Fraud, As Told By Ja Rule

Oh my god, this is terrible. Could somebody please find Ja Rule, get ahold of this motherfucker, so I can make sense of all this? Where is Ja?

So, as usual, Dave Chappelle said it all, son. All I know is, I laughed way harder than I should’ve while watching that Fyre documentary on Netflix. Real talk, the Fyre Festival was one of the biggest scams I’ve ever seen, man. Now, before watching this doc, I already knew that a ton of fuckery went down. However, I was thoroughly baffled to see how much nonsense Ja and Billy McFarland tried to get away with. Furthermore, I was confused about how people fell for this shit. All in all, this entire saga was a glorious train wreck, fam.

Ok, for those who missed it, the failed Fyre Festival is back in the news. As of right now, there are two documentaries making their rounds on streaming services. First, there’s the aforementioned Fyre doc on Netflix. In addition, there’s the Fyre Fraud doc on Hulu. Keeping it a buck, I can only speak on the Netflix joint since I don’t have Hulu. Anyway, while watching the footage with my wife, I was blown away by this whole operation, bruh. I mean, this idea was doomed from the start, son. Frankly, I have no idea why anyone went along with this bullshit, man.

Now, where do I even begin, fam? Look, there was NO way McFarland and company could pull any of their promises off, bruh. Shit, McFarland lied to people about EVERYTHING. Like, he had no island, no luxury lodging, no headlining acts and no one to tell him to chill. But, he always found a way to get folks to invest more of their money, son. Hell, all it took was a co-sign from Ja, Kendall Jenner, Bella Hadid, Emily Ratajkowski and Chanel Iman. From there, people were ready to commit, man. All I know is, there was never a time where this festival would even remotely work, brethren.

Keeping it a buck, I have a hard time feeling sorry for people, son. Ok, yes, I feel terrible for the Bahamian folks who were taken advantage of. Side note, shout-out to the GoFundMe campaign that raised close to $200,000 for MaryAnn Rolle. After taking a HUGE loss for trying to feed people during the festival, it appears that she’s been made whole again. In any case, that’s where my sympathy stops, man. Seriously, anyone who fell for the “villa tent” mirage is an idiot, fam. Like, I saw someone write “will my tent have an outlet” in an email to McFarland. No, dumbass! Folks should’ve been happy with ham sandwiches and FEMA tents. That’s all McFarland had for them, bruh.

In the end, Ja Rule needs to be honest, son. Ultimately, false advertising is the same as fraud, man. By and by, Billy McFarland and Ja finessed folks with Joanne The Scammer-like precision, fam. At the end of the day, I have no clue how Ja skated, bruh. I mean, he got hit with a class action lawsuit, but he’s not facing prison time like McFarland. *Sigh* At least I can still hold onto Ja’s first three albums, folks. He’s been up to nonstop tomfoolery ever since. That is all. LC out.

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Nah, Donald Trump, We’re Good On These Alerts

So, let me get straight to the point, son. Aiyyo, Donald Trump, check this out, bruh: we don’t need any alerts sent to our phones, man. Real talk, knock it the fuck off, dude. Shit, it’s bad enough that he’s ruined Twitter forever, fam. Frankly, I don’t need unfiltered shenanigans sent directly to my mobile device, brethren. All in all, how long will it take before he tries to propagate his propaganda on our phones, people?

Ok, at this point, I shouldn’t have to explain to anyone what’s going on here. I mean, I’m fairly certain that everybody with a smartphone got a Presidential Alert from FEMA. In any case, this was done as part of Trump’s National Wireless Emergency Alert System initiative. Now, I won’t lie, son. In case of an emergency, I can see how something like this would be helpful. However, we’re talking about a man who consistently uses technology and his position to spread vicious lies and dangerous rumors (word to Big Boi). On the real, I don’t want that type of person randomly popping up on my phone, man. Hell, I’d rather have a chick send me a nude pic with my wife in the room, fam. Side note, that is a complete lie, bruh. Ladies, don’t send me any nudes! I value my life, ma’am! Let me alone, Becky!

In the end, Trump and FEMA can keep their alerts, son. Ultimately, if I was really looking for information, I wouldn’t go to those sources, man. By and by, dudes like Trump would find a way to politically spin a cotdamn earthquake, fam. At the end of the day, I don’t need that type of energy around me, bruh. That is all. LC out.

