’s Name

So, here we are, son. It’s August 19th and Stipe Miocic is once again the UFC Heavyweight Champion. Now, in my eyes, Miocic has always been underappreciated, man. I mean, when fans discuss the greatest Heavyweights of all time, Miocic’s name is begrudgingly brought up. Like, people acknowledge the fact that he has the most consecutive title defenses in UFC history. But, they never put him in the same conversation as Cain Velasquez or Daniel Cormier. Well, now it’s undeniable, fam. Stipe Miocic is the greatest Heavyweight in UFC history.

Ok, before I continue, let’s talk about his recent fight with Cormier. Now, if I’m being real, Miocic was losing that fight at UFC 241, bruh. Shit, I legitimately believe that he lost the first three rounds against Cormier. On the real, I didn’t think the fight would make it out of the first round. Look, based on how often Cormier was connecting with his face, and the way Cormier rag-dolled him with the wrestling, I thought it was about to be a wrap, son. But, Miocic weathered the storm and waited for his opportunity, man.

Moving on, the whole fight started to change in the fourth round. By then, Miocic saw a chink in Cormier’s armor. He realized that Cormier was susceptible to body shots and kept hitting him with left hooks to the gut. Hell, after about 12 of those blows, Cormier’s hands started to fall, fam. From there, Miocic just punched the shit out of his dome, bruh. All in all, Cormier went down from the repeated strikes.

Now, despite Cormier’s loss, I’m not going to call his first fight against Miocic a fluke, son. Frankly, Miocic had a bad game plan by clinching with him. The way I see it, he played right into Cormier’s strengths and paid the price for it. On top of that, the second fight didn’t start too well for Miocic either. From the outside, it looked like Cormier was quicker on the attack, man. Like, he was pretty much able to hit Miocic at will. However, Cormier wasn’t able to put him out and Miocic just bided his time, fam. To me, Miocic showed the heart of a champion, bruh. The fact is, he made the perfected adjustment and made Cormier pay for his hubris, excuse me, mistakes. Side note, Cormier could’ve won if he just kept wrestling, brethren. Listen, he basically admitted as much.

In the end, put some respeck on Miocic’s name, son. Ultimately, he’s now accomplished more than any other UFC Heavyweight before him. By and by, folks were ready to crown Cormier as the greatest Heavyweight ever. Well, how should we rank Miocic now that he’s beat Cormier, reclaimed the belt and set the record for most wins in Heavyweight title fights? As the Heavyweight G.O.A.T., man. No more, no less, fam. That is all. LC out.

Conor McGregor Finessed Dana White

Well, well, well, what do we have here, son? Two MMA posts in two days? That’s a record for me, man. Anyway, today’s post isn’t really about the fight between Conor McGregor and Khabib Nurmagomedov. I mean, who the fuck knows what’s going to happen, fam? On the real, the end result will come down to either Khabib’s wrestling or McGregor’s left hand. In any case, I’m really here to talk about McGregor’s business acumen, bruh. All in all, he straight finessed Dana White, folks.

So, for those who missed it, McGregor and Khabib just had their first face-to-face meeting. In general, the press conference for their upcoming fight was a complete shit-show, son. Frankly, it was exactly what I thought it would be, man: McGregor going ballistic and Khabib calmly looking like a serial killer. Moving on, more news came out right after the press conference: namely, McGregor’s new deal with the UFC. All I can say is, McGregor found a way to make White pay him, fam.

Look, it’s no secret that McGregor made an ass-load of money from boxing Floyd Mayweather. Keeping it a buck, no MMA paycheck would even come close to a nine-figure payout, bruh. Shit, Georges St-Pierre is one of the GOAT‘s and I’m pretty sure he made a little over $2 million in his last fight. Now, that’s a pretty number to a dude like me, but that ain’t shit compared to what McGregor raked in from boxing. In any case, the UFC had to give McGregor a real reason to step back into the Octagon, son. So, how did they do it? By bending over and touching their toes for McGregor.

Apparently, The Notorious just signed a six-fight deal with the UFC. As part of the deal, he gets points on the pay-per-view buys, and his whiskey, Proper Whiskey, will serve as a sponsor for all of his fights. Basically, he’s getting paid three different ways every time he steps into that cage, man. All I know is, THAT’S how fighters should do business with Dana White, fam. Listen, I know everybody doesn’t have McGregor’s celebrity, but White has been ganking fighters for years, bruh. Keeping it a buck, it’s about damn time that someone got one up on him, son.

In the end, congrats to McGregor, man. Ultimately, he may be a crazy person, but he knows his worth, fam. By and by, his fight with Khabib is going to be straight insanity, bruh. At the end of the day, McGregor’s left hand is his only hope, people. The way I see it, if he can’t stop Khabib’s takedowns, then the match is going to be absolute abuse, folks. Regardless, I can’t wait to see it, brethren. That is all. LC out.

Jon Jones Is Back!

So, it’s no secret that I’m a huge fan of MMA and a huge fan of Jon Jones. Look, that dude may be a train wreck outside of the cage, but inside that bitch, he’s flawless, son. With that being said, I’m hyped that he’s eligible to compete again, man. Frankly, the UFC is a little more boring when the G.O.A.T. isn’t fighting, fam. All in all, let the haters hate and let Jones be great, bruh.

Ok, for those who missed it, Jones was in USADA limbo for the past year. Since testing positive for a banned substance after his second win over Daniel Cormier, everyone wondered what Jones’ future was going to be. On the real, shit didn’t look good, son. I mean, this wasn’t his first time pissing hot, so he could’ve faced a long ass suspension, man. However, despite reports of a potential four-year ban, Jones escaped with only 15 months. Apparently, according to USADA, Jones didn’t intentionally cheat and took a tainted supplement.