What The F*ck Did Ja Rule Do?!

So, am I wrong for laughing at this Fyre Festival situation? Son, this is Joanne The Scammer on a million! What the fuck were Ja Rule and Billy McFarland thinking, man?! First off, the idea of a “luxury music festival” is preposterous. Has anyone actually been to a real music festival? Shit, “organized chaos” is the best way to describe it, son. In any case, this proposition was clearly doomed from the start. However; no one could’ve guessed this idea would turn into this much of a shit-show, fam. Anyway, let’s just take a moment to make fun of everyone involved.

To begin, who in their right mind would pay five or six figures for a music festival? I mean, will God come down from Heaven and play a mean guitar solo? Will Buddha rise from the dead and offer everyone the finest of hallucinogens? Will Noah construct villas for everyone from the same material he used to make The Ark? Bruh, how could these dummies not see the scam in action? Look, Bella Hadid was never coming to the shindig, son. Anyone who believed otherwise is a plum fool, man.

Now, with all of that being said, Ja Rule and McFarland are still foul, fam. They literally tried to finesse all of their patrons with disaster relief tents, yellow school buses and cheese sandwiches. Listen, they essentially created an overpriced refugee camp. I mean, we could basically call it “Fyre Festival sponsored by FEMA.” Man, it’s no wonder they’re being sued for $100 million right now. Shit, if I was the plaintiff, an ass whooping would be part of my settlement, son. I should be allowed to punch Ja Rule and McFarland in their respective mouths, man. I guarantee that would ensure they wouldn’t try this fuck shit again, bruh.

Ultimately, I don’t feel sorry for anyone here. This shit is just funny, man. Next time, how about everyone just stick to the well-known music festivals? That way, everyone is aware of what they’re really getting ahead of time. LC out.

Racism, As Told By Lil Wayne

*Sigh* Do I really have to do this again, son? Didn’t I explain this already in “Money Can’t Buy ‘Woke’“? Wait, didn’t I also cover this in “Can I Live In Cam Newton’s America?” Seriously, what in the flying fuck is wrong with some of our Black celebrities, man? Their monetary privilege has blinded them so much that they simply can’t seem to relate to others who aren’t as fortunate. Well, all I know is, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I let this stupidity slide. With that being said, let’s get to it.

Now, Lil Wayne was recently on Skip Bayless’ new sports show, Undisputed, and decided to hit the world with his hot take on race relations. According to him, not only has he never experienced racism in his entire life, but he also doubts prejudice even exists because the crowds at his concerts are mostly White.

So, let me get this straight, son. Simply because Todd and Rachel know the words to his songs, racial injustice is just a figment of our collective imaginations? Well, shit, why didn’t someone tell me sooner, son? If I knew that’s all it took to abolish racism, I would’ve dropped my album ages ago! Here I was thinking someone from New Orleans would be aware of racial bias, but little did I know, idiocy knows no bounds, man. I guess we should completely forget the fact his OWN city was destroyed by a hurricane and the government didn’t think to send aid for multiple days. His OWN people suffered under these conditions but racism doesn’t exist. Ok, Wayne. Ok, son.

Now, to be honest, I’ll be the first to admit, I can’t speak for another human being’s experience. Maybe, in his mind, he’s never directly experienced racism. However; even if that’s the case, is he really unaware of what’s happening in the rest of the country? Is he really unaware of our people’s economic condition, our peril at the hands of the prison industrial complex and the countless episodes of police brutality? As always, it’s baffling when notable Black people can’t see what’s happening around them simply because it doesn’t necessarily affect THEIR daily lives.

Look, let me keep it all of the way real, son. The fact of the matter is, if a Black celebrity can’t empathize with the treatment of other minorities because of their own personal privilege, then they’re no better than the White naysayers who completely disregard racial prejudice. In addition, when people like Wayne and Cam Newton make these type of comments, it gives detractors enough confirmation bias to not see the need to improve race relations in this country. With that being said, I can’t emphasize enough how damaging this type of rhetoric is.

In the end, all I know is, I’m not going to listen to a man’s opinion about race when that same man has a documented history of disrespecting dark-skinned women. Oh, of course Wayne doesn’t see racism, because he’s too busy hating on his own people. Massa got Wayne good, son. Real good. Man, get these cartoonish fucking celebrities out of my face, son. Good day.