Now, let me keep it a buck, fam. Look, at this point, I can completely understand the skeptics. Real talk, I completely understand the folks who think there’s something fishy in the water, bruh. Like, it’s no secret that Jones is one of the UFC’s biggest stars, son. It’s also no secret that he has a long history of doing fuck shit, man. So, it does seem odd that a dude with his background is getting off so easy. My thing is, I don’t give a fuck, folks! I just wanna see this guy fight, people!

Listen, people can complain all they want, but MMA is a business, son. In order for these organizations to run effectively, they need to keep booking big fights, man. To that end, the UFC needs Jones, fam. In addition, a lot of the naysayers are hypocrites, bruh. Look, Cormier can’t say shit about Jones when he’s planning to fight Brock Lesnar. For God‘s sake, is someone going to try and tell me that Lesnar is clean? Geeeeeet the fuck outta here, y’all! Dudes like Cormier are just pissed because they know they can’t beat Jones. Simple and plain.

In the end, welcome back, Jones! All I can say is, don’t fuck this up, son! Nah, seriously, don’t fuck this up, man! Ultimately, if he gets knocked for some dumb shit again, I’m off of the bandwagon, fam. By and by, who’s going to be first on the comeback list, bruh? Cormier or Alexander Gustafsson? Either way, I can’t wait, bruh! That is all. LC out.

My Yearly Prince Post

So, let me get straight to the point, son. Look, everyone who knows me knows that I’m a MASSIVE Prince fan, man. Sadly, it’s already been two years since he passed away. Despite this, his music is eternal and as long as people like me are around, the fandom will continue, fam. In any case, instead of mourning his death, I want to keep on celebrating his music, bruh. With that being said, I’d like to highlight some of my favorite, and more recent, Prince records.

Ok, I won’t lie, son. I’m about to be on some real snob shit, man. Keeping it a buck, I’d rather give light to some of his lesser known jams than the songs that people are most familiar with. So, below is a quick list of some of my favorite new age bangers:

In the end, that’s all I’ve got for today, fam. Ultimately, all I can say is, viva la Prince Rogers Nelson, bruh! By and by, I don’t give a fuck what anyone says, son. That dude is the fucking G.O.A.T., man, end of discussion! Anyway, folks out there need to get some of this fuego, people. That is all. LC out.

Who’s The G.O.A.T.? Michael Jordan vs. LeBron James

So, let me begin this post by saying that Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all time. However; the LeBron James slander needs to stop, son. Look, whether people want to admit it or not, LeBron deserves to be in the G.O.A.T. conversation now. I mean, the numbers don’t lie and the ball don’t lie either, man. Frankly, the NBA has never seen a player like LeBron, and it’s about time we give him his damn respect.

Now, before I continue, let me keep it a buck with everyone. To be real, I wasn’t always a LeBron fan. In fact, during his last season with the Cleveland Cavaliers (the first time) and his first season with the Miami Heat, I thought he was a sucker, son. Look, the man quit against the Boston Celtics in the 2010 Semifinals and played like pure ass against the Dallas Mavericks in the 2011 Finals. Needless to say, at that particular time, I questioned his heart.

With that all of that being said, this dude has completely dominated the league since his arrival. All jokes aside, LeBron’s ability should NEVER be questioned, bruh. Listen, MJ may be the NBA version of the Bogeyman, but LeBron is actually better than him in a few notable areas. All in all, LeBron is a better passer, a better rebounder and a more efficient scorer than MJ. Don’t believe me? Just look at the statistics, son. It just is what it is, man.

Moving on, LeBron is also a better defender than Jordan. Yes, I said it. Big whoop, wanna fight about it? Look, if we’re being real here, Scottie Pippen was the best defender on those old Chicago Bulls teams. He was the one who always had the toughest defensive assignment. Don’t believe me again? Well, go back and watch the 1991 Finals. Who was the one guarding Magic Johnson most of the time? That’s right, Pippen, son. Now, don’t get me wrong, MJ was a genius at playing the passing lanes. However; LeBron can legitimately guard every position on the court. Give that man his just due, fam.

Ok, with all of that being said, people really slander LeBron when it comes to rings. I mean, I can’t count how many times I’ve seen fools say “he only has three rings.” Only? Only?! Man, how many legends are in the Hall of Fame with NO rings or ONE championship? Shit, even when people compare LeBron to Kobe Bryant, they bring up the fact that Kobe has two more rings than LeBron. Well, LeBron has more Finals MVP‘s than Kobe because Kobe won his first three titles with a li’l ol’ player named Shaquille O’Neal. Kobe wasn’t even the best player on his own team during those years, bruh. Stop it, fam.

When it comes to Jordan, people like to pretend like all he ever did was win. Why does no one ever bring up the fact that he lost to the Detroit Pistons three years in a row? Three years in a row, man! In actuality, MJ only beat that team once, fam. Granted, he did it on the way to his first title, but he was never infallible in the playoffs. As a matter of fact, before his title runs, critics weren’t even sure if he had what it took to win it all. So, why do we criticize LeBron for making all of these Finals, but let MJ slide for repeatedly losing to the same team? That makes absolutely no sense, son.

In the end, I’m not trying to take away from Jordan’s greatness. I still believe he’s the greatest. However; when people put LeBron’s name in that conversation, it really isn’t as crazy as some would like us to believe. Ultimately, if LeBron can somehow magically beat the Golden State Warriors again, it might be time for everyone to rearrange their G.O.A.T. list. That is all. LC out.